CASTIMONIA

Sexual Purity Support & Recovery Group

Jesus

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Saturday Morning Meeting Music Topic – Spirit Speaks

In today’s Castimonia meeting we listened to a great song that I relate to Step 12; Spirit Speaks by Know Hope Collective.  Below are the lyrics to this song and what it means to me.

Your spirit speaks, it moves in meKnow Hope Collective
And I’m awakened to Your love
You’re drawing me onto my knees
And I’m astounded by Your love

‘Cause You spoke life into my lungs
You are the air I breathe, You are the air I breathe
Still You move inside of me
You are the song I sing, You are the song I sing, yeah, yeah

You cover me with arms that reach
And I’m amazed by Your sweet grace
You set me free, You washed me clean
And I’m forgiven by Your grace

‘Cause You spoke life into my lungs
You are the air I breathe, You are the air I breathe
Still You move inside of me
You are the song I sing, You are the song I sing, yeah

With every breath I breathe, with every song I sing
I want to shout it out, Lord, I am listening
To every word You speak, I’ll go where You will lead
To love the least of these, my greatest offering

Lord, I am Listening

I don’t claim to have ever heard the voice of God, at least not yet.  However, I often joke that the Holy Spirit has an English accent.  The reason I state this is because my good friend Ken, who started Merimnao Healing Ministries (the parent ministry over Castimonia), prompted me to start a Christ-centered sexual purity group.  I’ll admit, initially I was afraid.  I was afraid of what other people would think of me.  We were relatively new to the church, maybe 2 years there, and not everyone knew my background.  I did know this, I was being called to begin something bigger than me, although at the time I did not realize it.  Therefore, I now shout out to the Lord, that I am listening to Him by going wherever He leads me.  Sometimes I become frightened about announcing my ministry or what I do, but I have to remember that it is God’s work, not mine, that I do and I need only worry about what He thinks about me, not what others think, thus I “carry this message to others.”

Awakened to Your love

Furthermore, I was awakened to God’s love as shown by my family and my brothers in Christ.  Actually, I was astounded by God’s love.  In my addiction, I did not believe that someone like me was lovable or worthy of another human’s love, much less that of God.  However, as I began to be set free from the chains of sexual addiction and as I was washed clean and forgiven by God’s grace, I saw this as possible.  Now, I chose to display God’s love to others, helping them be set free, by God, from the chains of sexual addiction.

The least of these – the most despised and afflicted

I do refer to the men who attend my group as “the least of these” for a reason.  The more I learn about sex addiction and attend meetings or trainings, the more I hear about the trauma these men and women went through as children, adolescences, and adults. I hear heartbreaking stories of sexual abuse, physical abuse, verbal and emotional abuse, isolation, abandonment, violence, rape, near-death experiences, etc…  When society hears of a “sex addict” the worst of the worst is assumed.  These humans are almost always automatically categorized as perverts, child molesters, and rapists; despised by the society that helped cause their affliction.  None of these men and women grew up with dreams of becoming a sex addict, it was thrust upon them at a young age, a way to escape what was going on in their life, a survival mechanism that became uncontrollable.

Therefore, I chose to start this group and love the “least of these”, even when nobody else in their life would.  This was my greatest offering to the Lord.  Coming alongside these men who struggle with sexual purity issues and helping them along the way, just as God placed men in my life to help me along the way.

This is why I relate this song to Step 12, “having had a spiritual awakening, as a result of these steps, I carry the message to others and practice these principles in my own life.” Better yet, “Praise be to God and father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God.” (2 Corinthians 1:3-4)

Take what you like and leave the rest.

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One Man’s Testimony Saved My Daughter’s Life

Although this letter is deeply personal to me, I thought I would share with everyone the power of our testimony and how it can literally save someone’s life.  In this case, it was the life of my daughter Elizabeth, who turns 3 today.  I have edited the names to keep them anonymous.

****,

Sorry for the delayed response. I have been waiting for almost 3 years to let you know how your testimony changed my life forever. I am writing this out so you can send it to others if you choose, but honestly I get so emotional when I tell this story, I don’t think I could maintain my composure through the story.

On April 30, 2009 you gave your testimony at the Celebrate Recovery meeting at First Baptist Houston. I almost did not attend but my wife wanted to go to CR at that location after having attended previously. I went, with protest, but it was worth it. Funny how my codependency was actually a good thing that night!

When you started talking about the two girls you got pregnant in highschool I began to feel the Holy Spirit tugging at me. Then you stated how both women had told you they had an abortion but one of them lied and you had a son that you met 18 years later who is a good Christian man (forgive me if the details are not 100% correct). At this time I was crying. Why? Because I had scheduled to take my affair partner to the abortion clinic the very next morning. There was a high probability that the baby she was carrying was mine.

All night I was restless and couldn’t sleep. The next morning I dropped off my coworker at the office and rushed down to the hotel to pick up my affair partner and take her to the abortion clinic. She had planned to stay at this hotel after the abortion so she could recover. When I arrived I was full of anger of what I was about to do and then thought about your testimony and I broke down and told her that I would not take her, that I preferred adoption to abortion or even a far off chance that my wife and I would raise the baby. She said she would do it herself and that she would not have a married man’s baby. I told her everything I could think of to keep her from going to the clinic by herself or with someone else. I ended up leaving and prayed that she did not go through with it. I even lied to her one last time in an email begging her to keep the baby.

Elizabeth (Lizzie) was born on November 23, 2009. Her mother tested positive for meth and marijuana and this allowed the Holy Spirit to convict my wife to make the decision to file for custody of Elizabeth (that is another story of God answering my prayers). After 1 year of back and forth with Liz’s grandmother, mother, and all the attorneys, we were given custody of Elizabeth and she is now part of our family. Her grandmother (and mom) are still allowed visitation per a standard possession order but my wife and I are raising “Lizzie” along with our daughter Maddy who is now [5].

I apologize for not searching for you since, but at the Hope and Freedom retreat when ***** told me he plays at CR First Baptist, I asked him, and also ****, who the guy with “that” testimony was and how to get in contact with you. Both let me know it was probably “****” and ***** told me he would send me your contact info.

I just wanted to let you know how God worked through you and your testimony and how my life was changed forever because you had the courage to give your testimony to that particular CR group on that particular Thursday night.  I am very grateful for what you did. I am not certain how many times someone has been told how their testimony literally saved a life, but yours did!

I now have a Christian Sexual Purity Support & Recovery Ministry, Castimonia, in Katy and am still married to the love of my life, my beautiful wife Becky.  I have attached two photos, one of my two beautiful gifts from God, Maddy (4) and Lizzie (2) and one of our complete family. I believe, if I had not been at that CR meeting and you had not given your testimony, Lizzie would not be here with us today in those photos. God is amazing and I don’t always know why things happen the way they do, but I do know I can trust in Him. This is only one of the many miracles I have seen God perform in my own life.

Thank you and God bless,

Jorge

I had always been a supporter of those in the pro-life camp.  It wasn’t until I was confronted with my own sin and the possibility of taking my affair partner to have an abortion that I was truly tested.  My convictions were strong and all I could do was to stand firm and trust in God that there was a reason for the pregnancy and birth of this beautiful baby girl to two very selfish individuals.  There is a reason, I just don’t know it yet. 

What I do know is that I consider Lizzie to be my miracle child as I do Maddy.  Both have a special purpose in our lives and on this earth and both will grow up to hopefully glorify God and His mercy and grace.  I can only pray that I live long enough to see this occur with the two of them as they grow older and ask God to help me raise these two little girls in a godly home with my wife and I at the helm, following Christ down the long path of life.

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Castimonia Saturday Morning Meeting Topic – Step 10 Step Study

 We continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong, promptly admitted it.
“So, if you think you are standing firm, be careful that you don’t fall!” (1 Corinthians 10:12)

In today’s Castimonia meeting we reviewed Step 10 from the Twelve Steps for Christians and the SAA Green Book.

In understanding Step 10, one equation is important to me.

Step 10 = (Step 4 + Step 5 + Step 6 + Step 7 + Step 8 + Step 9)

If one understands this, Step 10 becomes much easier to work through.  Why?  Because we’ve already worked Step 10 when we worked through Steps 4 – 9!  However, it is equally important to understand the basis of Step 10.  As is stated in our “How it Works” section, “…we are not perfect as Christ.”  This tells me that there will be days when I don’t work my program or live my life perfectly, and that is OK.  The 10th Step states, “When we were wrong,” not “IF we were wrong.”  This signifies that WE WILL fall short, there is no doubt.  We are humans and only Christ was perfect and I am not He.  The point is, we don’t beat ourselves up because we fall short, we work through our program, take personal inventory, expose those character defects, make amends, and move forward!

“Even with our best efforts we make mistakes.  We are human, and we fall short of the mark regularly, even when we are abstinent from our addictive sexual behavior….. our imperfection is certain, and mistakes are inevitable.  We adopt the attitude of learning from, rather than denying, our mistakes.  Working this step allows us to let go of both perfectionism and grandiosity.  We gradually discover the relief and humility of not having to be perfect.” – SAA Green Book, p. 52 & 55

Well stated by the SAA Green Book.  I really like the thought that I don’t have to be perfect.  That a healthy me does not have to be perfect to be a good person, to be lovable!  The key is, to be able to admit when we are wrong, even at the cost of losing everything in our lives.  To continue to live in rigorous honesty is key to our continued growth in recovery and in maintaining long-term sobriety.  In understanding Step 10, we need to understand that the 12 Steps are “living” and we will continue to work them as long as we remain in recovery.

The true test will be if a person goes through a relapse into addictive sexual behaviors.  I pray that no one ever has to go through this test!  However, in understanding that the steps work and there is continued growth in recovery and in working the steps on a daily basis, one must be courageous enough to follow through with the 10th Step if one has a relapse into addictive sexual behavior.  Yes, they could lose their spouse, their family, their jobs, but it is better to admit when we failed, than to allow the addiction to hold onto us tightly with the chains of secrecy!  We must be courageous enough to trust in God that He is loving and caring and will see us through any of these difficulties.  We must be courageous enough to step back into the light and release any secrets we have held onto after a relapse.  We must be courageous enough to stay in recovery, no matter the cost!

The program works, if you work it.

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Castimonia Saturday Morning Meeting Topic – May 12, 2012

Jesus Calling – May 10th

Do not resist or run from the difficulties in your life.  These problems are not random mistakes; they are hand-tailored blessings designed for your benefit and growth.  Embrace all the circumstances that I allow in your life, trusting Me to bring good out of them.  View problems as opportunities to rely more fully on Me.

When you start to feel stressed, let those feelings alert you to your need for Me. Thus, your needs become doorways to deep dependence on Me and increasing intimacy between us.  Although self-sufficiency is acclaimed in the world, reliance on Me produces abundant living in My kingdom. Thank Me for the difficulties in your life, since they provide protection from the idolatry of self-reliance.

John 15:5; 2 Corinthians 1:8-9; Ephesians 5:20

This was the devotional read by one of my accountability partners during our most recent accountability meeting.  WOW!  How amazing is our God, who works all things for our good.  This also reminds me of how we define “Joy” at my church.  Joy is the steadfast assurance that God is in control.

Sometimes (or a lot of times) in my life, difficulties occur.  Prior to entering recovery, I relied only on myself, not on my God!  This is the way I grew up, relying only on me, because nobody else was going to watch after me, so I had to do it for myself.  Now, as a broken individual working towards wholeness, I must fully rely on God.  One of the many blessings from my recovery program is the thought that every single day, I need to be willing to turn my life and will over to the care of God.  It doesn’t always happen, from time to time I try to take my will back.  However, I acknowledge that I am willing on a daily basis, and my recovery is based on progress, not perfection.

The biggest blessing was when I hit rock bottom.  I was desperate, I wanted to run away, I wanted to go home, I wanted to live, I wanted to die.  Actually, I was in such turmoil that I didn’t know what I wanted, but God knew what I needed.  Again, He used my problems and mistakes to my benefit and growth.  I have seen time and time again how when I trust God to the fullest, he pulls me through every single difficulty I have faced and will face.  My sponsor always tells me, “it’s going to be OK, and if it’s not, then God is not finished.”  Keep in mind that “OK” to God, is not always the same “OK” it is for me.  I might not like what God’s version of “OK” is, but I need to keep in mind that it is in my best interest and maintain that “Joy” in my heart.  If it took me hitting rock bottom and going through that pain and suffering to bring me closer to God, to help me trust Him, to bring about an intimate connection that I didn’t have before, then it was all worth it and I would do it again.

Take what you like and leave the rest.

References:

John 15:5 – “Yes, I am the vine; you are the branches. Those who remain in me, and I in them, will produce much fruit. For apart from me you can do nothing.”

2 Corinthians 1:8-9 – 8 We think you ought to know, dear brothers and sisters, about the trouble we went through in the province of Asia. We were crushed and overwhelmed beyond our ability to endure, and we thought we would never live through it. 9 In fact, we expected to die. But as a result, we stopped relying on ourselves and learned to rely only on God, who raises the dead.

Ephesians 5:20 – And give thanks for everything to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ.