CASTIMONIA

Sexual Purity Support & Recovery Group

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How Journaling Heals Wounds, Part 2

stop-child-abuseWriting that both describes traumatic events in detail and also examines how we felt about these events at the time and feel about them now (describing both negative and positive emotions), is the only kind of writing about trauma that clinically has been associated with improved health . And this is accomplished in Pennebaker’s (Dr. James Pennebaker of the University of Texas) experiments by only one hour of writing – fifteen minutes a day – over a four-day period. Later studies showed that the more days people wrote the more beneficial were the effects of writing. Dr. Pennebaker’s work is compelling. I knew nothing about it during the years when I was working on When the Piano Stops, my own memoir of recovering from incest (and Never Tell: The True Story of Overcoming a Terrifying Childhood, which was the title given its best-selling, UK print). From time to time during those years, my beloved uncle, who had a very limited understanding about what’s involved in healing from childhood sexual abuse, expressed concern about my continually revisiting the most horrifying experiences of my life. The information in this blog would have been great to share with him at that time, but of course I couldn’t. Today, however, I have the opportunity to share it with you, and I do so with the hope that if you’re a survivor of child abuse you’ll take it to heart, gather your internal resources, your memory, your pain, and your creativity, and write on! By Catherine McCall, MS, LMFT
http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/overcoming-child-abuse/201209/how-and-why-writing-heals-wounds-child-abuse

“We must be content to grow slowly. Most of us will still barely be at the beginning of our recovery by the time we die. But that is better than killing ourselves pretending to be healthy.” – Simon Tugwell

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How Journaling Heals Wounds, Part 1

I often wondered why I was supposed to journal my thoughts and feelings when I entered recovery.  Honestly, nobody answered the why, it was just something that was supposed to be done.  Initially, I felt like some teenage girl in her bedroom writing in her “diary” because I did not understand the basis behind putting those thoughts and feeling to paper.  Below is a good summary of how journaling can help God heal our wounds!

journal-bestThere is a profound connection between writing and healing. Dr. James Pennebaker of the University of Texas, after considerable research, explained in his book, Opening Up: The Healing Power of Expressing Emotions, that excessive holding back of thoughts, feelings, and behaviors can place people at risk for both major and minor diseases. More than simply a catharsis or venting, translating events into language can affect brain and immune functions. The subjects he tested had an increase in germ-fighting lymphocytes in their blood and lower stress levels. Writing was found to reduce anxiety and depression, improve grades in college, and aid people in finding jobs. He also reported that months after people had written about traumas over 70% reported that writing helped them to understand both the event and themselves better. Writing provides a means to externalize traumatic experience and therefore render it less overwhelming. At the same time, as the upsetting experience is repeatedly confronted, the emotional reactivity one feels as s/he assesses its meaning and impact is weakened. Once organized, traumatic events become smaller and smaller and therefore easier to deal with. Having distilled complex experiences into more understandable packages, survivors can begin to move beyond trauma because the process of writing about it provides a means for the experience to become psychologically complete, therefore there’s no more reason to ruminate about it. But not just any kind of writing will do. Dr.Pennebaker explains that the more writing succeeds as narrative – by being detailed, organized, compelling, vivid, and lucid – the more health and emotional benefits are derived. Likewise, over time, the work of inhibiting traumatic narratives and feelings acts as an ongoing stressor and gradually undermines the body’s defenses. By Catherine McCall, MS, LMFT
http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/overcoming-child-abuse/201209/how-and-why-writing-heals-wounds-child-abuse

“A journal is a tool for self-discovery, an aid to concentration, a mirror for the soul, a place to generate and capture ideas, a safety valve for the emotions, a training ground for the writer, and a good friend and confident.” – Ron Klug

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5 Ways Porn Undermines the Gospel

By Pastor Bernie
Originally posted on March 8, 2013
http://pastorbernie.wordpress.com/2013/03/08/5-ways-porn-undermines-the-gospel/

imgres-2#1 Porn Makes Sex Our Savior
John 3:16-17  tells us that God sent his only Son Jesus into the world to save the world. He is the savior of all mankind. Pornographers inform the culture, and would have us all believe that sex is the new savior of mankind. That while the gospel is good sex is better. Indeed sex is good, and a gift from God, but it was never intended to save us. Sex through pornography “saves” you from feeling powerless, vulnerable, or even impotent. It saves us temporarily from loneliness, rejection, and hopelessness. It can even make us feel worthwhile, valued, and excited. But it can never save us ultimately. Though pornography masquerades as if it can save it is eventually unmasked as woefully insufficient to either satisfy us or save us.

#2 Porn Demands A Performance
 Pornography is meant to arouse. It has an end in mind and that is the high of orgasm. But pornography only pays off if you can perform. Either through the fantasy of participating in your mind or through actually living out those fantasies with a willing or unwilling partner. In other words “works” or getting “worked up” is involved in order to experience salvation through porn. Thankfully that isn’t the gospel. The gospel demands our surrender not our performance. We are the beneficiaries of Christ’s work on the cross. After receiving Christ, our performance, or obedience isn’t motivated by what we get at the end. We are empowered by the beauty of God’s grace, forgiveness and sacrifice. We live with anticipation of a relationship throughout eternity with the one who saves us.

#3 Porn Does Not Bring Peace
 Rather than peace, pornography leaves us paranoid. Whether its because we’re constantly looking over our shoulder wondering if we’ve been caught looking, anxiously scouring the web for another porn high, or we’re just more self consciousness about how we look or perform, porn steals our peace. Self consciousness becomes all the more acute with pornography. We can’t help but wonder what others are thinking of us. We’ve bought into the lie of the standard of beauty that pornography sets up. A standard of beauty and performance that neither men or women can ever live up to. So we’re left to feel inadequate and unfulfilled. We’re left to constantly compare ourselves to others. But contrast that with the Gospel. With the gospel there is lasting peace because I am identified as God’s beloved child (I John 3:1-2). I can rest securely in his acceptance of me. This removes the pressure to compare, or even covet what others have or to fixate on my own blemishes.

#4 Porn Does Not Satisfy
 It is not enough to simply say that “Jesus saves”. I believe it is true, and scripture affirms it. But I also believe for this day and age that the gospel must teach us that Jesus not only saves but he satisfies. Jesus encountered a woman at the well who He knew not only needed a savior, but she longed to fill a deep hunger within. From what we can tell, she had tried unsuccessfully through relationships that seemed to end badly. Christ understood this and let her know that if she drinks the, “living water” that he alone can offer, then she would never thirst again, “but whoever drinks the water I give them will never thirst.” (Jn. 4:13-14) We live in a culture drawing from the shallow pool of pornography believing that somehow it will bring peace and fulfillment. In the end though it only leaves us more parched than ever. Christ alone is ultimate, He alone is our answer to the deep longings of our soul. If we are alone, powerless, or insignificant he promises to draw near, empower, and give us a place of honor. The nature of porn is such that it can give us a false sense of fulfillment. Eventually we’ll find our selves spiritually depleted and longing for so much more.

#5 Porn Keeps Sin Alive
 Porn is “everywhere” we say, Pamela Paul in her book “Pornified” says it is “omnipresent”. The truth is I know stories of young men raised in decent homes with solid parents. Still, the young men have been overwhelmed by the sheer intrusiveness of porn in our culture. They’ve found themselves caught in the tidal wave of pornographic material available to anyone, and gotten hooked. Porn has become an incessant, unrelenting promotor of sexual sin. Where as scripture calls us to “put to death” sexual sin (Col. 3:5, Rom. 8:12-13) porn keeps sexual sin alive and thriving. The gospel is a message about freedom from sin and sinning. It is about death to sin and a “new life” where sexual sin has been put to death and we pursue, “righteousness, godliness, faith, love, endurance and gentleness.”

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Types Of Dysfunctional Families

Many people hope that once they leave home, they will leave their family and childhood problems behind. However, many find that they experience similar problems, as well as similar feelings and relationship patterns, long after they have left the family environment. Ideally, children grow up in family environments which help them feel worthwhile and valuable. They learn that their feelings and needs are important and can be expressed. Children growing up in such supportive environments are likely to form healthy, open relationships in adulthood. However, families may fail to provide for many of their children’s emotional and physical needs. In addition, the families’ communication patterns may severely limit the child’s expressions of feelings and needs. Children growing up in such families are likely to develop low self-esteem and feel that their needs are not important or perhaps should not be taken seriously by others. As a result, they may form unsatisfying relationships as adults.

Types Of Dysfunctional Families

    • One or both parents have addictions or compulsions (e.g., drugs, alcohol, promiscuity, gambling, overworking, and/or overeating) that have strong influences on family members.
    • One or both parents use the threat or application of physical violence as the primary means of control. Children may have to witness violence, may be forced to participate in punishing siblings, or may live in fear of explosive outbursts.
    • One or both parents exploit the children and treat them as possessions whose primary purpose is to respond to the physical and/or emotional needs of adults (e.g., protecting a parent or cheering up one who is depressed).
    • One or both parents are unable to provide, or threaten to withdraw, financial or basic physical care for their children. Similarly, one or both parents fail to provide their children with adequate emotional support.
    • One or both parents exert a strong authoritarian control over the children. Often these families rigidly adhere to a particular belief (religious, political, financial, personal). Compliance with role expectations and with rules is expected without any flexibility.

http://www.counselingcenter.illinois.edu/?page_id=171

“If you cannot get rid of the family skeleton, you may as well make it dance.” – George Bernard Shaw

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Just Can’t Seem To Quit Self Gratification

February 26, 2013
by Prevailing Word Ministries

Oh, heaven NO!!!!

No relapse on my part. Not on your life because we are getting too close to the finale. I know that’s it’s been a while since my last blog. However, this is not a report of me backsliding kind of blog.

The trumpet will sound and the dead in Christ will rise first. Then we that are alive and remain will be caught up together in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air, and so shall we ever be with the Lord.

To stay holy is my one goal. I do not plan to be fulfilling the lust of the flesh and satisfying myself when Jesus comes.

Some of you may recall the 10 virgins. Five were wise. Five were foolish. When the bridegroom came, it was time for them to go to the wedding. The five wise had enough oil for the journey in the night and the five foolish did not. The five foolish asked the five wise to spare what they had, and the wise ones declined.

The five wise told them to go and buy for themselves. So they went out to buy oil for themselves, and they found some, but by the time they got to the door, it was shut.

They knocked on the door and the bridegroom did not let them in.

It was too late.

There are many incentives to take advantage of to quit sexual immorality, however, very few will incorporate such incentives.

The pleasures of self gratification can be overwhelming because of the rewards it offers. However, the reward of heaven with Christ outweighs the pleasures of self gratification. There comes a point in your walk with the Lord where masturbation is something you do not need.

Dr. Mark Laaser, who wrote a book on Healing The Wounds Of Sexual Addiction, did a course and placed a powerful lesson on Sexual Addiction on CD. He asked a question, “Can you do without masturbation and sex with your wife?” That’s radical. Because he continued and said, “If you can’t, you do not have full control and you cannot manage your sex life.”

The release of sexual tension is powerful. However, there comes a point where these pleasure of life must come to an end one way or another. Either through self discipline or when the catching away of the people of God takes place. Even after that, people will still engage in some form of releasing sexual tension. Even then, it’s just a matter of time before it all comes to an end.

NO MORE SEX!!!!! FOREVER!!!!!!

For many people, a sense of hopelessness and shame clouds the mind. Hopelessness is the fog of war in the mind and flesh.

As long as this feeling of hopelessness lingers in the mind, the attempt to break free is the light at the end of the tunnel that is seemingly a fleeting thing. Many men and women have dashed their hopes because the urges and impulses dictates their every move.

In my studies about sexuality, I learned that many people plan their day around sex. It usually is at the expense of a marriage, their job, and ultimately, their relationship with the Lord. It was true for me too. The obsession, infatuation, day dreaming, open minded thoughts of reading a newspaper, magazine, women watching, and porn. My whole day was planned around an orgasm.

All these things and the true worship of God takes a back seat. In most cases, a relationship with God in hypocrisy is better than no relationship at all. As ridiculous as this sounds, this is where many of God’s people are. I can identify with this because when you refuse to equate the sin of self gratification as part of the religious ritual of false penance, it is easy to think that you are just as close to God as if you never sinned.

Like John, the apostle of the Lamb said, “If we say we have fellowship with Him and walk in darkness, we lie and do not practice the truth.”

I know you are not going to let me off the hook about calling masturbation a sin because there is no specific chapter and verse that declares that masturbation is a sin. However, where the Bible is silent, it is never to be assumed that it is safe to commit an act. Besides, not many people will agree that since Jesus didn’t do it, neither should I.

This stops all of the pretense.

I mean, we are to be like Christ in every way? Right?

If this is so according to, Romans 8:29, and if we are to prove that good, acceptable, and perfect will of God, to yield our bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is our reasonable service according to Romans 12:1, then we should be able, at least consider the fact that the Lord desires for sin to not have dominion over us according to Romans 6:12.

The majority of the time, we are always looking for a reason to “continue in sin that grace may abound” according to Romans 6:1. When we get to the place where we desire to please the Lord, we find ourselves looking for reasons to continue in righteousness so that grace may abound. We look to cut our hands and our eyes, we look to strive against sin even to the shedding of our own blood to stop sin.

No, put the Rambo knife down.

Jesus and the writer of Hebrews spoke of entering a place of radical cutting off of the instruments and members so that we would stop sinning.

Paul said, by the Spirit of God, “The body is not made for sexual immorality.” 

The physical body was made to be indwelled by the Lord. The Lord desired to inhabit man and the body is not for fornication (pornea).

As long as we make provision to fulfill the desires of the flesh and mind, we will never break its cycle.

Millions of men and women throughout the world masturbate every day. For reasons that range from sexual perversion to fulfill lust, to releasing sexual tension is a major problem. It seems like marriage, which is the answer to stop masturbation is no longer the answer that man wants to accept. Additionally, self control, a fruit of the Spirit according to Galatians 5:22, is cast to the side.

The parable of the sower is the most powerful parable that Jesus ever spoke. In that parable is the answer to handle the problems we face in life. It also serves as the gauge or measuring tool to locate where you are in your relationship with the Lord. Producing fruit is the thing that most concerns the Father. Galatians 5:22. John 15:1-5 confirms this and Jesus further confirms this when He said that we are known by our fruit.

Man will stand in four places. Good ground, wayside, stony ground, and thorny ground.

The last ground, thorny ground speaks of people that are trapped in cares, riches, and pleasures of life. 

The pleasures of this life come with a price. If we are unable to cast aside the pleasures of this life, we may never be free. But thank God your failure is not final. While there is still time, you can enjoy freedom in Christ from the powerful urge to masturbate. You can return to experience a healthy sexual life with your wife or husband if you are married.

Most importantly, you can be restored in your relationship with the Lord in righteousness and true holiness, laying aside every weight and the sin that does so easily beset you, to lay aside every filthiness and overflow of wickedness, to cleanse ourselves from the filthiness of the flesh and spirit, perfecting holiness in the fear of God.

Hopelessness is coming to an end for you. New life in Christ is at hand for you.