CASTIMONIA

Sexual Purity Support & Recovery Group

Sexual Purity Posts

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Stuck In Fear

Anxiety is loving certainty. It is stressful to live in an anxious world, and learning to embrace uncertainty seems impossible to those suffering with anxiety. We must each find a strategy to help us shuttle back and forth between the comfort of what we know, and the discomfort of all that we don’t know to become healthy. Anxiety is about fear being in charge of most of your choices. Getting stuck in fear robs you of possibilities in your life. An example of this is when you are too afraid to make mistakes. Making mistakes is the lynchpin to learning, in fact we learn far more from our mistakes than our successes. If you have anxiety you must learn to use your thinking to balance your exaggerated feelings of fear. Courage is the ingredient that, if sprinkled on that world, would make all of us better people. Greater courage is the antidote to anxiety. Learn to imagine new ways to have courage and to make your world larger. Real courage always has fear attached. Fearless courage is only the foolishness of youth. Follow your curiosity and try new small steps out into the world instead of waiting for life to happen to you. Invite fear to take a back seat instead of driving the train. Fear and excitement always travel together. Remember being scared of learning to ride a bicycle and being excited at the same time? Learn to allow room for both emotions. Don’t let fear erase excitement. Growth depends on one foot being in the familiar and one foot in the unfamiliar… Confusion is the emotion that is crucial to “allowing room for change,” which is exactly why adolescents are both confused and changing. From “Anxiety, Control & Codependency” by Rhoda Mills Sommer, L.C.S.W. http://therapyideas.net/anxiety.htm

“The fear of becoming old is born of the recognition that one is not living now the life that one wishes. It is equivalent to a sense of abusing the present.” – Susan Sontag

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MONDAY, JULY 21st, MEETING LOCATION CHANGE

This change affects only the Monday night meeting on July 21st. The Fellowship at Cinco Ranch, where we normally meet, is having their Vacation Bible School (VBS) in the evenings the week of July 21st and all rooms are reserved for this week-long event.  Therefore, we need to move the Castimonia Katy meeting to another location close by.  Grace Fellowship UMC is very close, North of Westheimer Parkway, on the East side of Mason road just North of the Cinco Ranch Blvd light.  The meeting will return to the Fellowship at Cinco Ranch on Monday, July 28th.

Time: 7:00PM – 8:30PM
Location: Grace Fellowship United Methodist Church
Mansion, Room 203 (take the stairs or elevator to the 2nd floor)

2655 South Mason Road Katy, TX  77450
281.646.1903

The other option is to visit our Northwest Houston meeting at Lifepath Church. 
 
Monday Nights
 Time: 7:00PM – 8:30PM
Location: Lifepath Church – Room 108
17703 W Little York Rd
Houston, TX 77084
281.855.0222
NEWLocationMap

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To Mend His Broken Heart

So, what causes men to move on so quickly from a breakup with you to the arms of another woman? You could easily believe the rapidity of his action indicates he isn’t at all broken up about your breakup, that he had no deep feelings for you and he cavalierly is humming to himself, “Another One Bites The Dust.” They would, however, be completely wrong. You see, when men invest emotionally in a relationship, their feelings run as deeply as yours, whether they show it or now. So, when their relationship crumbles, it causes a huge emotional void. …men don’t have the social support network to buoy them up in their time of pain and sadness. If they thought that kind of behavior would be acceptable, they might engage in it. But men are all too aware that stoicism, soldiering on, and “walking it off” are fundamental guidelines in the male handbook… He’s hurting, but he can’t tell anyone. And grieving and wallowing in private are likely to only lead to consuming mass quantities of Jim Beam to dull his pain. Thus, he realizes, with such limited options available, he must speedily move to contain his about-to-erupt emotions by filling the vacuum created by the demise of his previous relationship. How does he do this? By seeking out someone else to focus his attention on, both emotionally and sexually. And, the sooner, the better, for it is this new woman who heals his wounds by allowing him to step back into the comfortable, acceptable space of being the tough, unruffled man that he is supposed to be. She facilitates his return to a state of being where he can once again feel masculine and in control of himself and his emotions. Order is restored and all is right with the world again. The speed in which a man moves from a bitter breakup to a new amorous attachment is directly proportional to the pain he’s feeling — the deeper the hurt, the quicker the hookup. So if you see your ex in the arms of another within days of your breakup, don’t write him off as a horny, uncaring, slime-bucket. Instead, recognize that he was deeply hurt by the end of your relationship and is doing the best he can to mend his broken heart. Taken from an article by David M. Matthews, http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/06/05/rebound-relationship-why-_n_1569001.html

“Giving up doesn’t always mean you are weak; sometimes it means that you are strong enough to let go.” – Unknown

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Lieutenant Dan’s Redemption – VIDEO

One of my all-time favorite movies is Forrest Gump.  For those that have never seen Forrest Gump (or have been living in a cave for 20 years), Forrest Gump is a 1994 American epic romantic comedy-drama film based on the 1986 novel of the same name by Winston Groom. The film was directed by Robert Zemeckis and starred Tom Hanks, Robin Wright, Gary Sinise and Sally Field (Wikipedia). It details the story of a man named Forrest Gump through about four decades of United States history.  I never really understood why I enjoyed the movie until I entered recovery and was able to see the various recover-related subcomponents intertwined with the main story.

One recovery-related subcomponent I really enjoyed was that of the story of Lieutenant Dan Taylor.  Lt. Dan, as he’s often referred to in the film by Forrest, is your typical Christian American, patriotic but a Christian by name only.  In other words, he wears his Christian cross, but when tested in life, he gives up on the hope that only Christ can bring and eventually becomes an alcoholic. We then see his powerlessness and unmanageability, also known as his “self-destructive behaviors”.  Then we see him restored to sanity by a power greater than him, God.  Throughout this film, we see God’s plan for Lt. Dan unfolding, slowly, until his redemption at the end.  It is a reminder to me, that even in the tough times, that God keeps His promise and I need to be strong enough to believe, rather than run to my addiction.  I hope you enjoy watching this movie as much as I enjoyed editing it.  Keep an eye out for comments and scripture verses at the bottom.  As always, take what you like a read the rest.

FAIR USE NOTICE: This video may contain copyrighted material. Such material is made available for purposes such as criticism, comment, teaching, & education, etc. This constitutes a ’fair use’ of any such copyrighted material as provided for in Title 17 U.S.C. section 107 of the US Copyright Law NO COPYRIGHT INFRINGEMENT INTENDED! All trademarks and copyrights remain the property of their owners.

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A Declaration of Independence

A Declaration of Independence
Originally posted on July 4, 2012

Today, we celebrate Independence Day in the United States of America.  I am grateful for the freedoms we have been given in this country.  Some of the freedoms I had, however, were very harmful to me.  These freedoms included the freedom to view and use pornography, the freedom to pursue happiness in legal forms of sexual acting out, and the freedom to worship my own god; sex addiction.  I have also been given new freedoms, the freedom choose a recovery program that satisfies my needs, the freedom to say “no” to sexual acting out, and the freedom to call Jesus Christ my higher power, and worship Him fully without fear of persecution or harm against me or my family.

Independence means a lot of things to different people.  The definition is written below:

in·de·pend·ence /ˌɪndɪˈpɛndəns/ [in-di-pen-duhns] noun 1. Also, independency. the state or quality of being independent. 2. freedom from the control, influence, support, aid, or the like, of others.

In my case, it is freedom from the control of my sexual addiction and the behaviors associated with that addiction.  Every July 4th, I not only celebrate the independence of these United States of America, but I also make the following declaration written below, as edited from the original Declaration of Independence.

I, Jorge S., a recovering sex addict, appealing to the Supreme Judge of the world for the rectitude of my intention, do, in the Name, and by Authority of Jesus Christ and my healthy being, solemnly publish and declare, That I am, and of Right ought to be Free and Independent of sexual compulsive behaviors, that I am Absolved from all Allegiance to demoralizing and incomprehensible compulsive sexual behaviors, and that all connection between me and my addiction, is and ought to be totally dissolved; and that as a Free and Independent man, I have full Power to levy War against my addiction, conclude Peace of mind, contract Alliances in my recovery, establish psychological therapy as needed to do all other Acts and Things which a healthy, sexually pure man may of right do.  — And for the support of this Declaration, with a firm reliance on the protection of Jesus Christ, I mutually pledge to my Life, my Fortunes, and my sacred Honor.

My declaration is short and to the point, definitely not as elegant as the one written by our Country’s founders.  Also, I wish it was as simple as making the declaration!  The United States had to fight a war, and subsequent wars against the British to gain their independence.  Furthermore, the United States had to continue to battle against other foreign nations in order to gain full independence.  And later, it had to fight a Civil War (a war against oneself) in order to maintain its independence!  Even today, the United States continues to fight to maintain its independence, this fight may be against terrorists, against energy monopolies, against corruption, etc…  The point is, the United States of American has continued to fight to maintain its independence and must continue to fight.

In this same way, I need to continue to fight against my sexual addiction.  I can’t let my guard down.  If I do, then I will have allowed my addiction a foothold into my life and that makes the fall easier!  I must be always vigilant in my struggle to maintain sexual purity.  Sexual Purity is not a right, it is a privilege given to me, by God, on a daily basis, and I must always be grateful for that privilege and do whatever I can to maintain it.  I have not been and am not perfect, however, I will continue to strive for progress, not perfection in my recovery.

So I not only declare indepenendce from my sexual addiction but also that I will do whatever it takes to maintain my sobriety. One moment at a time, one second at a time, one minute at a time, one hour at a time, one day at a time!

Take what you like and leave the rest.