Sometimes it’s difficult for women to understand the impact sex and sexual desire has on men. The answers in this video came from the general public, not just sex addicts.
Emotions
Make Peace
Avoiding conflict seemed like the right way to live life, especially after living most of my life in conflict. My family defined dramatic. I envied my father. He balanced the constant heightened confrontations between my mother and us kids with amazing calm. That was my model. I learned early on to be a peacekeeper from him.
A peacekeeper is defined as “a person who tries to keep things peaceful, often by mediating conflicts or calming people down.” Definitely me most of my life, avoiding conflict at any cost. Why would anyone purposefully seek out conflict? I didn’t understand how they could. Conflict gave me stomach pains.
Last week, a friend of mine led our Sunday School class. He doesn’t normally teach but filled in for our regular teachers. He titled his lesson, “Resolving Conflict in Today’s World.” The scripture reference was from 2 Samuel 21:1-6, 10-14. The conflict itself stemmed from Saul breaking Israel’s agreement with the Gibeonites. In his zeal to unite his kingdom, he broke a treaty with the Gibeonites, putting many of their men to death. Many years later, King David and the Israelites realized the consequences of Saul’s actions. They suffered a three year famine, with no end in sight.
David sought God’s understanding of why the famine happened and what to do about it. He prayed, asking God for understanding as to the source of the famine in Israel. God revealed Saul’s sin to David as the source of the consequence of famine. David went to the Gibeonites, asking what amends he could make for Israel’s sin. They wanted seven of Saul’s descendants killed and their bodies exposed to the elements to atone for the wrongful deaths of hundreds of their ancestors.
David followed through on their request, providing the sacrifice of Saul’s male descendants. He also allowed for them to have an appropriate burial, providing an appropriate resolution and making appropriate amends for Israel’s sins. The Gibeonites request to deny them a proper burial went beyond atonement and into vengeance. David sought and attained peace with God and with the Gibeonites. Only, David didn’t seek peace at any cost. He followed God’s definition of how we are to seek peace…not as peacekeepers but as peacemakers.
In Matthew 5, Jesus instructed his disciples on how to live life as His followers. In this passage, known as the Beatitudes, Jesus described a life counterintuitive to most worldly advice. In verse 9, He states, “Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called children of God.” Not peacekeepers. Peacemakers.
A peacemaker is defined as “a person who brings about peace, especially by reconciling adversaries.” Reconciling adversaries takes work. My friend’s lesson on David described how to be a peacemaker, a true child of God. He identified ten characteristics of a peacemaker.
- Seek God’s peace as the only source of true peace
- Exhibit a genuine love for others
- Pray and seek God’s understanding
- Build trust with others
- Identify and address conflict
- Want to understand all points of view
- Control anger and don’t overreact
- Speak the truth with love
- Work towards resolution
- Don’t succumb to fear
I’ve spent the last week meditating on this lesson, about being a peacekeeper instead of a peacemaker. Especially with my kids. For so many years, I thought keeping the peace with my kids was the best thing I could do for them. My childhood consisted of an atmosphere of peace breaking. I didn’t want that for my family. I pursued peace at the detriment of truth and transparency. I used the pursuit of no conflict as a crutch to avoid the truth. In Ephesians 4, Paul instructs us to not allow anything unwholesome to come out of our mouth, to speak the truth with love as our primary motivator. By avoiding conflict and avoiding the truth, I denied my family the truth of God’s love.
Over the past two years, my life has changed dramatically. Through the often painful intervention of God, I have come to pursue His truth and righteousness. This path demands a different approach in relationships, especially within my family. We don’t always get it right. We have conflict and hurt feelings and difficulties. But we don’t hide the truth. Mainly, I don’t hide the truth. My spouse has always sought to be a truth teller, as have my boys. I am thankful for their patience in bringing me along. Progress not perfection.
The Case of the Super Christian
1 Timothy 1:12–17 – “I thank Christ Jesus our Lord, who has given me strength, that he considered me trustworthy, appointing me to his service. Even though I was once a blasphemer and a persecutor and a violent man, I was shown mercy because I acted in ignorance and unbelief. The grace of our Lord was poured out on me abundantly, along with the faith and love that are in Christ Jesus. Here is a trustworthy saying that deserves full acceptance: Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners — of whom I am the worst. But for that very reason I was shown mercy so that in me, the worst of sinners, Christ Jesus might display his immense patience as an example for those who would believe in him and receive eternal life. Now to the King eternal, immortal, invisible, the only God, be honor and glory for ever and ever.”
Do you find yourself struggling to measure up to the way you think a Christian is supposed to behave? How would you feel if a great Christian leader admitted to a similar struggle? Many of us probably find Paul’s self-disclosure above a great relief because we struggle with a perfectionist ideal of how a mature Christian should behave. We idealize others we know or see in leadership and compare ourselves to them, feeling we do not embody the love, grace, patience and wisdom a “good” Christian should.
As a result we feel inferior, guilty and discouraged; our growth path becomes hampered by these obstacles. However, knowing that someone like Paul, who served God passionately and accomplished so much in his life, can say that he is “the worst of sinners,” gives us hope. It helps us to not focus on trying to be a “super Christian” and instead accept where we are today.
The goal of spiritual growth is not perfection but maturity. Our growth in Jesus will bear fruit in a transformed life and character (see Galatians 5:22 – 23). But we will still have issues and struggles. The Apostle Paul also said, “Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already arrived at my goal, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me” (see Philippians 3:12). We must press on and not let our imperfections get us down.
This devotional is drawn from Boundaries, by John Townsend and Henry Cloud.
The Boundaries devotions are drawn from the Boundaries book series, which has transformed marriages, families, organizations, and individuals around the world. The Boundaries series is written by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend. Copyright 2015 by Zondervan; all rights reserved. Learn more at BoundariesBooks.com.
“Codependency, the True Ball and Chain.”
“Codependency, the True Ball and Chain.” First, what really is codependency? If you Google codependency you get the following definition:
noun: codependency; noun: co-dependency
- excessive emotional or psychological reliance on a partner, typically a partner who requires support due to an illness or addiction.
How does a relationship go from healthy to codependent? Like all things that are unhealthy, it starts small.
Many of you might remember the Julia Robert’s movie, “Runaway Bride.” In the movie, Julia Robert’s character is asked by the reporter, played by Richard Gere, how she likes her eggs. As the storyline progresses it is clear she has no idea how she likes her eggs. In each of her previous relationships she ate her eggs exactly as her husband-to-be enjoyed THEIR eggs.
This is a Hollywood example, but it rings true, a relationship that is healthy is made up of two people, with unifying goals, not two people who stay together out of fear, low self esteem, caretaking responsibilities, addiction, etc..
Julia Robert’s character went from one relationship to the next because she was scared to pursue her own dreams, and found it easier to morph into the woman each man wanted her to be. People in codependent relationships experience a lot of dissatisfaction and anxiety because their relationship doesn’t bring joy, it is a constant tightrope of fear and bargaining.
A person married to an addict might stay because they fear that without them, the person they love might overdose, the addict stays because they feel guilty about what they are doing but can’t or won’t stop.
A few questions to ask yourself:
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Are you with your partner because you want to be, or because you feel stuck?
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Are you or your partner engaging in healthy behaviors or do you stay out of fear or pity because of addictions?
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Is staying in this relationship negatively affecting your mental or physical health?
If you feel that you are part of a codependent relationship, being on the site is a great step in the right direction, it is your chance to branch out from your partner, to find support, to give yourself a break and reassess. Find your own interests and passions; find you again. Of course this doesn’t erase the core issues that drove you to create this codependent relationship, but it will give you the space for clarity and in that space you have the ability to make changes.
All the best-
SupportGroups.com
Castimonia Purity Podcast Episode 57: I Get Drunk, We Stay Sober – Addiction Recovery in Community
Doug discusses the elements of community as they relate to recovery. We are stronger together, and there are elements of recovery that can only happen when we walk through them together.
Please visit castimonia.org/podcasts for more information or links to the books referenced. As always, email us at puritypodcast@castimonia.org with any questions and/or comments!
Thanks for listening!
