CASTIMONIA

Sexual Purity Support & Recovery Group

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Difficult to Feel Safe Anywhere

Difficult to Feel Safe Anywhere
Codependence is often accompanied by P.T.S.D. (post-traumatic stress disorder) that pops up long after experiencing traumatic events. It’s not just war and acts of terrorism that can be a trigger. Emotional, physical or sexual abuse can also set off symptoms that can include trouble sleeping or concentrating, excessive irritability and misplaced anger. Some call codependence “a war with our self”. Recovery involves stopping the war within so we can start to love and trust ourselves. For many suffering from codependence the battlefield we grew up in, was not in some foreign country against some identified “enemy” – it was in the “homes” which were supposed to be our safe haven with our parents whom we loved and trusted to take care of us. Instead of blood and death (although some do experience blood and death literally), what happened to us as children was spiritual death and emotional maiming, mental torture and physical violation. Not feeling safe as a child can make it difficult to feel safe anywhere. Quote from: http://joy2meu.com/Codependency.htm

“Anger is only fear turned inside out.” – Unknown

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Hoping to Fill the Emptiness

Hoping to Fill the Emptiness
The term “sexual addiction” describes an individual having an unusual fascination, or fixation, with sex. Constant daydreaming about sex takes over and controls the addict’s thinking, making it challenging to work or manage healthy personal relationships. Despite the possibility that their actions are risky or will eventually carry serious and/or harmful consequences, sex addicts often indulge in a variety of high-risk, acting-out behaviors. Strangely, sex addicts usually find only slight or limited satisfaction in their sexual activities, and they develop little or no real attachment to their sex partners. As a result, sex addicts often are bombarded by feelings of guilt, shame, and poor self-esteem. These feelings are accompanied by broken relationships, divided families, and problems at work. From www.themeadows.com Go to this link below to take a quiz and find out if you are addicted to sex: http://castimonia.org/2012/04/16/am-i-a-sex-addict/

“People spend a lifetime searching for happiness; looking for peace. They chase idle dreams, addictions, religions, even other people, hoping to fill the emptiness that plagues them. The irony is the only place they ever needed to search was within.” –  Ramona L. Anderson

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Resistance To Unpleasantness

Resistance To Unpleasantness
Because codependents consistently put others’ needs ahead of their own, they often believe that they are “nice” people. “I’m doing what everybody wants me to do,” you tell yourself, “so why do I get mistreated so much of the time?” If you are codependent, it probably doesn’t make sense to you that you are being treated abusively by the very people you are trying so hard to accommodate! But the truth may be that you are not really as “nice” as you would like to believe you are, because you are not saying yes to everyone else just to be kind to them. Nor do you do more than your fair share of tasks because you truly want to be of service over and over without any kind of reciprocal arrangement. When you say yes (especially when you really want to say NO), you are actually protecting yourself from having to face the potentially painful consequences that can result when someone is angry or disappointed with you for not agreeing to do what they want you to do. Even though you are really trying to look out for yourself by side-stepping these negative outcomes, which could be seen as a self-caring intention, it is unfortunately not a healthy form of self-care when it is done out of resistance to unpleasantness. by Candace Plattor, M.A.

http://www.candaceplattor.com/articles/recovering_from_codependency.htm

“As we advance in life it becomes more and more difficult, but in fighting the difficulties the inmost strength of the heart is developed.” –   Vincent Van Gogh

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An Endless Pattern

An Endless Pattern

I’ve known numerous men who have been in relationships with clingy, needy, overly emotional, jealous, and controlling women. These men are frustrated with what they perceive as their girlfriend’s flaws. They often don’t realize that their own behavior is contributing to the unhealthy relationship and allowing it to persist. When a man stays in a relationships with a clingy, jealous, critical partner, he feels dependent on her approval. Any man with a high level of self-esteem and healthy attitude towards relationships would not tolerate such a relationship. He’d either take action to stop the pattern, or simply leave. Men who get stuck in a codependent relationship, on the other hand, end up pursuing an endless pattern of trying to please their partner, and feeling frustrated when their desire for freedom conflicts with their partners need for rigid conformity to her needy patterns of behavior. Michael S. Freeman

“Don’t smother each other. No one can grow in the shade.” – Leo Buscaglia

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Isn’t It Ironic?

Isn’t It Ironic?

The dilemmas of codependent men aren’t talked about. Unlike women, men don’t discuss their relationship problems with friends and family. Instead, they internalize their pain. Many are in denial, suffer in silence, or become numb to their needs and feelings. They shun attention and try to do the right thing and be good sons, husbands, and fathers, focusing instead on making a living and meeting the needs of their wives and children. These codependent men sacrifice themselves and believe that their needs, including the need for time away from their wives, are selfish. Societal and cultural values have shamed men as weak for expressing feelings or needs, which reinforces codependent traits of control, suppression of feelings, and denial of needs. Often they turn to addiction in order to cope. Darlene Lancer, M.A., MFT, J.D.

Isn’t it ironic? We ignore the ones that adore us, adore the ones that ignore us, love the ones who hurt us and hurt the ones that love us. Unknown