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Physical and Sexual Abuse

Posted by James Browning on April 29, 2013

Abuse: Touching someone’s body without their permission, hitting, punching, pinching, slapping, tickling, pulling hair, hitting with objects, banging the head, so that marks are left on the person…Punching someone to the point of knocking them off their feet, slamming them into walls or hard objects, strangling or choking someone…Intimidating someone with the threat of violence, punching walls or throwing objects. …you might think that because some other member of your family was receiving the blows you are not a victim of physical abuse, but (you were) if the underlying fear is, “When will it be me?” Physical sexual abuse is bodily sexual activity with a child or touching in a sexual way. It includes: intercourse, oral sex, anal sex, an adult masturbating a child or having a child masturbate an adult, sexual hugging, sexual kissing, and sexual touching. Many people who have been molested or incested feel responsible for what happened, feel that they caused it to happen or wanted it to happen. I have also heard clients express acceptance since it was the only kind of attention that they received. You are not responsible and it is not acceptable behavior. A child will not seek out sexual encounters except what may be age-appropriate sex play with other children. It is the adult’s responsibility to set appropriate boundaries and protect the child. Taken from “Adults Abused as Children” by Licia Ginne, LMFT http://www.latherapists.com/articles.html

“The consequences of your denial will be with you for a lifetime and will be passed down to the next generation. Break your Silence on Abuse!” – Patty Rase Hopson

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A Tribe’s Epidemic of Child Sex Abuse, Minimized for Years

A Tribe’s Epidemic of Child Sex Abuse, Minimized for Years
Originally posted by Socialogical Ruminations
September 20, 2012

A very disturbing article on the front cover of the New York Times discusses the normalization of child sexual abuse on the Spirit Lake Indian Reservation in North Dakota.  Please understand that the subject of this article may not be suitable for everyone and this deals with sexual abuse of children.  Keep in mind that it is normal to feel anger after reading this, but please don’t read this article if you feel you are not ready to read on this subject in your own recovery.  The article says:

While members of the tribe say that sexual violence against children on the reservation is common and barely concealed, the reasons for the abuse here are poorly understood, though poverty and alcohol are thought to be factors. The crimes are rarely prosecuted, few arrests are made, and people say that because of safety fears and law enforcement’s lack of interest, they no longer report even the most sadistic violence against children.

The article says that one offender told the police

that he thought he was entitled to have sex with his niece because she told him that she had previously been sexually abused by her father.

Here is the article:

A Tribe’s Epidemic of Child Sex Abuse, Minimized for Years
By
Published: September 19, 2012

SPIRIT LAKE INDIAN RESERVATION, N.D. — The man who plays Santa Claus here is a registered child sex offender and a convicted rapist. One of the brothers of the tribal chairman raped a child, and a second brother sexually abused a 12-year-old girl. They are among a number of men convicted of sex crimes against children on this remote home of the Spirit Lake Sioux tribe, which has among the highest proportion of sex offenders in the country.

Federal officials are now moving to take over the tribe’s social service programs, according to members of the tribe, government officials and documents. The action comes after years of failure by government and tribal law enforcement officials to conduct proper investigations of dozens of cases of child sexual abuse, including rape.

While members of the tribe say that sexual violence against children on the reservation is common and barely concealed, the reasons for the abuse here are poorly understood, though poverty and alcohol are thought to be factors. The crimes are rarely prosecuted, few arrests are made, and people say that because of safety fears and law enforcement’s lack of interest, they no longer report even the most sadistic violence against children. In May 2011, a 9-year-old girl and her 6-year-old brother were killed on the reservation after being raped and sodomized.

“It bothers me that it is so accepted, that it is considered so normal. It’s lawless,” said Molly McDonald, who was a tribal judge until March, handling juvenile cases.

The reservation has 38 registered sex offenders among its 6,200 residents, a rate of one offender for every 163 residents. By contrast, Grand Forks, N.D., about 85 miles away, has 13 sex offenders out of a population of 53,000 — a rate of about one in 4,000. In one home on the reservation, nine children are under the care of the father, an uncle and a grandfather, each a convicted sex offender, a federal official said. Two of the children, brothers who are 6 and 8, were recently observed engaging in public sex, residents said.

“Those little boys are crying out for help,” said a neighbor, who called the Bureau of Indian Affairs Police but said that officers declined to take a report or notify child welfare officials.

Another member of the tribe said that police officers and social workers failed to act after a 9-year-old girl described giving oral sex to a man.

Neither the tribe nor the federal government provided current figures on abuse, but in 2007 there were 26 confirmed cases of child sexual abuse and nearly 10 times as many allegations of abuse or neglect. Ms. McDonald said she presided over 20 to 30 cases of child sexual abuse each year. In 2011, fewer than a dozen cases of sex crimes against children were prosecuted by either the tribe or the federal government, which has jurisdiction, according to federal and tribal records.

Betty Jo Krenz, a former tribal social worker, said she oversaw 131 children — 100 more than the state’s average caseload. In some instances, members of the tribe say, there are generations of victims from the same family who have been preyed upon by generations of child rapists from other families. Others abuse their own children, including one tribal government employee who publicly complained that his young daughter had bitten his penis, according to a relative of the man and a federal official.

Federal agencies, however, have sought to minimize the extent of the problem, including disciplining employees who have spoken publicly about sexual abuse and questioning the competence of others, according to federal and tribal officials.

Thomas F. Sullivan, a director of the federal Administration for Children and Families, who has emerged as a crucial whistle-blower, is among those who have been prevented from speaking to reporters, he said. Still, his periodic reports to his superiors in Washington have been blistering.

“If we fail in our role as leaders, we will deserve the same condemnation society so correctly applied to those leaders at Penn State and in the Catholic Church who, knowing of the abuse being inflicted on children by their colleagues, did nothing, failing in their basic obligation to protect children,” Mr. Sullivan wrote last month to his supervisors.

And weeks before the scheduled federal takeover on Oct. 1 of the reservation’s social service system, which is responsible for the care of the tribe’s sexually abused children, senior staff members at the Bureau of Indian Affairs continued to play down the issue.

Hankie Ortiz, deputy bureau director of the Office of Indian Services, said the news media and whistle-blowers had exaggerated the problem. “Their social service program has made steady progress,” Ms. Ortiz said, adding that she was unable to discuss specific cases under privacy laws or because she was unaware of them.

Roger Yankton, the tribe’s chairman, did not respond to requests for interviews.

But in a letter published last month in The Devils Lake Journal, a local newspaper, tribal officials cast blame on whistle-blowers and a lack of federal money.

“The tribe’s elected leaders and its people are well aware of the gravity and difficult nature of these problems,” the letter said, “particularly because we live with their consequences every day.”

But members of the tribe say their leadership has often sought to hide abuse.

Ms. McDonald said that the police investigated sex crimes against children only if a victim requested hospitalization, and that tribal leaders frequently sought to sway judges’ opinions improperly. She said she was forced to dismiss many cases because social workers forgot to submit required paperwork.

“The perpetrators know they can get away with it because the authorities don’t do anything,” said Joanne Streifel, a tribal elder.

Among the sex offenders is Quentin Yankton, 61, who stands 6 feet 5 inches and is a brother of the tribe’s chairman. He was first convicted of raping a child in 1976, state records show. In 1992, he was convicted of a similar crime after he forced his 15-year-old niece into sex. The girl became pregnant with twins, and DNA analysis showed that he was the father.

Mr. Yankton told the police, according to court documents, that he thought he was entitled to have sex with his niece because she told him that she had previously been sexually abused by her father.

Mr. Yankton was sentenced to 12 years in prison. The girl’s father was never prosecuted, but Alfred Longie, 67, a half-brother of the men, was convicted in 2008 for undressing and rubbing the genitals of a 12-year-old who had passed out after he had given her alcohol.

Joseph Alberts, 59, who plays Santa Claus for the tribe, was convicted of rape in 1983, and in 1986 was found guilty of committing lewd acts with a child under 14 on four different occasions. He served one year in jail for that crime and 18 months for the rape.

In another case, after a woman tried to burn down her house with her 5-year-old daughter inside, the girl was put in a foster home where a sex offender was living, according to Mr. Sullivan and a member of the tribe. Once the foster parent’s criminal record was discovered, the tribe removed the child and put her back in her mother’s home.

But when the child proved too much for the mother to care for, Mr. Sullivan said, she sold her daughter back to the family of the registered sex offender for $50 and a ride to Grand Forks.

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Japan’s child porn addiction

Japan’s child porn addiction

A nation that openly sexualises youngsters has become the world hub for a dark, booming industry. Now police have decided to tackle the culture of abuse
by David McNeill, October 12, 2012

It was a shocking find: crudely made DVDs with images of grown men having sex with children as young as 12. Until this year, the men who bought those images faced little more than a slap on the wrist. But police in Kyoto, Japan’s ancient capital, decided for the first time during the summer to pursue criminal charges against three male customers in a country widely seen as much too lenient on child pornography.

The police campaign is largely the work of Kyoto’s prefectural Governor, Keiji Yamada. During his fight for office two years ago, Mr Yamada pledged to roll out an ordinance banning the buying and possession of child porn – still legal under Japanese law, unless there is proven intent to sell or distribute. Even if the makers are arrested, the images circulate for years on the internet and in secondary markets.

Child porn-related crimes have grown fivefold in Japan through the last decade, according to the country’s National Police Agency. At least 600 children a year fall victim to paedophile directors and photographers. “The internet is probably the biggest factor,” said Akira Koga, spokesman for the Kyoto Police. “It’s very difficult to monitor and control.” A new police cyber patrol uncovered the trail back to the three men from the DVD producer in Tokyo.

Japan has long been considered a hub for the production and possession of paedophile images. It is the only OECD (Organisation of Economic Co-operation and Development) nation that has not banned possession of child porn, partly to protect its manga and anime industries, which churn out thousands of titles every year that sail close to the legal wind. A government survey in 2002 found that 10 per cent of Japanese men admitted to owning child porn at some stage.

Bookstores and convenience stores across the country stock magazines carrying semi-naked pictures of pubescent and pre-pubescent children. Many underage girls have built careers as so-called “junior idols”, posing in suggestive poses. In the electronics district of Akihabara, Tokyo’s capital of geeky cool, tourists gawk at cartoon images of children in various stages of sexual distress, all perfectly legal. One of the nation’s most popular pop groups, AKB48, features a revolving cast of members, some as young as 13, persuaded to pout in adult lingerie for videos and magazine covers.

The UK-based Internet Watch Foundation traced nearly 16,250 websites depicting child abuse back to Japan in 2006, enough to put it third on a global watch list. In 2009, the Canadian Centre for Child Protection placed Japan fourth among the top five countries hosting websites with child abuse images, according to ECPAT International, an NGO that fights to end the commercial exploitation of children.

Campaigners engaged in a cat-mouse-game with paedophiles across the world say a new approach is long overdue. “The US is very frustrated with Japan,” says Jake Adelstein, a journalist and board member with the Polaris Project Japan, a non-profit organisation that combats human trafficking and sexual exploitation. “The FBI and Homeland Security Investigations give Japan’s police hundreds of tips on child pornography makers and distributors every year and none of them are acted upon.”

Police complain that they do not have the legal resources to fight the problem. Japan only banned the production and distribution of child porn in 1999, mandating punishment of up to five years in prison. Kyoto today is still the only one of Japan’s 47 prefectures that threatens prison for possessing child porn. Since Governor Yamada’s ordinance, possession carries a maximum one-year jail term or a fine of up to 500,000 yen (£4000).

One reason for the reluctance to roll out new national legislation is the fear that police may use it too liberally, threatening freedom of creative expression. Conservative politicians have long demanded a clampdown on pornographic images. Two years ago, Tokyo’s metropolitan assembly banned the sale or rent of comics and anime movies depicting younger characters engaging in “extreme” sexual acts, including rape.

But the ban was resisted by Japan’s biggest publishers, who produce hundreds of risqué manga a year featuring fetishism, incest and “Lolita porn”, along with more mainstream fare. The Tokyo Bar Association also criticised the wording of the legislation, warning that it could be the thin edge of the censorship wedge against sexualised images of any kind. The association and many legislators want the police to continue targeting producers and distributors of child porn, not consumers.

Opinion polls suggest that most Japanese voters want stricter laws. But with parliament essentially gridlocked ahead of a general election, widely expected this autumn, there is little appetite for a messy political fight over what is seen as a relatively minor issue. The ruling Democratic Party (DPJ) has shelved a 2008 draft law that would have banned any involvement in child pornography. Their conservative opponents, the Liberal Democrats, have promised a tougher line.

Until then, say campaigners, paedophiles will continue to have the upper hand. “Child pornography prosecutions almost always involve images contained on computer hard drives or start with an internet protocol (IP) address that is known to have accessed child pornography material,” said a spokesperson for ECPAT International. “The fact that Japanese courts cannot grant search warrants based on IP address information hampers the fight against child pornography.”

The organisation warns that Japanese police cannot coordinate with international sting operations because domestic law is out of sync with most of the developed world.

As if to underline the legal challenges ahead, Kyoto police say prosecutors have declined to press charges against the three men, citing a lack of evidence. The three bought the DVDs from a dealer in Tokyo after seeing them advertised on the internet. Police raided the dealer’s house and found transaction records showing many more customers around the country. Unfortunately for the victims, few of the men can be prosecuted, even when the law works well.

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I Was in Denial About My Childhood Sexual Abuse

This is a very painful subject for me, something I really don’t like to talk about.  However, since the month of April is childhood abuse month, I figured I would tell a small part of my life story.  I was sexually abused from age 3 until age 7.  I continued to act out sexually on a nearly a daily basis until I entered recovery at age 33.  It took me three years of recovery and therapy to finally admit that I was sexually abused as a child.  Because of the circumstances, I was in complete denial about my abuse and my abuser.

Scan59The reason I was in denial is because the girl that abused me was just a little older than me, maybe 6 months or a year.  When my family moved away from our home country to a university setting in the United States, I didn’t know many children that spoke my native tongue.  She did and it was a relief that I could speak to her and she could speak to me and we could understand one another.  I was around 3 years old at this time.  I don’t remember all of the details of our relationship, but a few points do stand out.  I recall the time we hid from our parents (her idea) and we snuck into the university swimming pool that was located about 2 miles from our apartment complex.  Apparently our parents called the police and everyone was looking for us while we enjoyed ourselves at the pool.  I don’t recall what occurred when we came home but knowing my parents, it wasn’t good.

I trusted this girl a lot, so when she decided we should play sexual games together, I went along with her.  I do recall the words to this day she spoke to me in my native tongue stating, “don’t tell your parents.”  I didn’t tell my parents, not until 30+ years later when I entered recovery.  Even then, I minimized the fact she abused me for 4 years, I was still in denial.  Amazing how I always thought my parents suspected something but when I asked them about it, they said they never knew.  She and I were together almost every day and the sexual activities were basically based on what she wanted to do to me, with me, and with other boys at the apartment complex.  I don’t know where she learned all these things, but I suspect her older siblings or parents had something to do with it, perhaps with pornography and or an extremely liberal stance on human sexuality.  I may never know the answers, nor do I wish to pursue them.

I do know that this sexual abuse and what I thought was “love” has affected the rest of my life up until I entered recovery.  I believed this girl loved me, that she and I would be together forever.  Why else would she want to do sexual things with me?  Allowing her violate me sexually was the way I showed her that I too loved her.  As an adult, I repeated this same love = sex behavior thousands of times.  For a majority of my life, I had the belief that being sexual with a woman meant I loved her and she loved me.  A woman who wanted to be sexual with me, who initiated sex with me, who pursued me sexually was a woman that loved me: this is what I believed for 30+ years.  This idea was ingrained in me by my abuser, an idea I still struggle with on occasions.  I’m not attempting to minimize by saying that it could have been worse, I could have been abused by an adult, but in actuality, the fact that it was another child, masked the abuse, keeping me living in denial for so long and in turn pursuing a false sense of love.  The abuse was not traumatic, it was what I used to consider consensual; I believed it was because I enjoyed it.  As an adult, I reenacted various things we did together, with other women, ultimately believing I was fulfilling some great fantasy locked within the depths of my mind.  The saying “follow your fantasy and you’ll find your wound” makes perfect sense to me now.

GiselaI don’t like the fact that I was sexually abused.  When I finally broke through the denial, with the help of my therapist, I was a complete mess.  However, it allowed for God to begin healing this wound that I had held onto for so long.  Being labeled a victim of childhood sexual abuse was not pleasant, it made me feel dirty, it made me feel like I was worse than I really am.  One of my friends in recovery let me know that I am no different today (the day I finally acknowledged it as sexual abuse) than I was yesterday (when I was “just” a recovering sex addict).  This helped me tremendously.  Breaking through the stigma of dirtiness and brokenness was difficult but necessary.  I still struggle with negative intrusive thoughts about the abuse and being unwanted or being broken.  However, I have come to understand that feeling “unwanted” is just a lie and also, God can’t fix me if I’m not broken….

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Believe Her

Originally posted at http://shessomebodysdaughter.wordpress.com/2013/04/19/believe-her
April 19, 2013 · by

redsneakers

Would you know the signs to look for if you suspected that someone – a child – in your life was being sexually abused?

It has been our observation that perpetrators of child sexual abuse are often frequent users of pornography. And unfortunately, the victims too often suffer in silence.

It is our desire to speak truth and help raise awareness about this issue, to empower others to offer help, and so we put the above question out recently on our social media sites. Through those connections, a courageous college student, a sexual abuse survivor, answered us by writing the following article, and shares bits and pieces of her personal journey.

Please note that this is for raising awareness and informational purposes only. We strongly urge you to speak with a professional directly if you have any questions or concerns about sexual abuse (resources available here).

And so with that, we will let guest blogger Magali, share for herself:

When writing about the signs that would help create awareness on the topic of sexual abuse, it was hard to make a distinction between emotional and physical symptoms because they are so linked together.

This article is written from a female survivor’s point of view.

Sexual abuse is a wound that affects a girl wholly: psychologically, emotionally, physically and spiritually. It also affects the way we see sexuality and men.  The damage done runs deep and much time is needed to recover.

We are all different and every one of us react to things in different ways. The following are common signs one can take notice of in a girl who is a victim of sexual abuse.

When something, such as a sexual abuse, happens to anyone, it affects the body first: feelings of being defiled and dirty – the hardest thing is that your body has been attacked – and you cannot get rid of this. You cannot put this in a room somewhere and not think about it. What happened lives in your flesh.

The pain is often unbearable…and these signs and symptoms are simply ways to cope and/or to deal with that pain.

DISSOCIATION

A lot of people resort to dissociation, separating the body and the mind in order not to think about what happened in our bodies or feel the pain. For me, I hated what the person did to me and my body; I hated my body and so I started dissociating.  There was my physical body, which I didn’t want to think about, and there was me – a thinking, feeling being.

Dissociation is also a way to protect oneself of all the emotions too painful to feel. To make it simple, there was my body, my mind and my emotions  – all separate. I used to think of me as just a mind, I didn’t want to think of me as a woman, with a body. I didn’t want to think of me attracting boys or men.

mirrorGUILT SHAME AND DENIAL

After the abuse, a victim also feels a great deal of guilt and shame. We cannot believe it happened to us; we’re ashamed, we feel it happened because of something we did. The instinct is to hide it, but to keep going, pretending it never happened. That’s dangerous and leads to a lot of damage. You can keep it all bottled up inside for only so long and when it explodes to the surface, it comes back in full force, as if it had happened yesterday.

EATING DISORDERS

Eating disorders often stem from sexual abuse because of dissociation and the discomfort we feel towards our own bodies.

Eating disorders are only the symptoms revealing that a girl or young woman has a twisted perception of what her body is. She doesn’t want to see herself the way she really is…the way she was designed to be.

Eating disorders are linked with self loathing, guilt, shame – it’s a very complex disease. (visit ‘Tell Me What You See as a resource and for more information)

SELF HARMING

Some victims feel so much guilt and shame that they have to take it out on themselves. Self harming is not only cutting it can also be scratching, burning.

Advice: the girl may not always cut on her arms, she might cut somewhere so it will not be noticed.

SUBSTANCE ABUSE AND ADDICTION

Substance abuse can also be a way to deal with the pain and often leads to a drug addiction.

POST TRAUMATIC STRESS

Post traumatic stress is hard to describe precisely for each person, but often nightmares, panic attacks, unwanted memories and flashbacks haunt us as victims. Post traumatic stress is not rational  – it’s basically how our emotions choose to express themselves.

I remember having panic attacks in a class managed by a man, he had done nothing wrong or inappropriate, but just the idea of sitting down in his class was unbearable. It’s not a rational thing; yet the emotions are so strong and just as hard to navigate.

lonely-girlTHE NEED TO FEEL SAFE

A victim of abuse will feel the need for protection, a need to protect herself. She will build up walls, physically and emotionally.

Physically:

1. She might change the way she dresses, to prevent boys or men to be attracted to her.

2. She might not want to sit close to a man or a boy. Being on a bus or a subway is still a nightmare for me.

Emotionally:

1. She will distance herself and not let anyone get close to her. I was always in control,  choosing what I would say, what I would do in front of people. I would lie through my teeth swearing up and down that I was okay when asked; please don’t take it personally when we lie…we lie to ourselves first and foremost.

2. If the girl has friends who are boys, she might have a difficult time being around them.

UNEASINESS TALKING ABOUT SEXUALITY

Obviously, they will be uncomfortable with the topic of sexuality and the topic of dating, relationship with men/women. Our minds associate sexuality with the abuse even if it couldn’t be farther from the truth and anything that isn’t safe is out of the question.

ATTACHMENT TO CHILD BEHAVIOUR

After abuse, I didn’t want to think of myself as a woman so I was semi-consciously reverting back to acting like a child, sleeping with a teddy bear…

DEPRESSION

This looks like having trouble getting out of bed in the mornings, not wanting to make plans with anyone, wanting to stay in all the time, an overall sadness, not smiling, not laughing, shutting yourself off.

MOOD SWINGS

MY ADVICE IF YOU THINK YOU KNOW SOMEONE WHO WAS OR IS BEING ABUSED:

  • Please be patient. Considering the amount of trauma she’s been through, she will not open up easily.
  • Tell her you love her and that it’s going to be okay. Assure her that you are going to be there for her no matter what!
  • If she says she was abused, believe her; you don’t need to know every single detail!
  • Help her find a safe place, a counselor she can talk to
  • Allow her to recover in her own time – don’t rush it and don’t force her to talk

paintingTHE RECOVERY PROCESS

Let those trained to deal with sexual trauma and abuse do their work. I understand it can be hard for families or friends to be kept out of the process, but it’s necessary.

Be happy and encouraged that she found someone safe to talk to, even if it’s not you.

ON THE TOPIC OF FORGIVENESS

Be really careful with the topic of forgiveness: don’t push it or rush it! Just hearing the word made my insides scream! I remember hearing about it at church, and at the time it took all I had in me not to explode and run out of there.

WHAT YOU CAN DO

  • encourage her
  • tell her you are praying for her
  • support her when she talks to you
  • you can also help her find an outlet for letting all the emotions out; if she’s a creative person: painting, drawing, writing, singing, or if she’s more active: find a sport

It is our hope, along with Magali’s, that by publishing this information we all will have a new awareness of those around us who might be suffering in silence, and be willing to offer help and hope.

♥ Thank you, Magali, for sharing so openly and honestly – and so courageously! ♥