pornstars
ARE YOU ADDICTED TO PORN?
In today’s world, porn addiction is the most common form of sexual addiction. Without doubt, this is thanks to the Internet, which offers an almost endless supply of free, easily and anonymously accessible erotic imagery of every ilk imaginable. For porn addicts, the Internet is a bit like dropping an alcoholic in a liquor store and saying, “Everything is free, drink as much as you like, and nobody will know what you’ve been up to.”
In general, porn addiction is defined based on the same criteria as every other addiction:
- Preoccupation to the point of obsession
- Loss of control over use, most often evidenced by failed attempts to quit or cut back
- Directly related negative life consequences, including ruined relationships, problems at work or in school, depression, isolation, shame, loss of interest in previously enjoyable hobbies and activities, declining physical health, financial woes, legal trouble, etc.
Research tells us that active porn addicts typically spend at least eleven hours per week with pornography. And many compulsive porn users say they “lose themselves” in porn for double or even triple that amount of time. Unsurprisingly, most of these hours are spent online, with addicts perusing traditional porn websites, tube sites, dating sites, social media, hookup apps, etc., constantly searching for the perfect image or video, or at least the newest image or video. Yes, traditional forms of pornography still exist—magazines, books, DVDs, adult bookstores, adult theaters, and the like—but digital-era porn addicts nearly always prefer the anonymity, affordability, accessibility, and, most of all, the never-ending variety they can find online.
Common signs that porn use has escalated into porn addiction include:
- Increasing amounts of time spent searching for, viewing, masturbating to, exchanging, and/or organizing pornography
- Continued porn use despite promises made to yourself (or others) to stop
- Continued porn use despite directly related negative life consequences
- Viewing progressively more arousing, intense, or bizarre sexual content
- Lying about, keeping secrets about, and covering up the nature and extent of your porn use
- “Losing time” with porn (intending to go online for a few minutes and then realizing, many hours later, that you are still online)
- Shame about the amount and/or types of porn you are using
- Depression and/or anxiety related to your porn use
- Social and emotional isolation
- Reduced or total loss of interest in real-world sexual relationships
- Anger or irritability if asked to stop using porn
- Masturbation (in conjunction with porn use) to the point of abrasions or injury
- Sexual dysfunction (erectile dysfunction, delayed ejaculation, inability to reach orgasm) with real world partners but not with pornography
- Escalation from two-dimensional images and videos to casual/anonymous hookups, prostitutes, webcams, affairs, etc.
- Drug and alcohol abuse/addiction/relapse in conjunction with (or in response to) porn use
Sadly, most porn addicts are reluctant to seek help for their problem, often because they don’t view their solo sexual behaviors as an underlying source of their ever-increasing life problems. Other times, porn addicts keep quiet because they are too ashamed of their behavior to openly discuss it. Sometimes, as consequences begin to mount, compulsive porn users seek treatment for their addiction’s related symptoms (relationship woes, depression, social isolation, and the like) rather than the porn problem itself. In such cases, these individuals may attend therapy and other 12-step groups for months or even years without ever mentioning or being asked about porn use. As such, their core issue remains underground and untreated, and their symptoms grow worse instead of better.
Written By: Robert Weiss
Castimonia Monday Night Meeting Katy CANCELLED for Memorial Day
We will not be meeting this coming Monday night, May 28th, at The Fellowship as our host church in Katy will be closed in honor of Memorial Day. We plan to resume the following Monday night.
If you need a meeting Monday night, please visit the Life Path location below.
Monday Nights
Time: 7:00PM – 8:30PM
Location: Lifepath Church – Room 108
17703 W Little York Rd
Time: 7:00PM – 8:30PM
Location: Lifepath Church – Room 108
17703 W Little York Rd
Houston, TX 77084
Contact: Jeremy P. at 281.794.9355 or JPinCypress@Gmail.com
Contact: Jeremy P. at 281.794.9355 or JPinCypress@Gmail.com
Castimonia Purity Podcast Episode 56: #MeToo – How It Affects Sex Addicts
Doug discusses the Me too movement from the perspective of the addict. It can bring about feelings of guilt and shame as addicts have misused power and been guilty of objectification in our addictions.
He discusses some ways to address how to fight against the pattern continuing in our lives and in society as a whole.
Please visit castimonia.org/podcasts for more information or links to the books referenced. As always, email us at puritypodcast@castimonia.org with any questions and/or comments!
Thanks for listening!
How to Forgive When It’s Hard to Forget
Proverbs 4:23 – “Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.
“I know I’m supposed to forgive,” a woman to me (Dr. Cloud) at a recent seminar. “But, I just can’t open myself up to that kind of hurt anymore. I know I should forgive him and trust him, but if I let him back in, the same thing will happen, and I can’t go through that again.”
“Who said anything about ‘trusting’ him?” I asked. “I don’t think you should trust him either.”
“But you said I was supposed to forgive him, and if I do that, doesn’t that mean giving him another chance? Don’t I have to open up to him again?”
“No, you don’t,” I replied. “Forgiveness and trust are two totally different things. In fact, that’s part of your problem. Every time he’s done this, he’s come back and apologized, and you have just accepted him right back into your life, and nothing has changed. You trusted him, nothing was different, and he did it again. I don’t think that’s wise.”
“Well,” she asked, “How can I forgive him without opening myself up to being hurt again?”
Good question. We hear this problem over and over again. People have been hurt, and they do one of two things. Either they confront the other person about something that has happened, the other person says he’s sorry, and they forgive, open themselves up again, and blindly trust. Or, in fear of opening themselves up again, they avoid the conversation altogether and hold onto the hurt, fearing that forgiveness will make them vulnerable once again.
How do you resolve this dilemma?
The simplest way to help you to organize your thoughts as you confront this problem is to remember three points:
1. Forgiveness has to do with the past. Forgiveness is not holding something someone has done against her. It is letting it go. It only takes one to offer forgiveness. And just as God has offered forgiveness to everyone, we are expected to do the same (see Matthew 6:12&18:35).
2. Reconciliation has to do with the present. It occurs when the other person apologizes and accepts forgiveness. It takes two to reconcile.
3. Trust has to do with the future. It deals with both what you will risk happening again and what you will open yourself up to. A person must show through his actions that he is trustworthy before you trust him again (see Matthew 3:8; Proverbs 4:23).
You could have a conversation that deals with two of these issues, or all three. In some good boundary conversations, you forgive the other person for the past, reconcile in the present, and then discuss what the limits of trust will be in the future. The main point is this: Keep the future clearly differentiated from the past.
As you discuss the future, you clearly delineate what your expectations are, what limits you will set, what the conditions will be, or what the consequences (good or bad) of various actions will be. As the proverb says, “A righteous man is cautious in friendship” (see Proverbs 12:26). Differentiating between forgiveness and trust does a number of things:
First, you prevent the other person from being able to say that not opening up again means you are “holding it against me.”
Second, you draw a clear line from the past to the possibility of a good future with a new beginning point of today, with a new plan and new expectations. If you have had flimsy boundaries in the past, you are sending a clear message that you are going to do things differently in the future.
Third, you give the relationship a new opportunity to go forward. You can make a new plan, with the other person potentially feeling cleansed and feeling as though the past will not be used to shame or hurt him. As a forgiven person, he can become an enthusiastic partner in the future of the relationship instead of a guilty convict trying to work his way out of relational purgatory. And you can feel free, not burdened by bitterness and punitive feelings, while at the same time being wise about the future.
This devotional is drawn from Boundaries in Dating, by John Townsend and Henry Cloud.
