castimonia
One Man’s Testimony Saved My Daughter’s Life
Originally posted November 23, 2012
Although this letter is deeply personal to me, I thought I would share with everyone the power of our testimony and how it can literally save someone’s life. In this case, it was the life of my daughter Elizabeth, who turns 3 today. I have edited the names to keep them anonymous.
****,
Sorry for the delayed response. I have been waiting for almost 3 years to let you know how your testimony changed my life forever. I am writing this out so you can send it to others if you choose, but honestly I get so emotional when I tell this story, I don’t think I could maintain my composure through the story.
On April 30, 2009 you gave your testimony at the Celebrate Recovery meeting at First Baptist Houston. I almost did not attend but my wife wanted to go to CR at that location after having attended previously. I went, with protest, but it was worth it. Funny how my codependency was actually a good thing that night!
When you started talking about the two girls you got pregnant in highschool I began to feel the Holy Spirit tugging at me. Then you stated how both women had told you they had an abortion but one of them lied and you had a son that you met 18 years later who is a good Christian man (forgive me if the details are not 100% correct). At this time I was crying. Why? Because I had scheduled to take my affair partner to the abortion clinic the very next morning. There was a high probability that the baby she was carrying was mine.
All night I was restless and couldn’t sleep. The next morning I dropped off my coworker at the office and rushed down to the hotel to pick up my affair partner and take her to the abortion clinic. She had planned to stay at this hotel after the abortion so she could recover. When I arrived I was full of anger of what I was about to do and then thought about your testimony and I broke down and told her that I would not take her, that I preferred adoption to abortion or even a far off chance that my wife and I would raise the baby. She said she would do it herself and that she would not have a married man’s baby. I told her everything I could think of to keep her from going to the clinic by herself or with someone else. I ended up leaving and prayed that she did not go through with it. I even lied to her one last time in an email begging her to keep the baby.
Elizabeth (Lizzie) was born on November 23, 2009. Her mother tested positive for meth and marijuana and this allowed the Holy Spirit to convict my wife to make the decision to file for custody of Elizabeth (that is another story of God answering my prayers). After 1 year of back and forth with Liz’s grandmother, mother, and all the attorneys, we were given custody of Elizabeth and she is now part of our family. Her grandmother (and mom) are still allowed visitation per a standard possession order but my wife and I are raising “Lizzie” along with our daughter Maddy who is now [5].
I apologize for not searching for you since, but at the Hope and Freedom retreat when ***** told me he plays at CR First Baptist, I asked him, and also ****, who the guy with “that” testimony was and how to get in contact with you. Both let me know it was probably “****” and ***** told me he would send me your contact info.
I just wanted to let you know how God worked through you and your testimony and how my life was changed forever because you had the courage to give your testimony to that particular CR group on that particular Thursday night. I am very grateful for what you did. I am not certain how many times someone has been told how their testimony literally saved a life, but yours did!
I now have a Christian Sexual Purity Support & Recovery Ministry, Castimonia, in Katy and am still married to the love of my life, my beautiful wife Becky. I have attached two photos, one of my two beautiful gifts from God, Maddy (4) and Lizzie (2) and one of our complete family. I believe, if I had not been at that CR meeting and you had not given your testimony, Lizzie would not be here with us today in those photos. God is amazing and I don’t always know why things happen the way they do, but I do know I can trust in Him. This is only one of the many miracles I have seen God perform in my own life.
Thank you and God bless,
Jorge
I had always been a supporter of those in the pro-life camp. It wasn’t until I was confronted with my own sin and the possibility of taking my affair partner to have an abortion that I was truly tested. My convictions were strong and all I could do was to stand firm and trust in God that there was a reason for the pregnancy and birth of this beautiful baby girl to two very selfish individuals. There is a reason, I just don’t know it yet.
What I do know is that I consider Lizzie to be my miracle child as I do Maddy. Both have a special purpose in our lives and on this earth and both will grow up to hopefully glorify God and His mercy and grace. I can only pray that I live long enough to see this occur with the two of them as they grow older and ask God to help me raise these two little girls in a godly home with my wife and I at the helm, following Christ down the long path of life.
Happily Remaried
originally posted December 1, 2012
They mocked me on tv. For weeks, I couldn’t escape the news. One man made all of us look ridiculous. Every single one of us in this unfortunate group. One golfer made his sex life news and suddenly every talk-show host, every radio personality, even newspaper columnists became “experts” on what it meant to be married to a sex addict. Questions like, “How did she NOT know?” and accusations like, “She knew the whole time.” were common. And then, even worse, were the jokes that being married to a sex addict should be fun. Well, it’s not fun. And no, we don’t always know. There is a factor of manipulation that is involved with sex addicts. They control. They limit contact. I should know. I was married to one for 6 years.
I thought I was marrying a future pastor, but I couldn’t have been farther from the truth. Within a few months, my first clues about his behavior surfaced. He assured me it was only on the internet and they’d never met in person. I was still bothered greatly, but he promised he’d cut off communication with her. And there’s more. This was the first time he condemned me… attacked me for looking at his things. He made me feel so terrible that *I* apologized to *him*. That’s when the cycle started. Every few months, I’d find more women he was contacting on Craigslist or dating sites. Every time I’d find something, he’d get angry with me until I apologized. You’d think my friends would clue me in to the irrationality of this cycle, but that’s just it. Whenever I’d start getting close to a new friend, he’d come up with a reason why I shouldn’t be friends with them and he’d end the friendship. By this point in our relationship, I was completely manipulated. I believed what he told me because I needed to believe what he told me.
Eventually, I started realizing that I wasn’t doing anything wrong. I’d stumble across women he was contacting while he was asking me to fix his computer. He’d get angry at me for stumbling across things, but I wouldn’t apologize. So, he wouldn’t talk to me until I pretended that nothing had happened. This went on for a few more years until I couldn’t pretend and kept insisting that he change. I couldn’t continue to share him with his internet temptations. That’s when he’d threaten to kill himself if I didn’t drop it. So, that worked for him for a bit longer. About five and a half years into our marriage, I discovered that it wasn’t just internet behavior. It had never “just” been internet behavior. My husband had been cheating on me the whole time we’d been together… even before we got married. What followed this discovery was about a month of him admitting to what I found, denying that there was more, me finding more, him admitting to what I found and denying there was more. It was a long cycle and it finally ended when I accepted the fact that I’d never know his “number” because HE couldn’t even keep track of all the women he’d been with while we were married.
So, we moved into the next phase… where to go from there. I found an online recovery program for sex addicts. It had a sister program for spouses/partners of sex addicts. It became my saving grace. God used that program to make me stronger and allow me to rebuild myself. I dropped from 130 to 98 pounds during this time. I didn’t feel a freedom to leave him, but he disgusted me. I wanted out, but I knew that if God could change him, it would be better for my kids, so I told him that I’d stay for now as long as he got help. I couldn’t guarantee that I’d stay forever, but I wanted him to get help. This is the point where people called me weak. They said I was just scared to leave. They said I had no self-respect. But they were wrong. I wasn’t weak. I was strong. If I hadn’t been strong, I’d have run away from him long before. About three months into this new discovery, things became very clear. I was on the phone with him, when he made this statement: “Okay, here’s the deal. I’ll stay with you IF you stop checking behind me to see if I’m cheating.”
And that’s when I knew. He WASN’T going to change. He had no desire to change. And I laughed. I actually laughed. On the phone. With my sex addict husband. I was finally free to leave. There were no regrets. I walked away free and clear with no doubts and no self-blame. And I walked away knowing I did everything I could. So the next time you hear about one of us… the wife of a sex addict, think twice before you joke, belittle and ridicule. Before you call us ignorant or stupid or weak. Think about the strength we have to find just to survive. Think about how hard it must have been for that wife to put on a happy face every day. And give her the respect she deserves.
Castimonia Retreat Registration ONLY 2 SPOTS LEFT!!!
We have extended capacity twice and unfortunately cannot add more space due to the retreat center capacity. Therefore, the retreat is almost full and only 2 spots are remaining! Please register ASAP to guarantee your spot in the retreat.
This year’s retreat features guest speakers Thomas Berry from Jason Martinkus’ (Worthy of Her Trust) ministry Redemptive Living and Dr. Mark Denison, CSAT from There’s Still Hope.
I pray that the Lord uses this retreat to help men in their sexual purity journey. The link to register for the retreat is written below.
Friday, November 10th – Sunday, November 12th
The Castimonia Retreat is a retreat for any man who struggles with any type of sexual purity.
If you are wondering about whether to attend this retreat, ask yourself these questions:
- Are you fully equipped for the spiritual battle that is raging around us right now?
- Are you a man who strives for biblical sexual purity?
- Are you a man who struggles with maintaining that sexual purity?
- Do you want a circle of brothers helping you in your sexual purity journey?
Join us for a weekend dedicated to equipping adult men of all ages, all walks of life, and various levels of struggle with the tools necessary to wage this spiritual battle and emerge on the other side as the sexually pure men that God intended us to be.
At the retreat, we will discuss strategies for equipping ourselves with tactics necessary for battling the enemy. We will discover the true meaning of brotherhood and fellowship. The leaders of the retreat will set the example of vulnerability and accountability. We hope to pave the way for all men to be fully equipped to wage war against Satan’s tempting assaults and emerge VICTORIOUS.
The ultimate affirmation for all men is to hear at the end of days, “Well done, good and faithful servant.”
A wise man is strong, And a man of knowledge increases power. For by wise guidance you will wage war, And in abundance of counselors there is victory. Proverbs 24:5-6
Start: November 10 – 06:00 pm (check in begins at 4pm)
End: November 12 – 1:00 pm
Organizer: Castimonia Restoration Ministry, Inc.
Email: Info@Castimonia.org
Website: http://castimonia.org/retreat
Location:
Cat Spring Retreat Center
14852 Hall Road
Cat Spring, TX, US, 78933
http://thecatspringretreat.com/index.html
Early Registration up until September 30th – $175
Regular Registration after October 1st – November 7th – $195
*SCHOLARSHIPS ARE AVAILABLE, PLEASE CONTACT US FOR MORE INFO
Out of state guests receive free registration upon request!!!
Full refund minus fees up to September 15th.
50% refund minus fees after September 15th and up to November 1st.
No refunds after November 1st (retreat credit)
Castimonia Retreat Registration ONLY 6 SPOTS LEFT!!!
The retreat is almost full and only 6 spots are remaining! Please register ASAP to guarantee your spot in the retreat.
This year’s retreat features guest speakers Thomas Berry from Jason Martinkus’ (Worthy of Her Trust) ministry Redemptive Living and Dr. Mark Denison, CSAT from There’s Still Hope.
I pray that the Lord uses this retreat to help men in their sexual purity journey. The link to register for the retreat is written below.
Friday, November 10th – Sunday, November 12th
The Castimonia Retreat is a retreat for any man who struggles with any type of sexual purity.
If you are wondering about whether to attend this retreat, ask yourself these questions:
- Are you fully equipped for the spiritual battle that is raging around us right now?
- Are you a man who strives for biblical sexual purity?
- Are you a man who struggles with maintaining that sexual purity?
- Do you want a circle of brothers helping you in your sexual purity journey?
Join us for a weekend dedicated to equipping adult men of all ages, all walks of life, and various levels of struggle with the tools necessary to wage this spiritual battle and emerge on the other side as the sexually pure men that God intended us to be.
At the retreat, we will discuss strategies for equipping ourselves with tactics necessary for battling the enemy. We will discover the true meaning of brotherhood and fellowship. The leaders of the retreat will set the example of vulnerability and accountability. We hope to pave the way for all men to be fully equipped to wage war against Satan’s tempting assaults and emerge VICTORIOUS.
The ultimate affirmation for all men is to hear at the end of days, “Well done, good and faithful servant.”
A wise man is strong, And a man of knowledge increases power. For by wise guidance you will wage war, And in abundance of counselors there is victory. Proverbs 24:5-6
Start: November 10 – 06:00 pm (check in begins at 4pm)
End: November 12 – 1:00 pm
Organizer: Castimonia Restoration Ministry, Inc.
Email: Info@Castimonia.org
Website: http://castimonia.org/retreat
Location:
Cat Spring Retreat Center
14852 Hall Road
Cat Spring, TX, US, 78933
http://thecatspringretreat.com/index.html
Early Registration up until September 30th – $175
Regular Registration after October 1st – November 7th – $195
*SCHOLARSHIPS ARE AVAILABLE, PLEASE CONTACT US FOR MORE INFO
Out of state guests receive free registration upon request!!!
Full refund minus fees up to September 15th. 50% refund minus fees after September 15th and up to November 1st. No refunds after November 1st (retreat credit)
