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12 steps

June 25, 2021 By Castimonia

What the Church can Learn from Addicts

Originally posted at: https://gracetruth.blog/

In my last job, I was based in a church building which hosted a huge range of 12 Step recovery groups in its basement.  The most famous of these is Alcoholics Anonymous (AA), but there were also groups specifically for people struggling with many of the compulsive behaviours that Brand lists above.

Disarming

In my lunchbreaks, I often attended the open AA meeting which met every day with 60-80 people present.  I had worked closely with addicts for over 20 years but the experience of participating in these meetings had a profound impact.

One initial thing I found disarming is that I have never been in any environment where there were so many references to God alongside so much swearing.  I will never forget one man saying to me after a meeting:

‘Isn’t it so f***ing good to hear these stories of salvation?’

His comment both made me laugh and struck a chord: it was great to hear such stories. 

But the theology of what he said also made me reflect. In church, we get used to hearing the word ‘salvation’ used in a purely spiritual way: often to mean the securing of God’s forgiveness and a future place in heaven.

Integrated

But the salvation referred to here was immediate, tangible, concrete. It was to do with being saved now from the corrosive effect of addiction and its deadly consequences.  It was still spiritual, but in a far more integrated way to life now.

In those meeting, I heard countless stories of people being saved from toxic behaviours which threatened their health, relationships, families, careers, future and their hope. People spoke about the gratitude they had for relationships with children and grandchildren that would have been lost if they had not found a path of recovery.

Grace & truth

What I learnt in those meetings was profoundly relevant to this blog because I don’t think I have ever been in environments which combined such a powerful blend of grace and truth.

They are places of grace because of the fundamental acceptance of people who struggle and know they need something beyond themselves. The absence of high profile leaders or didactic sermons means there is a tangible corporate humility and lack of ego. People are welcomed and their stories valued. 

But they are places of raw truth. Some of the stories could not be more honest as people share what addiction has cost them, their on-going challenges and the steps that have taken in a positive direction. There is little overblown rhetoric or cant: people speak of the challenges of today rather than lofty aspirations.

Hope

One of the co-founders of AA, Bill W, was strongly influenced by an evangelistic society called the Oxford Group.  Although he would later split from them, Wilson credited them with saving his life from his addiction to alcohol.

Although the AA movement rejected association with any particular faith or denomination, its values and practices have huge overlaps with the Christian faith.

Therefore there is much the Church can learn from the movement.  For a start, I know a number of Christians who say that the 12 Steps have been the best discipleship program they have ever experienced.

This is how Brand concludes his book about the 12 Steps:

“It has given me purpose, freed me from trauma and shame. It has given me the sanctuary that I sought from each false prophet that briefly illuminated, then stained, my using life. It has shown me that sex, drugs, fame and money are no more likely to resolve the yearning I’ve always felt than porn or biscuits.

If you feel that yearning and that you’ve never quite fitted into this world then you should give yourself and this program a chance because the yearning is real, its trying to lead you home.”

Filed Under: Sexual Purity Posts Tagged With: 12 steps, addicts, Russell Brand

January 26, 2016 By Castimonia

CASTIMONIA Book – Revised Edition

https://www.createspace.com/5554305

I am humbled to announce the “official” publishing of our ministry’s resource book:

CASTIMONIA

THUMBNAIL_IMAGE

Authored by Servants of Christ
Edition: First Edition (Revised)

I want to thank everyone that sent feedback to the Castimonia Literature Committee (or me) on the First Edition of the book, or the “First 50” copies.  Bill W. of Alcoholics Anonymous had the privilege of having the “First 40” of the Big Book of AA reviewed and thus Castimonia was fortunate enough to have the “First 50” reviewed.  All feedback was appreciated and changes were made to the original First Edition in order to better help men who struggle with Sexual Purity.

Castimonia is Latin for “moral purity” something every man should strive for.

Castimonia is a Christ-centered 12-Step Support and Recovery program for sexual impurity or sexual addiction with the goal to achieve a Biblically-based sexual purity. We share our experience, strength, and hope with each other so that we may achieve sexual purity and help others overcome sexual impurity or compulsive sexual behaviors.

This book is used for working the 12-step Castimonia program and should be used with the guidance of a Sponsor only.  The revised first edition includes text on a proper sexual purity recovery program, a thorough working of the 12 Steps, stories from men in the group, and a work book for working the 12-Steps.

Many thanks to Alcoholics Anonymous and Sex Addicts Anonymous for paving the way in the 12-Step world as well as the countless men in recovery and the therapists that have helped facilitate God’s healing of their wounds.  Most importantly, thank you to the patient spouses who have put up with our issues long enough to make this ministry and book possible.

Original Publication Date: August 22, 2015
Revised Edition Publication Date: January 20, 2016

ISBN/EAN13: 151531023X / 978-1515310235
Page Count: 454
Binding Type: US Trade Paper
Trim Size: 6″ x 9″
Language: English
Color: Black and White
Related Categories: Self-Help / Twelve-Step Programs

The book can be purchased at any Castimonia meeting  or via the Create Space store. 

If you are a man struggling with Sexual Purity and would like to purchase a copy of the book for the same amount as sold at Castimonia meetings ($20) please contact the publisher, Armaturam, LLC for a discount rate: Jorge@Armaturam.org

https://www.createspace.com/5554305

Filed Under: Sexual Purity Posts Tagged With: 12 step meetings, 12 steps, 12-step, addiction, affair, Affairs, alcohol, alcoholic, anonymous sex partners, Book, call girls, castimonia, Castimonia Book, Character Defects, christian, co-dependency, Emotions, father wound, gratification, healing, human trafficking, Intimacy, Jesus Christ, lust, masturbation, meeting, porn, porn star, pornography, pornstar, pornstars, prostitute, prostitutes, ptsd, purity, recovery, Sex, sex addict, sex addiction, sex partners, sexual, sexual addiction, sexual impurity, sexual purity, spouses, STD, strippers, trauma

July 21, 2013 By Castimonia

Castimonia Friday Lunch Telemeeting

Beginning on Friday, July 26th, we are starting a fifth weekly Castimonia meeting!  The meeting will be a telephone call-in meeting (also referred to as a “Telemeeting”) and will be held weekly every Friday at noon (central standard time).

I look forward to hearing from you this Friday!

Friday Lunch Telemeeting
Time: 12:00PM – 1:00PM (CST)
Location: Telemeeting Call In Center
Call In Phone Number: 424-203-8405 (US Residents)
Access code: 407885
Click here for International Dial-In Numbers

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Filed Under: General Meeting Information Tagged With: 12 step meetings, 12 steps, addiction, castimonia, christian, Intimacy, Jesus Christ, meeting, porn, porn addiction, pornography addiction, purity, recovery, Sex, sexual, sexual addiction, sexual impurity, sexual purity, telemeeting

January 11, 2013 By Castimonia

Castimonia Saturday Morning Meeting Topic – Step 1 Step Study

We admitted we were powerless over our addictions and compulsive behaviors, that our lives had become unmanageable.
“I know nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature.  For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out.”
(Romans 7:18)

In today’s Castimonia meeting we reviewed Step 1 from the Twelve Steps for Christians and the SAA Green Book.

saa-green-bookIn understanding the first step, one must come to the understanding that surrendering is the only way to “win” this battle.  For most of us, this makes absolutely no strategic sense at all.  We have been taught to never give up, never surrender, that we are strong men and we don’t “give up” no matter what the cost!  Well this war is over, and we don’t have the strength to keep fighting it the way we have been. We need help, we need reinforcements, we need new, stronger, more powerful weapons to defeat this enemy.  We need the ultimate “weapon” in Jesus Christ!  Once we admit we cannot win this war on our own and surrender ourselves, not to the addiction, but to Him, a new war begins.

Furthermore, we come to an understanding that this is not a self control issue.  In our addiction, self control was no longer available to us, however, we can surrender to what I call “Christ-control.”  This is not saying that Jesus Christ controls my personal actions if I continue to act out, but that I must surrender my control to Jesus Christ.  Only with Him in control (and believing such) can I live my life according to His will, not mine.  We will review this concept when we work Step 3, so let’s not get ahead of ourselves!  A different sort of self control will begin to appear as we work our recovery program.

Part of understanding this first step is that we acknowledge that we have a disease.   This is not an excuse for what we have done in the past, or might continue to do.  We take personal responsibility for our actions and suffer the consequences.  However, in understanding it is a disease, we understand that only God can heal us and there is nothing we can do to heal ourselves:  The only cure is God!

So how does one get to the point where they understand the battle is over (and was unwinnable from the beginning) and that we truly have a disease?  We do so by “working” the first step.  We sit down, with the help of our sponsor, and write down as much of our history as possible, both sexual and non-sexual.  We begin by looking at our childhood and family of origin for the signs of dysfunction that may have been “hidden” but were ever present in our lives.  We even include multiple generations of dysfunction as far back as we can find or remember.  We include our first sexual experiences as early as we can remember and continue to write out our sexual history up until the present.  We are specific about our thoughts and feelings leading up to, during, and after the sexual experiences carefully looking at the patterns and behaviors around our sexual acting out.

In writing out our history, we include examples of when we realized our sexual activities were “wrong” but continued to repeat them and the times we said, “I won’t do this again.”  We include examples of when we made “deals” with ourselves, others, or even God after we had acted out.  We also include instances where we told ourselves we would not go back “to that place” and we did.  Finally, we include examples of all the times we tried to stop on our own and then continued with the insanity of the addiction.  All the preceding are examples of our powerlessness over the addiction.  We come to a true understanding that we are completely powerless over this addiction!

As we continue to examine our lives and write out our first step, we start to look at how our lives started spinning out of control.  We list specific examples of how our preoccupation of sex or our sexual acting out kept us from meeting work and home schedules.  We look at missed appointments or opportunities or even those to which we arrived late because of our extended time in preoccupation or in the addiction.  We look at how our addiction has affected our work life.  If we missed work because of the addiction or cost the company money around the addiction, then we list that.  We even include times where we rearranged work and/or travel schedules to fit into our sexual acting out.  At home, we list the times we were neglectful to our families.  We list times where we said we would be at a family function and either missed it or were running late.   We also include the great personal risks we took when we acted out.  We write about the times we compromised our safety or the safety of others.  If we engaged in unhealthy and unsafe sexual behaviors, we also include those examples.  Finally, we include the financial cost of our addiction.  We look at the money we spent on sexual acting out as well as the time we spent on our addiction.  With help from our sponsor we can calculate the total “financial cost” of our addiction based on actual money spent but also on the time spent pursuing sexual acting out.

One word of caution about writing this first step.  Because of our needing to recall these events, writing the first step can be emotionally or sexually triggering, or both.  It is important to not get lost in the writing of our first step.  Many of us have found it useful to write small parts of our first step prior to attending a meeting in order to burst out of the emotional and sexual bubble we might have inadvertently formed while writing.  It is important to reach out, not only if we are sexually triggered by our first step writing, but also if we are emotionally triggered by traumatic events that might have occurred in our lives.

Finally, with the help of our sponsor, we edit down our first step removing triggering language or events, names, locations, websites, or explicit examples in preparation to give our first step publicly at a meeting.  However, if there are things too personal to share with the group we instead share them directly with our sponsor.  Our sponsor will help guide us in editing our first step.  Giving our first step publicly gives us the opportunity to tell our story and remove the shackles of guilt and shame associated with our sexual acting out.  It allows us to experience God’s love for us through the love of other men in recovery with similar backgrounds.  It creates a bond between us that can never be created with another man whom with we have not shared our true life’s story.   The men in the room that hear our first step know us better than any other man on this planet, they know 100% of who we are, not just the 50% we tend to portray in public.  This is what is called true brotherhood, this is what is called real intimacy.  Being intimate with another man is a gift from God and leads to deeper relationships that we have ever experienced in our lives.

Take what you like and leave the rest!

Filed Under: Meeting Topics, Monday Night Meeting Topics, Saturday Morning Meeting Topics, Sexual Purity Posts, Thursday Night Meeting Topics Tagged With: 12 steps, AA, addiction, affair, Affairs, alcohol, alcoholic, alcoholics anonymous, anonymous sex partners, call girls, castimonia, christian, Emotions, escorts, first step, gratification, healing, human trafficking, Intimacy, lust, masturbation, porn, porn star, pornography, pornstar, pornstars, prostitute, prostitutes, ptsd, purity, recovery, saa, Sex, sex addict, sex addiction, sex addicts anonymous, sex partners, sexual, sexual addiction, sexual impurity, sexual purity, spouses, STD, strippers, trauma, twelve steps

October 6, 2012 By Castimonia

Castimonia Saturday Morning Meeting Topic – Step 10 Step Study

 We continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong, promptly admitted it.
“So, if you think you are standing firm, be careful that you don’t fall!” (1 Corinthians 10:12)

In today’s Castimonia meeting we reviewed Step 10 from the Twelve Steps for Christians and the SAA Green Book.

In understanding Step 10, one equation is important to me.

Step 10 = (Step 4 + Step 5 + Step 6 + Step 7 + Step 8 + Step 9)

If one understands this, Step 10 becomes much easier to work through.  Why?  Because we’ve already worked Step 10 when we worked through Steps 4 – 9!  However, it is equally important to understand the basis of Step 10.  As is stated in our “How it Works” section, “…we are not perfect as Christ.”  This tells me that there will be days when I don’t work my program or live my life perfectly, and that is OK.  The 10th Step states, “When we were wrong,” not “IF we were wrong.”  This signifies that WE WILL fall short, there is no doubt.  We are humans and only Christ was perfect and I am not He.  The point is, we don’t beat ourselves up because we fall short, we work through our program, take personal inventory, expose those character defects, make amends, and move forward!

“Even with our best efforts we make mistakes.  We are human, and we fall short of the mark regularly, even when we are abstinent from our addictive sexual behavior….. our imperfection is certain, and mistakes are inevitable.  We adopt the attitude of learning from, rather than denying, our mistakes.  Working this step allows us to let go of both perfectionism and grandiosity.  We gradually discover the relief and humility of not having to be perfect.” – SAA Green Book, p. 52 & 55

Well stated by the SAA Green Book.  I really like the thought that I don’t have to be perfect.  That a healthy me does not have to be perfect to be a good person, to be lovable!  The key is, to be able to admit when we are wrong, even at the cost of losing everything in our lives.  To continue to live in rigorous honesty is key to our continued growth in recovery and in maintaining long-term sobriety.  In understanding Step 10, we need to understand that the 12 Steps are “living” and we will continue to work them as long as we remain in recovery.

The true test will be if a person goes through a relapse into addictive sexual behaviors.  I pray that no one ever has to go through this test!  However, in understanding that the steps work and there is continued growth in recovery and in working the steps on a daily basis, one must be courageous enough to follow through with the 10th Step if one has a relapse into addictive sexual behavior.  Yes, they could lose their spouse, their family, their jobs, but it is better to admit when we failed, than to allow the addiction to hold onto us tightly with the chains of secrecy!  We must be courageous enough to trust in God that He is loving and caring and will see us through any of these difficulties.  We must be courageous enough to step back into the light and release any secrets we have held onto after a relapse.  We must be courageous enough to stay in recovery, no matter the cost!

The program works, if you work it.

Filed Under: Sexual Purity Posts Tagged With: 12 steps, addiction, affair, Affairs, anonymous sex partners, call girls, castimonia, christian, escorts, gratification, human trafficking, Intimacy, Jesus, lust, masturbation, meeting, porn, porn star, pornography, pornstar, pornstars, prostitute, prostitutes, ptsd, purity, recovery, Sex, sex addict, sex addiction, sex partners, sexual, sexual addiction, sexual impurity, sexual purity, spouses, STD, Step 10, strippers, trauma

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Castimonia Restoration Ministry, Inc. is a 501c3 non-profit organization


This site is intended for individuals who struggle with maintaining sexual purity. This information is posted for individuals at various stages in their recovery, year 1 to year 30+; what applies to some, may not apply others. Spouses are encouraged to read this blog with the caveat that they may not agree with, understand, or know the reason for some items posted. As always, take what you like and leave the rest.

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