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Recovery Articles

April 23, 2019 By Castimonia

Castimonia Purity Podcast Episode 65: Family of Origin Work in Recovery – A Discussion with Ryan Butterfield

Ryan is the co-founder of Regroup Counseling, and he works as a CSAT to help people find freedom from their addiction.  Ryan and Doug discuss the importance of understanding how our development created patterns of who we became.  The discuss some ways to figure out what “rules of how to handle life” that we should keep and which ones were false.

They talk about some additional practices and exercises to help us all as we learn from the past in a productive way. 

For more information about the podcast, please email us at puritypodcast@castimonia.org 

Filed Under: podcast, Podcasts, Purity Podcast, Sex Addiction Podcast Tagged With: castimonia, christian, family of origin, Jesus Christ, masturbation, podcast, porn, porn addiction, pornography, Sex, sex addiction, sexual, sexual addiction, sexual purity

April 22, 2019 By Castimonia

Only Believe

What is it, then, that God wants us to do? What is the work he seeks? Just believe. Believe the One he sent. “The work God wants you to do is this: Believe the One he sent” (John 6:29 NCV).

Someone is reading this and shaking his or her head and asking, “Are you saying it is possible to go to heaven with no good works?” The answer is no. Good works are a requirement. Someone else is reading and asking, “Are you saying it is possible to go to heaven without good character?” My answer again is no. Good character is also required. In order to enter heaven one must have good works and good character.

But, alas, there is the problem. You have neither.

Oh, you’ve done some nice things in your life. But you do not have enough good works to go to heaven regardless of your sacrifice. No matter how noble your gifts, they are not enough to get you into heaven.

Nor do you have enough character to go to heaven. Please don’t be offended. (Then, again, be offended, if necessary.) You’re probably a very decent person. But decency isn’t enough. Those who see God are not the decent; they are the holy. “Anyone whose life is not holy will never see the Lord” (Heb. 12:14 NCV).

You may be decent. You may pay taxes and kiss your kids and sleep with a clean conscience. But apart from Christ you aren’t holy. So how can you go to heaven?

Only believe.

Accept the work already done, the work of Jesus on the cross. Only believe. Accept the goodness of Jesus Christ. Abandon your own works and accept his. Abandon your own decency and accept his. Stand before God in his name, not yours. “Anyone who believes and is baptized will be saved, but anyone who does not believe will be punished” (Mark 16:16 NCV).

t’s that simple? It’s that simple. It’s that easy? There was nothing easy at all about it. The cross was heavy, the blood was real, and the price was extravagant. It would have bankrupted you or me, so he paid it for us. Call it simple. Call it a gift. But don’t call it easy.

Call it what it is. Call it grace.

Today’s devotional is drawn from Max Lucado’s Next Door Savior.

Filed Under: Sexual Purity Posts Tagged With: addiction, Affairs, alcoholic, anonymous sex partners, call girls, castimonia, Character Defects, christian, co-dependency, escorts, father wound, gratification, healing, Intimacy, masturbation, porn, porn star, pornography, pornstar, pornstars, prostitute, prostitutes, ptsd, purity, recovery, Sex, sex addict, sex addiction, sex partners, sexual, sexual addiction, sexual impurity, sexual purity, spouses, STD, strippers, trauma

April 19, 2019 By Castimonia

How To Make Feelings of Insecurity Go Away

psychologytoday.com · by Susan Krauss Whitbourne Ph.D.

Feelings of insecurity can come from many sources, both real and imaginary. You may feel unsure about whether other people really like you or whether you’ll get to keep your job. Or you may just be generally insecure. Whether the basis of your insecurity is real or not, the feeling can be crippling unless you know how to handle it. A new study by Peking University’s Wenjie Yuan and Lei Wang (2016) provides a simple step you can take to keep insecurity from getting in the way of your happiness and your mental health.

As proposed by Yuan and Wang, there are specific forms of insecurity, but also a general life insecurity, which they regard as detrimental to your mental health. They define general life insecurity as “a diffuse psychological concern about the safety issues across all life domains including, but not limited to insecurities of job, food, economic affairs, public incidents, health and medicine, and traffic” (p. 312).

The authors draw from Hobfall’s (1989) classic stress theory, Conservation of Resources (COR), which proposes that insecurity drains resources from our mental bandwidth, sapping any resources that are already threatened by loss or the prospect of loss. It’s difficult to concentrate on what you need to do to improve a bad situation if the situation itself is causing your coping resources to drain away.

The potentially easy way to put an end to those insecurities, as proposed by Yuan and Wang, is to crank up your optimism levels. When you’re optimistic, you tend to attribute events that could have negative consequences in a way that reduces their threat value, primarily by seeing those events as being caused by outside factors that will undoubtedly change for the better. Being an optimist, in other words, means that you see the glass as half full, that you ultimately view it as completely fillable, and that you are not responsible for its emptying.

It stands to reason that optimism would be beneficial to your mental health, and the Peking University researchers maintain that optimistic people are not only happier and less anxious, but better prepared to handle stress as well. Their optimism becomes a resource they can draw on in times of difficulty. The beneficial effect isn’t unlimited—under enough actual insecurity, when one is in danger for prolonged periods, it can become entirely eroded.

To test the relationship among insecurity, optimism, and mental health, Yuan and Wang recruited a sample of 209 adults (52 percent male, with an average age of 29) to complete questionnaires over two time points, about a month apart. The researchers used a four-item measure of general insecurity, gauging whether participants felt that all aspects of their life were “safe,” whether they felt generally insecure in “current social conditions,” “when walking down the street sometimes,” or it they wanted to “escape” due to feeling threatened.

The tendency to attribute success and failure to external events was assessed by asking participants to indicate, for example, how much chance causes problems in their relationships with friends. A Chinese version of a measure of “psychological capital” assessed whether participants tend to “look on the bright side.” Finally, general mental health was measured by asking participants to complete a standard questionnaire that included an assessment of one’s ability to concentrate.

The prediction was that the tendency to use external attribution would play a role in affecting optimism’s role in reducing the effects of insecurity on mental health. In other words, people who tend to make external attributions could face situations that threaten their feelings of security by drawing on optimism as a coping resource. Looking at this result, you may conclude that it’s fine to be optimistic as long as you’re a “glass half full” kind of person. However, the authors argue that optimism is modifiable: It’s a state (something that one can change) and not a trait (part and parcel of your personality).

In viewing optimism as modifiable, we can now discuss the challenge of viewing situations that threaten your safety and security in a favorable enough light so that you can cope with them. The ability to do so seems to lie in the attributional piece of the puzzle. Although the study regarded the tendency to externalize as a part of one’s psychological makeup, because it is a cognitive attribute (a function of the way we think), it would also seem to be modifiable under the right circumstances.

Let’s consider what happens when you’re facing a job interview or a first meeting with someone you met online. The measure of insecurity used in this particular study involved a general sense of being threatened, not a specific situation. However, if you’re someone who goes about your day feeling uncertain and afraid, such a situation could tap into those general feelings of anxiety about how you’ll respond. You may know it’s best for you to maintain an optimistic attitude because you’ll seem more self-confident and therefore more attractive to a potential employer or date. However, in the back of your mind, all you can think about is the last time you blew an interview or first date, and how badly it reflects on your personal qualifications; your insecurity levels are now sky-high.

Instead of making an internal attribution for your failure on the previous occasion, the study suggests you find someone or something else to blame: You didn’t get enough sleep; the weather was bad; the other person lacked the wisdom to see your many stellar qualities. You were not at fault. Now you can change your outlook and approach this new situation with a much brighter view of what’s going to happen. Presumably, your lowered stress levels will make that success all the more likely to occur.

It’s not necessarily wise, of course, to chronically ignore negative outcomes or personal culpability when bad things happen to you; you can always learn from failure. In the moment of trying to prepare for a successful encounter, though, that negativity will only make things worse.

Taking a vacation from self-blame can be the key to giving yourself the latitude to succeed, even at difficult tasks. By building your optimism, you can tackle feelings of insecurity through “proactive behaviors” (p. 316) that nip them in the bud. You may not be able to fend off all forms of insecurity all the time, but you’ll at least be able to prevent the threats that are within your control.

References

Hobfoll, S. E. (1989). Conservation of resources: A new attempt at conceptualizing stress. American Psychologist, 44(3), 513–524.

Yuan, W., & Wang, L. (2016). Optimism and attributional style impact on the relationship between general insecurity and mental health. Personality and Individual Differences, 101312-317. doi:10.1016/j.paid.2016.06.005

psychologytoday.com · by Susan Krauss Whitbourne Ph.D.

Filed Under: Sexual Purity Posts Tagged With: addiction, Affairs, alcoholic, anonymous sex partners, call girls, castimonia, Character Defects, christian, co-dependency, Emotions, escorts, father wound, gratification, healing, Intimacy, Jesus Christ, lust, masturbation, porn, porn star, pornography, pornstar, pornstars, prostitute, prostitutes, ptsd, purity, recovery, Sex, sex addict, sex addiction, sex partners, sexual, sexual addiction, sexual impurity, sexual purity, spouses, STD, strippers, trauma

April 18, 2019 By K.LeVeq

Prodigal – Saturday at 5:30 pm

Inbetween
Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you. – 1 Peter 5:7

After I hit my own rock bottom, God gave me a choice: obey Him or don’t. No inbetween. I spent so much of my life skirting the edge, giving an overt nod to God in appearance but not in reality. When God brought me to the end of myself, He didn’t give me any wiggle room. My only options were to obey or not. 

So I did. I disclosed all my junk. I started attending recovery meetings. I found a sponsor, began working the twelve steps. Actually went to counseling with a counselor who would hold me to my word, even when my word sucked. I recognized my powerlessness. Agreed that only God could restore me to sanity and then promised to turn over my life and will to Him. To obey. 

Step four required that I take a searching and fearless moral inventory of myself. By doing so, I faced all my flaws, my defects of character, and my ingrained fears. I obeyed God by opening myself up to Him. So what now?

My counselor, Ken, drew a chart for me. A cross, actually. He put me right at the center, with my wife on the right and my kids on the left. He explained that God’s love for my wife and family flowed through me to them. When my vertical relationship with Him was broken, it negatively impacted my wife and kids. Damn, that didn’t feel good to hear. Ken reminded me to obey God and repair that vertical relationship. Only then would I see God’s impact on my wife and kids through me. 

The inbetween time stunk. I had to build trust in Him, even when I couldn’t see the results or know the timing. After three years, I’m a work in progress. He didn’t take my character defects, fears, flaws all away. A lot of them remain, but some of them don’t. Some of them disappeared over time…my pride, selfishness, identity in my job. Others require me to trust Him and depend on His strength. Things like my economic insecurity, concern for my boys and their relationship with God, my deep seeded resentments. 

Life for me continues inbetween…inbetween my obedience and His deliverance. In that time, in the now, my trust grows. Notice I said grows…not finished. Grows…still in progress.

How do you handle the inbetween? Do you trust Him without seeing the results? Have you decided to obey and develop trust later? 

This week, Sean leads us in a message of the inbetween. Join us on Saturday in expectation of His deliverance on Sunday.

What to expect: We are a service of recovery and a community of hope. Expect impactful worship songs, a time of celebration and sharing of our milestones, and a testimony of spiritual awakening. 

When: Every Saturday at 5:30 pm
Location: The Fellowship (in the Loft), 22765 Westheimer Pkwy, Katy, TX 77450
Childcare is available. Pre-notification is not necessary but is requested. For more information about childcare, email us info@theprodigals.org.

Give:  We need your support! Give to the Prodigal. Use your smart phone and text your donation. Send a text to 28950, and type the keyword PROD, a space and the amount you wish to give. You will receive a text response for your name, address and account information for one-time registration. An email confirmation will be sent to confirm your donation. Next time, you simply send a text with the amount – and it’s complete.

Come home, prodigals! – Keith B.

Filed Under: Sexual Purity Posts Tagged With: Easter, Prodigal, recovery, worship

April 18, 2019 By Castimonia

Journal Through Recovery – Bonus Podcast #20: Resentments

You are right where God wants you to be. Uncomfortable. That means He is revealing something to you. Something you need to work on. I hate when my sponsor is right.

Filed Under: podcast, Podcasts, Purity Podcast, Sex Addiction Podcast Tagged With: castimonia, christian, journal, journal through recovery, podcast, Resentments, Sex, sex addiction, sexual, sexual addiction, sexual purity

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This site is intended for individuals who struggle with maintaining sexual purity. This information is posted for individuals at various stages in their recovery, year 1 to year 30+; what applies to some, may not apply others. Spouses are encouraged to read this blog with the caveat that they may not agree with, understand, or know the reason for some items posted. As always, take what you like and leave the rest.

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