sex addict

January 18, 2014 By Castimonia

Fighting Porn Addiction

by Brad Andres

– You’re past the point of denial. You’ve moved into reality. It’s here; It’s real – You’re addicted to pornography.

“I can stop anytime I want,” you say to yourself, “I’m not addicted.”

– Is that so? Stop watching porn then…

“Well, it’s just not that easy…”

– Yep. That’s because your addicted.

“No I’m not.”

– Well now you’ve fallen back into denial. Let’s just assume you’re addicted and move on past this vicious circle.

Levels of Addiction

I think most people tend to view addiction as an uncontrollable, unquenchable desire. Addiction can be defined as a habit (in this case – watching pornography) which has become compulsive and enslaving. In some ways, this inner desire controls you. You are not controlling it. So it’s not unquenchable, because you have beat it before. But it is an addiction – you keep falling back to it.

So whether you watch porn daily, weekly, or once a month – when you lose the battle against it (multiple times), you’re addicted.

You need to realize the root of the addiction:

This is physical – Masturbation feels good. This is psychological – Our brains release chemicals and all this other fun stuff happens when we watch porn. It’s not simply because then women are so hot. This is spiritual – You’ve given a piece of yourself away when you masturbate to pornography.

Watching pornography is a sinful habit. It can be defeated.

Let’s Fight

Discipline – The best fighters are well disciplined.

I think of coach Boone in Remember the Titans:

“I don’t scratch my head unless it itches…”

We realize the discipline it takes to hit the gym everyday as a professional boxer. In addition, they need to eat right, sleep right, and rest right. Also, they need the discipline to know when to take a punch, when to dodge a blow, etc. All this takes discipline. If it were easy – there would be a lot more professional boxers.

Self-discipline is a staple for overcoming the drive and desire for watching porn. However, self-discipline isn’t something you can switch on and off at will. Self-discipline is a lifestyle. It is a habit.

So you’re gonna need to train – to fight. Practice doing things that your body works against. If you don’t work out – start. Do it because you need to develop self-discipline to do the things your body doesn’t want to do. Other practices to help you in your training:

You’re gonna need to start eating right

The better you are physically, the more stamina you’ll have in fighting off these desires. Let’s be real, many times the desire to check out the website comes when you’re tired, stressed, or upset.

You’re gonna need to sleep right

Again the better shape you are physically, the easier you’ll be able to ward off attacks instead of giving in. Get yourself a good eight hours.

You’re gonna want to start fasting

This will teach you spiritual discipline and give you mastery over your body. Your desires do not rule you – you are the commander of your body.

You’re gonna want to start praying

This is a spiritual battle, and you’re not gonna be able to beat it on your own.

You’re gonna want to starve yourself of all sexual content

No TV shows with sex scenes or sexual innuendos. No movies with any sort of promiscuous sexual content. Make yourself look away from the Victoria Secret posters when walking through the mall. No watching movies with the celebrities you used to look up on the Internet.

You’re gonna want to find an accountability partner

Yes you will answer to God, but that time is so far removed from now (in our minds anyway), that it normally doesn’t impact behavior. If your friend or mentor is calling (or texting) at 8 pm each night to follow up with you, it impacts your behavior because it’s much more immediate.

If you have integrity you’ll be fine, man up and tell him you failed, ask for prayer, and tomorrow is a new day. If you lie, you’re never going to beat the porn addiction until you stop lying. It’s easier to simply say a lie than to physically act against your body’s desires.

By the way, I feel it is important to let you know this isn’t theoretical knowledge. I’ve been there, I was addicted, and with God’s help – that addiction was broken.

January 16, 2014 By Castimonia

Relationships & Porn

By: Nikki Branch

It seems everywhere I look on forums and blogs; frustrated women are upset because their spouses are watching Internet porn instead of being with them. This is a legitimate concern and sometimes is a symptom of a pornography addiction but other times shows something else, a deep seeded problem in the relationship.

So what kind of advice are these women getting about their PARTNER’S issue with porn addiction? “Have you tried going on a diet?” “Why don’t you spice up your love life a little?” “Watch porn WITH him”, or my favorite, “Well, you obviously aren’t satisfying him!”

As a hot-blooded Canadian woman I have to say this APPALLS me. Since when is it my responsibility to “take care of my man’s needs” when he doesn’t take care of mine (hypothetically speaking)? If my partner is aware of my discomfort with his viewing preferences and then blames ME for the fact that HE CHOOSES to watch it shows me that there is a lack of respect for our relationship and for me.

“Well, you don’t want to have sex anymore” “well, we never spend time together” “well you don’t give me [triggering language removed] anymore” “well, I’m always working, so I don’t have energy for foreplay”. Ever hear any of these excuses? That’s what they are. Excuses. It is my opinion that if you love a person and want to feel intimacy with them you will make it your priority to FIND a way to have enough time, or make that person feel special, or sexy or whatever else they need.

Look, I understand. It’s a busy world, we have a lot on our plates these days. Life is fast and its easy to put people aside, even if we love them. But, don’t put the blame on someone else when the problem is with you. “Ok, so it’s my own fault for not making time, or building intimacy. What can I do about it now?” It’s simple. Start small. Take a walk together holding hands. Go see a movie and cuddle. Make out in the back of your car. Stop blaming your partner for not wanting you when you don’t make an effort to show them you care. It goes both ways ladies and gents. Simple gestures of intimate touching can make all the difference in the world.

So next time someone tells you, “you should lose weight for your man” or something equally idiotic tell them, “I already love him, its his turn to love ME now.”

January 14, 2014 By Castimonia

Like A Ship Without A Rudder

“Big boys don’t cry.” “No pain no gain. Tough it out.” “Only sissies get hurt feelings.” “It’s a sign of weakness to let people know you’re hurting.” Men are cautioned to not discuss their feelings, to avoid feelings altogether and to not discuss love, sorrow or pain. Men will often make a joke out of a difficult situation rather than face it directly. Men are taught to be checked out toward the emotions of others, and keep their true feelings inside. All this is not to say that men are incapable of intimacy, dependency or vulnerability. They are quite able but our culture does not support it. One of the main reasons for drug and alcohol use (and sexually acting out) is for medicating pain and that would include emotional pain. Men, who feel bottled up, sad, angry and depressed will often become workaholics, (sex addicts), drink or do drugs to avoid feelings. For men to understand how to be intimate they must first learn more about who they are, what they want and what is truly important to them. Feelings tell us what we want and what we need so without them we are like a ship without a rudder. So many men lead lives of quiet desperation, never letting anyone in or themselves out. For men to take a look at who they really are and allow their essence to be known are actually far stronger than the burly silent types who live their lives in utter isolation. Taken from an on-line article by Bill Cloke http://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/the-good-life-why-men-have-trouble-with-intimacy/

“Unexpressed emotions will never die. They are buried alive and will come forth later in uglier ways.” – Sigmund Freud

January 12, 2014 By Castimonia

To Know You

Posted by Alex on April 25, 2013

For one so unfaithful,
You do love a lot.
Out of my idolatrous heart came desire which birthed my transgressions.
Soon there was only death.
I walked in death for what seemed a lifetime.
I no longer had the strength to exist.
I cried out, not knowing who would answer.
And there you were, waiting to pick me up.
You spread out your arms to show me grace and the abounding love you have for me.
You love me so much you sacrificed your Son to be beaten, disgraced, and mocked.
He would eventually hang on a tree and become a curse for me.
All so that I could know you.
For one so unfaithful,
You do love a lot.

January 10, 2014 By Castimonia

21 Things Pastors Need To Know About Porn

Originally posted at:http://www.pornfreedomnow.com/2012/05/21-things-pastors-need-to-know-about.html

Here some thoughts on what Pastors (and you, too) need to know about pornography.

It’s sin. It’s lust. Lust is sin. It’s mental adultery.
It’s everywhere. Half the men in your church are likely exposed to it every week, and some of the women too.
It’s a ruthless slave driver and traps people in shame and secrecy.
NOT talking about it with your people does NOT help them.
The porn industry is a dark and twisted place, filled with people with souls whom God deeply loves.
People who act in pornographic films are people whom God loves.
People who produce pornography are people whom God loves.
It does NOT encourage more intimacy in marriage – on the contrary, it destroys it.
It is NOT victimless. Broken marriages and shattered lives are all around us as evidence.
The internet has exploded the number of porn addicts, offering the three deadly “A’s,” making porn accessible, affordable, and anonymous.
Pornography is a drug. It triggers chemicals in the brain that create addictions. It offers a temporary high, followed by a crash into guilt and shame. And one kind of pornography is almost always a gateway into something worse.
The younger you are when first exposed, the more susceptible you are to addiction as an adult.
Pornography WILL cause you to treat people (especially women) like objects and not living souls.
Pornography WILL harden your heart.
There is hope.
Consumers and producers of pornography can find forgiveness of sin in the blood of Jesus and be made righteous and pure by the saving power of God.
Those trapped in pornography addictions can be forgiven of what they’ve entertained themselves with.
Breaking the cycle is possible, but extremely difficult, as with any addiction.
The cover-up is always worse than the crime.
The cost of recovery is high, but the cost of not recovering is much higher.
You need help. You need help and accountability, without question.