CASTIMONIA

Sexual Purity Support & Recovery Group

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Pornography is Vulnerable

originally posted on: http://shessomebodysdaughter.wordpress.com/2013/05/07/pornography-is-vulnerable/

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“As soon as you name it, it’s vulnerable.”

When our friend Donna spoke these words, it was easy to realize why our She’s Somebody’s Daughter initiative is going to be so powerful.

Everyone thinks of pornography as being too big to take down.  It’s a multi-billion dollar industry.  It has permeated our society to the point where an alarming number of otherwise reasonable and intelligent people see it as “normal.”

Those who do see it as problem often express the attitude that it is s too late to do anything about it.  Thanks to the ever-evolving technology industry and the lack of common-sense restraints placed upon it,  “Pandora’s box has been opened,” they say.

But even though this conversation should have started before the internet was unleashed on the world; even though the pornography industry is huge; even though pornography has increasingly become a part of mainstream life; even though the technology makes it as easy to find as your nearest laptop or “smart” phone – pornography is still vulnerable

Why?  Because anything built on a foundation of lies will come crashing down once the truth is spoken.

Watch an old black and white movie from the forties.  All the movie stars are smoking.  Smoking is what the beautiful people do.  It’s glamorous and sophisticated.

Well eventually we learned the truth about smoking.  It gives people cancer. Nobody thinks it’s glamorous anymore.  Nobody appreciates being exposed to second-hand smoke. Even those of us who can’t kick the habit know that it is death by degrees.

Pornography causes cancer too.  Pornography kills.  It kills relationships.

It kills families.  Ironically, it even kills libido, dramatically increasing impotence among the men who use it.

Pornography is slow, sexual suicide.

And behind the sanitized “I read Playboy for the articles ” version of boys being boys is a nightmare world of people using people – of manipulation, violence, drug abuse, and sex trafficking.   It is a world of never-ending pain.

Once the facts about pornography are widely known people will start making different choices. But first we have to tell the truth.

People are going to ask “Who is it hurting?”  And we’re going to tell them.  It is hurting everyone.

Because whenever any human being is being turned into an object for the selfish sexual gratification of another it makes the world a colder, crueler place.  What demeans any one of us demeans all of us.

You will hear all the same uniformed arguments.  People are going to say, “It’s just another form of entertainment. “  We’re going to ask them how entertaining would it be if their wife or daughter or sister were on the screen?

The simple truth about She’s Somebody’s Daughter is this.  No one wants his or her daughter – or son – to be sexually assaulted on camera for someone to watch.

That’s not normal.  That’s not harmless. That’s not “just entertainment.”

And once we tell the truth – and tell it again, and again, and again – the foundation of lies on which pornography now stands will crumble and fall.

Are you ready to name it and tell the truth?   

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Like A Ship Without A Rudder

getty_rf_photo_of_man_with_anxiety_in_bedroom“Big boys don’t cry.” “No pain no gain. Tough it out.” “Only sissies get hurt feelings.” “It’s a sign of weakness to let people know you’re hurting.” Men are cautioned to not discuss their feelings, to avoid feelings altogether and to not discuss love, sorrow or pain. Men will often make a joke out of a difficult situation rather than face it directly. Men are taught to be checked out toward the emotions of others, and keep their true feelings inside. All this is not to say that men are incapable of intimacy, dependency or vulnerability. They are quite able but our culture does not support it. One of the main reasons for drug and alcohol  use (and sexually acting out) is for medicating pain and that would include emotional pain. Men, who feel bottled up, sad, angry and depressed will often become workaholics, (sex addicts), drink or do drugs to avoid feelings. For men to understand how to be intimate they must first learn more about who they are, what they want and what is truly important to them. Feelings tell us what we want and what we need so without them we are like a ship without a rudder. So many men lead lives of quiet desperation, never letting anyone in or themselves out. For men to take a look at who they really are and allow their essence to be known are actually far stronger than the burly silent types who live their lives in utter isolation. Taken from an on-line article by Bill Cloke http://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/the-good-life-why-men-have-trouble-with-intimacy/

“Unexpressed emotions will never die. They are buried alive and will come forth later in uglier ways.” – Sigmund Freud

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How Journaling Heals Wounds, Part 1

I often wondered why I was supposed to journal my thoughts and feelings when I entered recovery.  Honestly, nobody answered the why, it was just something that was supposed to be done.  Initially, I felt like some teenage girl in her bedroom writing in her “diary” because I did not understand the basis behind putting those thoughts and feeling to paper.  Below is a good summary of how journaling can help God heal our wounds!

journal-bestThere is a profound connection between writing and healing. Dr. James Pennebaker of the University of Texas, after considerable research, explained in his book, Opening Up: The Healing Power of Expressing Emotions, that excessive holding back of thoughts, feelings, and behaviors can place people at risk for both major and minor diseases. More than simply a catharsis or venting, translating events into language can affect brain and immune functions. The subjects he tested had an increase in germ-fighting lymphocytes in their blood and lower stress levels. Writing was found to reduce anxiety and depression, improve grades in college, and aid people in finding jobs. He also reported that months after people had written about traumas over 70% reported that writing helped them to understand both the event and themselves better. Writing provides a means to externalize traumatic experience and therefore render it less overwhelming. At the same time, as the upsetting experience is repeatedly confronted, the emotional reactivity one feels as s/he assesses its meaning and impact is weakened. Once organized, traumatic events become smaller and smaller and therefore easier to deal with. Having distilled complex experiences into more understandable packages, survivors can begin to move beyond trauma because the process of writing about it provides a means for the experience to become psychologically complete, therefore there’s no more reason to ruminate about it. But not just any kind of writing will do. Dr.Pennebaker explains that the more writing succeeds as narrative – by being detailed, organized, compelling, vivid, and lucid – the more health and emotional benefits are derived. Likewise, over time, the work of inhibiting traumatic narratives and feelings acts as an ongoing stressor and gradually undermines the body’s defenses. By Catherine McCall, MS, LMFT
http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/overcoming-child-abuse/201209/how-and-why-writing-heals-wounds-child-abuse

“A journal is a tool for self-discovery, an aid to concentration, a mirror for the soul, a place to generate and capture ideas, a safety valve for the emotions, a training ground for the writer, and a good friend and confident.” – Ron Klug

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How to Get Through Withdrawal

Posted by James Browning on February 27, 2013

breaking20up20coupleWithdrawal is the emotional reaction to the loss of something that gives great pleasure. It’s similar to the feelings an alcoholic has when he makes a commitment never to drink again. It’s also similar to the grief that comes from the loss of a loved one. A lover is like alcohol and like a loved one. Not only do unfaithful spouses miss what it was their lovers did, meeting important emotional needs, but they also miss the person they had come to love. Our most common emotions are anger, anxiety and depression. Symptoms of withdrawal usually include all of these in a very intense form. I usually suggest that anti-depressant medication be used to help alleviate these symptoms. While the most intense symptoms of withdrawal usually last only about three weeks, in some cases they can linger for six months or longer before they start to fade. It is extremely likely that a commitment to remain separated from a lover will be broken unless extreme measures are taken to avoid it. That’s because the emotional reaction of withdrawal is so painful. Honesty is an extremely important element in reconciliation, and it should be understood that if the unfaithful spouse ever sees or communicates with the lover, he or she should immediately tell the spouse that it happened. They should then agree on a plan that would prevent a recurrence of contact in the future. But as soon as any contact is made, it throws the unfaithful spouse back to the beginning of withdrawal, and the time it takes to overcome the feelings of grief begins all over again. It’s the stage of recovery after withdrawal that gives spouses the best opportunity to learn to meet each others most important emotional needs… By Willard F. Harley, Jr., Ph.D.  http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi5060_qa.html

“If a relationship is to evolve, it must go through a series of endings.” – Lisa Moriyama

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Codependency: A Family Perspective Part V

Codependency: A Family Perspective Part V

The following are statements which portray relationally addictive people(#19-25):

19. Our self-esteem is critically low. Deep inside we do not believe we deserve to be happy. Rather, we believe we must earn the right to enjoy life. We forget that we were all created equal and by the same maker.
20. Having experienced little security in childhood, we have a desperate need to control people, outcomes, and relationships. We mask our efforts to control people and situations as “being helpful.”
21. In a relationship we are more in touch with our dream of how it could be rather than with the reality of how it is. We don’t want to hear the little voice inside that tells us what is!
22. We are addicted to a person, people, and/or to emotional pain. This is not because we enjoy pain, but it is familiar; we understand it; it is all we know.
23. We may be emotionally and/or biochemically predisposed to addictions to substances, food, gambling, sex, etc.
24. Drawn to people with problems or to chaotic, uncertain, or emotionally painful situations, we avoid focusing on our responsibility to ourselves: to become all of the potential we were given!
25. Since we have an overdeveloped sense of responsibility, it is easier to be concerned with others rather than with ourselves. This prevents us from looking at our ourselves. We give away our personal power!
From “Codependency: A Family Perspective” by Robin Norwood