CASTIMONIA

Sexual Purity Support & Recovery Group

Sexual Purity Posts

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It Never Goes Away

It Never Goes Away
The more we learn about mind-and-body the less I see addiction and codependency as a disease and the more I see them as natural, logical and very creative attempts to survive and/or medicate the emotional injuries caused by unmet childhood dependency needs or other dysfunctional relationship situations. There is a major difference between a disease and an injury; a disease is something you “catch” or mysteriously become afflicted with, while an injury is the result of something bad that happened to you – some kind of trauma. The survival skills learned by a child in order to adapt to and survive traumatic emotional injuries naturally result in an excessive need for control – something at the root of all addictions including codependence. However, the skills that were once natural, logical, and effective aids in surviving childhood emotional injuries, are not useful or effective as coping skills in healthy adult relationships. D. Carter

“There is an ache in my heart for the imagined beauty of a life I haven’t had, from which I had been locked out, and it never goes away.” – Robert Goolrick

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Awkward Lack of Recent Practice

Awkward Lack of Recent Practice

Sex is not love, but where love is true and real, sexual intimacy can be a deeply moving expression of what is in one’s heart. American culture tries to push men into stereotypical roles that tend to gratify being sexually promiscuous. Sex or the hint of it is frequently shown to be the cure for just about anything that might trouble an American male, at least according to Madison Avenue advertising agencies. A “real man” is often advertised to be one who can attract and bed women easily. What bulls#it! I swallowed the “Playboy” lifestyle as being cool when I was young and my relationships suffered dearly because of it. Choosing to keep sex out of my life for a long time was one of the best things I could have done. The awkward lack of recent practice will add innocence and a newness last felt in my twenties.

“So that’s what I thought love was: Savage as a bull prodded with a spike; Brutal, smelly, sweaty. Like a brawl in which man and woman Wrestled pleasure from each other, Fighting, incapable of thought, Half stunned, wheezing, Less than human.” – Unknown

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Co-addicted Relationships Part III: A Love Addict and a Love Avoidant

Co-addicted Relationships Part III: A Love Addict and a Love Avoidant
A Love Addict and a Love Avoidant form a relationship marked by cycles of positive and negative intensity (which they call love, passion, or romance), until they can’t stand it with that partner – and then they leave that person and repeat the cycles with somebody else. Each partner is both attracted and repelled by the other. This paradox is often expressed as, “I can’t live with him (or her), but I can’t live without him (or her). The addictive priority for the Love Addict is the partner and the fantasy the Love Addict has developed about that partner. Love Addicts are obsessed with the partner and seek to create intensity inside the relationship – actually to relate too closely to the point of enmeshment rather than establishing healthy intimacy. The addictive priority in the Love Avoidant’s life is an addiction outside the relationship; alcohol, drugs, sex, work, religion, gambling, spending, being busy. Love Avoidants are interested in creating intensity outside the relationship rather than establishing healthy intimacy within the relationship. Any other addiction will do the job of causing a Love Avoidant to evade intimacy within the relationship by focusing on the outside addiction. “From “Facing Love Addiction” by Pia Mellody

“I hate you, then I love you. It’s like I want to throw you off a cliff, then rush to the bottom and catch you.” – Unknown

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Finding Light in the Darkness of Pornography Addiction

http://www.kickstarter.com/projects/141091137/the-heart-of-the-matter-a-documentary-feature-film

Finding light in the darkness of pornography addiction

We are back online again to raise funds for our film! Hopefully, many of you seeing this new campaign are our fans and strong supporters who’ve been rooting for us to get this film made for many months. And we pray that there are many more of you who are discovering (and donating) to our project for the first time.

Watch this additional video from behind the scenes on our first shoot to get a glimpse of why so many amazing people volunteered to be a part of the film.

We began work on this film in January of 2012, under the name Shamed. Here is a link to that original Kickstarter campaign so you can see where we started.

With the funds raised there, we started production by shooting 24 awesome, beautiful, and powerful interviews (which you can see a glimpse of in our teaser video above).

Now, we want to clarify the full budget of this film has always been $200K+. Understand there was no miss management of funds resulting in the request for more funds. We’ve always had a vision to create a film that will be the most engaging visually for viewers, and that takes a certain amount of spending!

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Co-addicted Relationships Part II: Two Love Avoidants

Co-addicted Relationships Part II: Two Love Avoidants
A Love Avoidant and another Love Avoidant form a very low-intensity relationship. They agree to keep intensity low because each of them finds this comfortable; however, they each create intensity, obsession, and compulsion outside the relationship, which quite often does not include the other partner. For example it could be that one is a work addict in business and the other is intensely involved in church work or another form of volunteer activity. Or perhaps one is an alcoholic and the other a compulsive spender, or compulsive gardener, or compulsively redecorates and remodels their home. Or perhaps one of them avoids the spouse by being a Love Addict when relating to one of the children. Another possibility is that these two participate in some form of intensity outside their relationship, thinking they are having a relationship because they are together so much of the time. Actually they use the intensity outside to avoid intimacy within the relationship. For example, a couple can become involved together in compulsive gambling, tournament bridge, square dancing, sailboat racing, and so on. I’m not trying to say that gambling, bridge, dancing or boat racing are undesirable activities for a couple to share. But such activities may become an obstacle to their relationship when the partners create intensity with those activities to avoid intimacy. “From “Facing Love Addiction” by Pia Mellody – tomorrow Part III: “A Love Addict and a Love Avoidant”

“Among men, sex sometimes results in intimacy; among women, intimacy sometimes results in sex.” –  Barbara Cartland