CASTIMONIA

Sexual Purity Support & Recovery Group

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Video – author Michael Leahy’s Story

Michael Leahy, author of Porn @ Work, Porn Nation, & Porn University sits down and gives an in-depth story of his sexual addiction and recovery.

Speaking on the use of pornography: “…it’s kinda like putting just a small amount of poison in your drink every day.  Instead of putting enough in there to kill a person at the first drink, you’re just going to put a little bit in there and maybe let it take 10 to 15 years.  If you continue to do that over time, you’ll end up with the same amount, the same toxicity.” 

Traveling the globe to talk about his past porn and sex addiction, he’s appeared on CNBC, 20/20, The View, Fox News, and even Playboy Radio.

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Castimonia Saturday Morning Meeting Topic 06/16/2012 – Psalm 103

This week’s Castimonia meeting topic is that of Psalm 103.  As part of my recovery, I have been reading through the Bible for the past 4 years.  One of the things I have learned is to personalize my Bible readings so that it relates more to me and not all others.  In recovery, I have learned that I tend to think goodness is for others and I am not worthy of God’s grace.  When I personalize passages, it brings God’s word alive in my life.

Psalm 103
Of David. (JLS)

1 Praise the Lord, my soul;
all my inmost being, praise his holy name.
2 Praise the Lord, my soul,
and forget not all his benefits—
3 who forgives all (my) sins
and heals all (my) diseases,
4 who redeems (my) life from the pit
and crowns (me) with love and compassion,
5 who satisfies (my) desires with good things
so that (my) youth is renewed like the eagle’s.

6 The Lord works righteousness
and justice for all the oppressed.

7 He made known his ways to Moses,
his deeds to the people of Israel:
8 The Lord is compassionate and gracious,
slow to anger, abounding in love.
9 He will not always accuse,
nor will he harbor his anger forever;
10 he does not treat (me) as (my) sins deserve
or repay (me) according to (my) iniquities.
11 For as high as the heavens are above the earth,
so great is his love for those who fear him;
12 as far as the east is from the west,
so far has he removed (my) transgressions.

13 As a father has compassion on his children,
so the Lord has compassion on those who fear him;
14 for he knows how (I was) formed,
he remembers that (I am) dust.
15 The life of mortals is like grass,
they flourish like a flower of the field;
16 the wind blows over it and it is gone,
and its place remembers it no more.
17 But from everlasting to everlasting
the Lord’s love is with those who fear him,
and his righteousness with (my) children’s children —
18 with those who keep his covenant
and remember to obey his precepts.

19 The Lord has established his throne in heaven,
and his kingdom rules over all.

20 Praise the Lord, you his angels,
you mighty ones who do his bidding,
who obey his word.
21 Praise the Lord, all his heavenly hosts,
you his servants who do his will.
22 Praise the Lord, all his works
everywhere in his dominion.

Praise the Lord, my soul.

As I read Psalm 103, a few points stand out.  In the Psalm written above, I have changed some of the words written by King David to reflect personalization of this Psalm.  As a facilitator and having attended several groups, I and me statements are key in sharing so as to personalize the share.  Therefore, I substituted the words I, My, and Me for the original text, thus personalizing this Psalm. I call it the JLS version.  Truth be told, I believe the NLT version does something similar.  I used the NIV version for this post.

Lines 2, 3, 4, and 5 are some of my favorites.  Beginning with Line 2, I read how I must not forget all the benefits God has and in Line 3, I am reminded that He forgives all my sins and heals all my diseases.  Moving onto Line 4, I read that God redeems my life from the pit and crowns me with love and compassion.  And finally, in Line 5, I am reminded that, in my recovery, I am now satisfied with good, non-addictive things thus renewing my youth.

One focus point for me, personally, is where I read “who redeems (my) life from the pit and crowns (me) with love and compassion.” In my life, and especially in my addiction, I have been in that pit.  I thought I was so far down in the pit that there was no hope for me but to live in the pit the rest of my life.  My addiction went so far down the scale that I now know that no human power could have restored me.  I now know that God redeemed my life from the pit of my addiction and crowned me with love and compassion.  I did not receive what I deserved.  I received love and compassion from those around me, God’s love, because as humans, they could not have shown me love and compassion for what I had done.

The next line, Line 5, is also a nugget of gold in my recovery.  My youth has been renewed because I now satisfied with good things; my God, my family, my recovery, etc…  In my past, I was always trying to be satisfied with the addiction and the next best “high.”  This next best “high” was never achieved, nor could it ever be truly achieved.  I would have continued until I was exhausted and dead and would have never been satisfied.  I was exhausted when I would finish, and then start again.  It was a never ending struggle, completely draining to me.  Now my life is filled with good things, non-exhaustive things that satisfy me.  I always say that my worst day in recovery is still better than my best day in the addiction, this line signifies why!

Take what you like and leave the rest.

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Video – William Struthers, The Scientific Side of Sexuality

Awesome in-depth video of an interview with William Struthers, author of Wired for Intimacy: How Pornography Hijacks the Male Brain, as he explains, in a scientific manner, human sexuality and how pornography affects the human brain.

If you are one that doubts that pornography affects the brain negatively, please watch this entire interview!

“When you view pornography, it affects you at the core of your being.  And to pretend that it doesn’t is irresponsible, naive, and leads to despair.”

Neurobiologist, Dr. William Struthers explaining the scientific side of sexuality.

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Father’s Day 2012

In celebration of Father’s Day, I would like to tell you a short story about my father’s day 2008.  It was the first time I attended my current Church, The Fellowship at Cinco Ranch.  My wife and I dropped off our 10 month old baby girl in the nursery for the first time.  I was nervous and throughout the entire service, I was worried they would call one of our cell phones to tell us that she needed to be picked up from childcare!  To be honest, I don’t remember the content of the service (apologies to our family pastor who typically preaches on Mother’s and Father’s Day – Robert Jackman), I wish now I had.

When we went to pick up our daughter, I was overjoyed at how happy she was when we picked her up.  And then my “heart strings” were tugged!  The attendants in the nursery handed me a father’s day gift.  I looked at it and read it, and was so grateful for this gift that I made a decision that this was going to be the church for my family.  The nursery attendants took the time to place my daughter’s hand in paint and place her tiny hand print on a poem and frame the paper they used (see the photo to the side).  WOW!  My wife and I now work in the nursery with the infants and sometimes we can get overwhelmed with children, but the fact that these selfless people took time out of their stressed-out baby duty to do this for all the fathers was fantastic!

At the time, I did not realize that us visiting that father’s day and the poem were a “God Thing.”  As I look back at the last 4 years, I can obviously see that it definitely was.  It was less than a year later that I entered recovery for my sexual addiction and it was this church (more importantly the body of Christ – the members) that supported me in my recovery.  To be honest, up until I entered recovery, I was not involved in the church. I was one of those husbands, fathers, men that would come sit on Sunday mornings and let it go in one ear and out the other.  My biggest question after church was “what’s for lunch?”  I just was not invested in the church.

And then my life fell apart, and who was there to help me put things back together?  The body of Christ!  I began getting involved in church activities such as a couple of men’s Bible studies including one on Joseph, a Man of Integrity and Forgiveness (Swindoll).  It was during the study of Joseph where I confessed to having a sexual addiction.  I believe most of the men in the room were shocked and silent.  During the study on lesson 2, resisting temptation, I admitted my past sexual sin.  The funny thing is, after the study a couple of guys came up to me and also told me they struggled with about the same issues as I did.

From there, I took a Men’s Fraternity course, the Quest for Authentic Manhood that addressed a lot of my wounds growing up as well as showing me how the Bible defines manhood.  I continued on to various Christian studies and then in June 2010 I started the Castimonia Men’s Sexual Purity Support & Recovery Group, meeting for the first time on Saturday, June 12, 2010.

Had it not been for the experience at the nursery on father’s day of 2008, I don’t think I would be where I am today.  I pray all fathers in recovery have had similar experiences and that they can reflect on how God used the love of their children to draw them closer to Him.  And for fathers that are still living in sexual sin and need a reason to get out, I would like for you to look into the eyes of your children and understand that if you remain in that secret sexual sin, then there is a high probability your children too will inherit that sin or marry someone who has their own sexual sin.  Had I stayed in my addiction and kept it secret, I am certain that my daughters would have grown up to marry someone who carried the same character defects and same sexual secrets as I did.  Furthermore, if I had sons, it would be much worse for them as they would end up with some sort of intimacy disorder, such as sex addiction, if I had kept up my isolation and secrets.  So please seek help and step into the light, the path of recovery is not easy, but it is so much better than a life of sexual impurity.  It is a much better life for you, your wife, and especially your children!

Happy Father’s Day!

Take what you like and leave the rest.

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Video – Nicole Wick, Spouse of Sexual Addict

In order to better our own recovery, it is important to learn to empathize with our wives and understand their trauma, pain, and recovery.  Below is a video I found of Nicole as she describes her husband’s addiction and their recovery.

Nicole has been blogging for EveryMansBattle.com and XXXchurch.com since 2009, mostly writing for wives of men who struggle with porn.