CASTIMONIA

Sexual Purity Support & Recovery Group

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Numbing the Pain

imagescadidyrh1Addiction to substances or activities can sometimes lead to serious problems at home, work, school and socially. The causes of addiction vary considerably, and are not often fully understood. They are generally caused by a combination of physical, mental, circumstantial and emotional factors. Addiction, often referred to as dependency often leads to tolerance – the addicted person needs larger and more regular amounts of whatever they are addicted to in order to receive the same effect. Often, the initial reward is no longer felt, and the addiction continues because withdrawal is so unpleasant. According to Medilexicon’s medical dictionary: Addiction is Habitual psychological or physiologic dependence on a substance or practice that is beyond voluntary control. According to the current Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-IV), published by the American Psychiatric Association: Substance dependence is When an individual persists in use of alcohol or other drugs despite problems related to use of the substance, substance dependence may be diagnosed. Compulsive and repetitive use may result in tolerance to the effect of the drug and withdrawal symptoms when use is reduced or stopped. This, along with Substance Abuse are considered Substance Use Disorders. Most people think of illegal drugs when they hear the word “addiction”. However, prescription drug addiction is becoming a serious public health problem in the USA and many other nations. Prescription medication abuse was described as “an epidemic” by researchers from the University of Nebraska Medical Center College of Medicine in a study they reported on in November 2012. The scientists explained that doctors today treat pain differently than they used to years ago. This change has led to an increase in prescription drug abuse. In the USA in the 1990s – the decade of pain treatment – not only was there a change in medication, but also policy. Pain became the fifth vital sign doctors looked out for, along with respiratory rate, blood pressure, body temperature and pulse rate. http://www.medicalnewstoday.com/info/addiction/

“Numbing the pain for a while will make it worse when you finally feel it.” – J.K. Rowling

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What is a Hero?

By Keith D. one of our Castimonia facilitators

I was given a book titled “Out of the Depths” (Author Edgar Harrell) by a very dear friend of mine this past Father’s Day. When I first glanced at the title of the book, I immediately assumed it was a book of recovery.   Rather, it is a story about 900 of the 1,200 man crew that were swimming in shark infested waters for five days in the Philippine Sea after the USS Indianapolis was hit by two torpedoes just weeks before the end of WWII.
 
Inside the front cover was a beautifully written note from our friend saying that the review of this book made her think of me.  She knew of my (our) problem as she is my wife’s best friend as my wife confided in her.  In it she writes “you are definitely a man of courage, faith, and endurance”.
 
Lt. Col. North writes “It has been a great blessing to spend most of my life in the company of heroes.  By “hero”, I mean a person who has wittingly put himself in grave physical jeopardy for the benefit of another.  Heroes are people who overcome evil by doing good at great personal risk.  Through self-sacrifice, fortitude, and action, whether they succeed or fail, heroes provide a moral and ethical framework-and-inspiration-for the rest of us…..Real heroes are selfless…..Many of the marines that with whom I was privileged to serve for nearly a quarter of a century were heroes.  The firemen and police who rushed into the World Trade Center buildings and the Pentagon on 9/11 fit the description.  Today, a good number of soldiers airmen, Marines, and Guardsmen that I cover for FOX News certainly meet the criteria….It (this book) is a tale of men tested beyond anything they thought possible-and how they responded with bravery, endurance, and faith in the face of fear and overwhelming despair.”
 
For some reason, I cannot get past the Foreword of the book.  In its three pages, Lt. Colonel Oliver North writes about heroes.  What he writes about heroes is true.  However, there are other men (and women) that are heroes to me.  Although these men that Lt. Col. Oliver North writes about are heroes, there are other heroes that he does not write about.  I cannot help but think of myself and many other people like me, who have struggled with pornography and sexual addiction.  It has reshaped what a hero looks like to me.
 
The heroes I am thinking of are rarely in grave physical danger.  However, they do face other dangers that may appear to be just as large if not larger than any physical danger.  These dangers live in the mind in the form of fears.  Some of these fears include whether one may lose his job, his marriage, family, and friends for the pursuit of disclosure and recovery.
 
Every time I attend a meeting I am in a room filled with heroes.  Each member’s story is unique and faces his own challenges.  Just as Lt. Col. North wrote, heroes are people who overcome evil by doing good at great personal risk.  Each one is a hero in their own right and I have learned to draw on the strength of these heroes. 
 
This is what a hero looks like to me:
  
To me…..a hero is someone who finally “comes clean” after years of acting out
To me…..a hero is in recovery whether he is separated from his wife and family, or his marriage ends up in divorce
To me…..a hero is someone who takes a polygraph
To me…..a hero is someone who practices rigorous honesty over sobriety
To me…..a hero is someone who has not been sexually intimate with his wife for 20 months but still hasn’t acted-out and is believing for the healing of his marriage
To me…..a hero is someone who recognizes he is struggling and calls another brother to avoid acting out
To me…..a hero is someone who gives a first step
To me…..a hero is someone who has shared his struggle with pornography and sexual addiction to his wife’s parents or to their children
To me…..a hero is a man of God who admits he is wrong and is willing to make amends
To me…..a hero is someone who chooses the pain of recovery rather than abandon his family and live in his (or her) addiction.
To me…..a hero is a man of courage, endurance, and faith in the face of fear and overwhelming despair!

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Healing the Father Wound, Part 2 – VIDEO

Please see Healing the Father Wound, Part 1 for a background on this movie.

Part two of the video more of the healing portion of these childhood wounds.  This second part revolves around her slow healing process right up until the end where she watches the movie version of her Mary Poppins books.  I won’t give too much information as I would rather you watch the video and read my comments.

I hope you enjoy watching this movie as much as I enjoyed editing it.  Keep an eye out for the comments I make throughout the film.

FAIR USE NOTICE: This video may contain copyrighted material. Such material is made available for purposes such as criticism, comment, teaching, & education, etc. This constitutes a ’fair use’ of any such copyrighted material as provided for in Title 17 U.S.C. section 107 of the US Copyright Law NO COPYRIGHT INFRINGEMENT INTENDED! All trademarks and copyrights remain the property of their owners.

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Not In Control

imagesca529z9uaddictionPeople with an addiction do not have control over what they are doing, taking or using. Their addiction may reach a point at which it is harmful. Addictions do not only include physical things we consume, such as drugs or alcohol, but may include virtually anything, such abstract things as gambling to seemingly harmless products, such as chocolate – in other words, addiction may refer to a substance dependence (e.g. drug addiction) or behavioral addiction (e.g. gambling addiction). In the past addiction used to refer just to psychoactive substances that cross the blood-brain barrier, temporarily altering the chemical balance of the brain; this would include alcohol, tobacco, and some drugs. A considerable number of psychologists, other health care professionals, and lay people now insist that psychological dependency, as may be the case with gambling, sex, internet, work, exercise, etc. should also be counted as addictions, because they can also lead to feelings of guilt, shame, hopelessness, despair, failure, rejection, anxiety, and/or humiliation. When a person is addicted to something they cannot control how they use it, and become dependent on it to cope with daily life. What is the difference between a habit and an addiction? Addiction – there is a psychological/physical component; the person is unable to control the aspects of the addiction without help because of the mental or physical conditions involved. Habit – it is done by choice. The person with the habit can choose to stop, and will subsequently stop successfully if they want to. The psychological/physical component is not an issue as it is with an addiction. Put simply – with a habit you are in control of your choices, with an addiction you are not in control of your choices.
http://www.medicalnewstoday.com/info/addiction/

“Shame was an emotion he had abandoned years earlier. Addicts know no shame. You disgrace yourself so many times you become immune to it.” – John Grisham

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Healing the Father Wound, Part 1 – VIDEO

I recently had the pleasure of watching the movie “Saving Mr. Banks”.  For those that do not know this movie, it is the story of the struggle between P. L. Travers (played by Emma Thompson) and Walt Disney (played by Tom Hanks) in the creation of the movie version of Travers’ Mary Poppins books.  As I watched this movie, my recovery senses were tingling.  I had no idea what this movie was going to be about, much less an expectation of a much deeper meaning that would bring up my father wound and literally bring me to tears by the end of the movie (I love being able to feel these strong emotions and not stuff them deep down).  You see, P. L. Travers, formally named Helen Goff, grew up in rural Australia with an alcoholic father.  The childhood part of the story takes place in 1906, the “current events” portion where she is reviewing the Disney script takes place in 1961.

From this movie, I was able to see how deep the “father wound” ran in P. L. Travers.  Being the daughter of an alcoholic, she grew up to be what I call a “control freak” which basically means she needs to control everything and everyone around her in order to feel “safe.”  This control extended to the use of her Mary Poppins character by Walt Disney.  There are so many examples of her woundedness that I had to break up the original two hour movie into two 30 minute videos.  I highly encourage you to watch the movie in its entirety.  It is a great example of the father wound that all fathers can inflict on their children, some shallow, but for Helen Goff, some very, very deep. The reality that P. L. Travers, as an adult, was acting out for most of her life, trying to find healing for her father wound is unfortunately outside the scope of this movie.  Nevertheless, it is worth researching and only adds more proof of the depth of which P. L. Travers experienced her father wound.

Part one of the video is mainly the wounds being inflicted on Helen as a child and then bubbling to the surface (acting out with anger, control, manipulation, etc…) as she reviews all the story boards and music associated with the Mary Poppins movie.  I hope you enjoy watching this movie as much as I enjoyed editing it.  Keep an eye out for the comments I make throughout the film.

FAIR USE NOTICE: This video may contain copyrighted material. Such material is made available for purposes such as criticism, comment, teaching, & education, etc. This constitutes a ’fair use’ of any such copyrighted material as provided for in Title 17 U.S.C. section 107 of the US Copyright Law NO COPYRIGHT INFRINGEMENT INTENDED! All trademarks and copyrights remain the property of their owners.