CASTIMONIA

Sexual Purity Support & Recovery Group

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Castimonia Saturday Morning Meeting Topic 12/22/12 – Men of the Bible – Solomon

Solomon [Sŏl’omon]—peace or peaceable. The tenth son of David, and second by Bath-sheba, and the third king of Israel who reigned for forty years (2 Sam. 5:14; 12:24). Solomon was also known as Jedidiah meaning, “beloved of the Lord.”

The Man Who Was Full Yet Failed

We know little of the early life of Solomon. The name given him by Nathan, but not repeated because of its sacredness, implies David’s restoration to divine favor (2 Sam. 12:25). Loved of the Lord suggests the bestowal of unusual gifts (2 Sam. 12:24, 25). It is also evident that young Solomon was greatly influenced both by his mother and Nathan (1 Kings 1:11, 12).

With reference to the character and reign of Solomon, we cannot but agree with Alexander Whyte that, “The shipwreck of Solomon is surely the most terrible tragedy in all the world. For if ever there was a shining type of Christ in the Old Testament church, it was Solomon … but everyday sensuality made him in the end a castaway.” Taking him all in all, Solomon stands out as a disappointing figure of Hebrew history. Think of the advantages he began with! There were the almost undisputed possession of David’s throne, immense stores of wealth laid up by his father, exceptional divinely imparted mental abilities, the love and high hopes of the people. Solomon’s start like the cloudless dawn of a summer’s morning, might have been beautiful all his life through, but it ended in gloom because he wandered into God-forbidden paths. Thus a life beginning magnificently ended miserably. The man who penned and preached a thousand wise things failed to practice the wisdom he taught.

The work of Solomon was the development of his father’s ideas of a consolidated kingdom, and what marvelous success crowned his efforts. Exercising the power of an oriental despot, he gave Israel a glory, prestige and splendor unsurpassed in the world’s history. On the whole, however, Solomon seemed to rule for his own aggrandizement and not for the welfare of the people. Doubtless Solomon’s artistic and literary gifts provided the masses with beneficial instruction, but the glory of Solomon brought the common people tears and groans. The great wealth provided by David for the building of a Temple speedily disappeared under Solomon’s lavish spending, and the people had to pay heavily by taxation and poverty for his magnificent whims. Yet Jesus said that the lilies of the field had greater glory than all the gaudy pomp and pride of Solomon.

Solomon’s ambition in the morning of his life was most commendable. His dream was a natural expression of this ambition, and his God-imparted wisdom an evidence of it (1 Kings 3). Then his sacrifice at Gibeon indicates that Solomon desired religion to be associated with all external magnificence. Solomon’s remarkable prayer also breathes the atmosphere of true piety and of his delight in the full recognition of God. Alas, however, Solomon came to the end of his days minus popularity and piety!

This first great naturalist the world ever saw, who wrote one thousand and five songs, three thousand proverbs and who had sagacity beyond compare, took his first step downward when he went to Egypt for his queen. A daughter of Pharaoh, sitting on the throne of David, must have shocked and saddened the godly elect of Israel. With this strange wife came her strange gods.

Then came the harem of outlandish women who caused Solomon to sin (Neh. 13:26). His wives—seven hundred of them and three hundred concubines—whom Solomon clave unto in love, turned him into an idolater (1 Kings 11:1-8). Polygamy on such a vast scale and concession for his wives to worship their own heathen gods was bad enough, but to share in such sacrilegious worship in sight of the Temple Solomon himself had built, was nauseating to God.

Thus sensuality and pride of wealth brought about Solomon’s deterioration. In the Book of Ecclesiastes which the king wrote, he surely depicted his own dissatisfaction with even life itself. All rivers ran into Solomon’s sea: wisdom and knowledge, wine and women, wealth and fame, music and songs; he tried them all, but all was vanity and vexation of spirit simply because God had been left out.

Of Solomon’s actual end little is known. He is described as an “old man” at sixty years of age. Whether Solomon repented and returned to God was a question warmly debated by the Early Fathers. There is no record of his repentance. He never wrote a penitential psalm like his father before him (Ps. 51). We have his remorse, discontent, disgust, self-contempt, “bitterer to drink than blood,” but no sobs for his sin, no plea for pardon. Thus, with such a tragic failure before us, let us take to heart the fact that Solomon’s wisdom did not teach him self-control, and that the only legacy of his violated home life was a son “ample in foolishness and lacking in understanding,” as C. W. Emmet expresses it.

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At Least One of Us is Going to Hell for What You’ve Done

I read this raw and true poem as if were written by a spouse of a sex addict.  Many times I’ve heard spouses say that they can take the slips but they can’t take the lies.  The last two lines ring true of this statement.  I edited out the profanities and hope this spouse’s angry words don’t offend anyone.  Keep in mind, it is ok to have these thoughts and feelings, what is not ok is to verbally abuse your spouse (addict or not) with your offensive language.  Acting out in anger can be very damaging to a relationship!

At Least One of Us is Going to Hell for What You’ve Done
by properlypeculiar

Oh, go and f***ing

f*** another girl

Make it through another lonely night

You don’t need me

I wish you’d not pretend you did

You’ll keep me hanging on the line until I cut you off with something cute like a stutter

or a clever arrangement of words that won’t ever cut you quite deeply enough

to send you racing back to being breathless with me

Say processed, vomited, vapid lines out loud

Close your eyes at just the right moment

Put your arm around me just where it fits

F*** the world forward and back again before my eyes

but don’t ever lie to me

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Castimonia Saturday Morning Meeting Topic – Step 12 Step Study

Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we try to carry this message to others and to practice these principles in all our affairs.
“Praise be to God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God.” (2 Corinthians 1:3-4)

In today’s Castimonia meeting we reviewed Step 12 from the Twelve Steps for Christians and the SAA Green Book.

saa-green-bookA friend of mine in recovery sent me the following story:

A man falls in a hole.  The sides are steep and he can’t climb out.  He looks up and sees a doctor walking by.  He asks the doctor for help.  The doctor writes out a prescription, throws it down the hole, and keeps walking.  The man in the hole thinks, “how is this supposed to help me?”  He looks up again and sees a priest walk by.  He asks the priest for help.  The priest writes down a prayer and throws it down the hole.  Again, the guy wonders how that is supposed to help.  Finally, he sees his friend from the program walking by.  He asks his friend for help and his friend climbs down in to the hole.  The man says, “hey, what did you do that for? Now we’re both in the hole!”  His friend says, “Yes, but I’ve been down here before and I know the way out.”

Only an addict can help an addict.  Having had that spiritual awakening that comes from working the preceding 11 steps, my life turned from being completely dependent on the help of others to wanting to help others, wanting them to feel the freedom I have felt, a freedom that came from being helped by others and surrendering to Jesus Christ.  Since I had been down in the hole before, I am now able to help others out through a proper recovery program.  I desire to help others out!

The scripture that goes along with this step is a very important part of the 12th Step.  I am to comfort those in trouble with the comfort I myself received from God.  My comfort came through working the 12 steps and learning a new way of life that placed God, not me, at the center of it.  Therefore, I have chosen to help others come to a spiritual awakening in Christ Jesus, just as my sponsor (and others in the program) helped me.  The comfort I received from God was a knowledgeable and caring sponsor, friends in the program, and men (and pastors) from my church that helped me along the way.  God purposely placed those men in my life!  I choose to allow God to use me, as He will, to help other men coming into the program recovery from sexual impurity or compulsive sexual behaviors.

One of the biggest benefits I experienced from working a secular 12-step program in SAA was that it allowed me the choice of who or what my higher power would be.  It allowed me to choose Jesus Christ, not just have it placed in front of me.  It then allowed me to learn more about Jesus, to read the Bible, to learn all I could, to attempt to understand all I could.  This process continues today!

With the spiritual awakening also comes an attitude of gratitude.  We are grateful for what God and others have done in our lives.  We are grateful for all the good things that have been given to us, and we are grateful for the freedom we experience one day at a time.  We stop living a “white knuckling” life and start living a life full of gratitude that revolves around our all-powerful God.  With this newfound gratitude, we begin to have a heart of giving, wanting to help others, desiring to help others out of their hole.  We learn to do this with our higher power at the helm of our own recovery and allowing those new to recovery the opportunity and adventure of discovering the “highest power,” Jesus Christ!  We take the message of recovery to others and continue to practice it in our own lives.

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Getting Past Your Past: Q&A with Therapist Francine Shapiro

For those of us in recovery that includes EMDR for our childhood trauma, this is a great article/interview to read from the originator of EMDR.

Getting Past Your Past: Q&A with Therapist  Francine Shapiro

In a new self-help book, Shapiro offers instruction for  dealing with negative emotions by using a tried-and-true therapy for PTSD.
By Maia Szalavitz | @maiasz | April 18,  2012 |

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Psychologist Francine Shapiro was a Ph.D. student when she first discovered  in 1987 that moving her eyes in a certain way could take the emotional sting out  of disturbing thoughts. Pressing her friends and acquaintances into service, she  tried the technique on them and soon after conducted the first randomized  controlled trial of the therapy in people with post-traumatic stress disorder  (PTSD).

Today, Shapiro’s treatment — known as eye movement desensitization and  reprocessing (EMDR) — is one of the most effective known therapies for PTSD. It  looks strange because it involves therapists directing clients’ eye movements by  waving their hands or tapping, but dozens of randomized controlled trials have  demonstrated that it works.

Healthland spoke with Shapiro about her new book, Getting Past Your  Past, which offers self-help methods based on EMDR.

Why did you decide to write this book?

It’s so important for people to realize that there’s help and [not] think  that therapy has to be about years and years of talk.

People are walking around wounded and not understanding why they’re  responding the way they are to the world. They are not understanding why they’re  having negative feelings like ‘I’m not loveable, I’m not good enough,’ because  of these unprocessed memories that they might not even remember. What happens is  that when you get triggered, you get the emotions, but not the images, and then  you buy into it.

When you’re feeling stuck, when you have negative beliefs about yourself — that’s not the cause of the problem, it’s the symptom. All those negative  thoughts that push you into acting in ways that don’t serve you or prevent you  from doing the things that you want — the basis is these unprocessed  memories.

How did you first come up with EMDR?

I was using my mind and body as a laboratory to see what things worked.  Around the time that I needed to do a dissertation, I was walking along one day  and I noticed that some disturbing thoughts I was having were suddenly  disappearing. When I thought to bring them back, they didn’t have the same  charge any more.

What thoughts were you having?

I can’t remember! But what caught my attention was that they were the kind of  thoughts that you generally had to do something about [in order to make them go  away]. I started paying close attention and I noticed that when that thought  came to mind, my eyes started moving in a certain way and the thoughts shifted  from consciousness and when I brought them back, it wasn’t that intense.

What eye movements were you making?

It was rapid diagonal movements, very rapid, what they call saccadic  movements. So, I wanted to see if it could work deliberately. I brought up  something that bothered me and moved my eyes in the same way and I found the  same thing. I reached out to all my friends, basically every warm body I could  find, and asked them if they had something they wanted to work on. Everyone  did.

I started having them follow my hand in order to make the same eye movements  and that’s how I developed the process. Then I did a controlled study, which was  published in the Journal of Traumatic Stress in 1989.

(MORE: Scientists Identify Genetic Changes that May Increase Risk of  PTSD)

There was an enormous amount of resistance to EMDR and for a long  time many researchers simply didn’t believe that it worked. There’s still  controversy about it. Why do you think that’s so?

Because whole field of PTSD was new. The diagnosis of PTSD was only made  official in 1980. And what you had were all these Vietnam vets who were still  struggling and suffering 20 years after the war. The view of field was that PTSD  was pretty impossible to treat and here I published an article on a randomized  controlled study showing positive effects after one session and with eye  movements, which didn’t make any sense.

For me, I felt I stumbled on the brain’s natural processing. I started  thinking about REM sleep [when dreaming typically takes place] where you also  get those kinds of eye movements. At this point, the research [suggests] that  the REM state is when the brain is processing survival-related information. Back  in 1989, the view was that the eye movement was the dreamer scanning the dream  environment. They had no idea what it was actually doing.

Right now, there are 20 randomized controlled trials on just the eye  movements alone and all of them show a positive effect. About half of the  studies have been done by memory researchers who believe that the eye movements  disrupt working memory [one theory about how it works]. Harvard researcher  Robert Stickgold has written [about how EMDR] links into the same process that  occurs during REM sleep.

These ideas aren’t mutually exclusive?

I think both are correct. What’s quite interesting at this point in the whole  field of PTSD is that in order to have the official diagnosis, you need to have  a major trauma like rape or combat experience, but the latest research indicates  that general life experience can [produce traumatic memories].

Do you mean things like child abuse?

Not even. Children can hear parents fighting. They had a study showing that  children can get PTSD from falling off a bicycle.

Is this because people who are very sensitive to experience can  be traumatized by things that wouldn’t affect other people?

There’s a genetic [piece] and there’s also what kind of foundation has been  laid. A lot of research lately indicates that childhood adversity can set the  groundwork for vulnerability to a lot of later problems.

What we’re really looking at in general is that you have an information  processing system in the brain that’s supposed to be geared to digest  experience, to make sense of it [so that] what’s useful is incorporated [into  memory] and what’s useless is let go. When something is too disturbing, it  overwhelms that processing system and the memory gets stored along with the  emotions and physical sensations and beliefs that occurred at the time, and  that’s what gets triggered [in PTSD].

Robert Stickgold says that [the experience] is inappropriately stored in  episodic memory — the memory of emotions, physical sensations and beliefs — and  through EMDR, it gets shifted to semantic memory [narrative or verbal memory].  It is stimulating the information processing systems of the brain so that the  appropriate links are made. So a rape victim may start out saying that she feels  shameful, ‘I should have done something’ and has all those emotions; at end, she  is saying, The shame is his not mine, and I’m a resilient woman. That’s the  digested version: what needs to be learned is incorporated and what’s useless is  let go.

(MORE: Child  Abuse Pediatricians Recommend Basic Parenting Classes)

Some people claim that EMDR is most helpful for single traumatic  memories, but less so for people who have experienced ongoing trauma over a long  period of time.

It’s not that it works better, it takes longer when you have multiple  traumatic experiences because there are more memories that need to be processed.  And if it was childhood onset, because of the traumatic experience, they didn’t  necessarily [learn the] socialization and skills and that are needed at the  time.

Within EMDR, we have a three-pronged approach. First, identify and process  the earlier memories that set the groundwork [for the problem], then process  current stimuli that trigger distress, and third, incorporate whatever skills  and education are necessary to overcome developmental deficits and provide what  the person needs for the future.

It’s often really hard to find evidence-based therapies, but you  seem to have very successfully disseminated EMDR. What’s the  secret?

It really has been word of mouth. When I first developed it, I gave a lot of  presentations throughout the country. People would give me their cards and say,  When you are ready to teach it, I want to learn it. I made sure I had people who  were able to give and receive it under supervision so they actually learned it.  It was not just me as a talking head. I did small group practice and had one  trainer for nine people. At end of that, they wanted other clinicians to learn  it because they went back and used it, saw results and were getting results that  they hadn’t gotten with anything else and wanted their colleagues to learn it.  They often volunteered to train others because they wanted more people to be  helped and that’s really the way it went.

I write a lot about addiction and many, many addicted people have  suffered traumatic experiences, which unfortunately are often not dealt with  appropriately in treatment.

I think the literature is very clear that there’s a large connection with  trauma and the person trying to self-medicate. We tried to do an randomized  controlled trial with EMDR in Washington state’s drug court and we had to drop  the randomized part because the people treated with EMDR started talking about  how much it helped so the others were really upset that they couldn’t get. We  ended up being able to do the evaluation: graduation from these courts is  supposed to be a major indicator of recidivism, and 91% of those who got EMDR  graduated, compared to 60% of those who didn’t.

(MORE: Siblings  Brain Study Sheds Light on the Roots of Addiction)

So why do we always think that every emotion we experience is  real and connected to what’s happening now, not the past?

Because we’re feeling it and, therefore, seeing world in that way. That’s  what’s so funny about it. We don’t even get that. When we’re going into a social  situation and start feeling insecure, we’re feeling and acting on it. What the  book is trying to do is give people an understanding of where this is coming  from, so they can step back and use techniques to [cope better]. For a lot of  people, that’s all they need, not therapy. But for other people, if you are  always needing to use this, O.K., you’ve done most of the work to prepare and  you go get helping processing it. These are the techniques clinicians would be  teaching a client.

What should someone look for in an EMDR  therapist?

Make sure they’ve been trained by a program approved by the EMDR  International Association. We also have a nonprofit called the EMDR Humanitarian  Assistance Programs — they’re getting the royalties from the book. We provide  pro bono treatment for underserved populations worldwide, after every natural  and man-made disaster.

People can take control of their lives, they don’t have to be buffeted by  these unprocessed memories.

See more of  Healthland’s ‘Mind Reading’ series.

Maia Szalavitz is a health writer for TIME.com. Find her on  Twitter at @maiasz. You can also  continue the discussion on TIME Healthland‘s Facebook  page and on Twitter at @TIMEHealthland.

Read more: http://healthland.time.com/2012/04/18/getting-past-your-past-qa-with-therapist-francine-shapiro/#ixzz23oxcHghU

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One Man’s Testimony Saved My Daughter’s Life

Although this letter is deeply personal to me, I thought I would share with everyone the power of our testimony and how it can literally save someone’s life.  In this case, it was the life of my daughter Elizabeth, who turns 3 today.  I have edited the names to keep them anonymous.

****,

Sorry for the delayed response. I have been waiting for almost 3 years to let you know how your testimony changed my life forever. I am writing this out so you can send it to others if you choose, but honestly I get so emotional when I tell this story, I don’t think I could maintain my composure through the story.

On April 30, 2009 you gave your testimony at the Celebrate Recovery meeting at First Baptist Houston. I almost did not attend but my wife wanted to go to CR at that location after having attended previously. I went, with protest, but it was worth it. Funny how my codependency was actually a good thing that night!

When you started talking about the two girls you got pregnant in highschool I began to feel the Holy Spirit tugging at me. Then you stated how both women had told you they had an abortion but one of them lied and you had a son that you met 18 years later who is a good Christian man (forgive me if the details are not 100% correct). At this time I was crying. Why? Because I had scheduled to take my affair partner to the abortion clinic the very next morning. There was a high probability that the baby she was carrying was mine.

All night I was restless and couldn’t sleep. The next morning I dropped off my coworker at the office and rushed down to the hotel to pick up my affair partner and take her to the abortion clinic. She had planned to stay at this hotel after the abortion so she could recover. When I arrived I was full of anger of what I was about to do and then thought about your testimony and I broke down and told her that I would not take her, that I preferred adoption to abortion or even a far off chance that my wife and I would raise the baby. She said she would do it herself and that she would not have a married man’s baby. I told her everything I could think of to keep her from going to the clinic by herself or with someone else. I ended up leaving and prayed that she did not go through with it. I even lied to her one last time in an email begging her to keep the baby.

Elizabeth (Lizzie) was born on November 23, 2009. Her mother tested positive for meth and marijuana and this allowed the Holy Spirit to convict my wife to make the decision to file for custody of Elizabeth (that is another story of God answering my prayers). After 1 year of back and forth with Liz’s grandmother, mother, and all the attorneys, we were given custody of Elizabeth and she is now part of our family. Her grandmother (and mom) are still allowed visitation per a standard possession order but my wife and I are raising “Lizzie” along with our daughter Maddy who is now [5].

I apologize for not searching for you since, but at the Hope and Freedom retreat when ***** told me he plays at CR First Baptist, I asked him, and also ****, who the guy with “that” testimony was and how to get in contact with you. Both let me know it was probably “****” and ***** told me he would send me your contact info.

I just wanted to let you know how God worked through you and your testimony and how my life was changed forever because you had the courage to give your testimony to that particular CR group on that particular Thursday night.  I am very grateful for what you did. I am not certain how many times someone has been told how their testimony literally saved a life, but yours did!

I now have a Christian Sexual Purity Support & Recovery Ministry, Castimonia, in Katy and am still married to the love of my life, my beautiful wife Becky.  I have attached two photos, one of my two beautiful gifts from God, Maddy (4) and Lizzie (2) and one of our complete family. I believe, if I had not been at that CR meeting and you had not given your testimony, Lizzie would not be here with us today in those photos. God is amazing and I don’t always know why things happen the way they do, but I do know I can trust in Him. This is only one of the many miracles I have seen God perform in my own life.

Thank you and God bless,

Jorge

I had always been a supporter of those in the pro-life camp.  It wasn’t until I was confronted with my own sin and the possibility of taking my affair partner to have an abortion that I was truly tested.  My convictions were strong and all I could do was to stand firm and trust in God that there was a reason for the pregnancy and birth of this beautiful baby girl to two very selfish individuals.  There is a reason, I just don’t know it yet. 

What I do know is that I consider Lizzie to be my miracle child as I do Maddy.  Both have a special purpose in our lives and on this earth and both will grow up to hopefully glorify God and His mercy and grace.  I can only pray that I live long enough to see this occur with the two of them as they grow older and ask God to help me raise these two little girls in a godly home with my wife and I at the helm, following Christ down the long path of life.