Discover the key to unlocking a better marriage and a healthier sex life with this week’s article featuring Michael John Cusick’s groundbreaking insights. As a licensed professional counselor, spiritual director, and author, Cusick offers a revolutionary understanding of sexual addiction that will surely be instrumental in your journey to an extraordinary life. The article also sheds light on how online pornography overstimulates the brain in at least four ways, leading to physical and structural changes that can have disastrous effects on relationships. This eye-opening article offers practical advice to unlock a better marriage, a healthier sex life, and a new perspective on what it’s like for those who struggle in this area.
Sexual Purity Posts
Letter From a Sex Offender: How I Went from Watching Adult Hardcore Porn to Child Porn
originally posted at: https://fightthenewdrug.org/from-hardcore-porn-to-cp/
“Having a compulsive porn habit, I used drugs to get an increased high whilst viewing hardcore porn and my tastes changed over time…which led me to my arrest.”
It might surprise you to know, I am a sex offender. My crime was downloading indecent images of children on the internet, for which I was arrested, and it’s something I’m deeply ashamed of, but my story starts long before I progressed to that kind of content.
I was 15 when I had my first taste of internet porn. This was back in the day of the dial-up modem. I’m 33 now, and my life panned out like a lot of others who became hooked on easy-to-access pornography. Having a PC in my bedroom from 16 years old didn’t help, and that’s when I started collecting porn. All legal “vanilla” porn back then.
From “vanilla” to child
I grew up through most of my adult life-consuming porn, yet my sex life in the physical world was woefully inadequate, and I was always painfully shy around girls. I did have a relationship once for 5 years, but it’s been over 10 years since I’ve experienced real intimacy. I realize now that my habits around the consumption of porn, instead of improving my sex life, actually helped build a wall between me and intimacy.
Related: This Heartbreaking Speech Blake Lively Gave on Child Sexual Exploitation is a Must Watch (VIDEO)
Moving on to after I finished University, I had some trauma to deal with regarding the loss of my mother to cancer and my grandfather the year after that. It was a difficult time, and I chose the wrong way of dealing with it. I gave in to the temptation of cocaine and still had a compulsive porn habit, I used the drugs to get an increased high whilst viewing it, and my tastes changed over time to more extreme content… which led me to my inevitable arrest.
The recovery process
Today I am over 2 years sober from alcohol, cannabis, cocaine, and porn! Thanks to the 12 steps and the help of other recovering addicts, I intend to stay that way.
I’ve spent a lot of time doing research about the effects of pornography, and I knew this was the foundation of my problem when I started to understand the model of desensitization, the accessibility, affordability, and anonymity factors and reading about other people’s experiences, I realized that I had a problem with online porn.
I felt at odds with people who called me a pedophile because, to put it bluntly, I find women attractive, and that’s always been my primary focus when thinking about relationships. I started to read accounts from other people who claimed they had an attraction to underage people, and I also found that I didn’t agree with their views either. To me, they just sounded like excuses to continue thinking sick thoughts, like the addict who is in denial and can’t see the wood for the trees.
Getting educated
The thing that helped me most was learning and understanding, getting my emotions back after experiencing sobriety, and realizing that I did have empathy and I am human after all. It’s that empathy now which makes me feel like people need to be educated about the dangers of porn because, time and time again, it has been shown to encourage criminal behavior and add to the weight of mental health problems.
Related: Parents—If You Don’t Teach Your Kids About Sex, Porn Sites Will
I never had a “talk” about porn growing up, and my parents always neatly avoided the subject with me, so my education about sex, love, and intimacy was garnered from porn and the abusive narratives that go along with it.
Thank you for the work you do, and I look forward to hearing from you.
Kind Regards,
–A.
An obsession that evolves
Porn is a habit that escalates, and it can often be an obsession that evolves way beyond anything the consumer could anticipate.
Let’s look at the data. Like any potentially addictive substance, porn triggers the release of dopamine into a part of the brain called the reward center (a.k.a. reward pathway or system). [1] Basically, the reward center’s job is to make you feel good whenever you do something healthy, like eating a great meal, having sex, or getting a good workout. [2] The “high” you get makes you want to repeat the behavior again and again. [3] Your brain is hardwired to motivate you to do things that will improve your health and chance of survival. [4] Simple.
Related: Police Arrest Man For Using Neighbor’s WiFi To Distribute Over 33,000 Child Porn Images
Well, actually, not quite so simple. Researchers have recently discovered that the reward center is actually two different brain systems, a “Liking” system and a “Wanting” system, that work in different—sometimes opposite—ways. [5] Understanding how they work helps explain why porn can be habit-forming and why consuming porn is often an escalating behavior.
Porn is an escalating behavior because as some consumers develop tolerance, the porn that used to excite them starts to seem boring. [6] Predictably, they often try to compensate by spending more time with porn and/or seeking out more hardcore material in an effort to regain the excitement they used to feel. [7] Many porn consumers find themes of aggression, violence, and increasingly “edgy” acts creeping into their porn habits and fantasies. [8] And this is how some consumers end up in illegal territory.
Crossing the line
Dr. Julie Newberry is a psychologist who has worked with patients who have stories like the one above. In an article for PsychReg, she writes: “My therapeutic experience is that a person who views child abuse images, though committing a sexual offense, is not necessarily a pedophile. A pedophile has a primary sexual interest in children. I suggest that for some people, it is porn addiction rather than pedophilia, which is the cause. A person, usually a man, who has no sexual interest in children can find himself ‘crossing the line’.”
Related: Understanding the Growing Problem of Child Sexual Exploitation Material
She continues on to describe her experience, saying, “[My clients] didn’t go onto the internet with the intention of looking at child abuse images, but nevertheless ended up there. They couldn’t understand why they continued to do something that disgusted them and which they knew was illegal. I suggest that each of them became desensitized to mild porn and sensitized to extreme porn. Their higher thinking brain, compromised by addiction, could not win the battle, even when it came to viewing child abuse images. Porn sex was too powerful a need and withdrawal too difficult.”
Related: How Child Sexual Exploitation & the Adult Entertainment Industry Are Linked
While not every porn consumer will end up turning to illegal content, many do. This is why we raise awareness that porn is anything but harmless, personal entertainment. In too many cases, the porn consumer ends up becoming consumed by their porn.
[1] National Institute On Drug Abuse: The Reward Pathway. (2016). Retrieved From Http://Www.Drugabuse.Gov/Publications/Teaching-Packets/Understanding-Drug-Abuse-Addiction/Section-I/4-Reward-Pathway; Park, B. Y., Et Al. (2016). Is Internet Pornography Causing Sexual Dysfunctions? A Review With Clinical Reports. Behavioral Sciences, 6, 17. Doi:10.3390/Bs6030017; Volkow, N. D., & Morales, M. (2015). The Brain On Drugs: From Reward To Addiction. Cell, 162 (8), 712-725. Doi:10.1016/J.Cell.2015.07.046; Pitchers, K. K., Et Al. (2013). Natural And Drug Rewards Act On Common Neural Plasticity Mechanisms With DeltaFosB As A Key Mediator. Journal Of Neuroscience, 33 (8), 3434-3442. Doi:10.1523/JNEUROSCI.4881-12.2013
[2] Volkow, N. D., Koob, G. F., & McLellan, A. T. (2016). Neurobiological Advances From The Brain Disease Model Of Addiction. New England Journal Of Medicine, 374, 363-371. Doi:10.1056/NEJMra1511480; Zatorre, R. J., & Salimpoor, V. N., (2013) From Perception To Pleasure: Music And Its Neural Substrates. Proceedings Of The National Academy Of The Sciences Of The United States Of America, 110, 2. Doi:10.1073/Pnas.1301228110; Hedges, V. L., Chakravarty, S., Nestler, E. J., & Meisel, R. L. (2009). Delta FosB Overexpression In The Nucleus Accumbens Enhances Sexual Reward In Female Syrian Hamsters. Genes Brain And Behavior, 8(4), 442–449. Doi:10.1111/J.1601-183X.2009.00491.X
[3] Bostwick, J. M., & Bucci, J. E. (2008). Internet Sex Addiction Treated With Naltrexone. Mayo Clinic Proceedings, 83(2), 226–230. Doi:10.4065/83.2.226; Doidge, N. (2007). The Brain That Changes Itself. New York: Penguin Books. (106-108).
[4] Berridge, K. C., & Robinson, T. E. (2016). Liking, Wanting, And The Incentive-Sensitization Theory Of Addiction. American Psychologist, 71(8), 670-679. Doi:10.1037/Amp0000059; Berridge, K.C., & Kringelbach, M. L. (2015). Pleasure Systems In The Brain. Neuron, 86, 646-664. Doi:10.1016/J.Neuron.2015.02.018; Paul, P. (2007). Pornified: How Pornography Is Transforming Our Lives, Our Relationships, And Our Families. (75) New York: Henry Hold And Co.; Hyman, S. E. (2005). Addiction: A Disease Of Learning And Memory. American Journal Of Psychiatry, 162(8), 1414-1422.
[5] Berridge, K. C., & Robinson, T. E. (2016). Liking, Wanting, And The Incentive-Sensitization Theory Of Addiction. American Psychologist, 71(8), 670-679. Doi:10.1037/Amp0000059; Love, T., Laier, C., Brand, M., Hatch, L., & Hajela, R. (2015). Neuroscience Of Internet Pornography Addiction: A Review And Update, Behavioral Sciences, 5(3), 388-433. Doi: 10.3390/Bs5030388
[6] Park, B. Y., Et Al. (2016). Is Internet Pornography Causing Sexual Dysfunctions? A Review With Clinical Reports. Behavioral Sciences, 6, 17. Doi:10.3390/Bs6030017; Kalman, T.P. (2008). Clinical Encounters With Internet Pornography. Journal Of The American Academy Of Psychoanalysis And Dynamic Psychiatry, 36(4) 593-618. Doi:10.1521/Jaap.2008.36.4.593
[7] Park, B. Y., Et Al. (2016). Is Internet Pornography Causing Sexual Dysfunctions? A Review With Clinical Reports. Behavioral Sciences, 6, 17. Doi:10.3390/Bs6030017; Kalman, T.P. (2008). Clinical Encounters With Internet Pornography. Journal Of The American Academy Of Psychoanalysis And Dynamic Psychiatry, 36(4) 593-618. Doi:10.1521/Jaap.2008.36.4.593
[8] Park, B. Y., Et Al. (2016). Is Internet Pornography Causing Sexual Dysfunctions? A Review With Clinical Reports. Behavioral Sciences, 6, 17. Doi:10.3390/Bs6030017; Kalman, T.P. (2008). Clinical Encounters With Internet Pornography. Journal Of The American Academy Of Psychoanalysis And Dynamic Psychiatry, 36(4) 593-618. Doi:10.1521/Jaap.2008.36.4.593
Missed the Mark
Originally posted at: http://www.theresstillhope.org
Sin. It’s not a word we like to talk about. It’s easy to brush it away. Pretend it doesn’t exist. Minimize it. Sure, murder, stealing, adultery – those are all bad. But the little sins? No big deal.
Paul told his young protégé, “The sins of some are obvious . . . the sins of others trail behind them” (1 Timothy 5:24).
We only talk about the “obvious” sins, the ones out in the open. I suppose that is because we want to feel good about ourselves.
The great theologian Marilyn Monroe spoke for all of us when she said, “I do sin, but I am not the devil.”
The word “sin” means to miss the mark. In our addiction, we have all missed the mark. Just admit it. That’s where the healing begins.
Recovery Step: Confess your sin, in order that you might be healed.
When Words Become Weapons
Originally posted at: https://sexuallypuremen.beehiiv.com/p/when-words-become-weapons
By Eddie Capparucci, Ph.D., LPC, CSAS
One of the most overlooked dynamics in betrayal recovery is not the behavior itself, but the language that follows it. Words matter—especially when trust has been fractured. For the betrayer, language is no longer neutral. It carries history, emotional weight, and, often, deep wounds from years of manipulation, minimization, and self-protection.
Consider a simple, everyday interaction.
A wife is in another room and calls out to her husband, “Can you bring me the paper towels?” The husband does not hear her. A few seconds later, she says, “I guess not.”
He hears that comment and walks into the room, confused. “What was that about?” he asks. She responds, “I asked you something and you ignored me.”
Immediately, the husband becomes defensive. “I did not ignore you. I didn’t hear you.”
From a purely factual standpoint, he is correct. He did not intend to ignore her. But here is where betrayers consistently miss the deeper issue.
It is About Impact Not Intent
Although he did not mean to ignore her, what his wife experienced were the emotions associated with being ignored. And when partners has been betrayed—especially after years of emotional neglect, secrecy, or manipulation—these types of experiences carry far more meaning than betrayers realizes.
What she heard in that moment was not, “He didn’t hear me.” What she felt was, “Once again, I don’t matter.” This is where word choice becomes critical.
Instead of defending his position, a more emotionally mature response would have been: “I’m sorry for ignoring you. I never want to ignore you. I said I didn’t ignore you because I didn’t hear you—but in reality, the impact was that I ignored you.”
That statement does something powerful: it aligns with her emotional reality rather than arguing against it. And in moments like these, her emotional reality is what matters most.
Betrayers often believe that clarity, logic, or precision will protect them. But after betrayal, those tools frequently backfire. Why? Because for years—sometimes decades—they misused language to deflect responsibility, obscure truth, minimize harm, or control outcomes. Even when they are technically correct, their words no longer land as safe or trustworthy.
This is why playing with words almost always results in negative feedback.
Being Right Is Not the Goal
The betrayed partner is not listening for accuracy alone. She is listening for ownership, humility, and emotional presence.
When a betrayer insists on being ‘right,’ the betrayed partner hears, “Your pain is wrong.”
When a betrayer explains instead of empathizes, she hears, “My discomfort matters more than your hurt.”
Healing does not come from verbal precision. It comes from relational repair. The goal is not to win the argument—it is to rebuild safety.
This requires the betrayer to relinquish a long-standing habit: using words as a shield. Instead, words must become a bridge. That bridge is built through acknowledgment and ownership—not defensiveness, explanation or justification. In recovery, the betrayer must learn to ask a different question—not “Am I technically correct?” but rather, “How did my actions land emotionally, and am I willing to honor that?”
When words are used to validate rather than protect, something shifts. Trust begins to re-emerge—not because the betrayer was flawless, but because he was accountable. And in the aftermath of betrayal, accountability speaks louder than accuracy ever could.
Do You Want It?
Originally posted at http://www.theresstillhope.org
Jesus asked the paralytic, “Do you want to get well?” (John 5:6).
There are two key words in this question. The first is “want.”
Of course, you want to overcome your addiction. But how much do you really want it? Are you desperate? Anything less than desperation will fall short.
American physician and author George Sheehan wrote, “We may think there is willpower involved, but more likely, change is due to want power. Wanting the new me in preference to the person I am now.”
The second key word is “get.” Everyone wants to be well, but few want to get well. To get well means to engage a long process, going to meetings, seeking therapy, and more.
Recovery Step: If you want it and if you will commit to the process, you will find recovery. Guaranteed.
