CASTIMONIA

Sexual Purity Support & Recovery Group

meeting

By

Castimonia Saturday Morning Meeting Topic – May 12, 2012

Jesus Calling – May 10th

Do not resist or run from the difficulties in your life.  These problems are not random mistakes; they are hand-tailored blessings designed for your benefit and growth.  Embrace all the circumstances that I allow in your life, trusting Me to bring good out of them.  View problems as opportunities to rely more fully on Me.

When you start to feel stressed, let those feelings alert you to your need for Me. Thus, your needs become doorways to deep dependence on Me and increasing intimacy between us.  Although self-sufficiency is acclaimed in the world, reliance on Me produces abundant living in My kingdom. Thank Me for the difficulties in your life, since they provide protection from the idolatry of self-reliance.

John 15:5; 2 Corinthians 1:8-9; Ephesians 5:20

This was the devotional read by one of my accountability partners during our most recent accountability meeting.  WOW!  How amazing is our God, who works all things for our good.  This also reminds me of how we define “Joy” at my church.  Joy is the steadfast assurance that God is in control.

Sometimes (or a lot of times) in my life, difficulties occur.  Prior to entering recovery, I relied only on myself, not on my God!  This is the way I grew up, relying only on me, because nobody else was going to watch after me, so I had to do it for myself.  Now, as a broken individual working towards wholeness, I must fully rely on God.  One of the many blessings from my recovery program is the thought that every single day, I need to be willing to turn my life and will over to the care of God.  It doesn’t always happen, from time to time I try to take my will back.  However, I acknowledge that I am willing on a daily basis, and my recovery is based on progress, not perfection.

The biggest blessing was when I hit rock bottom.  I was desperate, I wanted to run away, I wanted to go home, I wanted to live, I wanted to die.  Actually, I was in such turmoil that I didn’t know what I wanted, but God knew what I needed.  Again, He used my problems and mistakes to my benefit and growth.  I have seen time and time again how when I trust God to the fullest, he pulls me through every single difficulty I have faced and will face.  My sponsor always tells me, “it’s going to be OK, and if it’s not, then God is not finished.”  Keep in mind that “OK” to God, is not always the same “OK” it is for me.  I might not like what God’s version of “OK” is, but I need to keep in mind that it is in my best interest and maintain that “Joy” in my heart.  If it took me hitting rock bottom and going through that pain and suffering to bring me closer to God, to help me trust Him, to bring about an intimate connection that I didn’t have before, then it was all worth it and I would do it again.

Take what you like and leave the rest.

References:

John 15:5 – “Yes, I am the vine; you are the branches. Those who remain in me, and I in them, will produce much fruit. For apart from me you can do nothing.”

2 Corinthians 1:8-9 – 8 We think you ought to know, dear brothers and sisters, about the trouble we went through in the province of Asia. We were crushed and overwhelmed beyond our ability to endure, and we thought we would never live through it. 9 In fact, we expected to die. But as a result, we stopped relying on ourselves and learned to rely only on God, who raises the dead.

Ephesians 5:20 – And give thanks for everything to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ.

By

Castimonia Meeting Topic May – Working Step 5

Step 5: We admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.
“Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed.” (James 5:16)

An old Scottish proverb states, “An open confession is good for the soul.”  This is also true in our recovery.  When we work a Step 4 inventory on ourselves, we then review it with God, ourselves, and another human being – usually our sponsor.  By actually speaking out loud “the exact nature of our wrongs” that we wrote down in Step 4, we allow the healing to begin.

In Castimonia (much like in SAA), this is not an open confession of our sexual “wrongs” when we were in our addiction; that was performed in Step 1, hopefully in front of the group.  The wrongs we reference in Step 5 can vary.  Our “wrongs” can include some or all of the following.

Our character defects: We openly discuss the character defects we listed in Step 4, giving a full explanation and examples of each one to God, to ourselves, and to our sponsor.  These defects were often hidden from us until we entered recovery and started working the steps.  Our Sponsor can help us identify character defects, during our many meetings, which may not be obvious to us on our own reflections of who we truly are.

Resentments: As mentioned in Step 4, we list out our resentments and follow through to column 4.  It is critical we confess these resentments (even about our own sponsor) and work through each and every one.  In working steps 4 and 5, we learn a new approach to deal with people that we probably did not use in the past.  We would allow our resentments to build up inside and then act out because of the feelings we were trying to suppress.  Keep in mind, that in cases resentments arising from of childhood sexual or emotional abuse, we are not in the wrong for the abuse, however, we are in the wrong for holding onto the resentment!

Sexual wrongs: Did we leave anything out of our Step 1 reading to the group?  Perhaps there were issues that were too sensitive to read to the entire group?  Perhaps we were not ready to face those issues at the time we wrote and gave our 1st step.  These issues can keep us “stuck” in our recovery unless we deal with them in an open and honest manner.  Issues I have heard discussed in Step 5 but left out of Step 1 have varied.  Some have stated their lust other men, lust for younger women, others were victims of incest or sexual abuse as children, and some were sexual with animals or inanimate objects.  Regardless of the activity, we openly confess to God and our sponsor what happened.  Again, in cases of childhood sexual or emotional abuse placed onto us by others, we are not wrong for those activities.  However, we must be able to openly discuss them with our sponsor and therapist in order to achieve some level of healing.

Finally, as James writes, we must pray for each other!  We must pray for one another after a Step 5, either together or in private.  I ask sponsors that have worked a step 5 with their sponsees to pray for them, so that they can be healed!

Once we have learned how to properly work a Step 4 & Step 5, we are ready to move forward to Step 6!

By

Castimonia Saturday Morning Meeting Topic – 04/28/2012

RESENTMENT

A friend in recovery once told me that “resentment is like taking poison and waiting for the other person to die”.  So in essence, resentment is like drinking poison.  We poison our minds with resentments we hold onto and in some way, shape, or form, hope that the person we resent “feels” our pain.

Well this simply is not the case.  The person whom we resent does not, and cannot feel our pain.  Resentment, however affects us deeply and we feel the pain from our own resentment of others.  No matter what has happened in your life, no matter what was done to you, to hold onto a resentment is your own fault, not someone else’s.

I was sexually abused as a child, and for many years I had this hidden level of resentment for my abusers.  I always kept it hidden deep inside and did not really open up and discuss the resentment I really had for these individuals but in really I was just in denial about the abuse.  I did not even see it as abuse and a resentment until a therapist helped me see my abuse for what it really was, childhood sexual abuse.  Once I opened that door to the truth, I was flooded with feelings of sadness, anger, rage, hate and found myself resenting these other people and what they took from me; my innocence.  I was under the illusion that it was not childhood sexual abuse because my abusers were my age or a little older.  Also, I actually enjoyed the sexual acting out with one girl in particular and never questioned my friends when asked to perform sexual acts with them.  I was under the illusion that sex was part of friendship and that being loved by a female was translated through her wanting to be sexual with me, initiating the sex.  I grew up with this misconception and it greatly affected numerous relationships I had as an adult.

So how do I work on my resentment?  Well the 12 Steps has a solution on working on these issues.  Step 4 states, “Made a Searching and Fearless Inventory of Ourselves.”  What does this mean?  It means we look deep into our character defects and part of this looking deep is to look at where we still hold onto our resentments.

In working a Step 4 inventory on my resentment, I was able to properly list out the resentment, give specifics about why I am resentful, and then in Column 3 describe in detail how it affects me personally (self-esteem, security, ambitions, personal relationships, sex relations).  However, Column 4 is perhaps the most important column in this Step 4 resentment inventory.  In Column 4, we describe where we are wrong in holding onto this resentment.  We list where we were being selfish, dishonest, self-seeking, and frightened and thus held onto this resentment.

For the sake of time and space, I won’t go into all the details of working a Step 4 on my particular resentment.  Please consult with your sponsor for a detailed analysis on working a proper Step 4, as he might see things in your that you cannot see for yourself.

Today’s meeting was held at Rick’s Ranch in Sealy, TX.  The address and directions to the ranch can be found below.  Two or three more meetings this year will be held at Rick’s and we have food, fun, and fellowship afterward.  Getting to know one another outside a normal meeting setting is very important for establishing trust and friendships with one another in our recovery!

April 28, 2012 – Castimonia at Rick’s Ranch
On Saturday, April 28, 2012, Castimonia will NOT be meeting at The Fellowship at Cinco Ranch.  The church will be holding a parent’s summit that Saturday.  Castimonia will meet at Rick’s Ranch near Sealy, TX.  We will have our regular meeting at 10am and have a food fellowship at 11:30am.  We should be finished by 12:30pm but you may leave earlier if needed.

Rick’s Ranch
9597 SE I-10 Frontage Road
Sealy, TX  77474

Here’s a bing map of the location: http://binged.it/JD7AIE

Click on the map below for a full-size image with driving directions.

By

CASTIMONIA – Meeting Times and Locations

Currently, Castimonia meets twice a week as shown below.

Saturday Mornings
Time: 10:00 AM – 11:30 AM
Location: The Fellowship at Cinco Ranch – Loft Worship
22765 Westheimer Parkway
Katy, TX  77450
281.395.3950

Monday Nights
Time: 7:00PM – 8:30PM
Location: The Fellowship at Cinco Ranch – Community Room
22765 Westheimer Parkway
Katy, TX  77450
281.395.3950

A third weekly meeting will be forming soon!