
The Priority of Any Addict

Sexual Purity Support & Recovery Group
By Castimonia
By Castimonia
As simple as the name implies, Codependency is any kind of reliance which could be mental, emotional, physical, or spiritual, a need with another individual who likely would be a partner, friend, or a family member. Codependency typically includes very high self-sacrifice, an excessive focus on another individual’s needs in spite of suppression of one’s own emotions, and deliberate attempts to fix other people’s problems.
Dr. Exelberg said that “Codependency is a circular relationship in which one person needs the other person, who in turn, needs to be needed”, which means that they enjoy giving their love and being relied upon by another person. The codependent person, known as ‘the giver,’ feels worthless unless they are needed by — the other person who is otherwise known as ‘the taker’ or ‘the enabler’. The issue is that it becomes difficult for ‘the giver’ to separate themselves from the relationship since they feel that the other person relies on them so much and asserting boundaries or not doing what is not even directly asked but probably just implied, puts them in the wrong. Here is a list of signs which you can check if you identify with:
Assuming that most of us would have identified with at least 3 or 4 points that were listed, I want to mention that, Codependency does not mean all the caring behavior or feelings but only those that are excessive to an unhealthy degree. It becomes codependency only when there is imbalance in the relationship that is, when responsibility of self becomes extremely low priority than responsibility for the relationship with partner.
It is very easy to fall into the cycle of codependency but very difficult to overcome one. And how does that cycle start or is it something that is present naturally? To be honest, codependency is normal for us as we all grow up. It is encouraged and is a part of our culture. We grow up watching our parents portray that our happiness and safety are dependent on another person’s happiness. We are taught that it is wrong to prioritize our well-being over other people’s happiness. Such learnings would have been what we call the first feelings of guilt associated with not being able to make another person happy or in short: not being useful to someone other than our own self. Most of us watch either of our parents basing their happiness on the other one’s mood and wellbeing. It becomes a belief for us and we carry such an engrained belief into our adulthood, that our partner’s well-being and happiness is our responsibility. Hence, our relationship with one of our parents usually translates into another codependent relationship with our partner, which in turn again only reaffirms our old belief. an example which most of us can relate to could be, a lot of women get into relationships with men who smoke or drink and believe that it is their job to make them sober. Movies and advertisements also are a part of this cultural reaffirmation. Women failing to get their partners sober, end up feeling like failures. Their self-worth takes a hit and they make their life about accomplishing different goals for their partners and then for their children, after failure to do so with their partner.
A few other common examples of codependency are:
By Castimonia
Originally posted at: http://www.theresstillhope.org
Today’s RM is for those of us who wish to see someone close to us get better.
Rather than berating them and reminding them of their shortcomings, encourage them. In the words of Wolfgang von Goethe, “Treat a man as he is and he will remain as he is. Treat a man as he can be and should be and he will become as he can be or should be.”
Leadership expert Kevin Eikenberry offers five values of encouragement.
Recovery Step: “Above all, keep loving one another earnestly, since love covers a multitude of sins” (1 Peter 4:8).
By Castimonia
By Castimonia
This site is intended for individuals who struggle with maintaining sexual purity. This information is posted for individuals at various stages in their recovery, year 1 to year 30+; what applies to some, may not apply others. Spouses are encouraged to read this blog with the caveat that they may not agree with, understand, or know the reason for some items posted. As always, take what you like and leave the rest.