CASTIMONIA

Sexual Purity Support & Recovery Group

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Why Community?

By Keith B.

NotUnknown.com

They committed themselves to the teaching of the apostles, the life together, the common meal, and the prayers. Acts 2:42 (MSG)

My parents raised me in a Southern Baptist church. Other than my college years, I attended and remained involved in church most of my adult life. Pastors, teachers, friends all referenced the Acts and the New Testament church when emphasizing the importance of building community with other believers. I guess I believed that, thought I never could really explain why living in community had value. I didn’t really know what community meant.

My counselor Ken reminded me of who God is not long after I began meeting with him almost two years ago.
“God exists as the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit,” he said. “We receive life from the Father, we can live in relationship with God because of the sacrifice of the Son, and we receive direction daily through the indwelling of the Holy Spirit.”
That simple explanation helped me change my way of thinking about God. I started viewing Him as three parts of one whole, not as three separate entities. So what does that have to do with me and how I live my life?

I attend a cool Bible study on Thursday mornings. Two friends and I decided to start a group to study God’s word, develop intimate relationships with other men, and practice community. Last week, Brian led us through a discussion on the necessity, not the importance, the NECESSITY of community. Those of you who know me know I steal ideas shamelessly for my writing, so I am “re-purposing” Brian’s incredible lesson. I am at least giving credit, not something I always remember to do!

First, God designed us to live in community. He created us in His image. I read that so many times in Genesis but missed the point. His image isn’t singular. His image is three in one, the ultimate example of community.

In 2 Corinthians 13:11, Paul gave a final reminder that if we live in peace together, then God will be with us and bring us joy and peace. Most of my life, I lived in isolation. I attended church, Bible studies, groups. I had a relationship with my wife and sons. What I didn’t have was joy and peace, or true intimacy and honesty. I certainly didn’t bring peace to any of those relationships.

Because I didn’t open myself up fully to true intimacy and community, I missed the real blessings that come from living in God’s design. Romans 12:10 says we should love each other with “genuine affection and take delight in honoring each other.” God’s design for us to live in community with others allows Him to love us through others. He also wants us to live as a body so we can learn from each other. Ephesians 4:32 reminds us to forgive each other “just as through Christ, God forgave you.”

I started experiencing community through my recovery group meetings, sitting in a tight circle, sharing my garbage, and experiencing grace and love. Practicing intimacy through those groups allowed me to live in community in my Bible study class at church, in my recovery worship at Prodigal on Saturday nights, and most importantly with my wife and boys, slowly practicing God’s design for me…life in community, not in isolation.

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Castimonia Monday Night Meeting Katy CANCELLED for Memorial Day

We will not be meeting this coming Monday night, May 28th, at The Fellowship as our host church in Katy will be closed in honor of Memorial Day. We plan to resume the following Monday night. 

If you need a meeting Monday night, please visit the Life Path location below. 

Monday Nights
Time: 7:00PM – 8:30PM
Location: Lifepath Church – Room 108
17703 W Little York Rd
Houston, TX 77084
Contact: Jeremy P. at 281.794.9355 or JPinCypress@Gmail.com

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Castimonia Purity Podcast Episode 56: #MeToo – How It Affects Sex Addicts

Doug discusses the Me too movement from the perspective of the addict.  It can bring about feelings of guilt and shame as addicts have misused power and been guilty of objectification in our addictions.

He discusses some ways to address how to fight against the pattern continuing in our lives and in society as a whole.

Please visit castimonia.org/podcasts for more information or links to the books referenced.  As always, email us at puritypodcast@castimonia.org with any questions and/or comments!

Thanks for listening!

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How to Forgive When It’s Hard to Forget

Proverbs 4:23 – “Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.

“I know I’m supposed to forgive,” a woman to me (Dr. Cloud) at a recent seminar. “But, I just can’t open myself up to that kind of hurt anymore. I know I should forgive him and trust him, but if I let him back in, the same thing will happen, and I can’t go through that again.”

“Who said anything about ‘trusting’ him?” I asked. “I don’t think you should trust him either.”

“But you said I was supposed to forgive him, and if I do that, doesn’t that mean giving him another chance? Don’t I have to open up to him again?”

“No, you don’t,” I replied. “Forgiveness and trust are two totally different things. In fact, that’s part of your problem. Every time he’s done this, he’s come back and apologized, and you have just accepted him right back into your life, and nothing has changed. You trusted him, nothing was different, and he did it again. I don’t think that’s wise.”

“Well,” she asked, “How can I forgive him without opening myself up to being hurt again?”

Good question. We hear this problem over and over again. People have been hurt, and they do one of two things. Either they confront the other person about something that has happened, the other person says he’s sorry, and they forgive, open themselves up again, and blindly trust. Or, in fear of opening themselves up again, they avoid the conversation altogether and hold onto the hurt, fearing that forgiveness will make them vulnerable once again.

How do you resolve this dilemma?

The simplest way to help you to organize your thoughts as you confront this problem is to remember three points:

1. Forgiveness has to do with the past. Forgiveness is not holding something someone has done against her. It is letting it go. It only takes one to offer forgiveness. And just as God has offered forgiveness to everyone, we are expected to do the same (see Matthew 6:12&18:35).

2. Reconciliation has to do with the present. It occurs when the other person apologizes and accepts forgiveness. It takes two to reconcile.

3. Trust has to do with the future. It deals with both what you will risk happening again and what you will open yourself up to. A person must show through his actions that he is trustworthy before you trust him again (see Matthew 3:8; Proverbs 4:23).

You could have a conversation that deals with two of these issues, or all three. In some good boundary conversations, you forgive the other person for the past, reconcile in the present, and then discuss what the limits of trust will be in the future. The main point is this: Keep the future clearly differentiated from the past.

As you discuss the future, you clearly delineate what your expectations are, what limits you will set, what the conditions will be, or what the consequences (good or bad) of various actions will be. As the proverb says, “A righteous man is cautious in friendship” (see Proverbs 12:26). Differentiating between forgiveness and trust does a number of things:

First, you prevent the other person from being able to say that not opening up again means you are “holding it against me.”

Second, you draw a clear line from the past to the possibility of a good future with a new beginning point of today, with a new plan and new expectations. If you have had flimsy boundaries in the past, you are sending a clear message that you are going to do things differently in the future.

Third, you give the relationship a new opportunity to go forward. You can make a new plan, with the other person potentially feeling cleansed and feeling as though the past will not be used to shame or hurt him. As a forgiven person, he can become an enthusiastic partner in the future of the relationship instead of a guilty convict trying to work his way out of relational purgatory. And you can feel free, not burdened by bitterness and punitive feelings, while at the same time being wise about the future.

This devotional is drawn from Boundaries in Dating, by John Townsend and Henry Cloud.