CASTIMONIA

Sexual Purity Support & Recovery Group

Humor

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Talking Monkey

Originally posted at: http://www.theresstillhope.org

A man bought a talking monkey from the pet shop. That night he took the monkey to a local bar and bet everyone $10 that his monkey could talk. But the monkey never spoke a word.

When he got home, the monkey chattered up a storm. So the next day, the man took the monkey back to the bar and bet everyone $20 that he could talk. Again, the monkey was silent, costing the man hundreds of dollars in lost bets.

When he got home that night, the man was furious. “I’m taking you back to the pet store!” he told the monkey. 

“Chill out!” replied the monkey. “Take me back to the bar tomorrow. Just think of the odds we’ll get!”

Here’s the lesson: Yesterday’s loss is no guarantee of tomorrow’s outcome.

Recovery Step: “There is no fear in love” (1 John 4:18). Turn the page on yesterday’s losses. Tomorrow is a new day.

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Donation

Originally posted at: http://theresstillhope.org

Father O’Malley answered the phone.

“Hello, is this Father O’Malley?”

“It is.”

“This is the IRS. Can you help us?”

“I can.”

“Do you know a Ted Houlihan?”

“I do.”

“Is he a member of your church?”

“He is.”

“Did he donate $10,000 to the church?”

“He will.”

It would appear that Ted Houlihan attempted to stick it to the IRS, claiming to have made a charitable contribution he had not actually made. I hear that all the time: “I’m done with my addiction.” “I have no more temptation.” “The battle is over.”

The Bible warns us, “When words are many, transgression is not lacking” (Proverbs 10:19).

Recovery Step: Be the person you want others to think you are.

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Pray For My Hearing

Originally posted at http://theresstillhope.org

The local pastor could tell something was bothering one of his church members. After the morning service he pulled the man aside and asked him, “What’s wrong, Robert?”

Robert: “I need you to pray for my hearing.”

The pastor put his hands on Robert’s ears and prayed for healing. Then he asked, “How’s your hearing now, Robert?”

Robert: “I don’t know. It’s not until Tuesday.”

Clear communication is key to any relationship. Solomon advised, “If one gives an answer before he hears, it is his folly and shame” (Proverbs 18:13).

When you work your recovery plan, lean heavily on the counsel of those who have gone before you. When they speak, listen – carefully.

Recovery Step: Listen carefully to the words of those with successful recovery.

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Keep Swinging

originally posted at: https://www.theresstillhope.org/

A reporter landed a rare interview with an aging Ted Williams. They were discussing the current state of hitting in the Major Leagues. The reporter asked Williams, widely considered the greatest hitter in history, how well he would hit against the current crop of pitchers.

“I’d hit about .280,” said Williams.

Reporter: “Just .280? You wouldn’t hit any better than that?”

Williams: “You have to understand, I’m 75 years old now.”

No one who ever saw Williams hit would doubt his ability to hit late in life. One reason for that was that even though he retired as a professional hitter in 1960, he kept swinging the bat – as a hitting instructor and as the first manager of the Texas Rangers. 

That’s the key to successful recovery. When times are hard, keep swinging. When you have just struck out, keep swinging. When you feel like quitting, keep swinging.

Recovery Step: God promises, “Even in your old age, I am God, and I will carry you” (Isaiah 46:4). So stay in the game. Keep swinging.

By

TV or Microwave

Originally posted at: http://www.theresstillhope.org

A blonde asked the salesman at Best Buy how much the TV that she was admiring would cost. “I don’t serve blondes,” the salesman replied.

She returned the next day, having dyed her hair red, and asked the same clerk the same question. “I don’t serve blondes,” the man answered.

The next day, the blonde came back, this time wearing a brunette wig. “How much is that TV?” she asked the same salesman. Again, he repeated, “I don’t serve blondes.”

The woman was stumped. “How can you tell that I’m a blonde?” she asked.

“Because that thing you keep calling a TV is a microwave.”

One of the problems many of us have is that when we consider our porn habit, we don’t know what we’re looking at. After binging on porn, some call it a “struggle.” Many say they can stop at any time. Some call it a “bad choice” or “momentary lapse” [or “habitual sin.”]

May I suggest that calling a microwave a television doesn’t make it one. And calling an addiction anything less will only delay the hard work of getting well.

Recovery Step: The Bible warns against “lying lips” (Psalm 120:2). Say it with me: “I have an addiction.”