CASTIMONIA

Sexual Purity Support & Recovery Group

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Separation Anxiety

 (This post comes from Anonymous.)

Sexual abuse began so early in my life that I missed the chance to become my own person in the way that I should have at an early age. My initial identity was formed as someone who existed to bring another a sick pleasure.

The secret use of my body to satisfy someone older and bigger was the first place that I felt valued as a human being and that identity stuck to me like hot glue. Fortunately for me, I have come to know that that was only a false identity and not the real me.

Babies and small children often suffer through what we know as separation anxiety. Having been so close to the mother in the womb and at the breast results in fear and anxiety when infants experience separation. I have experienced a different form of separation anxiety as I have faced the reality that the early identity formed in me was the wrong one. Or worse, that it was forced on me by my abusers. I became an object and not a human to them and then to myself.

My abuse stretched out over many years, and I was acting it out in multiple sexual relationships primarily as the sex-slave of others. I lived to pleasure others and took that role because it was the only thing I knew. I was the powerless one and the partner always the strong one. It was sheer hell in so many ways, even though I thought I wanted this. I didn’t know that I was living out the wrong identity for many years after the abuse. Eventually, truth broke through.

I’ve spent many years untangling the effects of abuse. I’ve made great strides in separating myself from the false identity forced on me and in developing the real me, the man who has power over my own mind and body. This causes anxiety at times when I seem to fall back into old patterns of thinking. Like a baby, I don’t know who I am apart from the abuse that “mothered” me in many ways. But with each day I find that I won’t die becoming the real me.

I will live and I will live well.

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The Addiction VS. Your Confession

The Addiction VS. Your Confession
Originally Posted by SemperFi2Christ

If you’re plugged into the Word then you know the power of the tongue. Just want to remind you that you can use the Sword of The Spirit, the Word of God, to defeat pornography and masturbation! Yes, it is true. Speak over yourself first thing in the morning.

“Today, I am free from all addictions, temptations, and lusts, the Holy Spirit, my friend and comforter, is working overtime to show me the way out. He leads me by the still waters. I am an overcomer of the Devil through Christ Jesus and I lash out against condemnation with the power of His Blood. I am SAVED, and I know that sin is not applied to me. I am not under the law, so I need not sacrifice anything to God, but claim the righteousness bought by Jesus. Thank you God for sending your son. Amen”

You don’t have to say it verbatim, but I encourage you to speak something, OUT LOUD, over yourself so that it starts to permeate your thinking. Remember, BELIEVE what you say. Believe God.

God bless brothers and sisters

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I Was in Denial About My Childhood Sexual Abuse

This is a very painful subject for me, something I really don’t like to talk about.  However, since the month of April is childhood abuse month, I figured I would tell a small part of my life story.  I was sexually abused from age 3 until age 7.  I continued to act out sexually on a nearly a daily basis until I entered recovery at age 33.  It took me three years of recovery and therapy to finally admit that I was sexually abused as a child.  Because of the circumstances, I was in complete denial about my abuse and my abuser.

Scan59The reason I was in denial is because the girl that abused me was just a little older than me, maybe 6 months or a year.  When my family moved away from our home country to a university setting in the United States, I didn’t know many children that spoke my native tongue.  She did and it was a relief that I could speak to her and she could speak to me and we could understand one another.  I was around 3 years old at this time.  I don’t remember all of the details of our relationship, but a few points do stand out.  I recall the time we hid from our parents (her idea) and we snuck into the university swimming pool that was located about 2 miles from our apartment complex.  Apparently our parents called the police and everyone was looking for us while we enjoyed ourselves at the pool.  I don’t recall what occurred when we came home but knowing my parents, it wasn’t good.

I trusted this girl a lot, so when she decided we should play sexual games together, I went along with her.  I do recall the words to this day she spoke to me in my native tongue stating, “don’t tell your parents.”  I didn’t tell my parents, not until 30+ years later when I entered recovery.  Even then, I minimized the fact she abused me for 4 years, I was still in denial.  Amazing how I always thought my parents suspected something but when I asked them about it, they said they never knew.  She and I were together almost every day and the sexual activities were basically based on what she wanted to do to me, with me, and with other boys at the apartment complex.  I don’t know where she learned all these things, but I suspect her older siblings or parents had something to do with it, perhaps with pornography and or an extremely liberal stance on human sexuality.  I may never know the answers, nor do I wish to pursue them.

I do know that this sexual abuse and what I thought was “love” has affected the rest of my life up until I entered recovery.  I believed this girl loved me, that she and I would be together forever.  Why else would she want to do sexual things with me?  Allowing her violate me sexually was the way I showed her that I too loved her.  As an adult, I repeated this same love = sex behavior thousands of times.  For a majority of my life, I had the belief that being sexual with a woman meant I loved her and she loved me.  A woman who wanted to be sexual with me, who initiated sex with me, who pursued me sexually was a woman that loved me: this is what I believed for 30+ years.  This idea was ingrained in me by my abuser, an idea I still struggle with on occasions.  I’m not attempting to minimize by saying that it could have been worse, I could have been abused by an adult, but in actuality, the fact that it was another child, masked the abuse, keeping me living in denial for so long and in turn pursuing a false sense of love.  The abuse was not traumatic, it was what I used to consider consensual; I believed it was because I enjoyed it.  As an adult, I reenacted various things we did together, with other women, ultimately believing I was fulfilling some great fantasy locked within the depths of my mind.  The saying “follow your fantasy and you’ll find your wound” makes perfect sense to me now.

GiselaI don’t like the fact that I was sexually abused.  When I finally broke through the denial, with the help of my therapist, I was a complete mess.  However, it allowed for God to begin healing this wound that I had held onto for so long.  Being labeled a victim of childhood sexual abuse was not pleasant, it made me feel dirty, it made me feel like I was worse than I really am.  One of my friends in recovery let me know that I am no different today (the day I finally acknowledged it as sexual abuse) than I was yesterday (when I was “just” a recovering sex addict).  This helped me tremendously.  Breaking through the stigma of dirtiness and brokenness was difficult but necessary.  I still struggle with negative intrusive thoughts about the abuse and being unwanted or being broken.  However, I have come to understand that feeling “unwanted” is just a lie and also, God can’t fix me if I’m not broken….

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Adult Manifestations of Childhood Sexual Abuse

Adult Manifestations of Childhood Sexual Abuse
Full PDF article and figures can be found here:
http://publichealth.lacounty.gov/wwwfiles/ph/media/media/TPH-409.pdf

Background

While childhood sexual abuse (CSA) continues to be a major public health problem, an equally severe and silent epidemic are the estimated 39 million adult survivors of childhood sexual abuse in the United States who continue to exhibit aftereffects of CSA that predispose them to adverse psychosocial outcomes throughout their adolescent and adult life.

Early childhood traumas such as sexual abuse can have lifelong effects throughout adulthood, and the cost to society is high. Ninety percent of cases go unreported and untreated, as the symptoms of CSA are often misdiagnosed and unappreciated.

This article attempts to provide clinicians with awareness of the neurodevelopmental effects of CSA, the adult clinical symptoms, and the adverse psychosocial outcomes of CSA. It will also present tools to help identify the aftereffects of CSA in adulthood and provide mandated reporting protocols.

Definition

Sexual abuse is defined as any sexual activity that a child cannot comprehend or consent to. It includes acts such as fondling, oral-genital contact, and genital and anal intercourse, as well as exhibitionism, voyeurism, and exposure to pornography. A central characteristic of any abuse is the dominant position of an adult that allows him or her to force or coerce a child into sexual activity. Researchers have determined that child sexual abuse victims come from all cultural, racial, and economic groups. The lack of a universal definition of CSA contributes to the complexity of data collection and estimates.

Incidence and Prevalence

Currently, CSA prevalence in the U.S. is not known, but estimates vary from 12% to 40%. Incidence studies suggest that while on average 5.5 children per 10,000 enrolled in day care are sexually abused, a greater number of children (8.9 children per 10,000) are sexually abused in their home. Further CSA studies suggest that 53% of the abuse occurs in the home, 57% report the perpetrator was a family member, and 65% report repeated abuse. Overall, studies show that 1 in 3 females, and 1 in 6 males have experienced childhood sexual abuse by the age of 18.

While nearly 90,000 cases of child sexual abuse are reported each year in the U.S., between 88%-90% of CSA cases are estimated to be unreported and interestingly, between 21%-49% of CSA victims appear asymptomatic following victimization. The lack of disclosing a history of sexual abuse contributes to the lifelong effects of the abuse.

Neurodevelopmental Damage of CSA

Controlled studies have shown that adult survivors of child sexual abuse (ASCSA) are more likely to exhibit adverse psychopathologies in adulthood, and neuroimaging studies confirm that exposure to sexual abuse in childhood alters the neurobiology and neurostructures in the brain, leading to scarring, an abnormal neurohormonal response to future stressors, and predisposes the victim to a lifetime of negative consequences.

Neurological damage from sexual abuse alters early brain development, increasing the risk for psychopathology in adolescence and adulthood (Table 1). The hippocampus, responsible for new learning and memory, plays a critical role in recording emotions that are attached to a stressful event such as sexual abuse. The hippocampus is known to be very sensitive to stress. During stress, high levels of glucocorticoids are released, and over time (as observed among CSA victims, including those re-victimized) elevated levels of glucocorticoids damage neurons in the CA3 region of the hippocampus and lead to atrophy. While the hippocampus has been shown to regenerate neurons, stress inhibits neurogenesis.

Abnormalities of the hippocampus have been shown to be associated with pathological fear, mood imbalances, and anxiety reactions in trauma-related disorders (also hallmarks among ASCSA).

Magnetic resonance imaging (MRI) studies have demonstrated a 12% left hippocampal volume size reduction among adults who have been sexually abused in childhood as compared to healthy controls (Figure 1). Similar reductions are exhibited among subjects with trauma-spectrum disorders such as depression, dissociation, PTSD, and borderline personality disorder. In addition, the amygdala, responsible for emotional and fear regulation, is affected by early sexual trauma, resulting in similar psychopathologies.

Studies suggest sexually traumatized children are also less able to utilize both brain hemispheres to process experiences. The corpus callosum, a longitudinal fissure that connects the left and right cerebral hemispheres, is shown to be abnormal in sexually abused children. Generally, the left side of the brain processes positive emotions and logical thinking, and the right processes negative emotions such as fear. When the corpus callosum is not operating properly these processes are unable to function at the same time, thus supporting theories why many abused individuals divide people into “all good” or “all bad” and exhibit mood swings, as observed in borderline patients.

Adult Manifestations of CSA

There is no adopted definition to identify the symptoms exhibited among ASCSA; however, evidence-based research has confirmed long-term effects of CSA in adolescence and into adulthood. Later in their lives, many ASCSA, whether reported or not, exhibit psychopathology, acting-out behaviors (social dysfunction), relationship problems (interpersonally), somatic symptoms, and sexual disorders.

CSA survivor studies suggest that ASCSA use health care services more often than the general population, are shown to exhibit more somatic symptoms that do not respond to medical treatment, and present more severe and complex symptoms.The response to sexual abuse during childhood varies, and is largely dependent on 1) age at onset; 2) severity; 3) duration; 4) relationship to the perpetrator; 5) the child’s resiliency; and 6) stability of and support from the family.

Childhood survivors might initially seem unaffected by the trauma; however, by adolescence and adulthood, the consequences eventually become symptomatic, resulting in eating disorders, dissociation, phobias, obsessions, borderline personality disorder, depression, anxiety, bulimia, obesity, post traumatic stress disorder, hallucinations, conduct disorder, substance abuse disorder, panic disorder, antisocial personality disorder, affective disorder, and impaired sense of self.

Behavioral Effects of CSA 

Acting out

Children are limited in their physical, cognitive, and emotional development and, thus, dependent upon adult and often sibling caregivers to provide love, trust, and support. Once a child is violated however, shame and stigma often follow, as well as fear that disclosing the abuse will result in re-victimization, loneliness and isolation, physical violence, and death. Poor coping skills are common among this cohort, such as substance abuse, tobacco use, overeating, addiction, lying/stealing, poor academic performance, expectation of early death, poor adherence to medical treatment, suicide, anger, prostitution, and increased risk of sex crimes.

Relationship problems

Controlled studies identify an association between childhood sexual abuse and adult relationship problems. Adult manifestations of CSA increase the risk of intimate partner violence victimization and perpetration, rape after 18 years of age, low self-esteem, intimate relationship problems, divorce, interpersonal problems, victim-perpetrator cycle, superficial idealization of sexual relationships, and the inability to trust others.

Somatic symptoms

Evidence illustrates that CSA also results in biophysical changes. ASCSA show a decreased threshold for pain. Other effects include a heightened sensitivity in the pelvic or abdominal region, various bowel symptoms, musculoskeletal disorders, back pain, severe headaches, gastrointestinal problems, sleep disorders, asthma, and pseudocyesis.

Sexual disorders

Adult manifestations of CSA increase adolescent and adult risk of exposure to sexually transmitted diseases, compulsive sexual behaviors, early sexual activity, extreme masturbation, sexual promiscuity, poor sexual adjustment, poor contraceptive practices, and teen pregnancy.

Functional amnesia

Functional amnesia (dissociative amnesia–dissociative disorders) can develop after severe trauma, such as child sexual trauma. This is especially true among children experiencing severe sexual trauma or in those aged 5 years or younger. Functional amnesia among CSA cases varies widely, from 19% to 88%. While theories about amnesia and delayed recall of CSA vary and may be controversial due to false memories, it is important to recognize that later in adolescence or adulthood, the victim may not recall the experience. Additionally, if the abuse occurred in middle childhood, ages 6-12, the victim may 1) develop false memories that the abuse ever occurred; 2) be in denial; or 3) be unaware that the type of experience was determined to be sexual abuse. 

Role of the Clinician

The clinician plays an important role in caring for adult survivors of childhood sexual abuse. Because the presenting symptoms can be somatic in nature, the role of CSA in the patient’s illness or presenting symptoms can be overlooked.

Despite never reporting the abuse, 85% of adult survivors of child sexual abuse favor physician screening. Directly asking patients about the occurrence of abuse has been shown to elicit more positive responses compared to self-reporting, 29% versus 7% respectively. Further, especially among adolescent patients, it is important to remember that early disclosure of sexual abuse by the victim is critical to reducing the effects of CSA and to helping reduce psychological distress later in life. Symptoms of ASCSA can vary greatly and, in fact, the patient can be asymptomatic.

Evidence-based research suggests that many interventions can be useful in this population. For example, coping-skill interventions seem to help diminish or prevent post traumatic stress disorder and related adult aftereffects of CSA. Physicians can use the SAVE universal screening tool (Table-2) for childhood sexual abuse in adulthood, developed by the Florida Council Against Sexual Violence. This useful tool screens patients for sexual violence.

Physicians should also be familiar with their own hospital, clinic, or HMO policies and procedures regarding sexual violence reporting, as well as the use of specific reporting forms. The California Medical Training Center develops instructional materials and conducts training in clinical forensic medicine techniques for physician and other health care professionals, social workers, and related reporters.

 

James M. DeCarli, MPH, MPA, CHES
Injury and Violence Prevention Program
Los Angeles County Department of Public Health

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Effects of Childhood Sexual Abuse, Part 6

Effects of abuse on children, part 6
By Paul Irby Special to the Abilenian
Abilene Reporter-News
Posted June 10, 2009 at 3:25 p.m.

Over the last five months we have examined the possible effects of childhood sexual abuse on its victims. These effects were considered with regard to the impacts on cognitive, emotional and behavioral dimensions. In this article bringing a close to this series, I would like to address some common myths or misconceptions prevalent in our society.

The first misconception to be addressed is the narrow definition often assigned to sexual abuse. A complete conception of sexual abuse should also include exposure to graphic sexual material. Exposure can include Internet, magazines and video, as well as witnessing adults engaging in sexual acts. It should be clarified that a child who accidentally wanders in on parents having sex one time will not be forever psychologically damaged. Exposure becomes damaging and abusive when sex and sexual material is available frequently, without discrimination and/or purposely targeted to the child.

The second misconception to be addressed is the notion that victims of sexual abuse are somehow destined to perpetrate the abuse on other children. While it cannot be denied that the vast majority of abusers were abused themselves, it cannot and should not be assumed that the majority of abused children will become abusers. It is understandable how this misconception can be perpetuated given the increased likelihood that most abuses (physical, emotional and neglect) are handed down intergenerationally. Physical and emotional abuse are most likely to be handed down from generation to generation because they are usually impulsively expressed through anger and modeled frequently. Neglect is a more passive abuse, and is usually intergenerational because of lack of education and intervention. Sexual abuse is different in that it usually requires premeditation and incremental “grooming.” It is this premeditative nature of sexual abuse that decreases the likelihood of intergenerational transference compared to other abuses. It should also be noted that no victim of any form of abuse is destined to repeat it.

Lastly, I would like to offer some insight to parents who might be wondering how to best respond to their child who has been sexually abused. Typically there are two extreme responses parents can have, both of which are not best for the children. The first extreme is to “sweep” the abuse “under the carpet” after the initial disclosure, the family seeks to reduce the anxiety and awkwardness of talking about the abuse modeling an unwritten rule that this subject is now somehow taboo. The other extreme is when parents begin to define their child by the abuse, and consistently bring up the subject either in direct conversation or by initiating new rules for the child, such as not being alone with friends, going to friends’ houses and not being able to spend the night with friends. The best response parents can have is to resume normalcy in the routine at home and to let the child know that the parent is concerned about how the child might be dealing with being abused and is willing to listen if the child ever desires to talk about it.

I would like to personally thank executive director Kirk Hancock and the Mental Health Association of Abilene for allowing me to contribute these articles that I hope can be used as part of the healing dialogue in our community.

Paul Irby, M.A., is a licensed professional counselor with the Ministry of Counseling and Enrichment. Mental Health Matters is facilitated by the Mental Health Association in Abilene.

Original article found here:
http://www.reporternews.com/news/2009/jun/10/effects-abuse-children-part-6/