CASTIMONIA

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childhood sexual abuse

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Effects of Childhood Sexual Abuse, Part 4

April is Abuse Prevention Month
By Paul Irby Special to the Abilenian
Abilene Reporter-News
Posted April 1, 2009 at 5:26 p.m.

April is designated as abuse prevention month for the state of Texas. Therefore, the Mental Health Association of Abilene, felt it more than appropriate to run its latest installment of the “Effects of Abuse Series.” This installment is in two parts, because there is much to consider. In the previous two articles we considered the mental and emotional impacts of abuse, respectively. The third dimension to be examined is the behavioral dimension. What kinds of behaviors are “typical” of a person who has been sexually abused? The easy and disappointing answer is that there are no “typical” behaviors, and the behaviors that will be discussed are ambiguous enough that they should not be the sole determining factor in assessing if one has been abused. However, it is a fact that the behaviors are the first thing we notice in people that cause us alarm or concern. It is also important to clarify that behaviors are the end result of the “chain reaction” we have been discussing between thoughts/beliefs, feelings and behaviors.

The underlying belief that fuels those feelings of depression, anxiety, fear, anger, shame and doubt is the belief that he/she is “different” from others; that he/she is alone in this struggle and if anyone truly knew his/her plight, they would not value him/her. One of the most common manifestations of these beliefs and emotional responses is in the abused creating a persona of anger and aggression. This persona is in reality a wall meant to communicate to the world, “keep out!” and “if you don’t stay away, I’ll make sure you regret trying to get close.” Males will tend to be more physically aggressive while the females are more likely to be more verbally aggressive. Both are the result of a brooding anger which ultimately can be traced back to the fear of being betrayed, hurt, exploited and victimized again.

Depression and anxiety can lead to behavior manifestations like withdrawal, self-injury and suicidal ideations and attempts. Withdrawal is a common behavior in abuse victims. If the abuse begins at an early age and is chronic, this withdrawal may go unnoticed and explained away as a personality trait. Withdrawal is more noticeable in children between the ages of 8-18 because there is an already established pattern of social interaction. Self-injury is most common in adolescent females and takes the form of surface-level cuts on the forearms, abdomen, pelvis, or underneath the breast. The purpose of the self-injury is usually to achieve a sense of release reinforced by the initial shot of pain and subsequent presentation of blood. Many who engage in this behavior find it difficult or unacceptable to cry because crying leaves one with feelings of vulnerability, which is interpreted as weakness. Crying can also become uncontrollable, which again frightens the abuse victim, who often desires to have control in a life that seems so chaotic. The child who engages in self-injury believes they can control the cutting and therefore believe it to be a safe alternative. The self-injury then becomes another secret that has to be hidden and protected. In some ways this can relate back to the aspect of control, the cutter has control over the secret, but ultimately it becomes one more stressor which maintains the need to alleviate that stress. Self-injury can also be used as a form of self-punishment motivated by feelings of worthlessness. These feelings of worthlessness, when coupled with pent-up anxiety, depression, and fear, can lead to thoughts and attempts at suicide.

In the next installment we will look inside the possible sexual manifestations of a sexually abused child and how abuse can lead to substance and process addictions.

Paul Irby, M.A., is a licensed professional counselor with the Ministry of Counseling and Enrichment. Mental Health Matters is facilitated by the Mental Health Association in Abilene.

Original Article found here:
http://www.reporternews.com/news/2009/apr/01/april-abuse-prevention-month/

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Sexy Toys and Clothes: Priming Our Kids for Porn and Pedophiles

Sexy Toys and Clothes: Priming Our Kids for Porn and Pedophiles

Posted on September 14, 2012 by  at http://pornoculation.com/2012/09/14/sexy-toys-and-clothes-priming-our-kids-for-porn-and-pedophiles

“She’ll show off a little sass wearing this sparkly sequin graphic tee from Stardoll.”

Huh? Children’s brains are not naturally programed for sexuality, but you wouldn’t know that by some of the clothes young children are wearing.  I’m not sure why any mom wants her 7 year old daughter to wear a sequin shirt with big pouty red lips, but I am sure it’s part of a broader cultural trend that is sexualizing our young children via clothing and toys.

Cultural trends can be so incremental, that we may not recognize them. We may adopt them without thinking, which is why looking back in history is so important. But I digress…

I found these “Monster High” dolls on the Toy’s R Us website. Here’s Draculaura, dressed in fishnet tights, high heel boots and a mini-skirt. Little pink hearts are scattered around, too. Really pretty disturbing when you think that little girls are playing with these dolls. The spring break doll was equally sexualized, if not more so.

My rule of thumb: if you don’t want your daughter to wear it, don’t let her dolls wear it either. Because there may be “unintended consequences.” Kids mimic everything–they are hardwired to do that.

But here’s another problem with dressing our kids in “sexy” clothes:

Sexy kid’s clothing may also invite unwanted attention from a pedophile.

I know that sounds extreme, but not to expert criminal profiler, police trainer and author Deborah Schurman-Kauflin, Ph.D. who makes this case in a September 2011 Psychology Today article entitled “Porn for Pedophiles: ‘Sexy Children’ on Parade.” She begins by describing the child beauty pageant shows which feature very young children dressed up “in bikinis, mini dresses, and other revealing clothing. The girls are then prodded to dance around like mini-strippers. Both moms and dads call to their girls to shake their hips and strike sexy poses.”

But it gest worse. Dr. Schurman-Kauflin asserts that child molesters watch these shows to get their kicks and explains that the typical pedophile studies a child from a distance before they strike. She goes on to advise parents:

“Unfortunately, we live in a time where we have to be watchful. It is not a good idea to sexualize your children. If you do it, don’t be surprised when others see your child as a sex object. To the predator, this is an invitation…Monsters are out there…Wouldn’t it be better to allow your child to be a child than to turn her into a target?”

Children are not sexual beings. If we want to avoid priming our children for pornography or making them a target for a pedophile, we need to carefully select their clothing and toys to give them a childhood free from sexualization. Then we must warn them in an age-appropriate way to turn away from sexualized images. It’s a tall order, but I believe it can be done.

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Saturday Morning Meeting Music Topic – Spirit Speaks

In today’s Castimonia meeting we listened to a great song that I relate to Step 12; Spirit Speaks by Know Hope Collective.  Below are the lyrics to this song and what it means to me.

Your spirit speaks, it moves in meKnow Hope Collective
And I’m awakened to Your love
You’re drawing me onto my knees
And I’m astounded by Your love

‘Cause You spoke life into my lungs
You are the air I breathe, You are the air I breathe
Still You move inside of me
You are the song I sing, You are the song I sing, yeah, yeah

You cover me with arms that reach
And I’m amazed by Your sweet grace
You set me free, You washed me clean
And I’m forgiven by Your grace

‘Cause You spoke life into my lungs
You are the air I breathe, You are the air I breathe
Still You move inside of me
You are the song I sing, You are the song I sing, yeah

With every breath I breathe, with every song I sing
I want to shout it out, Lord, I am listening
To every word You speak, I’ll go where You will lead
To love the least of these, my greatest offering

Lord, I am Listening

I don’t claim to have ever heard the voice of God, at least not yet.  However, I often joke that the Holy Spirit has an English accent.  The reason I state this is because my good friend Ken, who started Merimnao Healing Ministries (the parent ministry over Castimonia), prompted me to start a Christ-centered sexual purity group.  I’ll admit, initially I was afraid.  I was afraid of what other people would think of me.  We were relatively new to the church, maybe 2 years there, and not everyone knew my background.  I did know this, I was being called to begin something bigger than me, although at the time I did not realize it.  Therefore, I now shout out to the Lord, that I am listening to Him by going wherever He leads me.  Sometimes I become frightened about announcing my ministry or what I do, but I have to remember that it is God’s work, not mine, that I do and I need only worry about what He thinks about me, not what others think, thus I “carry this message to others.”

Awakened to Your love

Furthermore, I was awakened to God’s love as shown by my family and my brothers in Christ.  Actually, I was astounded by God’s love.  In my addiction, I did not believe that someone like me was lovable or worthy of another human’s love, much less that of God.  However, as I began to be set free from the chains of sexual addiction and as I was washed clean and forgiven by God’s grace, I saw this as possible.  Now, I chose to display God’s love to others, helping them be set free, by God, from the chains of sexual addiction.

The least of these – the most despised and afflicted

I do refer to the men who attend my group as “the least of these” for a reason.  The more I learn about sex addiction and attend meetings or trainings, the more I hear about the trauma these men and women went through as children, adolescences, and adults. I hear heartbreaking stories of sexual abuse, physical abuse, verbal and emotional abuse, isolation, abandonment, violence, rape, near-death experiences, etc…  When society hears of a “sex addict” the worst of the worst is assumed.  These humans are almost always automatically categorized as perverts, child molesters, and rapists; despised by the society that helped cause their affliction.  None of these men and women grew up with dreams of becoming a sex addict, it was thrust upon them at a young age, a way to escape what was going on in their life, a survival mechanism that became uncontrollable.

Therefore, I chose to start this group and love the “least of these”, even when nobody else in their life would.  This was my greatest offering to the Lord.  Coming alongside these men who struggle with sexual purity issues and helping them along the way, just as God placed men in my life to help me along the way.

This is why I relate this song to Step 12, “having had a spiritual awakening, as a result of these steps, I carry the message to others and practice these principles in my own life.” Better yet, “Praise be to God and father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God.” (2 Corinthians 1:3-4)

Take what you like and leave the rest.