CASTIMONIA

Sexual Purity Support & Recovery Group

meeting

By

Thoughts on Why We Have Same-Sex Fantasies

Because some of the men who attend Castimonia struggle with what is called, Unwanted Same Sex Attraction (SSA) I thought this write-up would be helpful.

Originally posted: http://porntopurity.com/blog/2013/06/29/thoughts-on-why-we-have-same-sex-fantasies/

I’m reading a great book by Shannon Ethridge called The Fantasy Fallacy: Exposing the Deeper Meaning Behind Sexual Thoughts.  So many of us are fighting the battles of masturbation, The-Fantasy-Fallacy-Cover-thumpornography and illicit relationships, but strongly losing the battles of the mind.

I want to get better at this. I also want to learn about what drives my fantasy life.

– In chapter 7, called “Grappling With Gay and Lesbian Fantasies”, Ethridge shares some reasons why men and women turn to gay porn and gay relationships.  (140-142)

MEN AND WOMEN

The “Rebel” Factor – we reject our parents’ spiritual and sexual values and form our own.

The “Ghost” Principle – we lost a significant same-sex figure in our past and are trying to make up for it.

The “Fix Me” Factor – a partner can fix our dysfunctional past in sexual ways.

The “Cannibal” Effect – we admire the strong character traits in another and interpret our feelings as a sexual attraction.

 

MEN

The “Aggression” Effect – we take our anger in sexual ways toward others.

The “Punish Me” Principle – our guilt and shame drive us to invite abuse.

The “No Strings” Factor – it is easy in the gay community to be sexual without relational commitment.

 

WOMEN

The “Pinnacle” Principle – the beauty of the female body inspires the highest art, music, and literature… and us.

The “3-D” Effect – the curves of the female body are more interesting than the straighter body of the man.

The “Safe Refuge” Effect – we run to female figures for comfort.

The “Familiarity” Factor – we run to female figures for relationships and emotional empathy.

The “Danger / Default” Factor – we don’t feel safe around men (usually because of abuse).

–

OTHER HELPFUL LINKS I interviewed Shannon Ethridge about her book on my Top Resources For Sexual Purity Podcast  LISTEN HERE (36 min)

BOOK REVIEW – Jeff Fisher of PorntoPurity.com reviews The Fantasy Fallacy

KEY CHAPTERS SUMMARIZED Bartering With Our Bodies (Ch. 5) When “One Flesh” Isn’t Enough Flesh (Ch. 6) Grappling With Gay and Lesbian Fantasies (Ch. 7) Our Fascination With Pleasure, Pain and Power (Ch. 8)

By

SATURDAY, FEBRUARY 8th MEETING LOCATION CHANGE

SATURDAY, FEBRUARY 8th MEETING LOCATION CHANGE:

This change affects only the Saturday morning meeting on February 8th.

Time: 10:00AM – 11:30AM
Location: Grace Fellowship United Methodist Church
Mansion, Room 301 (take the elevator to the 3rd floor!)
2655 South Mason Road
Katy, TX  77450
281.646.1903

By

The New Face of Infidelity

The New Face of Infidelity
Research shows women may be cheating now almost as much as men; the toll of new temptations
By PEGGY DREXLER

Researchers believe that the incidence of unfaithfulness among wives may be approaching that of husbands.

Some 60 years ago, Alfred Kinsey delivered a shock to midcentury sexual sensibilities when he reported that at some point in their marriages, half of the men and a quarter of the women in the U.S. had an extramarital affair. No one puts much stock in Dr. Kinsey’s high numbers any more—his sampling methods suffered from a raging case of selection bias—but his results fit the long-standing assumption that men are much more likely to cheat than women.

Lately, however, researchers have been raising doubts about this view: They believe that the incidence of unfaithfulness among wives may be approaching that of husbands. The lasting costs of these betrayals will be familiar to the many Americans who have experienced divorce as spouses or children.

23%
Men who reported being unfaithful in their marriages in a 2011 survey

Among the most reliable studies on this issue is the General Social Survey, sponsored by the National Science Foundation, which has been asking Americans the same questions since 1972. In the 2010 survey, 19% of men said that they had been unfaithful at some point during their marriages, down from 21% in 1991. Women who reported having an affair increased from 11% in 1991 to 14% in 2010.

A 2011 study conducted by Indiana University, the Kinsey Institute and the University of Guelph found much less of a divide: 23% for men and 19% for women. Such numbers suggest the disappearance of the infidelity gender gap, but some caution is in order.

An enduring problem for researchers—even those who sample with meticulous care—is that any such survey is asking for confessions from people who are presumably lying to their spouses. Researchers generally believe that actual infidelity numbers are higher than the results indicate.

It should also be emphasized that cheating in the U.S. isn’t epidemic or inevitable, for either sex. Surveys consistently find that by far the majority of respondents value monogamy and think that infidelity is harmful. And if you believe the General Social Survey’s finding that 14% of women are cheating, keep in mind that 86% aren’t.

Still, even though survey accuracy is difficult to achieve and experts are by no means unanimous, it would appear that women are, indeed, catching up. In my own work as a psychologist and in my social circle, I see more women not only having affairs but actively seeking them out. Their reasons are familiar: validation of their attractiveness, emotional connection, appreciation, ego—not to mention the thrill of a shiny new relationship, unburdened by the long slog through the realities of coupledom.

19%
Women who reported being unfaithful in their marriages
Source: Archives of Sexual Behavior

Researchers also point to other factors that might be leading women to stray more. One is what might be called “infidelity overload.” Scan the plots on any given week in television, and there seems to be more extramarital sex than marital sex. (Few spouses stay put in “Mad Men.”) With women portrayed as eager participants and aggressive instigators, there may be a feeling that infidelity has become more acceptable.

And then there is the opportunity factor—more travel, more late nights on the job and more interaction with men mean that the chances and temptations to stray have multiplied for the new generation of working women.

A 2011 study at Tilburg University in the Netherlands, published in the journal Psychological Science, argues that infidelity is also a function of greater economic and social power, which creates confidence and personal leverage for both genders. Women can now use their power in ways to which men have long been accustomed.

A broader cultural shift may also be at work. According to a Match.com study conducted earlier this year by the biological anthropologist Helen Fisher, women are becoming less traditional about relationships. Men, interestingly, may be going the other direction. In the survey, 77% of women in a committed relationship said they needed personal space, as opposed to 58% of men. While 35% of women wanted regular nights out with friends, only 23% of men said the same.

Social networks are another factor, if only by expanding the pool of possible partners. Emotional friendships that turn physical are the traditional point of entry for female affairs. It is now easy for those friendships to take root online. Some argue that social networks are merely an expediter and that cheaters will always find a way. Still, if you’ve never quite gotten over your prom date, today the chances are much better that you can find him.

Do women account for more of today’s affairs? Probably. But in a society that has been preaching, legislating and celebrating gender equality for decades, equality in marital misdeeds might be expected too.

—Dr. Drexler is an assistant professor of psychology in psychiatry at Weill Cornell Medical College and author, most recently, of “Our Fathers, Ourselves: Daughters, Fathers and the Changing American Family.”

By

How Journaling Heals Wounds, Part 1

I often wondered why I was supposed to journal my thoughts and feelings when I entered recovery.  Honestly, nobody answered the why, it was just something that was supposed to be done.  Initially, I felt like some teenage girl in her bedroom writing in her “diary” because I did not understand the basis behind putting those thoughts and feeling to paper.  Below is a good summary of how journaling can help God heal our wounds!

journal-bestThere is a profound connection between writing and healing. Dr. James Pennebaker of the University of Texas, after considerable research, explained in his book, Opening Up: The Healing Power of Expressing Emotions, that excessive holding back of thoughts, feelings, and behaviors can place people at risk for both major and minor diseases. More than simply a catharsis or venting, translating events into language can affect brain and immune functions. The subjects he tested had an increase in germ-fighting lymphocytes in their blood and lower stress levels. Writing was found to reduce anxiety and depression, improve grades in college, and aid people in finding jobs. He also reported that months after people had written about traumas over 70% reported that writing helped them to understand both the event and themselves better. Writing provides a means to externalize traumatic experience and therefore render it less overwhelming. At the same time, as the upsetting experience is repeatedly confronted, the emotional reactivity one feels as s/he assesses its meaning and impact is weakened. Once organized, traumatic events become smaller and smaller and therefore easier to deal with. Having distilled complex experiences into more understandable packages, survivors can begin to move beyond trauma because the process of writing about it provides a means for the experience to become psychologically complete, therefore there’s no more reason to ruminate about it. But not just any kind of writing will do. Dr.Pennebaker explains that the more writing succeeds as narrative – by being detailed, organized, compelling, vivid, and lucid – the more health and emotional benefits are derived. Likewise, over time, the work of inhibiting traumatic narratives and feelings acts as an ongoing stressor and gradually undermines the body’s defenses. By Catherine McCall, MS, LMFT
http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/overcoming-child-abuse/201209/how-and-why-writing-heals-wounds-child-abuse

“A journal is a tool for self-discovery, an aid to concentration, a mirror for the soul, a place to generate and capture ideas, a safety valve for the emotions, a training ground for the writer, and a good friend and confident.” – Ron Klug

By

Just Can’t Seem To Quit Self Gratification

February 26, 2013
by Prevailing Word Ministries

Oh, heaven NO!!!!

No relapse on my part. Not on your life because we are getting too close to the finale. I know that’s it’s been a while since my last blog. However, this is not a report of me backsliding kind of blog.

The trumpet will sound and the dead in Christ will rise first. Then we that are alive and remain will be caught up together in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air, and so shall we ever be with the Lord.

To stay holy is my one goal. I do not plan to be fulfilling the lust of the flesh and satisfying myself when Jesus comes.

Some of you may recall the 10 virgins. Five were wise. Five were foolish. When the bridegroom came, it was time for them to go to the wedding. The five wise had enough oil for the journey in the night and the five foolish did not. The five foolish asked the five wise to spare what they had, and the wise ones declined.

The five wise told them to go and buy for themselves. So they went out to buy oil for themselves, and they found some, but by the time they got to the door, it was shut.

They knocked on the door and the bridegroom did not let them in.

It was too late.

There are many incentives to take advantage of to quit sexual immorality, however, very few will incorporate such incentives.

The pleasures of self gratification can be overwhelming because of the rewards it offers. However, the reward of heaven with Christ outweighs the pleasures of self gratification. There comes a point in your walk with the Lord where masturbation is something you do not need.

Dr. Mark Laaser, who wrote a book on Healing The Wounds Of Sexual Addiction, did a course and placed a powerful lesson on Sexual Addiction on CD. He asked a question, “Can you do without masturbation and sex with your wife?” That’s radical. Because he continued and said, “If you can’t, you do not have full control and you cannot manage your sex life.”

The release of sexual tension is powerful. However, there comes a point where these pleasure of life must come to an end one way or another. Either through self discipline or when the catching away of the people of God takes place. Even after that, people will still engage in some form of releasing sexual tension. Even then, it’s just a matter of time before it all comes to an end.

NO MORE SEX!!!!! FOREVER!!!!!!

For many people, a sense of hopelessness and shame clouds the mind. Hopelessness is the fog of war in the mind and flesh.

As long as this feeling of hopelessness lingers in the mind, the attempt to break free is the light at the end of the tunnel that is seemingly a fleeting thing. Many men and women have dashed their hopes because the urges and impulses dictates their every move.

In my studies about sexuality, I learned that many people plan their day around sex. It usually is at the expense of a marriage, their job, and ultimately, their relationship with the Lord. It was true for me too. The obsession, infatuation, day dreaming, open minded thoughts of reading a newspaper, magazine, women watching, and porn. My whole day was planned around an orgasm.

All these things and the true worship of God takes a back seat. In most cases, a relationship with God in hypocrisy is better than no relationship at all. As ridiculous as this sounds, this is where many of God’s people are. I can identify with this because when you refuse to equate the sin of self gratification as part of the religious ritual of false penance, it is easy to think that you are just as close to God as if you never sinned.

Like John, the apostle of the Lamb said, “If we say we have fellowship with Him and walk in darkness, we lie and do not practice the truth.”

I know you are not going to let me off the hook about calling masturbation a sin because there is no specific chapter and verse that declares that masturbation is a sin. However, where the Bible is silent, it is never to be assumed that it is safe to commit an act. Besides, not many people will agree that since Jesus didn’t do it, neither should I.

This stops all of the pretense.

I mean, we are to be like Christ in every way? Right?

If this is so according to, Romans 8:29, and if we are to prove that good, acceptable, and perfect will of God, to yield our bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is our reasonable service according to Romans 12:1, then we should be able, at least consider the fact that the Lord desires for sin to not have dominion over us according to Romans 6:12.

The majority of the time, we are always looking for a reason to “continue in sin that grace may abound” according to Romans 6:1. When we get to the place where we desire to please the Lord, we find ourselves looking for reasons to continue in righteousness so that grace may abound. We look to cut our hands and our eyes, we look to strive against sin even to the shedding of our own blood to stop sin.

No, put the Rambo knife down.

Jesus and the writer of Hebrews spoke of entering a place of radical cutting off of the instruments and members so that we would stop sinning.

Paul said, by the Spirit of God, “The body is not made for sexual immorality.” 

The physical body was made to be indwelled by the Lord. The Lord desired to inhabit man and the body is not for fornication (pornea).

As long as we make provision to fulfill the desires of the flesh and mind, we will never break its cycle.

Millions of men and women throughout the world masturbate every day. For reasons that range from sexual perversion to fulfill lust, to releasing sexual tension is a major problem. It seems like marriage, which is the answer to stop masturbation is no longer the answer that man wants to accept. Additionally, self control, a fruit of the Spirit according to Galatians 5:22, is cast to the side.

The parable of the sower is the most powerful parable that Jesus ever spoke. In that parable is the answer to handle the problems we face in life. It also serves as the gauge or measuring tool to locate where you are in your relationship with the Lord. Producing fruit is the thing that most concerns the Father. Galatians 5:22. John 15:1-5 confirms this and Jesus further confirms this when He said that we are known by our fruit.

Man will stand in four places. Good ground, wayside, stony ground, and thorny ground.

The last ground, thorny ground speaks of people that are trapped in cares, riches, and pleasures of life. 

The pleasures of this life come with a price. If we are unable to cast aside the pleasures of this life, we may never be free. But thank God your failure is not final. While there is still time, you can enjoy freedom in Christ from the powerful urge to masturbate. You can return to experience a healthy sexual life with your wife or husband if you are married.

Most importantly, you can be restored in your relationship with the Lord in righteousness and true holiness, laying aside every weight and the sin that does so easily beset you, to lay aside every filthiness and overflow of wickedness, to cleanse ourselves from the filthiness of the flesh and spirit, perfecting holiness in the fear of God.

Hopelessness is coming to an end for you. New life in Christ is at hand for you.