Posts Tagged ‘sex addict’


Our temporary host church, Trinity Baptist will be closed  on Tuesday, October 17th so we are canceling the Castimonia Tuesday night meeting at this church. The meeting will resume the following Tuesday night at its regular time and location.

For an alternate meeting, please visit the Sugar Land location at the Vineyard Church.

Tuesday Nights
Time: 7:00PM – 8:30PM
Location: Vineyard Church of Sugar Land
Mosaic Room (Ring door bell and enter through FRONT door.  Go to the second floor)
5015 Grove West Boulevard
Stafford, TX  77477
Contact: Troy P. at 713.906.6658 or rphtroy@gmail.com


https://www.discoveryplace.info/dry-drunk-depth-explanation-dry-drunk-recovery

Being active in addiction ingrains many negative trains of thought, attitudes, feelings and actions. Simply removing alcohol or drugs without changing these underlying factors is likely to produce ‘dry drunk syndrome’.

Dry drunk is a slang expression infamously known in the sober community. It describes a person who no longer drinks or abuses drugs, but continues to behave in dysfunctional ways.

What is a dry drunk?

Dry drunk

The syndrome is best described as someone who fits one of two conditions:

1. A person with chemical dependency issues who has given up alcohol and drugs, but made no internal emotional or behavioral changes. Essentially, the only difference in these individuals is the absence of a substance. The popular analogy in recovery is, “…if you sober up a horse thief, what do you get? A sober horse thief.”

2. A person with chemical dependency issues who is currently abstinent yet regressing in recovery. This may include little/no 12 step meeting attendance, minimal/no active sponsor relationship and little/no involvement in 12 step fellowships. Sober alcoholics and drug addicts in this category will likely begin exhibiting negative thinking, isolation behavior and a general uneasiness/restlessness with life.

It is important to recognize regression to old ways of thinking and acting, or lack of progression on the road to recovery. Another catchphrase used in the sober community is “untreated alcoholism.” Both terms refer to the same symptoms, and these dangerous conditions traditionally mark the initial stages of relapse.

The big book of Alcoholics Anonymous describes dry drunk syndrome and untreated alcoholism with the phrase “restless, irritable, and discontented”. Basically, if you happen to be a sober alcoholic or addict, and find yourself consistently dissatisfied with life, you may be in the thick of untreated alcoholism/addiction.

Another way of looking at the dry condition rests in the two distinct dangers it presents those on the road to recovery:

1. Negative attitudes and mental postures that return or redevelop in a person who has not worked on underlying emotional issues or behaviors. These symptoms start to impact quality of life in harmful ways.

2. If left unchecked, relapse or some other serious event, in some cases suicide, can occur.

Here are some attitudes and mental postures common with dry drunk syndrome.

The dry drunk may display superiority

Superiority or grandiosity basically means a return to a self-centered, ‘the world revolves around’ me attitude. Chemically dependent people are self-centered in the extreme, as any therapist or psychiatrist is quick to observe.

With grandiosity, you are setting yourself up to be the center of attention; either superior to everyone around you, or by playing the victim. Either way, you’re distancing yourself from the people and world around you. What you’re really saying is ‘I am not like you’ with the implication that rules don’t apply in my particular case.

In 12 step programs, this is commonly known as ‘terminal uniqueness,’ or the belief that I am so unique, no one could possibly understand or relate to me. Self-pity or superiority characterizes this mentality. Unfortunately, those of us in recovery find that the only thing we ever got from sitting on the ‘pity pot’ was a ring around our butt.

The dry drunk may display impulsivity

One of the most common attitudes or observable behaviors of people with addiction problems is poor impulse control and impatience. We tend to do what we want, when we want, with little regard for self-harm or the hurt caused towards others.

When impulsivity is combined with grandiosity, attention-seeking behavior accelerates to warp speed. Warped expectations that characterize virtually every alcoholic and drug addict feed this impulsiveness. Chemical dependency instills a taste for immediate relief. Years of alcohol and drug abuse almost mold it into addiction’s nature.

I heard the phrase “time takes time” so often in early sobriety that I wanted to punch something. Ironically (and unbeknownst to me at the time), this frustration was a manifestation of impulsiveness.

The dry drunk may display negative Judgment

This may be one of those most destructive mental aspects of addiction. According to the big book of Alcoholics Anonymous, this unfortunate addiction characteristic is like a man who looks at a beautiful forest and points out the only dead tree. Alcoholics and addicts tend to exhibit particularly negative perspectives about themselves, others and the world about them.

When we, as alcoholics and addicts, judge a person as being ‘better than or less than,’ we are creating a situation where we manipulate our internal condition in much the same way a drink or drug functions. On the other hand, if we judge ourselves or others as ‘falling short or less than,’ we can feel bitter and cultivate resentment.

In both cases, people with chemical dependency are at risk of separating themselves through mental isolation. By negatively contrasting ourselves or the outside world, we invite regression in recovery. This is another reason why drug addiction and alcoholism are commonly referred to as mind-powered diseases.

The dry drunk may display complacency

This is not only an attitude of somebody in dry drunk syndrome, but is a red flag warning sign of someone who dangerously treading the path to relapse. An important facet of being in active recovery is just that – being active. It does not matter how quickly an alcoholic or drug addict progresses, just that progress is being made. It is easy to regress into laziness or disinterest, usually with a return to addictive behaviors.

Once lured into these attitudes, thinking begins to tread on choppy waters. This twisted thinking invites destructive, self-centered thoughts. And there’s an excellent chance these thoughts and thought processes will inform an alcoholic or drug addicts’ actions in negative ways.

I look at my sobriety and recovery as being always on the move. I am either moving toward a drink and drug or away from a drug and drink. The key is that, left alone and not progressing in recovery, the prospect of a drink or a drug quickly grows. It’s like parking a car on a hill, and sooner or later, the brakes will give out while the car tumbles to its demise.

But I wonder if complacency is in fear rather than laziness. Am I afraid of success? Am I afraid of failure? Am I sitting around waiting for things to work out the way I want them to without putting in the necessary effort? Unless I find the willingness to meet these fears with the tools of recovery, my sobriety is tenuous at best.

The dry drunk may display negativity in general

I was guilty of this for quite some time in my recovery. I kept asking myself when good things would come to pass, always neglecting to recognize some positive events that had already transpired.

If negativity sets in, it is very important to determine if any underlying issues are present. What’s going on beneath the surface? Is it anger and resentment, or is some person, place or thing not working out the way you expect? Is excessive anxiety and worry beginning to creep into various threads of life? In these situations, a sober alcoholic/drug addict should work closely with a sponsor, and if necessary, a licensed medical professional.

One of the most futile emotions is anxiety because your focus tends to shift towards future events. I don’t know anyone who can genuinely foresee future events; even Nostradamus had problems with a crystal ball.

High stress consumes mental energy. It is virtually impossible to retain feelings of happiness and serenity when anxiety permeates life. Here are some destructive behaviors and actions that can result from the dreaded dry drunk thinking:

1. We become restless, irritable and discontent.

Little things start to annoy us. We start to look for differences in those around us, which causes separation. If you remember, this is the first stage in the relapse process. It is also the trickiest because we often fail to recognize that ‘separation mentality’ is present.

Without a support system of trusted people around us, a world of trouble awaits. The people we associate with in recovery may offer their concern, feedback and direction. This is given out of love, not out of spite. It is important to open our ears and listen, despite feeling singled-out.

2. We become bored or dissatisfied.

We are easily distracted from productive tasks. I visualize this as having the electrifying vigor of recovery diminish to a small spark. Nothing excites us anymore. The “pink cloud” is over. Our initial euphoria is replaced with disillusionment.

We may start to wonder why we got sober in the first place. This is an ideal time to start a gratitude list under a sponsor’s guidance. If we become unable to see the progress we’re making in recovery, or we start taking it for granted, it is easy for sobriety to lose top priority.

It is my belief that for those in long-term recovery, complacency is the biggest demon we must fight. On the flip side, I believe the most viable asset one can have in recovery is persistence. When life gets rolling along and things seem to be working well, the temptation is to lose focus on growing in recovery.

Many sick people stop taking medication once they start feeling better, only to see illness reemerge. The same principle holds for those on the sober path. Don’t stop taking the medication offered through recovery.

3. Our emotions and feelings either get listless and dull or we start overreacting.

Either we become emotionally dull, or we catapult into hyper emotionalism. Our reactions are not proportional to the events. Maybe an everyday occurrence results in seething anger, or a simple comment from a coworker causes a war of words.

At this point, it’s a good idea to seek emotional support or feedback from trusted members of the sober community. Let’s face it, recovery and life offer ups and downs, peaks and valleys. These situations can be amplified in the absence of an anesthetizing substance, but we must meet life’s turmoil with the tools learned in recovery. In some situations, however, pain can be an incredible motivator. In the absence of pain, change is usually non-existent.

4. We start to the engage in ‘euphoric recall.’

Euphoric recall is a real fancy way of saying we only remember the good times. We remember how much fun we had when using, how much more social, clever, witty and awesome we were. It really is a journey into the past’s fantasy land.

At the same time, we also choose to ignore all of the misery that resulted from alcohol and drug abuse. We tend to forget the times where we made a total fool of ourselves at parties or social events. Perhaps we ignore memories of legal troubles.

An objective inventory can put a stop to euphoric recall quickly. Simply sit down with a piece of paper and write two columns, one for the good times and one for the bad. Most alcoholics and drug addicts will have a laundry list of negative consequences. Remember them.

5. We start to engage in magical thinking.

We get unrealistic with magical expectations and fanciful dreams. This characteristic is similar to euphoric recall, but not necessarily confined to past events. Magical thinking can involve unrealistic expectations, unreasonable goals, and simply believing that things will occur if we wish for them hard enough.

One example might be thinking that if I stay sober, my girlfriend will come back to me. Or maybe… I’ve been good so long, one drink won’t hurt. My personal favorite is the following sentence: ______ (Drugs/Alcohol) wasn’t my problem, it was __________ (my job, my husband, my wife, my anxiety, etc).

If you find yourself traveling down Magical Thinking Avenue, reach out to trusted, sober friends. Talk with your sponsor. I can assure you, a Powerball win is probably not in your future.

6. We lose interest in self-improvement.

There’s a fine line between becoming peaceful and becoming complacent. What happened to all those plans for a ‘new you?’ Instead of doing more walking the walk, we start talking the talk. The ‘action’ part of the program disappears, and we lose momentum built over days, months or years in recovery. We become content to sit back and let other people do the work. This condition usually doesn’t last long, as people either recapture the motivation to apply recovery-related actions or relapse.

7. We start to become unfulfilled.

As a result of any combination of the points already discussed, a feeling of not having our dreams fulfilled can takeover. Many sober folks have this notion that mere abstinence will solve all problems.

Don’t get me wrong, sobriety is definitely a step in the right direction; however, there is a good chance that wreckage of the past will take time to heal and resolve. This starts to move into the realm of having unrealistic expectations. We want things to happen quickly. But, without action and continual self-improvement, not much will change.

8. We start acting on old defense mechanisms.

We begin to think in terms of old attitudes, and now we’re acting on them. The walls, supports and barriers erected to support drinking and drugging are refurbished with a fresh coat of paint. Minimize problems. Rationalize problems. Deny problems. I’m bulletproof. I got this, and all that sober mumbo-jumbo is for the birds. I’m doing quite well without it, thank you very much.

Final Thoughts on Dry Drunk Syndrome

Looking back at the list of attitudes and the actions dry drunk syndrome can generate, it is easy to see how this condition is nothing more than regression to thoughts and behaviors exhibited during active alcoholism and drug addiction.

If you are starting to notice some of the attitudes discussed creeping back into your life, it is time to start paying attention to the possibility of relapse and start turning your life in sobriety around. Dry drunk syndrome can be a harbinger of relapse. Don’t let it take your recovery. And if you need help, give Discovery Place a call today!

About the Author

Bill Dinker is a nationally recognized substance abuse recovery expert. He has multiple appearances on the Huffington Post, where he commented on the state of opiate addiction treatment and the heroin epidemic. Bill devotes thousands of hours of his time on the phone counseling families of alcoholic and addicted persons in his role as Director of Admissions at Discovery Place. Author of over 70,000 original words on substance abuse recovery, he is personally sober as an alcoholic, marijuana, cocaine, opiate and heroin addict. Bill received his degree in the Liberal Arts with a minor in business, magna cum laude, from Aquinas College. Mr. Dinker offers his recovery consultations free of charge for families or anyone seeking direction, knowledge and support for a family member, spouse, friend, patient, client or employee. Send him an email to schedule a FREE appointment with Bill!

 

 


SOURCE:  Fight The New Drug

With the shockingly quick and easy access to an unlimited, ever-increasing supply of porn these days, it shouldn’t come as a surprise that both science and personal accounts are coming out by the day, exposing the negative impact porn has on peoples’ lives. If you’ve come across these types of articles here and there but still haven’t found the motivation you need to kick your porn habit, we’ve got 40 good reasons for you.

1. Have Better Sex

Perhaps the biggest lie porn sells is that its fantasy world is filled with sex positivity: sexual education, more sex, better sex, etc. What it doesn’t mention, however, is that the deeper a user dives into that fantasy world, the more likely their reality is to become just the opposite. Porn is complicated, the science is simple: the more pornography a person views, the harder it becomes for them to be aroused by a real person or a real relationship. Ditch the shallow counterfeits and put the “sex” back in sexy!

2. It’s like a drug!

On the surface, cocaine and porn don’t seem to have a lot in common but more and more studies are coming out showing that viewing pornography tricks your brain into releasing the same pleasure chemicals as drugs. Much like a drug, when these pleasure chemicals such as dopamine and oxytocin pulse through the brain, they help to create new brain pathways that essentially lead the user back to the behavior that triggered the chemical release in the first place, mimicking a drug addiction. Porn is a drug injected through the eyes, and although quitting can feel just as daunting and impossible as quitting a substance, the support out there is making it more possible than ever and the reward will feel just as liberating!

3.  Habits and Addiction Can Escalate

Because of its addictive nature, in order to retain the same level of interest and excitement, an individual usually needs an ever increasing dosage of porn and constantly evolving material. Over time, their appetite pushes them to more hardcore versions just to achieve the same level of arousal. The unshackling feeling that comes from breaking free from addiction before it escalates will empower you to live your life to it’s fullest potential!

4. Improve Behavior 

Sooner or later, users start to find themselves getting aroused by things that used to disgust them or that go against what they think deep down is right. Once they start regularly watching extreme and dangerous sex acts, these porn users are being taught that those behaviors are more normal and common than they actually are. There’s an obvious destructive behavior pattern caused by porn that compromises beliefs, changes ideas and turns relationships sour when pressure is placed on a partner to perform or live up to the standards set by porn. Reversing destructive behavior will happen soon after deciding to cut this hazardous influence from your life.

5. Form Deeper Connections 

The porn industry objectifies people and commoditizes the act of sex. There’s nothing romantic or realistic about porn sex, and it seriously puts a disconnect between the viewer and reality. This makes it hard for them to have an intimate connection with a real person. You’ll only feel complete when you disconnect with porn and connect with real person!

6. Appreciate Your Body

The makeup, surgery, Photoshop and acting that goes into porn gives us an unrealistic view of the human body and sexuality. We start to subconsciously compare ourselves to what we’re seeing, causing overthinking and low self-esteem when it comes time to being intimate. Kicking your porn habit will restore a healthy body image and reinstate the sense confidence that you deserve.

7. Appreciate Those You’re Attracted To

In addition to affecting the way we see ourselves, porn causes us to under-appreciate the opposite sex by training us to see them as sexual objects and not as humans with beautiful and unique features. It’s likely due to the fact that porn promotes a completely fictional version of how people look and behave, and creates a false exciting reality that their partners can never live up to. One of the first positive effects that people report soon after quitting porn is the ability to truly appreciate the beauty of the opposite sex without constantly undressing them in their mind.

8. Prevent Sexual Dysfunction (ED)

This one is for the guys out there. The fact is porn often leads to less sex and less satisfying sex. For a surprising amount of viewers, porn eventually means no sex at all. Regular viewing of porn has been found to affect the brain in such a way that it hinders sexual performance when they get with an actual human being. Porn-induced erectile dysfunction is a real thing in men, a side effect of watching porn that they probably never see coming until it’s too late. The only cure is to quit porn and let their brain “rewire” and return to normal.

9. Stop Supporting Sex Trafficking 

The facts are there: clicking porn directly fuels the demand for sex trafficking. There are a countless victims of human sex trafficking that are forced to have sex on camera. Even in the “legitimate” adult industry, porn stars are frequently victims of violence and drug abuse. There’s no just no way to know the dark origins behind what we’re watching. By refusing to click, you’re refusing to contribute to the demand for sexual exploitation.

10. Porn Promotes Violence Against Women

From making actors participate in unsafe sex to the countless real stories of actresses speaking out about the rape, violence and drugs behind the camera, there is certainly a dark reality to this industry. Porn tries to normalize this exploitation but we’re not buying it. To watch porn is to support a questionable industry that abuses it’s actors in addition to harming those who watch it. Not cool.

11. Porn Can Lead To Violent Behavior

It’s true that not all porn is the same, but the reality is that the majority of even the most mainstream porn is packed full of women being physically and verbally abused—and watching it takes a serious toll on the viewer. Even the non-violent porn portrays a power difference between partners where men are in charge and women are submissive sex objects. But unlike violence in movies where someone gets mad and fights back, research has shown that 95% of the victims of aggression in porn scenes reacted neutral or responded with pleasure. This confuses frequent viewers to believe violence is sexy, and can lead them to hurting women in real life during sex. Unlearning this violent behavior will undoubtedly benefit you, your partner and your sex life.

12. Increase Your Creativity

We believe that in order to be truly creative, you have to connect with deepest most honest parts of yourself. Porn clogs up your imagination with cheap content that disconnects you from feeling real passion and motivation. Once you let explicit images stop distracting you from inspiration, you’ll feel more imaginative than ever! (Read: Why Your Porn Habit Might Be Killing Your Creativity.)

13. Live A More Honest Life

Not every porn viewer lies about their addiction, but most feel ashamed and obligated to hide it. Whether they admit it or not, they know that their partner wouldn’t like the idea of them sexually bonding to a computer screen. When you live a lie for long enough, you start to convince yourself of it as well and the more lies you tell, the harder it becomes to tell the truth about anything. Bring your dirty little secret out into the light and we guarantee you’ll feel more free than ever before.

14. Free Up Some Time

You’ve probably realized by now that porn takes up a lot of your time! Porn viewers spend anywhere between a few minutes to a few hours daily consuming these harmful images. Anyone who frequently watches porn knows that as the years have gone on, they watch harder material for longer periods of time. Think of it this way: if you spent just 10 minutes a day watching porn, that’s over 60 hours at the end of the year you could have spent doing something beneficial to your life! Time is precious; spend it on making memories that last, not on images that disappear with a click.

15. Find Someone Special

In porn, everything from the way people look to how and why they have sex is a lie. Porn viewers often get so obsessed with chasing something that isn’t real that they miss out on actual relationships. Research has even shown that less men are getting married because they feel porn takes care of all their sexual needs. Ditch the lies and go find the the love of your life! They’re waiting for you!

16. Be A Better Partner

Porn doesn’t just affect you, it affects your partner as well. While a great deal of information exists for those suffering from addiction, partners are often left feeling alone with equally real wounds of their own. Partners of porn viewers commonly feel betrayed and neglected when their significant other chooses to share their sexuality with a screen instead of them. When you cut porn from being the third party, you’ll find it easier to build a healthier relationship emotionally and sexually.

17. Become A Better Parent 

The harmful effects of porn don’t always revolve around romantic partners like boyfriends/girlfriends or husbands/wives. There are countless stories, like this one, that show how porn can isolate, consume, and eventually even destroy families. Additionally, children and teens these days  are exposed to hardcore porn at a young age, and many receive their sex-ed from porn which depicts unrealistic portrayals of human sexuality, leading to lifelong issues in the bedroom. Promote healthy displays of affection in your home and promote a porn-free life for your future family.

18. Become A Better Friend

Your porn habit can isolate you from valuable social time with friends and the shame that comes with watching porn can cause you to be distant at social gatherings. When you no longer allow yourself to be a prisoner to this habit, you no longer have to worry about the chains that come with it.

19. Maintain Mental/Emotional Health

Being tied to a consistent porn habit requires you to spend a lot of time alone and can quickly make you uninterested in the every day pleasures of life such as having conversations with real people and being active. Research has shown that frequent porn viewing is connected to mental/emotional health issues such as anxiety and depression. There is a strong victory over these challenges that comes with quitting porn that can be truly liberating.

20. Take Back Control

One in five people who regularly watch porn admit to feeling controlled by their own sexual desires. As a result, many viewers start feeling like something’s wrong with them because they don’t know how to be turned on by a real person. This only leads to watching more porn because it’s the only escape that works. Quitting porn allows you to take back control of your sexual desires and connect with a real person.

21. Don’t Believe the Fantasy

With the exaggerated bodies and rehearsed scenes in porn, viewers can quickly lose perspective on their own natural desires, as well as their partner’s. Unplugging from porn will help you become more in tune with what you and your partner want instead of influencing you to reenact what you’ve seen in porn. Be the author of your own sexuality, not an imitation of something that isn’t even real.

22. Increase Sexual Energy

If you’re watching porn, you’re probably also doing something else that’s giving you a sexual release. Many people deep in their porn habit do this multiple times a day. If you’re too busy venting your sex drive this way, you’re not going to have much interest in real sexual intimacy with a partner. You may have already experienced a lack of drive or the inability to perform with your partner. By quitting porn, you’ll reclaim that natural energy.

23. Increase Overall Energy 

It’s obvious that porn consumes your time and your sexual attention, but do you think about how that doesn’t leave you with energy for much else? A demanding porn habit will definitely drain your body of the mental and physical energy it needs to keep up with the daily hustle of life. By turning off the monitor, you can focus on being productive and making a difference in your life and others.

24. Regain Focus 

People often watch porn as an escape when they become overwhelmed by the daily decisions of life. Quitting porn allows you to assume responsibility and become accountable for your own goals. By getting this distraction out of your life, you can start to focus on the things that really matter to you.

25. Reclaim Self-Confidence

A belief in yourself is a huge casualty of consistent porn viewing. People who feel they are addicted who porn believe they are broken human beings with a damaged capacity to love and feel joy. These negative feelings come from your own negative feelings about porn mixed with your inability to quit, or from any of the negative side effects that go with repeatedly watching porn. By kicking the habit, you begin to be happy, which will fuel your confidence in all aspects of your life.

26. Protect Your Marriage

Addiction to pornography is cited as a major reason couples divorce annually around the world. Whether you are currently married or one day hope to be, it’s a sure bet that porn is a poisonous ingredient in a marriage. When porn is preferred to a healthy sexual relationship with a spouse, the outcome is often a broken home. With a risk as serious as this, it makes sense to remove porn from your life all together and avoid a bunch of issues in marriage.

27. Save Your Money

Porn is a global, $97 billion industry, with $12 billion of that coming from the United States. How much have you spent on it? Even if the answer is nothing, think about it this way: your time spent watching porn could have been spent on either A) making money or B) performing better at work where you could now be making more money. Time is money after all, and by focusing your time on porn you’re being very unproductive to say the least.

28. Maintain Your Natural Sexuality

Porn removes the concept of intimacy from sex. It teaches that sex is about taking selfish pleasure rather than giving love. When you fill your mind with the explicit material porn offers, it takes away the excitement of intimacy and even distorts your sexuality. By kicking the habit, your brain can return to normal and reset your arousal patterns to normal.

29. Protect Your Passions

The more you watch porn, the less you desire the things that previously got you excited. Hanging out with friends, playing sports, making music, etc., all these things lack the “shock factor” that porn gives the brain. Soon, you start to lose interest in anything that doesn’t bring the ultra-arousal of pornography. But not to worry, the sooner you cut out porn, the sooner you can restore a healthy and fulfilling approach to the things you care about most.

30. Prevent Sexual Compulsion/Addiction

Addiction is never a good thing, regardless of what it is. Porn can create a constant need for sex/sexual material that needs to be fueled, but is never truly satisfied. This cycle can quickly grow into an obsession for the viewer, which inhibits their ability to function like a normal person in the company of people, especially the opposite sex, and can also lead to serious harmful behaviors like soliciting prostitutes to act out what they’ve seen in porn. Not making porn a part of your life is a sure way to not step foot down a potentially life changing road.

31. Don’t Bond To A Screen

Oxytocin is commonly called the love hormone or the “bonding chemical” because it plays an important part in intimacy by connecting two people. Because the chemical is naturally released during sex, watching porn triggers the release of oxytocin as well, tricking your brain and essentially bonding you to the computer screen. Keep love real, and don’t take fake.

32. Prevent Anxiety

As talked about earlier, porn can be the onset of a number of different anxiety problems. When viewers feel like they have to be watching porn or can’t stop thinking about it, it creates serious anxiety. Not to mention, this anxiety can transfer over to the bedroom and contribute to porn-induced erectile dysfunction. Anxiety can be extremely crippling and most people experience it to on some level from the daily stresses of life as it is. Why add to it?

33. Prevent Depression

We know that pornography and other addictions are used as self-medicating tools which only lead to feeling worse than before. The momentary escape only leads to feeling lower than before. Porn is a negative influence in your life, and an easy way to start feeling happier and more free is giving it the boot.

34. Live Without Shame

It’s pretty simple: no porn equals no shame. The secrecy surrounding your habit can have huge negative effects on your life and shame can quickly settle in. You may find yourself watching things you find disgusting, but can’t seem to stop. When this feeling starts to take its toll, it usually leads to medicating with more porn. You’re guaranteed to feel relief when you break the chains of this vicious cycle.

35. Increase Productivity

Think about what more motivation could mean for you. Do you want to be more ambitious and driven? Are you wanting to achieve your goals? A survey of a Reddit community called NoFap, which is committed to breaking free from porn, found that 67% of those who quit had an increase in energy levels as well as productivity. Put it to the test for yourself. What are you waiting for?!

36. Be Better At Your Job

Besides the obvious fact that porn is a waste of time, viewing it can also make the viewer depressed and anxious, and make them perform worse at their job. In fact, real stories of people being caught watching porn at work prove that more and more people are putting their jobs at risk by looking at porn during work hours. Don’t let this destructive material ruin the things that matter most for your daily life.

37. Prevent STD’s

Researchers have repeatedly found that people who have seen a significant amount of porn are more likely to start having sex sooner and with more partners, and to engage in riskier kinds of sex, putting them at greater risk of getting sexually transmitted infections.

38. Be Proud of Yourself

By quitting porn, you’re taking a stand against a dangerous, exploitive industry and becoming an advocate for positive personal and social change. This is definitely something you can feel proud of. Change yourself, and change the world.

39. Better the World

Every single click made on a porn site is counted by the greedy companies that make that content. Clicking fuels the demand for more, feeding and growing a dark industry that harms society as a whole. For all of the harmful reasons mentioned above, stop contributing to something that ruins people’s lives and supports sexual exploitation. This negative influence doesn’t have to affect you, your peers or the countless people in the industry who are forced, coerced, and abused behind the camera. Take a stand and be the change you want to see in the world.

40. Love 

This is by far the most important reason to quit porn. Above all, porn can seriously come between you and your partner. It distorts the meaning of love and intimacy. The most common true stories we receive are from partners who lost the love of their life due to a struggle with porn that tore their relationship apart slowly but surely. We all want and need love. It’s the most important thing we can experience in life. If fighting for love isn’t the best reason to stay away from porn, we don’t know what is.

Porn kills love, but it doesn’t have to.

Choose love, not porn.


CASTIMONIA’S PARATUS MEN’S RETREAT 2017

Regular registration is now open for the retreat!  If you want to learn more about tools for your recovery and protecting your family online, then you should register for this retreat.

Also, as an added incentive, our ministry founder will be signing up men without sponsors to start an 18-month journey through the 12 Steps on Saturday mornings before the 10am meeting.  Sign up FIRST at this retreat!

https://www.eventbrite.com/e/castimonias-paratus-mens-retreat-2017-tickets-36664868609

Here is some information on the retreat.  I pray that the Lord uses this retreat to help men in their sexual purity journey.  The link to register for the retreat will be available later this Summer.

Friday, November 3rd – Sunday, November 5th

Castimonia’s Paratus Retreat is a retreat for any man who struggles with any type of sexual purity.  Paratus is Latin for equipped.

If you are wondering about whether to attend this retreat, ask yourself these questions:

  • Are you fully equipped for the spiritual battle that is raging around us right now?
  • Are you a man who strives for biblical sexual purity?
  • Are you a man who struggles with maintaining that sexual purity?
  • Do you want a circle of brothers helping you in your sexual purity journey?

Join us for a weekend dedicated to equipping adult men of all ages, all walks of life, and various levels of struggle with the tools necessary to wage this spiritual battle and emerge on the other side as the sexually pure men that God intended us to be.

At the retreat, we will discuss strategies for equipping ourselves with tactics necessary for battling the enemy. We will discover the true meaning of brotherhood and fellowship. The leaders of the retreat will set the example of vulnerability and accountability. We hope to pave the way for all men to be fully equipped to wage war against Satan’s tempting assaults and emerge VICTORIOUS.

https://www.eventbrite.com/e/castimonias-paratus-mens-retreat-2017-tickets-36664868609

Regular Registration  October 1st – November 1st – $200


A benefit of seeking a life of rigorous honesty is that I don’t have anything to hide. I no longer spend my days trying to remember what story I told to whom. I don’t parse my words when I talk to my wife about my day, trying to avoid discussing how I truly spent my time. I don’t say “fine” when others ask me how I am doing or how I am feeling. Honesty is new for me. It is also very freeing.

I am participating in a men’s Bible study through my church. We are studying a book by Louie Giglio called Goliath Must Fall. I really like his style of writing, how he is very transparent about his struggles and his failures. The premise is that Christ already has victory over the “giants” in our lives and therefore we can claim that victory and not allow them to have a foothold. Last night’s lesson was on fear. I was sure I had this one whipped. I don’t have anything to hide anymore so therefore I don’t have anything to fear.

The author spoke about his relationship with his father and how something small his father said to him had such a lasting impact. A throwaway sarcastic comment where both of them laughed at the expense of the son seemed innocuous to the father but was so damaging to the son. The son didn’t recognize at the time that his father was the product of an environment where rejection was constant and present. Not until at the end of the father’s life did the son realize that his father had experienced nothing but rejection and that he constantly tried to give acceptance to his son but didn’t always succeed.

My father is dying. He is gradually slipping away. He has fought against a neuromuscular disease for the last twenty years. He is strong and determined. He is losing. He is also losing his memory. The dementia is impacting his ability to function on a daily basis. The struggle to care for him is draining my mother both physically and mentally.

I realized this last week when visiting my father that I have pent up resentment and animosity towards he and my mother for the rejection I felt throughout most of my life, not only for what they said but for what they didn’t say. The times I hoped to hear them tell me they were proud of me or that what I did and wanted was important. I allowed that rejection to have a foothold. I realized that when I was visiting with them. They both came from difficult circumstances. I realized that, too. My animosity and resentment has started to truly melt away.

In our study this week, I was dwelling on this resentment and animosity that Louie Giglio had for his father. I thought about the animosity and anger I had towards my father. Then I realized that even though I was letting go of that foothold in my life, I had one more.

Reviewing fear forced me to look deeper into my life. I realize that I have a deep seated fear. I am afraid that I have damaged my kids too much. I fear they won’t be able to see me as a “good” father. I fear my wife won’t ever be able to trust me again. I realize that I can only do what my father does for me now. Each time I see him he tells me how much he loves me and that he doesn’t want me to leave. I pray that God show me that He has conquered these fears as well.


by Bevill and Associates

You’ve tried it all. You’ve lectured. You’ve given ultimatums. You’ve staged an intervention. Still, your loved one continues to spiral deeper into drug or alcohol addiction. If you didn’t care about this person so much, you’d have given up long ago. And, as much as you don’t want to give up, it feels like you’ve run out of options.

Before you lose all hope, consider the following suggestions from Rodney Robertson, D.Min., MA, M.Div., family therapist at The Ranch drug rehabilitation center in Tennessee:

#1 Listen more than you talk.

When someone needs help, it’s natural to do a lot of talking — educating, offering guidance and problem-solving. What comes less naturally to most of us is listening.

With someone struggling with addiction and its defense mechanisms like denial, it can be more effective to “listen to what they have to say with empathy so that you understand where they’re coming from,” says Robertson. This way, when you do start talking, there’s a better chance your loved one will feel heard and understood enough to listen.

When it’s time to talk, “be clear and direct, not critical, condemning or judgmental,” says Robertson. The message should be “Im concerned and I want to know if youre concerned too. Can we talk about what it would look like to get help?” You’re not trying to make the decision for them but you want them to realize they can’t do this alone.

#2 Get others involved.

If your loved one wont listen to you, they may be open to hearing the same message from someone else. “This person needs to be someone they trust, not someone you trust,” Robertson warns.

Particularly if the family relationship has been compromised or trust has been eroded, other influences may be able to work with the addicted person to recognize the seriousness of the problem and map out where to go for substance abuse treatment. “As a close relative, you may not be in the best position to help,” says Robertson. “The relationship may be too close and too involved, where its easy to overstep boundaries.”

The best support a loved one can offer, Robertson says, is realizing they can’t heal an addiction. What they can do is help the person struggling with addiction to reach out to others who can treat the illness, such as a support group or therapist.

#3 Step back and allow natural consequences to do their work.

You can’t control another person, and a person struggling with addiction has to take responsibility for their own recovery. Trying to manipulate, bribe or make decisions for someone is a sign of codependency, a condition in which someone is excessively emotionally or psychologically reliant on a loved one struggling with addiction.

“In some cases, loved ones put so much effort into reaching out, convincing and offering help that it can actually prolong the process of going to treatment,” says Robertson. As a result, the addict never feels the full financial, legal and personal consequences of their actions and continues to blame others for their problems.

Stepping back can be the hardest thing to do when someone you love is suffering. It feels neglectful and risky. But the good news is that “when a family member finally lets go and steps back, it doesn’t take long for the addicted person to realize they need help,” says Robertson. “Often, it’s when you back off and the addict is left without support that they come to terms really quickly.” Other influences such as the legal system may be the ones they’ll finally listen to, but for the message to get through, you have to take a step back.

#4 Build your own support network.

Sometimes your concern for your addicted loved one overrides your concern for yourself. Although understandable, this approach depletes you and focuses your attention on things that are beyond your control. “Take heart that you’re doing what you can and then take care of yourself and your needs,” says Robertson. Turn to people who love and support you, including friends, family, a therapist, a support group like Al-Anon and other parents in similar situations.

Sometimes the most powerful steps you can take are the ones that, to an outside observer, may look like giving up. But what you’re really doing is giving your addicted loved one a chance to see what their life has become and discover their motivation for getting better. Addiction took them away, but they aren’t gone forever — treatment can help bring them back.

By Meghan Vivo