CASTIMONIA

Sexual Purity Support & Recovery Group

masturbation

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Video – Amanda’s Story – Abolition International

It is important for those of us who are recovering sex addicts that acted out with prostitutes that all of them prostitute by force, not by choice.  This is Amanda’s story on how she was drugged, raped, and sex trafficked out of her own bedroom.

Amanda’s story is based on a true account from Abolition International’s partner restoration home, Wellspring Living, in Atlanta, GA. Through Wellspring Living, Amanda experienced the power of true restoration through the program’s holistic aftercare model.

Abolition International’s To Be Free campaign will help expand Wellspring’s current program by renovating a new home that will house 11 new girls rescued from sex trafficking as well as expanding restorative care projects in Moldova, Cambodia, and Ohio. Be a part of expanding hope and join the movement today:

Share Hope – Share Amanda’s Story with your friends.

Wear Hope – Commit to $5 a month and receive the Three-Strand Bracelet as a token of your commitment to freedom.

Ignite Hope – Host a To Be Free event and ignite hope in your community. E-mail us to find out how you can bring To Be Free stories to your business, school, church, or organization.

tobefreestories.com

abolitioninternational.org

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Is Pornography Destructive to a Marriage?

Is Pornography Destructive to a Marriage
by Samantha Baker

This has come up a lot in my world in the past year.  I used to be some what on the fence about it.  I kind of felt, what other people do in their marriage is fine…I kind of don’t appreciate it in mine…but…if I don’t really think about it, it’s not there.

But my thinking has changed a lot.  And now I’m off the fence and my feet are planted firmly on the ground.  My stance, is yes.  I believe that pornography can absolutely be destructive to a marriage/relationship.

Now, I know most men feel differently.  They don’t see much harm in it, if any at all.  Men are more visual.  Men need an outlet. Men sometimes, just need it to relieve stress.  What’s the harm????

But, there can be just so much harm.  Now I get that some women are absolutely fine with it, and some even choose to participate.  And kudos to you.  But that isn’t a majority of women.  I think some women go along with it to please their spouse/SO.  I think some feel they need to agree to it, in effort to keep their spouse/SO from cheating (HA!), and some aren’t given a choice.  Plainly put, I don’t think many women really are “ok” with porn.  Not even the ones performing in it.

For my marriage, it absolutely has been destructive.  To the point, that it’s now become a deal breaker.  Yes, I know, that’s pretty bold.  But, I had to draw my line in the sand, and I have.  Because you see, it became an addiction for my husband.  One that he still won’t even admit.  It came between us.  It made it so that there was less closeness and intimacy.  It became more about a sexual act than making love.  And it has had lasting effects on us.  Things that can’t be fixed over night.

When one starts hiding the fact that they are looking at porn on a daily basis, or lying, or covering it up in effort to hide it, it’s gone too far.  When they start treating you like an object instead of a whole person that is to be treated with love and respect, it’s gone too far. When one starts to prefer porn to their partner, it’s gone too far.  It should have never gotten to those places to begin with.

In my perfectly not so humble opinion, the way to avoid the above?  Is to not have it in your life at all.  And this is something I have required of my husband now.  Because I’ve realized, that for our marriage, there is no middle ground.  There is no, well you can look once in awhile.  It has to be none at all.  Otherwise, it will end my marriage.  Because the damage it has already caused is too deep.  I can not let it cause any more.

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Saturday Morning Meeting Music Topic – Spirit Speaks

In today’s Castimonia meeting we listened to a great song that I relate to Step 12; Spirit Speaks by Know Hope Collective.  Below are the lyrics to this song and what it means to me.

Your spirit speaks, it moves in meKnow Hope Collective
And I’m awakened to Your love
You’re drawing me onto my knees
And I’m astounded by Your love

‘Cause You spoke life into my lungs
You are the air I breathe, You are the air I breathe
Still You move inside of me
You are the song I sing, You are the song I sing, yeah, yeah

You cover me with arms that reach
And I’m amazed by Your sweet grace
You set me free, You washed me clean
And I’m forgiven by Your grace

‘Cause You spoke life into my lungs
You are the air I breathe, You are the air I breathe
Still You move inside of me
You are the song I sing, You are the song I sing, yeah

With every breath I breathe, with every song I sing
I want to shout it out, Lord, I am listening
To every word You speak, I’ll go where You will lead
To love the least of these, my greatest offering

Lord, I am Listening

I don’t claim to have ever heard the voice of God, at least not yet.  However, I often joke that the Holy Spirit has an English accent.  The reason I state this is because my good friend Ken, who started Merimnao Healing Ministries (the parent ministry over Castimonia), prompted me to start a Christ-centered sexual purity group.  I’ll admit, initially I was afraid.  I was afraid of what other people would think of me.  We were relatively new to the church, maybe 2 years there, and not everyone knew my background.  I did know this, I was being called to begin something bigger than me, although at the time I did not realize it.  Therefore, I now shout out to the Lord, that I am listening to Him by going wherever He leads me.  Sometimes I become frightened about announcing my ministry or what I do, but I have to remember that it is God’s work, not mine, that I do and I need only worry about what He thinks about me, not what others think, thus I “carry this message to others.”

Awakened to Your love

Furthermore, I was awakened to God’s love as shown by my family and my brothers in Christ.  Actually, I was astounded by God’s love.  In my addiction, I did not believe that someone like me was lovable or worthy of another human’s love, much less that of God.  However, as I began to be set free from the chains of sexual addiction and as I was washed clean and forgiven by God’s grace, I saw this as possible.  Now, I chose to display God’s love to others, helping them be set free, by God, from the chains of sexual addiction.

The least of these – the most despised and afflicted

I do refer to the men who attend my group as “the least of these” for a reason.  The more I learn about sex addiction and attend meetings or trainings, the more I hear about the trauma these men and women went through as children, adolescences, and adults. I hear heartbreaking stories of sexual abuse, physical abuse, verbal and emotional abuse, isolation, abandonment, violence, rape, near-death experiences, etc…  When society hears of a “sex addict” the worst of the worst is assumed.  These humans are almost always automatically categorized as perverts, child molesters, and rapists; despised by the society that helped cause their affliction.  None of these men and women grew up with dreams of becoming a sex addict, it was thrust upon them at a young age, a way to escape what was going on in their life, a survival mechanism that became uncontrollable.

Therefore, I chose to start this group and love the “least of these”, even when nobody else in their life would.  This was my greatest offering to the Lord.  Coming alongside these men who struggle with sexual purity issues and helping them along the way, just as God placed men in my life to help me along the way.

This is why I relate this song to Step 12, “having had a spiritual awakening, as a result of these steps, I carry the message to others and practice these principles in my own life.” Better yet, “Praise be to God and father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God.” (2 Corinthians 1:3-4)

Take what you like and leave the rest.

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At Least One of Us is Going to Hell for What You’ve Done

I read this raw and true poem as if were written by a spouse of a sex addict.  Many times I’ve heard spouses say that they can take the slips but they can’t take the lies.  The last two lines ring true of this statement.  I edited out the profanities and hope this spouse’s angry words don’t offend anyone.  Keep in mind, it is ok to have these thoughts and feelings, what is not ok is to verbally abuse your spouse (addict or not) with your offensive language.  Acting out in anger can be very damaging to a relationship!

At Least One of Us is Going to Hell for What You’ve Done
by properlypeculiar

Oh, go and f***ing

f*** another girl

Make it through another lonely night

You don’t need me

I wish you’d not pretend you did

You’ll keep me hanging on the line until I cut you off with something cute like a stutter

or a clever arrangement of words that won’t ever cut you quite deeply enough

to send you racing back to being breathless with me

Say processed, vomited, vapid lines out loud

Close your eyes at just the right moment

Put your arm around me just where it fits

F*** the world forward and back again before my eyes

but don’t ever lie to me

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Castimonia Saturday Morning Meeting Topic – Step 12 Step Study

Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we try to carry this message to others and to practice these principles in all our affairs.
“Praise be to God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God.” (2 Corinthians 1:3-4)

In today’s Castimonia meeting we reviewed Step 12 from the Twelve Steps for Christians and the SAA Green Book.

saa-green-bookA friend of mine in recovery sent me the following story:

A man falls in a hole.  The sides are steep and he can’t climb out.  He looks up and sees a doctor walking by.  He asks the doctor for help.  The doctor writes out a prescription, throws it down the hole, and keeps walking.  The man in the hole thinks, “how is this supposed to help me?”  He looks up again and sees a priest walk by.  He asks the priest for help.  The priest writes down a prayer and throws it down the hole.  Again, the guy wonders how that is supposed to help.  Finally, he sees his friend from the program walking by.  He asks his friend for help and his friend climbs down in to the hole.  The man says, “hey, what did you do that for? Now we’re both in the hole!”  His friend says, “Yes, but I’ve been down here before and I know the way out.”

Only an addict can help an addict.  Having had that spiritual awakening that comes from working the preceding 11 steps, my life turned from being completely dependent on the help of others to wanting to help others, wanting them to feel the freedom I have felt, a freedom that came from being helped by others and surrendering to Jesus Christ.  Since I had been down in the hole before, I am now able to help others out through a proper recovery program.  I desire to help others out!

The scripture that goes along with this step is a very important part of the 12th Step.  I am to comfort those in trouble with the comfort I myself received from God.  My comfort came through working the 12 steps and learning a new way of life that placed God, not me, at the center of it.  Therefore, I have chosen to help others come to a spiritual awakening in Christ Jesus, just as my sponsor (and others in the program) helped me.  The comfort I received from God was a knowledgeable and caring sponsor, friends in the program, and men (and pastors) from my church that helped me along the way.  God purposely placed those men in my life!  I choose to allow God to use me, as He will, to help other men coming into the program recovery from sexual impurity or compulsive sexual behaviors.

One of the biggest benefits I experienced from working a secular 12-step program in SAA was that it allowed me the choice of who or what my higher power would be.  It allowed me to choose Jesus Christ, not just have it placed in front of me.  It then allowed me to learn more about Jesus, to read the Bible, to learn all I could, to attempt to understand all I could.  This process continues today!

With the spiritual awakening also comes an attitude of gratitude.  We are grateful for what God and others have done in our lives.  We are grateful for all the good things that have been given to us, and we are grateful for the freedom we experience one day at a time.  We stop living a “white knuckling” life and start living a life full of gratitude that revolves around our all-powerful God.  With this newfound gratitude, we begin to have a heart of giving, wanting to help others, desiring to help others out of their hole.  We learn to do this with our higher power at the helm of our own recovery and allowing those new to recovery the opportunity and adventure of discovering the “highest power,” Jesus Christ!  We take the message of recovery to others and continue to practice it in our own lives.