A friend in recovery once told me that “resentment is like taking poison and waiting for the other person to die”. So in essence, resentment is like drinking poison. We poison our minds with resentments we hold onto and in some way, shape, or form, hope that the person we resent “feels” our pain.
Well this simply is not the case. The person whom we resent does not, and cannot feel our pain. Resentment, however affects us deeply and we feel the pain from our own resentment of others. No matter what has happened in your life, no matter what was done to you, to hold onto a resentment is your own fault, not someone else’s.
I was sexually abused as a child, and for many years I had this hidden level of resentment for my abusers. I always kept it hidden deep inside and did not really open up and discuss the resentment I really had for these individuals but in really I was just in denial about the abuse. I did not even see it as abuse and a resentment until a therapist helped me see my abuse for what it really was, childhood sexual abuse. Once I opened that door to the truth, I was flooded with feelings of sadness, anger, rage, hate and found myself resenting these other people and what they took from me; my innocence. I was under the illusion that it was not childhood sexual abuse because my abusers were my age or a little older. Also, I actually enjoyed the sexual acting out with one girl in particular and never questioned my friends when asked to perform sexual acts with them. I was under the illusion that sex was part of friendship and that being loved by a female was translated through her wanting to be sexual with me, initiating the sex. I grew up with this misconception and it greatly affected numerous relationships I had as an adult.
So how do I work on my resentment? Well the 12 Steps has a solution on working on these issues. Step 4 states, “Made a Searching and Fearless Inventory of Ourselves.” What does this mean? It means we look deep into our character defects and part of this looking deep is to look at where we still hold onto our resentments.
In working a Step 4 inventory on my resentment, I was able to properly list out the resentment, give specifics about why I am resentful, and then in Column 3 describe in detail how it affects me personally (self-esteem, security, ambitions, personal relationships, sex relations). However, Column 4 is perhaps the most important column in this Step 4 resentment inventory. In Column 4, we describe where we are wrong in holding onto this resentment. We list where we were being selfish, dishonest, self-seeking, and frightened and thus held onto this resentment.
For the sake of time and space, I won’t go into all the details of working a Step 4 on my particular resentment. Please consult with your sponsor for a detailed analysis on working a proper Step 4, as he might see things in your that you cannot see for yourself.
Today’s meeting was held at Rick’s Ranch in Sealy, TX. The address and directions to the ranch can be found below. Two or three more meetings this year will be held at Rick’s and we have food, fun, and fellowship afterward. Getting to know one another outside a normal meeting setting is very important for establishing trust and friendships with one another in our recovery!
April 28, 2012 – Castimonia at Rick’s Ranch
On Saturday, April 28, 2012, Castimonia will NOT be meeting at The Fellowship at Cinco Ranch. The church will be holding a parent’s summit that Saturday. Castimonia will meet at Rick’s Ranch near Sealy, TX. We will have our regular meeting at 10am and have a food fellowship at 11:30am. We should be finished by 12:30pm but you may leave earlier if needed.
9597 SE I-10 Frontage Road
Sealy, TX 77474
Here’s a bing map of the location: http://binged.it/JD7AIE
Click on the map below for a full-size image with driving directions.