By Dale Partridge On 11/30/2014
No healthy person wants to think of a child watching pornography.
Sadly, pornographic nudity is almost impossible to escape these days. TV shows and movies that once were wholesome and respectable are now leveraging attention by adding borderline soft-core sex scenes, lustful interactions, and revealing clothing.
Or last week, which was the release of Kim Kardashian’s nude photos. I scrolled through Facebook as I watched various links with clever titles beg me to click for a glimpse. I didn’t. At the core, I knew all it was really asking for is me to compare her body with my wife’s. A twisted desire that would only hurt my marriage.
But as we know, men continue to define women as objects. We see it in a musician’s lyrics or in a magazine editor’s content. All while we wonder why the sex trafficking and prostitution industries continue to thrive.
We watch as our little girls begin interpreting their value in the size of their breasts and the way their butt looks in their jeans. They flaunt themselves in figure framing yoga pants and short skirts hoping men might see their worth through its fabric. And yet, we still wonder why eating disorders continue to skyrocket.
Men are stuck struggling with sexual contentment. Women can never be pretty enough. And cosmetic surgery for implants of the breasts, butt, and even calves also continue to increase.
But let’s get real everyone.
There is a consequence to sexual brokenness. Divorce rates, adultery, and broken homes are all around us. Lustful thoughts and distorted views of sexuality are not only destroying our state of relationships, but it’s revoking the purity of our minds.
And my story… was anything but pure. My early definition of sexuality caused both pain in my marriage and shame in my emotions. It fractured the intimacy with my wife and has taken years of counseling to repair.
But where does it begin? How does it start? How can we prevent it?
Science tells us children define gender roles and sexual value patterns between age 2-5 and form more advanced views by age 10. As parents and leaders, we must recognize a warped definition of sexuality at age 9 will likely produce significant damage in a child’s ability to form healthy relationships as an adult.
So, how can we protect our boys and set them up for a successful and healthy sex life with their spouse? How can we help these little gentlemen protect and respect women for more than their bodies?
Here Are 5 Things I’ll Teach My Boys About Pornography:
1. She’s someone’s daughter, sister, and friend.
No father hopes his daughter will be the next star in a hardcore porno. No. He hoped she would be a marketing manager or a chef or a loving mother. The real question you must ask is this: Would you want someone watching your daughter or sister or mother have sex? Remember, finding pleasure in anything that causes pain for another, is always wrong.
2. You can’t always control what you see, but you can control the second look.
Your eyes are the gateway to your soul. Protect them at all costs. You will be unable to escape all the images but you can control your stare. You can choose to look away or even remove yourself. This act of self control is what truly makes a good man.
3. Don’t confuse beauty with pornography.
Pornography is stealing intimacy that never belonged to you. It cheapens the value of the real thing and distorts your definition of beauty. What truly makes a woman beautiful is her character. The way she loves, her compassion and creativity, her dreams and desires, her reactions to moments of importance, and the purity of her emotions. Her body is a gift to her future husband and it is to be appreciated within a marriage, not objectified on a screen.
4. Your sexuality is connected to your spirituality.
Sex was created by God for a man and woman to experience pleasure and procreation within a marriage. Outside of its purpose, it’s often the culprit of shame, guilt, and trauma. And while sex is the joining of two people, it’s also the connection of two souls. If practiced incorrectly outside of marriage or through internet masturbation, you will experience unnecessary spiritual brokenness that will require deep healing in your future.
5. Your willingness to watch, fuels someone else’s brokenness.
As consumers, we vote with our attention and our dollars. Like the quote says, “What gets rewarded, gets repeated.” Every moment you affirm a woman’s revealing clothing with your stare, you affirm her value is in her body. Every time you buy a sexually dominant magazine (Cosmopolitan, Maxim, etc), you encourage the creators of it to continue to objectify women. But when you stand for a woman’s worth and even help redefine it, you become a part in the greater story. A story of healing.
What would you tell your boys about pornography? Has pornography hurt anyone around you? Let me know in the comments below.