CASTIMONIA

Sexual Purity Support & Recovery Group

father wound

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Video – William Struthers, The Scientific Side of Sexuality

Awesome in-depth video of an interview with William Struthers, author of Wired for Intimacy: How Pornography Hijacks the Male Brain, as he explains, in a scientific manner, human sexuality and how pornography affects the human brain.

If you are one that doubts that pornography affects the brain negatively, please watch this entire interview!

“When you view pornography, it affects you at the core of your being.  And to pretend that it doesn’t is irresponsible, naive, and leads to despair.”

Neurobiologist, Dr. William Struthers explaining the scientific side of sexuality.

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Father’s Day 2012

In celebration of Father’s Day, I would like to tell you a short story about my father’s day 2008.  It was the first time I attended my current Church, The Fellowship at Cinco Ranch.  My wife and I dropped off our 10 month old baby girl in the nursery for the first time.  I was nervous and throughout the entire service, I was worried they would call one of our cell phones to tell us that she needed to be picked up from childcare!  To be honest, I don’t remember the content of the service (apologies to our family pastor who typically preaches on Mother’s and Father’s Day – Robert Jackman), I wish now I had.

When we went to pick up our daughter, I was overjoyed at how happy she was when we picked her up.  And then my “heart strings” were tugged!  The attendants in the nursery handed me a father’s day gift.  I looked at it and read it, and was so grateful for this gift that I made a decision that this was going to be the church for my family.  The nursery attendants took the time to place my daughter’s hand in paint and place her tiny hand print on a poem and frame the paper they used (see the photo to the side).  WOW!  My wife and I now work in the nursery with the infants and sometimes we can get overwhelmed with children, but the fact that these selfless people took time out of their stressed-out baby duty to do this for all the fathers was fantastic!

At the time, I did not realize that us visiting that father’s day and the poem were a “God Thing.”  As I look back at the last 4 years, I can obviously see that it definitely was.  It was less than a year later that I entered recovery for my sexual addiction and it was this church (more importantly the body of Christ – the members) that supported me in my recovery.  To be honest, up until I entered recovery, I was not involved in the church. I was one of those husbands, fathers, men that would come sit on Sunday mornings and let it go in one ear and out the other.  My biggest question after church was “what’s for lunch?”  I just was not invested in the church.

And then my life fell apart, and who was there to help me put things back together?  The body of Christ!  I began getting involved in church activities such as a couple of men’s Bible studies including one on Joseph, a Man of Integrity and Forgiveness (Swindoll).  It was during the study of Joseph where I confessed to having a sexual addiction.  I believe most of the men in the room were shocked and silent.  During the study on lesson 2, resisting temptation, I admitted my past sexual sin.  The funny thing is, after the study a couple of guys came up to me and also told me they struggled with about the same issues as I did.

From there, I took a Men’s Fraternity course, the Quest for Authentic Manhood that addressed a lot of my wounds growing up as well as showing me how the Bible defines manhood.  I continued on to various Christian studies and then in June 2010 I started the Castimonia Men’s Sexual Purity Support & Recovery Group, meeting for the first time on Saturday, June 12, 2010.

Had it not been for the experience at the nursery on father’s day of 2008, I don’t think I would be where I am today.  I pray all fathers in recovery have had similar experiences and that they can reflect on how God used the love of their children to draw them closer to Him.  And for fathers that are still living in sexual sin and need a reason to get out, I would like for you to look into the eyes of your children and understand that if you remain in that secret sexual sin, then there is a high probability your children too will inherit that sin or marry someone who has their own sexual sin.  Had I stayed in my addiction and kept it secret, I am certain that my daughters would have grown up to marry someone who carried the same character defects and same sexual secrets as I did.  Furthermore, if I had sons, it would be much worse for them as they would end up with some sort of intimacy disorder, such as sex addiction, if I had kept up my isolation and secrets.  So please seek help and step into the light, the path of recovery is not easy, but it is so much better than a life of sexual impurity.  It is a much better life for you, your wife, and especially your children!

Happy Father’s Day!

Take what you like and leave the rest.

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Castimonia Thursday Night Meeting

Just a reminder to everyone that we are starting a third weekly Castimonia meeting on Thursday nights!  The meeting will be held “off campus” at another church who was gracious enough to donate one of their rooms for this Men’s Sexual Purity Support & Recovery group!

I look forward to seeing you this Thursday night!

Castimonia Men’s Sexual Purity Support & Recovery Group
Time: Thursday Nights, 7:00PM – 8:30PM
Location: Grace Fellowship United Methodist Church – Epicentre Youth Building, Room 213
2655 South Mason Road
Katy, TX  77450
281.646.1903

  
Map to Church                            Campus Map

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Journey of Hope Retreat #15

Journey of Hope Retreat #15

For those that are not familiar with this retreat, I am presenting a short write-up on my overall experience.  Because of how powerful of an experience this retreat can be for those of us who struggle with sexual purity, I cannot go into specific details about what actually happens at the retreat, what is said at the retreat, or who is at the retreat (other than Dr. Milton Magness, one of the country’s top sexual addiction therapists, who organizes the retreat).

“WOW!” Is only one word I would use to describe this experience.  I’ll be up front and state this is my first (of hopefully many) retreats dealing with sexual purity but it was a great experience, to say the least.  There is something amazing about being around other men like me who struggle with sexual purity issues.  The openness and honesty during the retreat was a definite change from the “real world” where many men decide to wear “masks” to hide their secret life struggle with sexual purity.  This is especially present in today’s Christian churches across the world!

I had always recommended this retreat to men in my Castimonia recovery group and finally decided to attend the retreat.  I have only been in recovery a little over 3 years, and I felt I might gain something from attending this retreat.  Even just a little more knowledge about sexual addiction is worth it to me!  I not only gained a little more knowledge, but I gained a whole new breath of fresh recovery air.  The activities, discussions, sessions, and brotherhood at the retreat helped me tremendously!

This retreat was so powerful for me.  It solidified the fact that I am living and want to live a life full of recovery.  Recovery for me has been a lifestyle, and I felt very much at home at this retreat.  And for one of the very few times in my life, I felt “normal” while at this retreat.  To be honest, I only really feel “normal” with my family, at my church, and at recovery meetings such as Castimonia, Celebrate Recovery, or Sex Addicts Anonymous.

I can now state to my group and others that I highly recommend this retreat based on my own personal experience!  It is too bad that this is a “one-time” event held for men who struggle with sexual purity.  Although you may not realize it at first, by the end you will realize that this really was a once in a lifetime event, never to be repeated, tailored just for you by God.  This is truly an experience you do not want to miss out on!

Click here for the Castimonia events page listing general information on the retreat.

Click here for Hope & Freedom’s Journey of Hope Retreat #16 web page and sign-up page.

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Jesus Christ, Friend of Sex Addicts

Jesus Christ, Friend of Sex Addicts

What an appropriate title for a blog post on Christian sexual addiction recovery. Understand that what you are about to read cannot literally be found in any Gospel in the Bible, and it is only my version of a man’s life that Jesus Christ experienced. One of the greatest gifts I have received in my own recovery is the knowledge that my “Higher Power” was right there with me at the depth of my suffering. He was there to hold my hand in the darkest of times.

Jesus witnessed sexual abuse in one of his brothers from ages 3 to 7 and observed the suffering, shame and guilt associated with these activities.  His brother grew up to become a sex addict.  Jesus was there when this boy discovered his father’s pornography collection at age 4 and began viewing pornography almost daily as well as masturbating compulsively until he entered recovery. Again, he felt for the loneliness, shame, and guilt associated with this boy’s addiction. He saw the pain of this boy’s family life and the burden of his secret that kept this boy wanting to escape, and sexual acting out was an easy way for him to escape. However, the cycle was a “Catch 22.” The more pain and suffering this boy experienced because of his sexual acting out, the more this boy wanted to medicate with sexual acting out, and then would come the guilt, shame, pain and suffering from the acting out. It was a never ending cycle! However, Jesus was there with this boy the entire time.

When this boy turned age 17 he visited his first prostitute, Jesus was with him in the room, saddened by his choices. Once the young man crossed this “flesh line,” he was hooked. Pornography was not enough for him; he needed to feel the flesh of a woman. However, this too led to an amount of shame and guilt almost unbearable to any human! Jesus knew it was wrong, he wanted this young man to stop, and turn to Him for the fulfillment of this boy’s needs, but the young man simply could not.

In college, Jesus was with this young man through all the drinking binges, drug use, and sexual acting out he did in order to dull the pain he had and was experiencing. He was there to witness the cries of pain and suffering let out by this young man, who still inside was a much wounded child.  Still this young man could not see Him, Jesus, who was right there waiting.

After beginning his professional work, this man continued to view pornography on a daily basis and act out sexually with a variety of women. Each and every time, this man felt full of shame and guilt, and felt completely empty. Why couldn’t he stop? Was this the life God, the father, wanted for him? He tore through relationships with women like pieces of tissue paper. If there was not sexual fulfillment, the relationship was almost worthless. However, because of his fear of abandonment, he chose to stay in loveless, unhealthy, and sometimes violent relationships. The fear of abandonment was gut wrenching, it went down to his core. This fear began by being left alone at such an early age. However, Jesus was with this man in those most lonely of times.

The worst pain and suffering, however, was when this man hit rock bottom. Alone, or so he thought, he prayed to God, the father to spare him this pain and suffering. He begged for help, Jesus saw how this man had destroyed his life, how his life was falling apart. This man had proved his powerlessness by engaging in unsafe and compulsive sexual behavior, over and over, even after making deals with God, the Father, to stop! His life was completely unmanageable, doing things he did not want to do anymore, losing his family, and possibly his life. Suicide was a way out for this man, so he thought. He could not face the pain and suffering anymore, the thought of taking his own life was consuming. The pain and suffering was monumental at this point, he knew things had to change, he needed help, he had to try to fix his life and repair the collateral damage done, but sometimes death seems the easier way out. The choice was his to make… And Jesus was right next to him as he made the choice, hurting for this broken man.

Psalm 34:18 (NIV) – The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.

And this is where things began to change for this man. He chose the path of recovery; he was given godly advice by a Christian therapist who told him he might have a sexual addiction. He sought help for his problem and slowly began repairing the damage he had caused to himself and to others. Sometimes we all have to hit that rock bottom in order to know that the Lord is close to us and that he can redeem our life from the pit!

The idea for this post was inspired by the Casting Crowns song, “Jesus, friend of sinners” and a good friend of mine who stated in his blog the following:

“He was a totally innocent person, and yet He was made to take all our sin, and consequent suffering as penalty, so that we would not have to….He suffered like no man has ever suffered or ever will suffer in this life. Perspective is important here; He experienced suffering for literally billions of people, we can only experience suffering for ourselves and empathetically, those we love. To compare our sufferings with the sufferings that Jesus experienced is an insult to God because it minimizes what happened that day.” Read the entire blog post here.

In my view, Jesus not only suffered the wrath of God for my sins, but he also suffered for the pain and suffering associated with my sin. He was right next to me experiencing what I experienced; suffering for me while I suffered, like a father would for his son. In my addiction, my life was empty, void, apart from God. I suffered from feelings of shame, guilt, sadness, depression, suicide, anger, hatred, violence, and everything associated with my addiction. Even in the depths of my addiction, Jesus Christ was with me, he never left my side. Jesus was with all addicts throughout their lives, something we need to be mindful of in our recovery. When Jesus was crucified, he was crucified for my sins and he suffered a great deal, more than I can ever imagine. All the pain and suffering from all of humanity, addict and non-addict, placed solely on Jesus Christ so that if we believe in Him, we can have eternal life with God.

2 Corinthians 5:21 (NIV) – God made him who had no sin to be sin for us, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God.

Take what you like, and leave the rest.