• Skip to content
  • Skip to footer

CASTIMONIA

Sexual Purity Support & Recovery Group

  • Home
  • About Castimonia
    • Statement of Faith
    • Member Struggles
    • Are You a Sex Addict?
    • About the Leaders of Castimonia
  • Meetings
    • What to Expect at a Castimonia Meeting
    • Meeting Times & Locations
      • Arkansas Meetings
      • New York Meetings
      • Tennessee Meetings
      • Texas Meetings
      • Telephone Meeting
  • News & Events
  • Resources
    • Books
    • Document Downloads
    • Journal Through Recovery
    • Purity Podcasts
    • Recovery Videos
    • Telemeeting Scripts
    • Useful Links
  • Contact Us

time

August 21, 2013 By Castimonia

Codependency and Sex Addiction

I wanted to spend the next couple of months posting short articles on codependency and how it relates to our sexual addiction.

Per Robert Subby, Codependency is an emotional, psychological, and behavioral condition that develops as a result of an individual’s prolonged exposure to, and practice of, a set of oppressive rules – rules which prevent the open expression of feelings as well as the direct discussion of personal and interpersonal problems.

Earnie Larsen defines codependency as “those self-defeating, learned behaviors or character defects that result in a diminished capacity to initiate or to participate in loving relationships.”

Melody Beattie defines a codependent as “a person who has let another person’s behavior affect him or her, and who is obsessed with controlling that person’s behavior.”

The first two seem logical for me, the codependent recovering sex addict, the third, not so much with my wife, as my wife’s behavior is not a problem.  However, in past relationships, the definition fits perfectly.  My “definition” or explanation of codependency is more of an extreme fear of abandonment where we try to control everyone and everything around us (particularly our spouses) so that they will not leave us.  In my addiction, I feared abandonment (but never realized it until recovery) and medicated those fears through my sexual acting out.   Addicts are codependents, we fear abandonment because of the neglect or abandonment we experienced as children.  Now, as an adult, I have tried to control every relationship, both friends and my spouse in a futile effort to prevent the abandonment I experienced as a child.

Another way to look at it is allowing my wife’s emotions, feelings, disposition to deeply affect who I am and how I feel about myself.  When my wife is upset, I get upset.  When my wife is happy, then I am happy.  I had become a slave to my wife’s emotions and I didn’t even realize it!

I strongly feel that my sexual addiction as an adult was a way of medicating the fear of abandonment I experienced throughout my life.  This is not an excuse for my sexual acting out, but an understanding to a deeper root cause of my addiction and thus deeper healing of my inner self.

As always, take what you like and leave the rest.

Filed Under: Sexual Purity Posts Tagged With: addiction, affair, Affairs, anonymous sex partners, call girls, castimonia, christian, co-dependency, codependency, escorts, father wound, gratification, healing, human trafficking, Intimacy, lust, masturbation, porn, porn star, pornography, pornstar, pornstars, prostitute, prostitutes, ptsd, purity, recovery, Sex, sex addict, sex addiction, sex partners, sexual, sexual addiction, sexual impurity, sexual purity, spouses, STD, strippers, time, trauma

May 9, 2013 By Castimonia

Feelings for Thursday

The post below was copied from a spouse of a sex addict.  In understanding our own addiction, we must also understand the pain and trauma we have caused our wives.

Feelings for Thursday
Posted by Samantha Baker on September 20, 2012

How I feel about myself looking back over 5 years:

Devalued
Emotionally Violated
Traumatized
Emotionally Abused
Unloved
Used
Could never meet expectations
Never good enough
Abandoned
Criticized
Broken Vows
Lied to
Detached
Betrayed
Disrespected
Vulnerable

My emotions now:

Emotional Pain
Hurt
Anger
Rage
Shame
Guilt
Turmoil
Fear
Numb
Empty
Isolated
Lonely
Confused
Obsessed
Lost
Broken Trust
Heartbroken
Depressed
Stuck
Constantly Triggered
No longer special

How do I feel about the future:

Unsure
Scared
Fear
Cautiously Hopeful
Meaningful
Emotional Intimacy
Honesty
Empathy
Understanding
Trust
Forgiveness
Communication

But the big question is, how to I get to the hope of the future and out of the pain of the now?

Filed Under: Sexual Purity Posts Tagged With: addiction, affair, Affairs, anonymous sex partners, call girls, castimonia, christian, Emotions, escorts, gratification, healing, human trafficking, Intimacy, lust, masturbation, porn, porn star, pornography, pornstar, pornstars, prostitute, prostitutes, ptsd, purity, recovery, resentment, Sex, sex addict, sex addiction, sex partners, sexual, sexual addiction, sexual impurity, sexual purity, spouses, strippers, time, trauma

September 10, 2012 By Castimonia

Castimonia Meeting at Rick’s Ranch – Saturday, September 15, 2012

September 15, 2012 – Castimonia at Rick’s Ranch On Saturday, Steptember 15, 2012, Castimonia will NOT be meeting at The Fellowship at Cinco Ranch.  The church will be holding a parent’s summit that Saturday.  Castimonia will meet at Rick’s Ranch near Sealy, TX.  We will have food & fellowship at 9:30am and then our regular meeting at 10am.  Afterwards, we will have some time to unwind for more fellowship.  We should be finished by 12:30pm but you may leave earlier if needed.

Rick’s Ranch 9597 SE I-10 Frontage Road Sealy, TX  77474

Here’s a bing map of the location: http://binged.it/JD7AIE

Click on the map below for a full-size image with driving directions.

Filed Under: General Meeting Information Tagged With: castimonia, christian, meeting, ranch, time

July 26, 2012 By Castimonia

July 30th Monday Night Meeting Temporary Location Change

Due to The Fellowship at Cinco Ranch’s Fun Fest (VBS) to be held in the evenings beginning Monday, July 30th, the Castimonia Men’s Sexual Purity Support and Recovery Group meeting will be moved to Grace Fellowship United Methodist Church which regularly hosts the Thursday night meeting.  All information is written below.  The Monday night meeting will return to it’s original location the following Monday.  Please note the change and sorry for the inconvenience!

MONDAY, JULY 30th – MEETING LOCATION CHANGE:
This change will only affect the Monday, July 30th meeting.  It will return to it’s usual location on Monday, August 6th.
Time: 7:00PM – 8:30PM
Location: Grace Fellowship United Methodist Church – Mansion, Room 203
2655 South Mason Road
Katy, TX  77450
281.646.1903
  
Map to Church                            Campus Map

Filed Under: General Meeting Information, Meeting Topics, Monday Night Meeting Topics Tagged With: castimonia, location, meeting, monday, time

May 29, 2012 By Castimonia

Castimonia Thursday Night Meeting

Just a reminder to everyone that we are starting a third weekly Castimonia meeting on Thursday nights!  The meeting will be held “off campus” at another church who was gracious enough to donate one of their rooms for this Men’s Sexual Purity Support & Recovery group!

I look forward to seeing you this Thursday night!

Castimonia Men’s Sexual Purity Support & Recovery Group
Time: Thursday Nights, 7:00PM – 8:30PM
Location: Grace Fellowship United Methodist Church – Epicentre Youth Building, Room 213
2655 South Mason Road
Katy, TX  77450
281.646.1903

  
Map to Church                            Campus Map

Filed Under: General Meeting Information Tagged With: addiction, affair, Affairs, anonymous sex partners, call girls, castimonia, christian, church, community, Emotions, escorts, father wound, gratification, healing, human trafficking, Intimacy, lust, masturbation, meeting, porn, porn star, pornography, pornstar, pornstars, prostitute, prostitutes, ptsd, purity, recovery, religion, resentment, Sex, sex addict, sex addiction, sex partners, sexual, sexual addiction, sexual impurity, sexual purity, STD, Step 4, strippers, time, trauma

  • Page 1
  • Page 2
  • Next Page »

Footer

Useful Links

Castimonia Restoration Ministry, Inc. is a 501c3 non-profit organization


This site is intended for individuals who struggle with maintaining sexual purity. This information is posted for individuals at various stages in their recovery, year 1 to year 30+; what applies to some, may not apply others. Spouses are encouraged to read this blog with the caveat that they may not agree with, understand, or know the reason for some items posted. As always, take what you like and leave the rest.

Copyright © 2021 · Altitude Pro on Genesis Framework · Log in