By: Nikki Branch
It seems everywhere I look on forums and blogs; frustrated women are upset because their spouses are watching Internet porn instead of being with them. This is a legitimate concern and sometimes is a symptom of a pornography addiction but other times shows something else, a deep seeded problem in the relationship.
So what kind of advice are these women getting about their PARTNER’S issue with porn addiction? “Have you tried going on a diet?” “Why don’t you spice up your love life a little?” “Watch porn WITH him”, or my favorite, “Well, you obviously aren’t satisfying him!”
As a hot-blooded Canadian woman I have to say this APPALLS me. Since when is it my responsibility to “take care of my man’s needs” when he doesn’t take care of mine (hypothetically speaking)? If my partner is aware of my discomfort with his viewing preferences and then blames ME for the fact that HE CHOOSES to watch it shows me that there is a lack of respect for our relationship and for me.
“Well, you don’t want to have sex anymore” “well, we never spend time together” “well you don’t give me [triggering language removed] anymore” “well, I’m always working, so I don’t have energy for foreplay”. Ever hear any of these excuses? That’s what they are. Excuses. It is my opinion that if you love a person and want to feel intimacy with them you will make it your priority to FIND a way to have enough time, or make that person feel special, or sexy or whatever else they need.
Look, I understand. It’s a busy world, we have a lot on our plates these days. Life is fast and its easy to put people aside, even if we love them. But, don’t put the blame on someone else when the problem is with you. “Ok, so it’s my own fault for not making time, or building intimacy. What can I do about it now?” It’s simple. Start small. Take a walk together holding hands. Go see a movie and cuddle. Make out in the back of your car. Stop blaming your partner for not wanting you when you don’t make an effort to show them you care. It goes both ways ladies and gents. Simple gestures of intimate touching can make all the difference in the world.
So next time someone tells you, “you should lose weight for your man” or something equally idiotic tell them, “I already love him, its his turn to love ME now.”
