CASTIMONIA

Sexual Purity Support & Recovery Group

Sexual Purity Posts

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Tips for When Your Spouse is Struggling or Your Child Sees Porn

http://purehope.net/tips-for-spouses-and-parents/

Posted on August 21, 2013 at 5:58 pm.

by Dave Brown

How can I help my spouse or friend recover from sexual addiction?

  • Educate yourself about addiction so you can be an encourager and avoid enabling behavior that delays recovery.
  • Spouses are strongly recommended to participate in spousal support groups for those married to individuals recovering from addiction.
  • See our recommended resources for information and places to start.
  • Ultimately, God’s redemption is the only cure for addiction. Surrender and fervent prayer to our Rock and our Help is the best support you can offer.

How can I be a proactive parent in our sex-saturated society?

  • Employ age-appropriate strategies to teach your children that sex is a beautiful gift from God that is to be respected and protected.
  • Inform them about the risks involved in premarital sexual activity, as well as the harmful nature of pornography and the consequences of consuming it.
  • Protect your children by equipping all computers and cell phones with Internet filters and monitoring software.
  • Cultivate open and honest communication with your children so that they know without doubt that they can speak to you about any subject without fear, guilt, or shame.
  • Engage with them and encourage them.  Click here for posts on how to develop ongoing dialogue with your kids.

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Courage to Heal

Courage to Heal
(By John Joseph*)

The recovery process is an active one that demands a lot from me. It isn’t a passive progression that happens on its own—I must be a daily, and often aggressive, participant. I don’t like that, but it is true.

To deny my responsibility to pursue wholeness in the areas of my broken soul is to give my past power to destroy me through addiction, depression, and shame.

Am I going to let that happen?

The terrible truth is that there’s something in me that works against me. Call it my “addict,” my “disease,” my “inner child,” or the “devil.” Its name doesn’t matter. It’s still out to take me down in any way it can.

John Mayer wrote some poignant lyrics about this in his song Gravity:

Gravity is working against me
And gravity wants to bring me down
Oh I’ll never know what makes this man
With all the love that his heart can stand
Dream of ways to throw it all away[1]

How many of us survivors have found ourselves on the edge of the emotional cliff, ready to jump off again? How many times have we acted out the same demeaning behavior only to go down the shame spiral again? Why do we feel the constant weight of what Mayer calls gravity in our bones that brings us to the brink, again and again, of throwing it all away?

Our various faith traditions may call it karma, fate, fortune, or sin. Whatever it is, it will gain the upper hand and destroy me if I am lazy or unmindful of it.

To recover is to have the courage to heal every day.

(*John Joseph is a pseudonym of a pastor. He’s a regular contributor to this blog.)

*****

[1] Writer(s): John Mayer Copyright: Reach Music Publishing-digital O.B.O. Goodium Music, Specific Harm Music, Sony/ATV Tunes LLC

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Recovery Themes in Disney Animated Movies – VIDEO

I often wonder, of all the movies I have viewed in my life, how many of these movies had a recovery-related theme.  It wasn’t until entering recovery that the Holy Spirit gave me some special “recovery glasses” that have allowed me to spot recovery themes in various media; music, movies, photographs, etc…  These themes can include support groups, honesty, selfishness, selflessness, redemption, etc… that are portrayed in the movie.

I’m a big fan of animated movies, I think Disney (and others) have done a tremendous job of inserting some of these themes in their movies so I picked out a few of the movies and decided to compile them into one film.  Of course, because of the numerous amount of Disney movies out there and my limited time, I only chose four of these movies, of which I recall vividly. The first, “Wreck-it Ralph” is one of my favorites, showing good recovery and support, a trauma response, and self sacrifice.  The second, Monsters University, has a scene where friends become real with one another, something you rarely see outside of recovery rooms. The third, “Finding Nemo” is a classic “Father wound” (yes I cried), trauma response, recovery meeting, and relationship trust movie.  Finally, I picked out one short scene from a non-Disney movie, “Despicable Me 2.” You’ll understand why I chose it when you see it.

I hope you enjoy watching this video as much as I enjoyed creating it.  As always, take what you like and leave the rest.

FAIR USE NOTICE: This video may contain copyrighted material. Such material is made available for purposes such as criticism, comment, teaching, & education, etc. This constitutes a ’fair use’ of any such copyrighted material as provided for in Title 17 U.S.C. section 107 of the US Copyright Law NO COPYRIGHT INFRINGEMENT INTENDED! All trademarks and copyrights remain the property of their owners.

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Reenacting the Fall

http://www.ransomedheart.com/daily-reading/reenacting-fall

The story of Eden is not over.” Every day we reenact the Fall as we turn in our desire to the very things that will destroy us. As Gerald May reminds us, Addiction exists wherever persons are internally compelled to give energy to things that are not their true desires. To define it directly, addiction is a state of compulsion, obsession, or preoccupation that enslaves a person’s will and desire. Addiction sidetracks and eclipses the energy of our deepest, truest desire for love and goodness. (Addiction and Grace)

Addiction may seem too strong a term to some of you. The woman who is serving so faithfully at church—surely, there’s nothing wrong with that. And who can blame the man who stays long at the office to provide for his family? Sure, you may look forward to the next meal more than most people do, and your hobbies can be a nuisance sometimes, but to call any of this an addiction seems to stretch the word a bit too far.

I have one simple response: give it up. Let go of the things that provide you with a sense of security, or comfort, or excitement, or relief. You will soon discover the tentacles of attachment deep in your soul. There will be an anxiousness; you’ll begin to think about work or food or golf even more. Withdrawal will set in. If you can make it a week or two out of sheer willpower, you will find a sadness growing in your soul, a deep sense of loss. Lethargy and a lack of motivation follow.

Remember, we will make an idol of anything, especially a good thing. So distant now from Eden, we are desperate for life, and we come to believe that we must arrange for it as best we can, or no one will. God must thwart us to save us.

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Golfer DQs himself from Open to clear conscience

This is a great lesson in rigorous honesty!  Being honest with yourself, and then with others, regardless of the consequences, is something that all of us in recovery should strive for.

Originally posted: http://www.bigstory.ap.org/article/golfer-dqs-himself-open-clear-conscience

By PAUL NEWBERRY

— Jun. 11, 2014 6:02 PM EDT

PINEHURST, N.C. (AP) — Jason Millard packed his bags, tossed his clubs in the car, and headed off to Pinehurst No. 2 to play in his first major championship.

It should’ve been the thrill of a lifetime.

Instead, he turned the car around.

“I couldn’t be at peace about it,” Millard said Wednesday, one day before the start of a U.S. Open he could’ve been playing in but will have to watch on television — if he can bear to watch at all.

What gnawed at him was maybe, just maybe, he had cheated.

Not intentionally, for sure. Perhaps not at all.

But the lingering doubt was enough for Millard to give up what could be the chance of a lifetime.

“I want to be at Pinehurst right now with a free conscience,” he said when reached on his cellphone. “I wish it never happened. Unfortunately, it did.”

What happened was a scenario unique to golf, the one sport that relies on its players to largely do their own officiating. Millard may have touched the sand ever so slightly with his club before hitting a plugged shot out of a bunker during sectional qualifying in Memphis, Tennessee, last week. It didn’t really affect his shot, but “grounding” a club is against the rules and requires a two-shot penalty.

No one else saw it. There’s no video of the shot. And Millard just isn’t sure.

“Right about the time I was taking my swing is when I saw what I think was an indentation in the sand,” he said. “That little image keeps popping up in my head right now. But it happened so fast. I really don’t know.”

Millard signed for a 68-68 score, without a penalty, and wound up earning a spot in the U.S. Open. He wanted to celebrate but couldn’t. Not with that shot playing over and over in his mind.

Did he ground the club? Was that tiny crevice in the sand really there? Was he just imagining the whole thing?

Last Saturday, Millard and his caddie (who wasn’t at the sectional qualifier) headed out from Murfreesboro, Tennessee, for the nearly eight-hour drive to Pinehurst. They made it about 90 minutes before Millard pulled into a convenience store and began searching for a number to the U.S. Golf Association.

He wouldn’t be going any farther.

He had decided to turn himself in.

“There was something in my heart,” he said, “telling me this didn’t feel right.”

Millard disqualified himself for signing an erroneous scorecard. If he had taken a two-shot penalty on the day of the qualifier, he still would’ve missed the Open by a single shot.

“I feel like the way I played that day, I deserved to make it,” Millard said. “I’ve never called a penalty on myself for grounding a club in the bunker. Unfortunately, it happened at the absolutely worst time.”

The timing couldn’t have been better for Sam Love, who just finished his college career at Alabama-Birmingham. He was the second alternate in Memphis; when Millard dropped out, Love got in.

“I really respect him for that,” Love said in the bowels of the Pinehurst clubhouse after a practice round. “He could’ve easily just played this tournament and nobody would’ve ever known.”

When Love tees off Thursday afternoon in the opening round, Millard will be at home in Tennessee. He plans to watch at least some of the tournament on TV, but knows it won’t go down easily.

“I haven’t really watched any of the coverage yet,” said Millard, a two-time All-American during his college career at Middle Tennessee State. “I’m sure I will at some point, especially the last round. I’ve played Pinehurst before. I like watching tournaments, especially on courses I’ve played before.”

Of course, he’d much rather be playing.

“Unfortunately, this is what happens in life,” Millard said. “Hopefully, I’ll be back there one day.”

He’s already dealt with issues far more serious than missing a golf tournament. His father Eddie, who steered him to the game and drove him to all his tournaments as a kid, died in April 2013 from leukemia. Millard’s mother, Debbie, can barely get around after being stricken with multiple sclerosis. Jason, in fact, still lives with his mom when he’s not on the road trying to qualify for PGA Tour and Web.com events. He pays her bills, does the grocery shipping, takes care of odds and ends around the house.

Millard was thinking about his dad when trying to decide whether to disqualify himself from the Open.

“He was pretty much my best friend,” Millard said. “When stuff would happen, I always called him first. In this instance, I definitely would’ve called him first, talked to him about it. Unfortunately, I couldn’t.”

Millard is only 24, with plenty of golf still ahead of him. He surely will have more chances to qualify for the Open.

That said, there are no guarantees in life.

This might be as close as he gets.

If that’s the case, at least he can go through the rest of his years with a clear conscience.

“I’m at peace,” Millard said, “with my decision.”