Sexual Purity Support & Recovery Group
I created the survey linked below so that I can get a better feel of the use of pornography in our society. This link will be sent to various churches then compiled, analyzed, and discussed in a later Castimonia post.
The survey is completely anonymous. Please participate!
This post is specifically to the spouses of men who struggle with sexual purity. Too many times I’ve heard that wives are not comfortable with their husbands attending a sexual purity group. Sexual sin carries great shame, both for the husband and also the wife. There are some wives that don’t want people to know that their husband struggles with sexual sin. There are some wives that don’t want others to know that their marriage might have problems. There are some wives who don’t want to be seen going into their own recovery group because their husband as a “little” pornography problem. Of course, there are those wives that actively support their husband, his recovery, and her own recovery. Keep in mind, you can’t actually do the recovery work your husband needs to do, nor can you heal him. However, you can support him in his recovery every step of the way. Here are some thoughts I have for spouses that don’t want their husbands to attend a Castimonia (or other sexual purity) meeting.
For those wives that actively support their husbands attending recovery meetings, I give you a tremendous amount of thanks. Having a supportive and fearless wife has helped me tremendously in starting and maintaining Castimonia.
And if you still have fear about your husband attending a Castimonia meeting at your home church, keep in mind that we are slowly expanding. We now have FOUR meetings, two of which are off-campus. You can click on the link below for meeting times and locations. Don’t let fear keep you from helping your husband attend Christ-centered recovery meetings!
http://castimonia.org/meetings/meeting-times-locations/
For those that live North of I-10, a fifth Castimonia meeting is being scheduled for late 2012 early 2013 North of I-10 between I-10 and 290! Please help your husband seek the help he desperately needs by asking him to attend and supporting his attendance at Castimonia or other Christ-centered Men’s Sexual Purity Support & Recovery Groups!
I saw this interesting graphic on PureHope’s blog originally posted by Covenent Eyes and found it amusing. The reason I found it so amusing is that I believe that the numbers shown on the graphic (50% for Men and 20% for Women) are lower than reality. It should read, within the Christian community, 50% of Men/20% of Women admit to watching pornography. There are many more within the Christian church that will not admit to viewing pornography and will not find help for their problem.
Even if the number is “only” 50% of men, that is still half of the men in church view pornography on a regular basis. Next time you are in church, look around and generally count the number of men, then realize that at least half of those men have been looking at pornography. Hopefully you are reading this and are not one of them, but if you are, there is help for you.
I recall during one of our Men’s Fraternity group meetings an anonymous survey was passed around where we all answered questions on our pornography use. From the 30 or so participants, 100% admitted to having used pornography with 75% or so using it regularly (weekly to monthly).
I will post a survey later to check on my own results from other Christian men on the issue of pornography usage within the Church.
Take what you like and leave the rest.
It is my personal opinion that if you are or were involved in prostitution then you were linked to human trafficking and the problems associated with it. I pray that none of you who read this post and watch this trailer are continuing to visit prostitutes in the United States, or abroad….
The full video can be ordered through the Nefarious website: http://nefariousdocumentary.com/
“Modern slavery.” It sounds like a paradox. Hasn’t humanity progressed? Didn’t we leave slavery dead on the battlefields of the American Civil War? Didn’t social reformers like Lincoln and Wilberforce legislate against such cruelty over a hundred years ago? So we had thought. But, with over 27 million enslaved people in the world, human trafficking is once again the battlefront of the century.
Regardless of nationality, victims are systematically stripped of their identity, battered into gruesome submission, and made to perform humiliating sexual acts on up to 40 strangers every night. Most are held in dingy apartments and brothels, forced to take heavy doses of illegal drugs, and monitored very closely. Victims are often thrown into such ghastly oppression at 13 years old. Some are abducted outright, while others are lured out of poverty, romantically seduced, or sold by their families.
Nefarious, Merchant of Souls, is a hard-hitting documentary that exposes the disturbing trends in modern sex slavery. From the very first scene, Nefarious ushers you into the nightmare of sex slavery that hundreds of thousands experience daily. You’ll see where slaves are sold (often in developed, affluent countries), where they work, and where they are confined. You’ll hear first-hand interviews with real victims and traffickers, along with expert analysis from international humanitarian leaders.
From initial recruitment to victim liberation—and everything in between—the previously veiled underworld of sex slavery is uncovered in the groundbreaking, tell-all Nefarious, Merchant of Souls.
Lauren Dubinsky wrote a very powerful article on what she’d wish she’d known before watching porn. What stood out to me the most was that some, if not all of these items were what I wish I’d known before watching porn. I have listed her “wish list” below with my comments at the end.
I wish that 10 years ago someone had educated me on pornography. What it is, what it does and what it reaches in and destroys in the hearts, minds and bodies of men and women.
I wish that someone would have told me that researchers have suggested it sabotages your sex life.
I wish someone would have explained how dopamine, the chemical that is released every time you experience pleasure, drives you to return to what provided that feeling before.
I wish someone would have told me that the kind of pornography you’re most turned on by is usually linked to a corresponding hurtful event in your life, further injuring your brokenness.
I wish someone would have told me pornography would normalize things I wasn’t emotionally or physically ready to handle in my relationships with men women, making me feel like I had no options or control over my sex life, filling me with much regret and physical pain.
I wish someone would have told me I would begin to objectify men women, build up images in my mind and think of sex day in and day out, to the point where I couldn’t remain focused on anything else.
I wish someone would have told me it would make me feel less valuable to men women and bring up insecurities for years in the bedroom.
I wish someone would have pointed out pornography can establish your sexuality completely apart from real-life relationships, causing huge problems in your intimacy with real significant others.
I wish someone would have explained what “sexual anorexia” was and that countless young men are unable to get erections because they’ve been watching porn since they were around 14 years old.
I wish someone would have told all the men women I’ve dated that the porn they are watching is keeping them me from being turned on by me them, ultimately destroying our relationship.
I wish someone would have told me that the dopamine and oxytocin being released from my watching certain types of pornography would cause me to question my sexual orientation, which in turn cost me relationships with friends.
I wish someone would have told me it would subtly create a “victim” mentality in my mind, causing me to be even more sensitive than I already was to [making] catcalls, whistles, and even sincere compliments.
I wish someone had talked about how women others watch it too, so I wouldn’t have had to spend years living under the shame that comes with being “the only one” and thinking there was something wrong with me.
My “I wish” list is nowhere near complete, either. In the end, I simply wish someone would have told me why it was so harmful, instead of simply putting it on a list of things we don’t talk about. We all know our rights and wrongs, but seldom do we know what makes them so. Had I known how much it would have harmed me, I would have left it alone.
I have used the strike-through function to change the orientation of the “I wish” list. For me, Lauren’s incomplete “I wish” list is nearly identical to mine. There are a lot of things I wish I had known before watching pornography, but in my case, it started at age 4 by finding my father’s pornography – not much that can be done at that age other than not to keep it in the house!
For those parents who think that their children won’t find their secret pornography stash or find it on the computer, I ask you to PLEASE get rid of it ASAP, especially if you have young children. Chances are, it may be too late, they might already have been exposed and are not telling you. I hid my secret for over 30 years!
You can read her entire article by following the link below:
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/lauren-dubinsky/porn-addiction_b_1686481.html
Take what you like and leave the rest.
This site is intended for individuals who struggle with maintaining sexual purity. This information is posted for individuals at various stages in their recovery, year 1 to year 30+; what applies to some, may not apply others. Spouses are encouraged to read this blog with the caveat that they may not agree with, understand, or know the reason for some items posted. As always, take what you like and leave the rest.
