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Christ In You

Paul said, “It is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me” (Gal. 2:20). The apostle sensed within himself not just the philosophy, ideals, or influence of Christ but the person of Jesus. Christ moved in. He still does. When grace happens, Christ enters. “Christ in you, the hope of glory” (Col. 1:27).

For many years I missed this truth. I believed all the other prepositions: Christ for me, with me, ahead of me. And I knew I was working beside Christ, under Christ, with Christ. But I never imagined that Christ was in me.

I can’t blame my deficiency on Scripture. Paul refers to this union 216 times. John mentions it 26 times. They describe a Christ who not only woos us to himself but “ones” us to himself. “Whoever confesses that Jesus is the Son of God, God abides in him, and he in God” (1 John 4:15, emphasis mine).

No other religion or philosophy makes such a claim. No other movement implies the living presence of its founder in his followers. Muhammad does not indwell Muslims. Buddha does not inhabit Buddhists. Hugh Hefner does not inhabit the pleasure-seeking hedonist. Influence? Instruct? Entice? Yes. But occupy? No.

Yet Christians embrace this inscrutable promise. “The mystery in a nutshell is just this: Christ is in you” (Col. 1:27 MSG). The Christian is a person in whom Christ is happening.

We are Jesus Christ’s; we belong to him. But even more, we are increasingly him. He moves in and commandeers our hands and feet, requisitions our minds and tongues. We sense his rearranging: debris into the divine, pig’s ear into silk purse. He repurposes bad decisions and squalid choices. Little by little a new image emerges. “He decided from the outset to shape the lives of those who love him along the same lines as the life of his Son” (Rom. 8:29 MSG).

Today’s devotional is drawn from Max Lucado’s Next Door Savior.

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Should A Wife Be the Addict’s Accountability Partner?

Originally posted at: http://vickitidwellpalmer.com/addicts-accountability-partner/

by Vicki Tidwell Palmer

For a relationship impacted by betrayal to heal, the partner responsible for the betrayal must engage in certain trust-building and accountability actions.

Accountability can include:

  • Sharing passwords for bank, email, and phone accounts
  • Reviewing bank, email, or phone accounts together as a couple
  • Installing a tracking app on a personal cell phone to demonstrate transparency around activities and whereabouts
  • Installing filtering or monitoring software on digital devices
  • Providing receipts for cash spent
  • Updating one’s partner occasionally throughout the day about your whereabouts
  • Taking a polygraph

For most couples, these accountability actions are not a permanent part of the relationship. But they are absolutely vital for rebuilding trust and repairing the damage done by intimate partner betrayal.

Addicts sometimes need an accountability partner. Common uses of an accountability partner include:

  • Receiving reports or alerts about an addict’s online activities from filtering or monitoring software.
  • Regular—sometimes daily—recovery check-ins with the addict.
  • Being available to “bookend” certain events/activities that may be challenging or potentially triggering to the addict. Bookending is simply checking in before and after an event/activity.

Addicts—and partners—sometimes believe that the best person to act as an accountability partner is the spouse of the addict. After all, the purpose of accountability is to be accountable to the partner.

Although each couple and each situation are unique—and each couple has the right to decide how trust will be restored—I don’t recommend that the spouse of an addict take the role of accountability partner for the following reasons:

1
Betrayal Trauma Flashbacks

When a partner reviews an addict’s browsing history or receives reports of online activities, these reports and alerts are often triggering and even traumatizing to most partners, even when the reports don’t include questionable material.

Because of the impact of past discoveries or online research by the partner related to the addiction, partners may have flashbacks, panic symptoms, or other unwanted experiences as a result of receiving accountability reports, etc.

2
Power Dynamics

Being an accountability partner places the spouse in a one-up, policing relationship to her spouse. This type of hierarchal relationship is very different than the couple engaging in what I refer to as collaborative transparency.

Collaborative transparency is a mutual process of agreement between the couple about how the addict will be forthcoming and transparent around devices, whereabouts, activities, etc. While the addict may agree to share reports or other information with the partner as an act of accountability, placing her/him in the role of monitor introduces an undesirable power dynamic that is harmful to creating future intimate connection between the couple.

(Read about the 4 steps for collaborative transparency here.)

3
Enabling

Spouses acting as accountability partners may have the unintended consequence of actually enabling the addiction. Enabling means that the partner of an addict directly or indirectly engages in behaviors for the purpose of helping an addict stay sober.

For example, some addicts ask their partner to join them on business trips for the primary purpose of helping keep him/her sober. This is enabling, as well as delusional thinking. Believing that a person can prevent another from any behavior is distorted thinking, an attempt to control, and a misunderstanding of powerlessness.

4
Building Intimacy

Because of the undesirable power dynamics involved in spouses acting as accountability partners, the practice can have a damaging and negative impact on the couples’ future attempts to rebuild emotional and sexual intimacy.

Intimacy is only possible between two equals. When there are power dynamics or enabling behaviors, real intimacy can’t develop and grow.

For all these reasons, I strongly recommend that the role of accountability partner be held by a sponsor, program friend, recovery coach, mentor, or therapist.

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Mental Illness in a Genesis 3 World

Mental Illness in a Genesis 3 World

It has long bothered me that churches and/or Christians are not leading the way in addressing and helping those with obvious mental illness in the modern world.  So I want to speak about why I have this position in this blog.

To get everyone’s attention let me say this controversial thing:

  • Every human that has ever existed, with the exception of Jesus, has been or is mentally ill.

This could be quite challenging for those of us who believe we are healthy functioning adults to swallow – but it is still true.  Follow me here:

Genesis chapters 1 and 2 describe God’s creation, and God calls it very good (Gen 1:31).  And it was; it was paradise and the two humans He created were perfect and unblemished physically, psychologically and spiritually.  They had one rule to follow to keep things that way; don’t eat the fruit of the tree of knowledge of good and evil.

We all know the story as laid out in the early part of Genesis 3; the woman was tempted and ate the fruit, followed by the man.  And the world started to fall apart.  This is one way scripture puts it:

Rom 5:12 – Sin came into the world through one man, and death through sin, and so death spread to all men because all sinned

Just as God predicted and warned the first couple about, they started dying.  We may all be comfortable with the knowledge that mankind spiritually died and that physical decay became the norm, but there was another major death inside humans.  This was the death of the right mind.

Just as the physical body was introduced to new things like cancer and heart disease, the soul, often called the mind in scripture, was introduced to the knowledge of good and evil.  This resulted in immediate dysfunctional thinking in the first man and woman, and this is what ought to be thought of as mental illness.  Not convinced?  What about this evidence:

To be sure we all know that Adam and Eve became mentally ill, look at what they did immediately after eating the fruit.  They tried to hide from God (impossible), they denied their wrongdoing (lying), and they didn’t take personal responsibility (blamed).  (Note here that Adam blamed God for giving him the woman who caused him to sin, in his mentally ill mind.)  Lying, blaming and thinking one can hide from God are all evidences of mental illness.  Still not convinced? What about their kids?

Right after the story of the fall we see more obvious and significant behavioral evidence of this truth in Genesis 4:

Gen 4:8 – Cain spoke to Abel his brother.  And when they were in the field, Cain rose up against his brother Abel and killed him.

Cain, the first human ever born, committed murder – an act conceived out of his mentally ill mind.  Cain went on to demonstrate other evidences of mental illness by lying to God, and denying his culpability.

So then, mental illness has been present with us since the fall, and it is the result of sin entering the world, just as spiritual death and body decay are.  Here are some important things to state:

  • Mental illness itself is not sin or sinful. Just as our sick/ill bodies are not sinful.
  • Mental illness is present in every human. We all have it to a greater or lesser extent, just as we are physically sick to a greater or lesser level.
  • Mental illness can result in us committing sins, and can be made worse by our own sin or the sins that others commit.
  • Mental illness, just like physical illness, can be treated and sometimes healed or cured.

Mental illness may be increasing in our modern world, and we (society) are not doing a good job in dealing with it.  Here are some indications that this might be true:

  • High divorce rates; no-fault divorce.
  • Expanding drug use; both legal and illegal.
  • Explosion of porn use.
  • The growing use of violence to solve problems.
  • An increasing acceptance of lying as a means to an end.
  • Depression rates at all-time highs.
  • Blaming others for our problems.

At the beginning of this essay, I said I was bothered about the church’s handling of mental illness.  At the core of this there are some observations I’ve made:

  1. People with physical illnesses are generally treated with more compassion than those with mental illness.
  2. The families of those with physical illnesses are supported significantly better than those with troublesome mental illness.
  3. Families with significantly mentally ill members are shunned and/or avoided by church members as a general rule.
  4. Churchgoing family caregivers for significantly mentally ill people often carry a sense of personal unworthiness and shame that they attribute to how they are treated in church.
  5. Some church leaders have had to leave their jobs/ministry positions, without any form of restoration help, when their mental illness has been exposed. (Depression and/or sexual indiscretion are the two most common reasons.)

I am aware that these are generalizations; that doesn’t make them less of an indictment of the modern church.  Jesus said this:

Jn 13:34-35 – A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another.  By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another.

He did not say this:

Love one another – except for those with obvious mental illness – just as I loved you.

God also said this, through Paul His Apostle:

Gal 6:2 – Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ.

He didn’t say this:

Bear one another’s burdens, except for those with mental illness and their families.

The world is looking at how we treat our obviously mentally ill fellow believers and their caregivers.  They see us neglecting them, ignoring them and avoiding them.  What do you think they might be saying or thinking?

Should we not proactively love mentally ill people and do what we can to help their families?  After all, aren’t we all mentally ill?

I am going to quote from a book here – Grace for the Afflicted, by Matthew Stanford a professor of psychology and neuroscience at Baylor:

The mentally ill person needs medical treatment, psychological counseling and spiritual guidance.  That is why comfort, encouragement, and support from those in the church are so important.  Where else can they get the spiritual component so necessary in treatment?  Studies have shown that religious support offers the psychologically distressed individual resources that are unavailable through general social support.  In fact, it has been shown that religious support can play a key role in recovery from psychiatric illness.  (p233)

Dr. Stanford gets it – the church is needed, Christ is needed for obviously mentally ill people to get relief and healing from their struggles.  And we are the church!

What do you think?

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Why did God allow Solomon to have 1,000 wives and concubines?

Originally posted at: https://altruistico.wordpress.com/2017/05/16/why-did-god-allow-solomon-to-have-1000-wives-and-concubines/

  First Kings 11:3 states that Solomon “had seven hundred wives, princesses, and three hundred concubines.” Obviously, God “allowed” Solomon to have these wives, but allowance is not the same as approval. Solomon’s marital decisions were in direct violation of God’s Law, and there were consequences.

Solomon started out well early in his life, listening to the counsel of his father, David, as recorded in 1 Kings 2:2-3, “Be strong, show yourself a man, and observe what the Lord your God requires: Walk in his ways, and keep his decrees and commands, his laws and requirements, as written in the Law of Moses, so that you may prosper in all you do and wherever you go.” Solomon’s early humility is shown in 1 Kings 3:5-9 when he requests wisdom from the Lord. Wisdom is applied knowledge; it helps us make decisions that honor the Lord and agree with the Scriptures. Solomon’s book of Proverbs is filled with practical counsel on how to follow the Lord. Solomon also wrote the Song of Solomon, which presents a beautiful picture of what God intends marriage to be. So, King Solomon knew what was right, even if he didn’t always follow the right path.

Over time, Solomon forgot his own counsel and the wisdom of Scripture. God had given clear instructions for anyone who would be king: no amassing of horses, no multiplying of wives, and no accumulating of silver and gold (Deuteronomy 17:14-20). These commands were designed to prevent the king from trusting in military might, following foreign gods, and relying on wealth instead of on God. Any survey of Solomon’s life will show that he broke all three of these divine prohibitions!

Thus, Solomon’s taking of many wives and concubines was in direct violation of God’s Word. Just as God had predicted, “As Solomon grew old, his wives turned his heart after other gods, and his heart was not fully devoted to the LORD his God” (1 Kings 11:4). To please his wives, Solomon even got involved in sacrificing to Milcom (or Molech), a god that required “detestable” acts to be performed (1 Kings 11:7-8).

God allowed Solomon to make the choice to disobey, but Solomon’s choice brought inevitable consequences. “So the Lord said to Solomon, ‘Since this is your attitude and you have not kept my covenant and my decrees, which I commanded you, I will most certainly tear the kingdom away from you and give it to one of your subordinates’” (1 Kings 11:11). God showed mercy to Solomon for David’s sake (verse 12), but Solomon’s kingdom was eventually divided. Another chastisement upon Solomon was war with the Edomites and Aramians (verses 14-25).

Solomon was not a puppet king. God did not force him to do what was right. Rather, God laid out His will, blessed Solomon with wisdom, and expected the king to obey. In his later years, Solomon chose to disobey, and he was held accountable for his decisions.

It is instructive that, toward the end of Solomon’s life, God used him to write one more book, which we find in the Bible. The book of Ecclesiastes gives us “the rest of the story.” Solomon throughout the book tells us everything he tried in order to find fulfillment apart from God in this world, or “under the sun.” This is his own testimony: “I amassed silver and gold for myself, and the treasure of kings and provinces. I acquired . . . a harem as well–the delights of the heart of man” (Ecclesiastes 2:8). But his harem did not bring happiness. Instead, “Everything was meaningless, a chasing after the wind; nothing was gained under the sun” (verse 11). At the conclusion of Ecclesiastes, we find wise counsel: “Here is the conclusion of the matter: Fear God and keep his commandments, for this is the whole [duty] of man” (12:13).”

It is never God’s will that anyone sin, but He does allow us to make our own choices. The story of Solomon is a powerful lesson for us that it does not pay to disobey. It is not enough to start well; we must seek God’s grace to finish well, too. Life without God is a dead-end street. Solomon thought that having 1,000 wives and concubines would provide happiness, but whatever pleasure he derived was not worth the price he paid. As a wiser Solomon said, “God will bring every deed into judgment” (Ecclesiastes 12:14).

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5 Ways to Deal with Your Past

SOURCE:  Ron Edmondson

I’m a huge proponent of moving forward. I’ve never been a fan of remaining in the past.

This could be because I’ve had some past I’d rather not remember.

It could be because I am very forward-thinking.

Either way, and it’s probably the first, I’d prefer to reconcile the past, make the most of it, and get on with my life.

Bottom line, however, is that there are really a few choices when it comes to dealing with your past.

Here are 5 ways to deal with your past:

Forget it – If you choose to and you are really skilled, you can block all memory of the past from your mind. In extreme settings, I have seen people do this naturally, but I must admit, it’s rare. And, because I believe we learn from mistakes, I wouldn’t even recommend it.

Misuse it – You can twist the past for your benefit – gain sympathy, make people feel sorry for you, and use it as a personal advantage. You could be a martyr. The people who choose this option, in my experience, are usually as phony as the story they share. It’s often hard to trust them.

Ignore it – You can pretend your past never happened. You can make up your own version of your past, make it prettier and live in a false reality. With the people I’ve seen do this it seems you never really know the true person behind the stories they tell. They are always hiding a part of themselves.

Excuse it – You can blame every bad decision you ever made on someone else or every future mistake you make on your past. After all, it was “his” fault”, right? I’ve known people with this excuse who never own up to responsibility – and they always seem to find a reason for not doing so. They never take ownership of their actions.

Use it – In my humble opinion, as one with plenty of brokenness in my story, the best way to deal with your past is to use it for a greater good. How could your story benefit someone else? How could God use your brokenness to bless others? What have you learned, which others need to hear? Let your past help build your — or someone else’s — brighter future.

I’m not pretending this will be easy. It will probably involve hard decisions and choices such as forgiveness, confession, and being vulnerable with people. But, the reward for allowing God to use your past for a greater good and being freed from the weight of your past will be worth it.