Resistance To Unpleasantness
Because codependents consistently put others’ needs ahead of their own, they often believe that they are “nice” people. “I’m doing what everybody wants me to do,” you tell yourself, “so why do I get mistreated so much of the time?” If you are codependent, it probably doesn’t make sense to you that you are being treated abusively by the very people you are trying so hard to accommodate! But the truth may be that you are not really as “nice” as you would like to believe you are, because you are not saying yes to everyone else just to be kind to them. Nor do you do more than your fair share of tasks because you truly want to be of service over and over without any kind of reciprocal arrangement. When you say yes (especially when you really want to say NO), you are actually protecting yourself from having to face the potentially painful consequences that can result when someone is angry or disappointed with you for not agreeing to do what they want you to do. Even though you are really trying to look out for yourself by side-stepping these negative outcomes, which could be seen as a self-caring intention, it is unfortunately not a healthy form of self-care when it is done out of resistance to unpleasantness. by Candace Plattor, M.A.
“As we advance in life it becomes more and more difficult, but in fighting the difficulties the inmost strength of the heart is developed.” – Vincent Van Gogh