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Effects of Childhood Sexual Abuse, Part 4

April is Abuse Prevention Month
By Paul Irby Special to the Abilenian
Abilene Reporter-News
Posted April 1, 2009 at 5:26 p.m.

April is designated as abuse prevention month for the state of Texas. Therefore, the Mental Health Association of Abilene, felt it more than appropriate to run its latest installment of the “Effects of Abuse Series.” This installment is in two parts, because there is much to consider. In the previous two articles we considered the mental and emotional impacts of abuse, respectively. The third dimension to be examined is the behavioral dimension. What kinds of behaviors are “typical” of a person who has been sexually abused? The easy and disappointing answer is that there are no “typical” behaviors, and the behaviors that will be discussed are ambiguous enough that they should not be the sole determining factor in assessing if one has been abused. However, it is a fact that the behaviors are the first thing we notice in people that cause us alarm or concern. It is also important to clarify that behaviors are the end result of the “chain reaction” we have been discussing between thoughts/beliefs, feelings and behaviors.

The underlying belief that fuels those feelings of depression, anxiety, fear, anger, shame and doubt is the belief that he/she is “different” from others; that he/she is alone in this struggle and if anyone truly knew his/her plight, they would not value him/her. One of the most common manifestations of these beliefs and emotional responses is in the abused creating a persona of anger and aggression. This persona is in reality a wall meant to communicate to the world, “keep out!” and “if you don’t stay away, I’ll make sure you regret trying to get close.” Males will tend to be more physically aggressive while the females are more likely to be more verbally aggressive. Both are the result of a brooding anger which ultimately can be traced back to the fear of being betrayed, hurt, exploited and victimized again.

Depression and anxiety can lead to behavior manifestations like withdrawal, self-injury and suicidal ideations and attempts. Withdrawal is a common behavior in abuse victims. If the abuse begins at an early age and is chronic, this withdrawal may go unnoticed and explained away as a personality trait. Withdrawal is more noticeable in children between the ages of 8-18 because there is an already established pattern of social interaction. Self-injury is most common in adolescent females and takes the form of surface-level cuts on the forearms, abdomen, pelvis, or underneath the breast. The purpose of the self-injury is usually to achieve a sense of release reinforced by the initial shot of pain and subsequent presentation of blood. Many who engage in this behavior find it difficult or unacceptable to cry because crying leaves one with feelings of vulnerability, which is interpreted as weakness. Crying can also become uncontrollable, which again frightens the abuse victim, who often desires to have control in a life that seems so chaotic. The child who engages in self-injury believes they can control the cutting and therefore believe it to be a safe alternative. The self-injury then becomes another secret that has to be hidden and protected. In some ways this can relate back to the aspect of control, the cutter has control over the secret, but ultimately it becomes one more stressor which maintains the need to alleviate that stress. Self-injury can also be used as a form of self-punishment motivated by feelings of worthlessness. These feelings of worthlessness, when coupled with pent-up anxiety, depression, and fear, can lead to thoughts and attempts at suicide.

In the next installment we will look inside the possible sexual manifestations of a sexually abused child and how abuse can lead to substance and process addictions.

Paul Irby, M.A., is a licensed professional counselor with the Ministry of Counseling and Enrichment. Mental Health Matters is facilitated by the Mental Health Association in Abilene.

Original Article found here:
http://www.reporternews.com/news/2009/apr/01/april-abuse-prevention-month/

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Effects of Childhood Sexual Abuse, Part 3

Effects of abuse, part 3
By Paul Irby Special to the Abilenian
Abilene Reporter-News
Posted February 4, 2009 at 1:08 p.m.

This third article in the series of six reflects what can be called a continuation of a chain reaction beginning with the cognitive impacts discussed last month, which lead to the emotional experiences discussed in this article. The most common emotional experiences a sexually abused child encounters include fear, anxiety, anger, guilt and shame.

Fear and anxiety are closely related emotions. Many of their physiological and psychological experiences are identical. Fears and anxieties experienced by an abused child can be specific to gender, age range, status or race. When these fears are category-specific it is most likely tied to associations with the abuser. Fears and anxieties can also be more broad and general. Common generalized fears of abused children include the fear of their secret being found out, being rejected by peers and being emotionally vulnerable which would ultimately lead to being betrayed by someone else.

I recall working with a 23-year-old man who had been sexually abused by his mother from the age of 6 until the age of 21. One of the main reasons for his desire to seek therapy was “feeling angry all the time.”

I explained to my client that when I hear someone make such an assertion that my mind immediately returns to what I know to be the nature of anger. Anger is a secondary emotion. Quite literally, what that means is that anger is what we feel second in the sequence of emotional experience. Most often what is felt first is some kind of fear. This is only true of genuine anger, not frustration or irritation.

Think back to your own experience of being cut off in traffic. We can easily identify the feelings of anger toward that driver and our subsequent desires to express that anger. If someone were to ask you how you felt after being cut off, you would probably frame this experience as one that prompted anger. However, if we were to trace back the very first emotional experience, it would be one of fear. For the driver, it is the fear that the vehicle or self might be hurt, and the fear quickly manifests itself into anger. So, when I heard my client contend that he was “angry all the time,” we began a discussion of what fears are present that lead to his consistent feelings of anger. In reality one who has been abused, who walks around angry “all the time,” is living with pervasive fear. Anger was the way in which this person chose to protect himself from the fears becoming a reality.

Guilt and shame are often used interchangeably in our language, but an important distinction was made to me by one of my wise clients. He defined guilt as “believing you did something bad” and shame as “believing you are a bad person.” When considered in the framework of one who was sexually abused as a child, this is one of the biggest lies he or she can believe. While much of our society can look from the outside in to another’s experience and logically make a case finding fault in the abused child’s reactions or responses, these outsiders are wrong. Often they will say things like, “well you shouldn’t have kept it a secret so long,” not recognizing the power of intimidation, fear and humiliation that maintains the secret. Abusers use sick “logic” to rationalize abuse, claiming that the child “flirted” with them or “wanted it as much as they did.” These abusers fail to recognize their humane responsibility as adults to the welfare of children, and often confuse affection for sexual advancement.

Survivors of abuse will internalize these inaccurate beliefs that result in feelings of guilt and shame. Children should never be blamed for abuse perpetrated against them.

Paul Irby, M.A., is a licensed professional counselor with the Ministry of Counseling and Enrichment. Mental Health Matters is facilitated by the Mental Health Association in Abilene.

The original article can be found here:
http://www.reporternews.com/news/2009/feb/04/effects-abuse-part-3/

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Effects of Childhood Sexual Abuse, Part 2

Effects of abuse, part 2
By Paul Irby Special to the Abilenian
Abilene Reporter-News
Posted January 7, 2009 at 11:28 a.m.

Last month we examined the multifaceted reasons why some children who are sexually abused seem to have more intense and pervasive effects from the abuse and why other children seem more resilient. This month we begin taking a look at what some of those effects can be. Just as the factors leading to these effects are multifaceted, these impacts are multidimensional. Also, keep in mind that the effects mentioned are possibilities, and not all survivors of abuse will experience all of the signs or symptoms detailed in this and subsequent articles. Although we are going to be examining these dimensional impacts in separate articles, they are connected. We know that how we think and what we believe influences the way we feel, and how we feel influences our behavior. Therefore, we begin our discussion with the cognitive or mental impacts sexual abuse can have on its’ victims.

Flashbacks and nightmares are two of the more widely known residual cognitive manifestations. Flashbacks can be triggered environmentally or experienced as unexpected seemingly spontaneous intrusive thoughts. The most common environmental triggers are associated with sight and smell. Seeing the abuser (or even someone resembling the abuser), visiting the location of the abuse, and encountering odors associated with the abuser or location of the abuse are obvious triggers. More subtle triggers are associated with other senses, such as hearing certain phrases, voice tones, inflections and encountering certain textures.

Flashbacks are generally experienced in one of two ways. Either the survivor experiences memories of the abuse like a terribly vivid movie playing in their mind, or they have a memory that causes them to consider all the ways they could have done something differently, further exacerbating the harmful myth that they had a role in perpetuating the abuse.

Nightmares are an issue that deals with the unpredictable and irrational subconscious, and therefore it is difficult to have truly insightful comment. Therefore, my input here is fairly limited. Nightmares can have varying degrees of frequency and intensity. Some experience recurrent nightmares (the same nightmare over and over), while others have different nightmares that reflect or distort what they encountered. Some antidepressant medications, such as Cymbalta, have been associated with more vivid and realistic feeling dreams. Please consult your prescribing physician if you have questions related to medication side-effects.

Beliefs that survivors of abuse develop about themselves and the world around them are other devastating cognitive impacts. Consider for a moment your own experience of sitting in a restaurant and noticing couples or families sitting together and seemingly enjoying a meal. It is most people’s natural tendency to assume the best about those whom we observe. We assume the couple are happy and in love or that the family is healthy and stable.

Between the ages of 10 and 13 children begin to develop more abstract, deductive and inductive reasoning. Along with this development, the abused child comes to the correct understanding that his home life and/or experiences are different from what he has seen on the Disney channel or read about in books. This child who is at school or other social places with peers begins to make the same assumptions as we do. However, these assumptions often lead to the distorted belief that no one else’s home life is like theirs and, therefore, they are different from everyone else.

Being exposed to the trauma of sexual abuse often leads its’ victims to believe that the world or certain aspects of it are untrustworthy and unsafe. This is especially true of the child who is abused by a parent or other family member who is “supposed to be” trusted. It is these core beliefs that the child develops about themselves and the world around them that lead to feelings of depression, anxiety, fear, anger, shame and guilt that will be explored in this article next month.

Paul Irby, M.A., is a licensed professional counselor with the Ministry of Counseling and Enrichment. Mental Health Matters is facilitated by the Mental Health Association in Abilene.

Original article found here:
http://www.reporternews.com/news/2009/jan/07/effects-abuse-part-2/

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Effects of Childhood Sexual Abuse, Part 1

April is designated as abuse prevention month for the state of Texas.  Therefore, the majority of posts for this month will orbit around childhood abuse and the effects of such abuse.  I pray that our world can come to a place where no child is ever abused again!

Effects of abuse, part 1
By Paul Irby Special to the Abilenian
Abilene Reporter-News
Posted December 3, 2008 at 11:21 a.m.

It seems the sexual abuse of children is an epidemic in our society. This evil respects no boundaries of gender, race, ethnicity or socioeconomic status. The Mental Health Association of Abilene recognizes thousands of people in the Big Country have been impacted by this epidemic. Therefore, executive director Kirk Hancock has commissioned the penning of six articles over the course of six months for the purpose of educating the general public regarding the potential developmental impacts of sexual abuse on its victims.

When approaching the discussion of this subject, it is important to note there are no standard or predictable outcomes, and some seem to adjust better post-abuse than others.

For the next five months, Mental Health Matters will have articles highlighting how specific dimensions of a person can be impacted by sexual abuse. These articles will take a “shotgun” approach to describing potential impacts. It should be noted not all survivors of sexual abuse will experience all the effects discussed, and the intensity with which others endure their respective impacts will differ. Therefore, it stands to reason that we first answer the question of what factors influence the intensity of the adverse developmental impacts on a child who has been sexually abused.

The duration and frequency of the abuse is one important component to consider. Some children experience the abuse on a daily, weekly or monthly frequency for a duration of months or years. Others have endured less chronic or isolated instances of abuse. It is this latter group that has the least amount of susceptibility to adverse consequences down the road.

Another consideration is the kind of abuse perpetrated. Survivors with the most intense developmental impacts are those who sustained penetration orally, anally or vaginally. The invasive nature of these acts adds to the already deep sense of violation, both physically and psychologically. Sexual abuse can include less invasive, yet still horrific, forms such as manual stimulation and groping over the clothes.

The response of adults to the child’s disclosure of the abuse is another vital piece to understanding the resilience of some abused children.

Common mistakes parents and other significant adults make when a child musters the courage to disclose the abuse are not believing the child, blaming the child or defining the child by the abuse. The lack of support, blame and even punishment of the child can have just as devastating impacts as the actual abuse.

Other factors include the age and temperament of the child, the presence of violence or intimidation, along with the sexual abuse and the relationship of the abuser to the abused.

While nothing positive exists in an abusive situation, there are “best case” scenarios. Bear in mind, even children who come from a “worst case” scenario who access quality professional help and have a solid social support system can not only survive, but thrive.

Next month we will explore possible mental or cognitive impacts sexual abuse can have on a child.

Paul Irby, M.A., is a licensed professional counselor with the Ministry of Counseling and Enrichment. Mental Health Matters is facilitated by the Mental Health Association in Abilene.

Original article found here:
http://www.reporternews.com/news/2008/dec/03/effects-abuse-part-1it-seems-sexual-abuse-children/

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Sexy Toys and Clothes: Priming Our Kids for Porn and Pedophiles

Sexy Toys and Clothes: Priming Our Kids for Porn and Pedophiles

Posted on September 14, 2012 by  at http://pornoculation.com/2012/09/14/sexy-toys-and-clothes-priming-our-kids-for-porn-and-pedophiles

“She’ll show off a little sass wearing this sparkly sequin graphic tee from Stardoll.”

Huh? Children’s brains are not naturally programed for sexuality, but you wouldn’t know that by some of the clothes young children are wearing.  I’m not sure why any mom wants her 7 year old daughter to wear a sequin shirt with big pouty red lips, but I am sure it’s part of a broader cultural trend that is sexualizing our young children via clothing and toys.

Cultural trends can be so incremental, that we may not recognize them. We may adopt them without thinking, which is why looking back in history is so important. But I digress…

I found these “Monster High” dolls on the Toy’s R Us website. Here’s Draculaura, dressed in fishnet tights, high heel boots and a mini-skirt. Little pink hearts are scattered around, too. Really pretty disturbing when you think that little girls are playing with these dolls. The spring break doll was equally sexualized, if not more so.

My rule of thumb: if you don’t want your daughter to wear it, don’t let her dolls wear it either. Because there may be “unintended consequences.” Kids mimic everything–they are hardwired to do that.

But here’s another problem with dressing our kids in “sexy” clothes:

Sexy kid’s clothing may also invite unwanted attention from a pedophile.

I know that sounds extreme, but not to expert criminal profiler, police trainer and author Deborah Schurman-Kauflin, Ph.D. who makes this case in a September 2011 Psychology Today article entitled “Porn for Pedophiles: ‘Sexy Children’ on Parade.” She begins by describing the child beauty pageant shows which feature very young children dressed up “in bikinis, mini dresses, and other revealing clothing. The girls are then prodded to dance around like mini-strippers. Both moms and dads call to their girls to shake their hips and strike sexy poses.”

But it gest worse. Dr. Schurman-Kauflin asserts that child molesters watch these shows to get their kicks and explains that the typical pedophile studies a child from a distance before they strike. She goes on to advise parents:

“Unfortunately, we live in a time where we have to be watchful. It is not a good idea to sexualize your children. If you do it, don’t be surprised when others see your child as a sex object. To the predator, this is an invitation…Monsters are out there…Wouldn’t it be better to allow your child to be a child than to turn her into a target?”

Children are not sexual beings. If we want to avoid priming our children for pornography or making them a target for a pedophile, we need to carefully select their clothing and toys to give them a childhood free from sexualization. Then we must warn them in an age-appropriate way to turn away from sexualized images. It’s a tall order, but I believe it can be done.