John shares his life’s story in an honest and open way to help us see patterns in his life that we might identify with.

He discusses his early exposure to life situations that were too mature for him and how that confuses his view of “reality.”

We see the use of secondary addictions creep in as he tries to compensate for feelings and guilt. He also discusses how he found hope, and how that new life style has given him a fresh outlook on life.

Our hope is that his story of God’s redeeming love is an example of the power that God can work in all of our lives. If you are struggling and need help, you are not alone and it is not too late!

Please email us at for more information…thanks for listening!

A short three minute video describing what occurs in the brain when we watch pornography.



Original story:


LOS OLIVOS, Calif. — Turns out, Michael Jackson kept massive collections of pornographic material at his Neverland Ranch.

Newly-released police reports say Jackson’s bedroom and bathroom had at least seven collections of work that show young boys fully nude or partially clothed, according to Radar Online.

There are also reports he had pictures of animal torture, S&M, photos and videos of old and young, male and female, in perverted positions. Also found were multiple prescriptions for drugs to treat sex addiction.

Authorities made the discovery during a search of the home in November 2003.

Many of the materials were submitted after a young boy claimed Jackson sexually abused and assaulted him on multiple occasions. Jackson was ultimately acquitted of molestation charges in 2005.

Jackson’s fame as a pop singer/songwriter began with the Jackson 5, alongside his brothers. He later went on to have a successful solo career and died in 2009 from a medication overdose.

His physician was later convicted of involuntary manslaughter.

posted at:

(NEW ORLEANS) — Former NFL star Darren Sharper has been sentenced to 18 years and four months in prison in a case where he was accused of drugging and raping as many as 16 women in four states.

U.S. District Judge Jane Triche Milazzo sentenced Sharper on Thursday. He earlier pleaded guilty in federal court in New Orleans to drugging three women so he could rape them. He also has pleaded guilty or no contest in state courts in Louisiana, Arizona, California and Nevada to charges arising from allegations of drugging and raping women.

Prosecutors suggested a 9-year prison term for Sharper under a multi-jurisdictional plea deal, but Milazzo rejected it as too lenient in June. The sentence, 18 years and four months imprisonment, was 15 months short of the maximum. He was also fined $20,000.

Sharper’s family left the courtroom without speaking to reporters. Defense attorney Billy Gibbens said later that the federal sentence won’t affect plea agreements in the four state courts.

Sharper pleaded guilty in federal court to three counts of distributing drugs with rape as the aim. He or his friend Brandon Licciardi, a former sheriff’s deputy in neighboring St. Bernard Parish, put anti-anxiety drugs or sedatives into women’s drinks so they could rape them, according to a 15-page statement signed as part of that plea.

Milazzo has scheduled sentencing Oct. 13 for Licciardi and a second New Orleans codefendant, Erik Nunez.

Charges around the country involve nine victims, but Milazzo has said in court that there may be as many as 16.

Like Sharper, Licciardi and Nunez admitted distributing drugs with the intent to commit rape. Their plea agreements say Licciardi has accepted a 17-year sentence, with 10 years for Nunez.

Sharper was named All-Pro six times and chosen for the Pro Bowl five times during a career that included stints with the Green Bay Packers and Minnesota Vikings. He played in two Super Bowls, one with the Packers as a rookie and one with New Orleans Saints when they won in 2010.

He ended a 14-year career in 2011. He was working as an NFL network analyst when women began telling police in several cities similar stories of blacking out while drinking with him and waking up groggy to find they had been sexually abused.

Stephen Cabler is a nationally recognized polygrapher and a leader in the use of polygraphs with sex addicts. He has worked with literally 1000’s of men and women struggling with sexual purity as a means to help them find solid ground on which to stand with their spouses, family, friends, and themselves.

He has training with criminal polygraphs as well, but his heart and passion are with those men and women seeking to turn their lives around by seeking truth.

He discusses in this episode the misconceptions about polygraphs, and the true reason that addicts want to come and be tested. He seeks to share his insights about addiction from working with addicts as well as shares his belief about the power of truth.

Addiction isn’t possible without lies, and recovery isn’t possible without truth…  Cabler works to help each man pass polygraphs because they are living in the light of truth.

For more information about Stephen Cabler, please visit or email him at

For more information on the podcast or to get help please email us at

Originally posted at:

by applyingmybeliefs

I was preparing last week for a group meeting at my home and ran across these three words used in the context of marriage during my study time.  During the group meeting I saw that the members were awakened to the connection between these words, so I decided to write a blog.

The three Cs represent the three ways we interact with one another in relationships when dealing with circumstances, situations or events we perceive as negative, hurtful or harmful to us or the relationship.

In looking at these three I am going to use a simple example where the husband in a marriage has not taken out the trash as he said he would.

Complaint – this is a statement that a situation is unacceptable or unsatisfactory.  It is a grievance aired about a specific identifiable issue.  In our example most of us would be supportive if a wife complained like this:

  • Honey, you didn’t get the trash put out, can you take care of it?

This is a perfectly reasonable and justifiable request.

Next, Criticism – this is also a statement about a situation that is unacceptable or unsatisfactory.  However, if differs from a complaint because it takes a more global approach in that although it might have been precipitated by a specific situation, it actually addresses a wider issue.  In our taking out the trash example it might sound like either of these two:

  • Honey, you didn’t put the trash out again, you’re always forgetting.
  • How come you can never remember to put the trash out?

While there may be an element of truth in a criticism, there is almost always an overstatement or error of some kind in the statement.  Notice the words “never” and “always” being used in our examples.  It is doubtful whether this poor husband “always” forgets or “never” remembers to put the trash out.

It is when we get into criticism mode that we start to run into trouble in relationships; here is why:

  • Often criticisms have an unjust or untruthful component to them, which makes them lies. They may not be major lies, but they are still lies, and lies have a tendency to destroy relationships over time through destroyed trust.
  • The internal response of a person being criticized is often the birth or reactivation of resentment toward the critical person, and also can often result in the planting of bitterness too.
  • People who receive this complaint can sometimes personalize it. Meaning that they take the criticism as a comment on their personhood.  While this is not the fault of the criticizer, it is a common reaction of a person whose actions are criticized.

Because of these kinds of factors the long term effect of criticism in a relationship is emotional disconnection leading to reduced intimacy.  Think about this in the context of our simple example.  What husband is going to want to listen about his trash can forgetfulness from a critical wife over and over again?  And, let’s also acknowledge that if a person criticizes over one issue, they are likely to be critical over other issues too.  This is because criticism is sourced in a character defect that comes out in the form of a behavior that is most likely automated or unconscious.  The character defect here is the need for the criticizer to implicitly state that they act more virtuously than their victim, it is called self-righteousness.  They do this because it makes them feel better about themselves to a certain extent.

However, not all negative sounding criticism is problematical.  If a criticism is truthful and verifiable it can be considered as justifiable.  Using our “taking out the trash” example, the wife could say this:

  • When the trash doesn’t get taken out, it always stinks the place up before the next pick up.

So while criticism is most often negative and unreasonable, it can also be negative, truthful and helpful.  We just have to be careful about how and what we say.

Finally, Condemnation – again, this is a statement about a situation that is unacceptable or unsatisfactory.  However, it differs from a complaint and a criticism in that it takes the specific situation, and then globalizes and personalizes it.  In our taking out the trash example it might look something like these two:

  • You’ve forgotten the trash again, you’re worthless!
  • What kind of man are you? You can’t even take out the trash!

Even though the precipitating situation might have been minor, the condemner uses it to attack the personhood of the irresponsible individual.  Similar to criticism, condemnation is sourced in a character defect.  In this case the character defect is personal pride, which is explained by this statement:

  • I am better than you.

This is a lie that a condemner believes about themselves and there can be many psychological reasons for it.  The one most commonly found is that the judgmental person actually has low self-esteem, and has taken to condemning others to try to place them in less worthy positions, thereby artificially elevating themselves.  This is a kind of dark logic because it means that one person has to tear another down to feel better about their personal worth.  It is decidedly unchristian.

Now let’s look at the scriptural position on the three Cs.

Complaints – The Bible is full of complaints.  Here is one that Jesus spoke when He addressed the church in Laodicea:

Rev 3:17 -For you say, I am rich, I have prospered, and I need nothing, not realizing that you are wretched, pitiable, poor, blind, and naked.  ESV

This is a clear complaint direct from the mouth of God to a specific church.  From this simple example, and the many others found in the pages of the Bible, we can safely assume that a complaint that is accurate is acceptable behavior from a Christian perspective.

The Bible is also full of criticisms; let’s see something else Jesus said when He was speaking about the religious leaders of His time:

Mt 23:5-7 – They do all their deeds to be seen by others. For they make their phylacteries broad and their fringes long, and they love the place of honor at feasts and the best seats in the synagogues and greetings in the marketplaces and being called rabbi by others.  ESV

This criticism is specific, it is global but it is not personal as it directed at behavior only.  Notice though that it is truthful and verifiable.  Here are a couple of verses/instructions to consider in the context of criticism:

Eph 4:15 – Speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in every way into him who is the head, into Christ.  ESV

Eph 4:25 – Therefore, having put away falsehood, let each one of you speak the truth with his neighbor, for we are members one of another.  ESV

Condemnation is a very interesting thing in the Bible.  When one reads it there appears to be much condemnation, for example:

Rom 3:23 – For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.  ESV

But, as a person peruses the scriptures something stands out.  What appears to be condemnation, even from God, is actually only criticism.  God only addresses individuals and groups in the context of what they have done, and does not denigrate their personhood.  I believe this is because He is faithful to the understanding that all people are made in His image by Him, so that to condemn a human is to condemn Himself, which He cannot do.

In the end, the place I wanted to come to is revealed by these verses:

Rom 8:1 – There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.  ESV

Heb 9:27 – Just as it is appointed for man to die once, and after that comes judgment.  ESV

In the first verse we see that God never condemns a Christ-follower.  In the second we see that condemnation is reserved for all, except Christ-followers, after their physical death.

My take then is this.  Christians should never condemn any person, believer or not, because God has reserved that action for Himself.  And, Christians should take special care when they criticize fellow believers, just in case they go too far and slip into judgment; God doesn’t judge us, so why would we?

Complaints are okay, just don’t overdo them.  Criticisms are okay too, as long as they are completely accurate.  Condemnation is never acceptable.

My final point in this blog is to alert us to how we actually behave in the use of the three Cs.

Our problem lies in the invisible forces that guide us inside our soul.  As we speak criticisms to those around us we can unknowingly develop a creeping negativity toward them.  If we are not ultra-careful we will start to slip from criticizing the activity of a person to criticizing the person themselves, which is condemnation.

I rest my case.





How do you know when an addict is lying? …. When his lips are moving!

See why there is no addiction without lying, and how there is no recovery with truth.

Jorge and Doug highlight the reasons that addicts use lies and how they originate in us as children. Once we are aware of this issue, we can intentionally choose truth.

They discuss the power that truth has as well as the freedom from not looking over our shoulders or remembering what lie we might have told.

Email us at for more information or to give us your feedback, and remember that you are not walking this road alone!