CASTIMONIA

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We Are All Wired For Affairs

I do not necessarily believe that we are “all wired for affairs” but found this information interesting, especially the negative emotional effects which the wayward spouse experiences.

affair_2314494bYou or your spouse are more likely to have an affair than you are to divorce. And your chances of divorce are already 50-50. An affair is devastating to almost everyone involved. It’s one of the most painful experiences that the jilted spouse will ever be forced to endure, and it is also very painful for the children. Friends and members of the extended family are usually hurt as well. But what most people don’t realize is that the unfaithful spouse and the lover are also hurt by the experience. It almost always causes them to suffer acute depression, often with thoughts of suicide. With all this sadness, why do so many people do it? Affairs are almost always with friends and co-workers. That’s because the people you work with and those you spend leisure time with are usually in the best position to meet your most important emotional needs. But in the world of the internet, total strangers can also meet your emotional needs through chat rooms and e-mail because they meet your need for conversation so effectively. Do you and your spouse talk as much and as deeply as you talk to people on the internet? If not, watch out. As you probably know, an affair through the internet is becoming one of the most dangerous risks of owning a computer. We are all wired for affairs. The only people who are exempt are those who are utterly incapable of meeting someone else’s emotional needs. If you can’t meet anyone’s needs, no one will ever fall in love with you. But if your spouse has anything to offer others, and you are not meeting an important emotional need, commitment to “forsake all others” can become words without meaning. From “Coping With Infidelity” by Willard F. Harley, Jr., Ph.D http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi5059_qa.html

“There are all kinds of ways for a relationship to be tested, even broken, some, irrevocably; it’s the endings we’re unprepared for.” – From “Not To Us” By Katherine Owen

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Coming From Inside You

imagescat0v1faMany partners of addicts have told me they feel bad about themselves for staying in the relationship because of the betrayal they’ve experienced. They imagine that the people who know their past judge them to be stupid for staying with the person who’s caused them so much pain. I often counter this thinking, explaining that leaving may seem quick and easy because they can pretend they’re okay and the problem has disappeared. However, if you leave your relationship, you’ll be stuck with your pain and sorrow without the person you loved to help you sort it out. Why is this true? Because even though it feels as if your pain comes from your partner, it’s actually coming from inside you. From the book “Erotic Intelligence: Igniting Hot, Healthy Sex While in Recovery from Sex Addiction” by Alexandra Katehakis,

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Knuckling down on sex trafficking

WORLD | Knuckling down on sex trafficking | Whitney Williams | Jan. 30, 2013.

image_12R.A. Dickey came face to face with the hell-on-earth ugliness of Mumbai’s red-light district last week, and he said nothing could have prepared him for it.

    A young boy locked his sad, wondering eyes on Dickey. Three years old, maybe four at best, the boy wore no pants, his body marred with open sores.

    “He was playing amongst the open sewage and filth with rats as big as dogs. Unsupervised,” the Toronto Blue Jays’ new knuckleballer told The Canadian Press on a conference call Tuesday from India’s most populous city. “You see these images and pictures that just don’t seem like they should exist. And you hope that it’s the only one … but that’s what’s representative, these lives that just don’t have a voice.”

    The 38-year-old took his two daughters, 11-year-old Gabriel and 9-year-old Lila to India to work with Bombay Teen Challenge (BTC), a Christian organization that has rescued women and children from sex trafficking for the past 23 years.

    The cause is very dear to Dickey’s heart, as he himself was sexually abused as a child, a hurt he’s spoken openly about with his daughters and the world. He shared about his wounded past in his stirring autobiography, Wherever I Wind Up: My Quest for Truth, Authenticity and the Perfect Knuckleball.

    “I want to give my children a heart for humanity,” Dickey said. “The only way to really do that is to get them outside of the bubble that they live in, and expose them in very measured ways to what real life is to a lot of people. They’ve responded beautifully.”

    The 2012 National League Cy Young winner admitted the visit has produced “a roller-coaster” of emotions, from seeing women marketed like animals in red-lit doorways, to witnessing the actual cages the girls are put in when they’re first trafficked. But he and his daughters also have witnessed glimmers of hope.

    The “most hopeful days” of their trip occurred during their stay at Ashagram, a rehabilitation campus outside of Mumbai that’s home to 300 women and children. They played cricket and sang songs with the children, many of whom are HIV positive.

    “Those are the miracles, the 300 lives in Ashagram, those are 300 living miracles,” Dickey said. “Sure [my daughters] heard about the wickedness and the darkness, but they got to actually see the redemption, so their response has been really positive. This is a seminal trip for them.”

    During the trip, Dickey also helped celebrate the opening of a clinic in the midst of Mumbai’s red-light district—a clinic he’d helped pay for by raising more than $100,000 to climb Mount Kilimanjaro last winter.

    BTC’s Thomason Varghese said the organization was blessed by Dickey’s presence.

    “But we think we’ve been even more blessed by his daughters,” Varghese said. “Just to see innocent girls loving our girls and playing with them with no inhibitions, it’s just been a real joy for us to see and experience. There are friendships that have come through this despite how different their backgrounds are.

    “Today the girls were in our feeding truck serving food to those who are coming from the street, just watching that was a sight to see.”

    While estimates of sex trafficking in India vary, most studies put the number at more than a million children involved in the country’s sex trade.

    Despite the magnitude of the problem, Dickey said groups like Bombay Teen Challenge must focus on individuals.

    “If the organization rescues one human life from that hell, then it’s done its job in some way,” Dickey said. “You’re talking over the last 23 years over 1,000 lives being rescued, given a second chance to have a life, rescuing children, people who were left for dead on doorsteps of these brothels. …

“How do you measure success? I think it’s one life at a time.”

The Associated Press contributed to this report.

Copyright © 2013 God’s World Publications. All rights reserved. Articles may not be reproduced without permission.

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The Agony & The Ecstasy

The Agony & The Ecstasy
Posted by James Browning on January 16, 2013

parents-angry-sr5zhgPsychologically, triangles are very complicated. Most people don’t seek them out—at least not consciously. They just seem to happen. One moment you are happily single. The next thing you know you are in love with someone who is married. Or you are happily married and suddenly you realize your partner is seeing someone else. Sane people get out of a triangle as soon as they realize they are in one. Love addicts stay engaged hoping things will resolve themselves in time. This is because love addicts can’t let go. They have no tolerance for separation anxiety. Once they have bonded with someone, letting go is like death to them. One of the reasons love addicts have a high tolerance for the pain of a triangle is because when they were children the natural triangle between the mother, father and child, went horribly wrong. Furthermore some love addicts unconsciously try to resolve the wound of their childhood by recreating the triangle of their childhood—over and over again. They are obsessed with the idea that things will end differently each time. Unfortunately, this is not how you heal the wounds of childhood. You don’t go back to the scene of the crime and commit the crime all over again. You go back to the scene of the crime in therapy with an enlightened witness to guide you. You go back to grieve, forgive, let go and move on. Taken from “Triangles: The Agony & the Ecstasy” by Susan Peabody  http://loveaddicts.org/triangles.htm 

“The events of childhood do not pass, but repeat themselves like seasons of the year.” – Eleanor Farjeon

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Hall and Oates helped me remember the problem….

ImageHall and Oates helped me remember the problem….
by Escape from Porn
Posted December 27, 2012

Shot this picture the other days while checking out at my local grocery store.  I knew I would use it in a post, but couldn’t formulate the words until just last night.  While driving home from a Christmas trip with my family I heard an old 80′s tune from Hall and Oats called, “Method of Modern Love”.  While I know what the song deals with, I instantly recalled my magazine cover.  As the world we live in becomes more and more pornified, there is more and more attention given to the mechanics of sex rather than the emotional intimacy side.  The world would have us master the art of “mind blowing” sex, rather than the art of communication and emotional intimacy and honesty.

In my recovery from daily viewing of porn and masturbation, I have found that striving to commit my thoughts and actions 100% to my spouse, the resulting levels of emotional intimacy are far more satisfying than the “EPIC SEX” the world would tell me I am missing out on.  Sex isn’t about the M-E-T-H-O-D but about honesty and communication.  The euphoria and resulting levels of physical intimacy I enjoy now are far more lasting than the temporary thrills and rush of dopamine I use to indulge in.  Pornography is a cheap counterfeit for the genuine love I feel now.