CASTIMONIA

Sexual Purity Support & Recovery Group

Sexual Purity Posts

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Monster vs. Pillar

This was sent to me from a friend of mine who knows I struggle with fear and anxiety due to unfounded fears.  I must remember, in my life and in my recovery, there are things out of my control that scare me, but I must remain committed to God.  He is my pillar of strength, He is in charge.

Two perspectives—we face both every day, but we can choose only one.

The first is a monster of emotion—sharp claws dripping with the blood of the unknown, a piercing voice shouting ugly, destructive words of worry. One blast of its awful breath can turn saints into practicing atheists.

Ever met this beast? Sure you have. Its name is Fear, and it comes in every shape and size. Fear of criticism, failure, disease, and death. Fear of rejection, unemployment, and financial ruin. Fear of how others may react. Fear of being yourself. Around everyimaginable corner, Fear lurks, waiting to poison your spirit and reduce your spiritual muscles to mental mush.

If the first perspective is a monster, the second is a pillar. It’s a decision—not an emotion. It’s a commitment to believe God is in charge.

The name of this perspective? Perfect Trust. In order to trust God perfectly, we must see our situations through eyes of faith, not our feelings. Either the Lord is sovereign and in full control, or He’s off His throne altogether. God isn’t “almost sovereign” any more than I’m “somewhat married.” Perfect Trust says He is sovereign—even when Fear would convince us otherwise.

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Help! My Kids Have Looked at Porn!

This is an unfortunate event/statement that most, if not all parents (in today’s sexualized American culture) will make.  The key is how we, as parents, respond to the issue of our children either being exposed to pornography or purposely viewing pornography.  Below are some recommended points for us to follow when that day comes.

1. Control Your Anger

Being angry is ok, it’s what we do with that anger that defines us.  Be angry at the pornography, not your child.  Statistics show that 93% of boys and 62% of girls will be exposed to pornography before the age of 18.  It is not a question of “if” your child will be exposed to porn, but “when” your child is exposed to porn.

2. Go after their Heart, not their Behavior

Try to get to the root of the issue, your child’s heart.  Don’t condemn their behavior, but try to help them figure out why they looked at pornography in the first place.  Have compassion on your child and understand that our culture is so sexualized that it is nearly impossible to shield them from pornography.

3. Keep a Discussion Going about Sex

What a better way to start discussing sex and true intimacy than to have the door slammed open with discovery of your child’s viewing of pornography.  This may not be the preferred method, but God can use this to open that “sex talk” door that many parents dread.  Keep openly discussing healthy sexuality with your child.  Hopefully, with trust and time, they will come to you for advice, not their friends or the internet.

4. Examine Your Own Heart

Parents, you will not be able to teach your child about healthy sexuality if you yourself are not practicing what you preach!  Fathers, God will not be able fully work through you to help your child if you are engaging in sexually immoral behavior.  Also, God may use your child’s struggle with pornography to help you examine your own sexual behaviors.  Use this time to come to Christ for forgiveness and live in His grace.  We are not perfect, but let God work through us to help our children by keeping our own hearts pure.

5. Blocking the Doors

Take steps place restrictions on TV, Internet, Movies, etc…  This may mean you are forced to install an “unwanted” filter on all of your computers and internet-ready devices.  Don’t look at filters negatively and lie to yourself by saying “my child would never purposely look at pornography, or my spouse isn’t tempted to look at porn.”  Be proactive!  If filters have not been previously installed, then do so now.

6. Don’t Let Up nor Give Up

Don’t stop talking to your kids about healthy sexuality and don’t give up on supervising your children after you think you’ve failed at protecting them from pornography.  God can use what the enemy meant for evil for His good purpose.  Use this opportunity to grow together and engage your children.  Keep asking them questions on purity, check the filters, check the websites, phones, etc…  Don’t think the battle is over because you had one talk about the subject.

The above points were taken from the PDF file linked below from the Center for Parent/Youth Understanding (CPYU).  Please take the time to read the entire PDF as it has a tremendous amount of information for you to use in engaging your children on the issues of pornography!  Also, please visit www.cpyu.org for more information on today’s youth culture.

My Kids Have Looked At Porn – PDF

A copy of the above PDF can be found under the Castimonia resources tab.

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Age-Appropriate Equipping

Saw this on Pure Hope’s blog and found it appropriate for those of us who would like to begin discussing healthy sexuality with our children.  Keep in mind that it is very difficult for the Holy Spirit to work through us to teach our kids about sexual purity, if we are sexually acting out and being sexually impure!  Parents, fight the good fight to maintain your sexual purity and live by example to your children!  Tomorrow’s post will give some advice to those parents who have discovered their child looking at pornography….

At the heart of our purePARENTING message is the idea that parents need to equip–not just protect–their kids as they grow up in a sexualized culture.  Even before they leave the house to start life on their own, our kids are interacting with the culture outside of our presence–at school, on the bus, at practice, in friends’ homes, etc.  That’s when it becomes necessary that they have been equipped to understand God’s will for them (Ephesians 5:17), to understand the lies they are exposed to (2 Corinthians 2:11), and to think and act purely in a God-honoring way (Psalm 119:9).  They need to be established in a life of prayer, understanding, resolve, and engagement.

This equipping begins early (earlier than most parents realize), and should continue in age-appropriate ways.  We’ve produced a brief document to assist parents in cultivating purity of heart and mind in their kids, whether their child is just learning to walk, or ready to walk through a graduation ceremony.  These talking points and ideas will get you started in preparing your kids to pursue God’s purposes for their lives.

For more on equipping your kids to pursue holiness, purity, and sanctification as sexual beings bearing the image of God, check out Jim Burns’ book Teaching Your Children Healthy Sexuality: A Biblical Approach to Prepare Them for Life, which offers more insight, talking points, strategies, and conversation starters for equipping your kids in today’s culture.

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Bedtime Stories: Flashlight Needed

I really enjoyed reading this short story.  See my personal interpretation below.

Bedtime stories: Flashlight needed

Posted on July 27, 2012 by Hobbles

Once upon a time there was a little boy. He had found a little dirt cave, all his own. It wasn’t that he didn’t like others, he just needed a secret. Every day when no one was watching, he would run to his secret place.

At first just being there was enough. He liked to be alone with his thoughts, his feelings…it was nice with no big sisters to bother him, and no one asking him questions or wanting him to do stuff. He grew to like the silence. To want it.

As time went on though, he became bored with his tiny space and he started digging out the walls to make it bigger. It wasn’t that hard to do. The dirt was soft. It got into his fingernails though, and that part was hard to scrub out, but with time he became used to the dirt. It stopped bothering him.

The hole did bother him though. He had made it bigger, but it still seemed to make him feel cramped. He realized that maybe if he cleared out a little more, it would feel alright, so he scraped the walls and clawed the dirt away.

Each day he still went home when playtime was over. He was a good boy. Just a little dirty and a little tired after all his digging. His sister stopped bothering him so much. She said that he was mean, but he didn’t care. He wanted her to leave him alone. His mom and dad wished he would stop getting so messy, but he tried to get clean. At least clean enough so they wouldn’t be mad.

Then he would wait. Wait and think about his secret. He thought about it a lot. When he was at school he wished he could go there. When he was helping his mom in the garden, he thought about how the dirt from the cave felt under his fingers. Sometimes he wondered if he should try finding a new hole. The one he had, was starting to get more comfortable though, in a still cramped way.

One day he went to the cave after school. He thought it was looking big. Maybe big enough, but if he added just a little more space…so, he dug. He clawed at the dirt on the walls, and he clawed at the dirt he could still reach on the ceiling. He felt a little fall down on him, but he didn’t mind. He was too focused on digging.

While he was digging at the ceiling near the door, some of the dirt from the back started falling down. It happened quickly, but the boy didn’t notice until clumps of dirt started breaking off in his fingers and he was struggling to breathe. Everything around him had caved in. His head and arm had been near the entrance to the cave, so he could see the sky and he could move his arm. He gasped for air as the pressure squeezed him. He closed his eyes…and he started digging…

The way I read the above story is that of an addict, particularly a sex addict who can escape into their own little world, or in this case, cave and medicate their feelings.  I learned to do this at a very early age.  I would escape feelings of loneliness and abandonment through sexually acting out.  The further into the addiction I went, the “safer” I felt until the cave-in and me hitting rock bottom.

Now, in recovery, I am digging my way out, slowly, carefully, one day at a time.

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Remembering September 11, 2001

I still remember what I was doing on the morning of September 11, 2001; sitting in my office, ignoring what I thought was just a freak accident in New York City.  About an hour later, when I finally got up to watch the TV, I realized what was going on.

I received this video this morning via an e-mail subscription to God Tube and found it powerful 11 years after the September 11th attacks.  Please take a momen to watch this video and pray for the families of the people that were lost on that day, and pray for our nation.

http://www.godtube.com/watch/?v=0JF2BJNU

Amazing Grace – Beautiful September 11 Tribute
It still feels as though the tragedies of September 11 transpired just yesterday–our wounds are still healing, buildings are still under construction and questions are still unanswered. But one thing we can know for certain is the amazing grace we receive from our Lord and Savior–it is in Him that we find our true hope, healing, joy and restoration.