CASTIMONIA

Sexual Purity Support & Recovery Group

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A Declaration of Independence

A Declaration of Independence
Originally posted on July 4, 2012

Today, we celebrate Independence Day in the United States of America.  I am grateful for the freedoms we have been given in this country.  Some of the freedoms I had, however, were very harmful to me.  These freedoms included the freedom to view and use pornography, the freedom to pursue happiness in legal forms of sexual acting out, and the freedom to worship my own god; sex addiction.  I have also been given new freedoms, the freedom choose a recovery program that satisfies my needs, the freedom to say “no” to sexual acting out, and the freedom to call Jesus Christ my higher power, and worship Him fully without fear of persecution or harm against me or my family.

Independence means a lot of things to different people.  The definition is written below:

in·de·pend·ence /ˌɪndɪˈpɛndəns/ [in-di-pen-duhns] noun 1. Also, independency. the state or quality of being independent. 2. freedom from the control, influence, support, aid, or the like, of others.

In my case, it is freedom from the control of my sexual addiction and the behaviors associated with that addiction.  Every July 4th, I not only celebrate the independence of these United States of America, but I also make the following declaration written below, as edited from the original Declaration of Independence.

I, Jorge S., a recovering sex addict, appealing to the Supreme Judge of the world for the rectitude of my intention, do, in the Name, and by Authority of Jesus Christ and my healthy being, solemnly publish and declare, That I am, and of Right ought to be Free and Independent of sexual compulsive behaviors, that I am Absolved from all Allegiance to demoralizing and incomprehensible compulsive sexual behaviors, and that all connection between me and my addiction, is and ought to be totally dissolved; and that as a Free and Independent man, I have full Power to levy War against my addiction, conclude Peace of mind, contract Alliances in my recovery, establish psychological therapy as needed to do all other Acts and Things which a healthy, sexually pure man may of right do.  — And for the support of this Declaration, with a firm reliance on the protection of Jesus Christ, I mutually pledge to my Life, my Fortunes, and my sacred Honor.

My declaration is short and to the point, definitely not as elegant as the one written by our Country’s founders.  Also, I wish it was as simple as making the declaration!  The United States had to fight a war, and subsequent wars against the British to gain their independence.  Furthermore, the United States had to continue to battle against other foreign nations in order to gain full independence.  And later, it had to fight a Civil War (a war against oneself) in order to maintain its independence!  Even today, the United States continues to fight to maintain its independence, this fight may be against terrorists, against energy monopolies, against corruption, etc…  The point is, the United States of American has continued to fight to maintain its independence and must continue to fight.

In this same way, I need to continue to fight against my sexual addiction.  I can’t let my guard down.  If I do, then I will have allowed my addiction a foothold into my life and that makes the fall easier!  I must be always vigilant in my struggle to maintain sexual purity.  Sexual Purity is not a right, it is a privilege given to me, by God, on a daily basis, and I must always be grateful for that privilege and do whatever I can to maintain it.  I have not been and am not perfect, however, I will continue to strive for progress, not perfection in my recovery.

So I not only declare indepenendce from my sexual addiction but also that I will do whatever it takes to maintain my sobriety. One moment at a time, one second at a time, one minute at a time, one hour at a time, one day at a time!

Take what you like and leave the rest.

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Abuse Changes a Child’s Brain

The brains of children raised in violent families resemble the brains of soldiers exposed to combat, psychologists say. They’re primed to perceive threat and anticipate pain, adaptations that may be helpful in abusive environments but produce long-term problems with stress and anxiety. “For them to detect early cues that might signal danger is adaptive. It allows them to react, to try and avoid the danger,” said psychologist Eamon McCrory of University College London. However, “a very similar neural signature characterizes quite a few anxiety disorders.” In a study published Dec. 5 in Current Biology, McCrory’s team used functional magnetic resonance imaging, or fMRI, to measure blood flows in the brains of 43 children exposed to violence at home as they looked at pictures of sad or angry faces. Previous studies have shown that abuse affects kids’ brains; as they grow up, abused children become adults with high levels of aggression, anxiety, depression and other behavioral problems. But according to McCrory, the new study is the first to use fMRI to study the form of those changes. “Understanding the neural mechanisms might give us clues as to how someone’s future might be shaped by their experience,” McCrory said. His team compared fMRIs from abused children to those of 23 non-abused but demographically similar children from a control group. In the abused children, angry faces provoked distinct activation patterns in their anterior insula and right amygdala, parts of the brain involved in processing threat and pain. Similar patterns have been measured in soldiers who’ve seen combat. Another recent study found that depression in people who were abused as children is especially difficult to treat. McCrory hopes future work will give a more complete picture of abuse’s neurological effects — and, perhaps, the effects of interventions that help children heal. “Can children change in response to an act of intervention? To a better home environment? We’re quite optimistic that’s the case, that this is reversible. But that’s something we need to test,” McCrory said. By Brandon Keim http://www.wired.com/wiredscience/2011/12/neurology-of-abuse/

“The difficult child is the child who is unhappy. He is at war with himself; and in consequence, he is at war with the world.” – A. S. Neill

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Numbing the Pain

imagescadidyrh1Addiction to substances or activities can sometimes lead to serious problems at home, work, school and socially. The causes of addiction vary considerably, and are not often fully understood. They are generally caused by a combination of physical, mental, circumstantial and emotional factors. Addiction, often referred to as dependency often leads to tolerance – the addicted person needs larger and more regular amounts of whatever they are addicted to in order to receive the same effect. Often, the initial reward is no longer felt, and the addiction continues because withdrawal is so unpleasant. According to Medilexicon’s medical dictionary: Addiction is Habitual psychological or physiologic dependence on a substance or practice that is beyond voluntary control. According to the current Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-IV), published by the American Psychiatric Association: Substance dependence is When an individual persists in use of alcohol or other drugs despite problems related to use of the substance, substance dependence may be diagnosed. Compulsive and repetitive use may result in tolerance to the effect of the drug and withdrawal symptoms when use is reduced or stopped. This, along with Substance Abuse are considered Substance Use Disorders. Most people think of illegal drugs when they hear the word “addiction”. However, prescription drug addiction is becoming a serious public health problem in the USA and many other nations. Prescription medication abuse was described as “an epidemic” by researchers from the University of Nebraska Medical Center College of Medicine in a study they reported on in November 2012. The scientists explained that doctors today treat pain differently than they used to years ago. This change has led to an increase in prescription drug abuse. In the USA in the 1990s – the decade of pain treatment – not only was there a change in medication, but also policy. Pain became the fifth vital sign doctors looked out for, along with respiratory rate, blood pressure, body temperature and pulse rate. http://www.medicalnewstoday.com/info/addiction/

“Numbing the pain for a while will make it worse when you finally feel it.” – J.K. Rowling

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What is a Hero?

By Keith D. one of our Castimonia facilitators

I was given a book titled “Out of the Depths” (Author Edgar Harrell) by a very dear friend of mine this past Father’s Day. When I first glanced at the title of the book, I immediately assumed it was a book of recovery.   Rather, it is a story about 900 of the 1,200 man crew that were swimming in shark infested waters for five days in the Philippine Sea after the USS Indianapolis was hit by two torpedoes just weeks before the end of WWII.
 
Inside the front cover was a beautifully written note from our friend saying that the review of this book made her think of me.  She knew of my (our) problem as she is my wife’s best friend as my wife confided in her.  In it she writes “you are definitely a man of courage, faith, and endurance”.
 
Lt. Col. North writes “It has been a great blessing to spend most of my life in the company of heroes.  By “hero”, I mean a person who has wittingly put himself in grave physical jeopardy for the benefit of another.  Heroes are people who overcome evil by doing good at great personal risk.  Through self-sacrifice, fortitude, and action, whether they succeed or fail, heroes provide a moral and ethical framework-and-inspiration-for the rest of us…..Real heroes are selfless…..Many of the marines that with whom I was privileged to serve for nearly a quarter of a century were heroes.  The firemen and police who rushed into the World Trade Center buildings and the Pentagon on 9/11 fit the description.  Today, a good number of soldiers airmen, Marines, and Guardsmen that I cover for FOX News certainly meet the criteria….It (this book) is a tale of men tested beyond anything they thought possible-and how they responded with bravery, endurance, and faith in the face of fear and overwhelming despair.”
 
For some reason, I cannot get past the Foreword of the book.  In its three pages, Lt. Colonel Oliver North writes about heroes.  What he writes about heroes is true.  However, there are other men (and women) that are heroes to me.  Although these men that Lt. Col. Oliver North writes about are heroes, there are other heroes that he does not write about.  I cannot help but think of myself and many other people like me, who have struggled with pornography and sexual addiction.  It has reshaped what a hero looks like to me.
 
The heroes I am thinking of are rarely in grave physical danger.  However, they do face other dangers that may appear to be just as large if not larger than any physical danger.  These dangers live in the mind in the form of fears.  Some of these fears include whether one may lose his job, his marriage, family, and friends for the pursuit of disclosure and recovery.
 
Every time I attend a meeting I am in a room filled with heroes.  Each member’s story is unique and faces his own challenges.  Just as Lt. Col. North wrote, heroes are people who overcome evil by doing good at great personal risk.  Each one is a hero in their own right and I have learned to draw on the strength of these heroes. 
 
This is what a hero looks like to me:
  
To me…..a hero is someone who finally “comes clean” after years of acting out
To me…..a hero is in recovery whether he is separated from his wife and family, or his marriage ends up in divorce
To me…..a hero is someone who takes a polygraph
To me…..a hero is someone who practices rigorous honesty over sobriety
To me…..a hero is someone who has not been sexually intimate with his wife for 20 months but still hasn’t acted-out and is believing for the healing of his marriage
To me…..a hero is someone who recognizes he is struggling and calls another brother to avoid acting out
To me…..a hero is someone who gives a first step
To me…..a hero is someone who has shared his struggle with pornography and sexual addiction to his wife’s parents or to their children
To me…..a hero is a man of God who admits he is wrong and is willing to make amends
To me…..a hero is someone who chooses the pain of recovery rather than abandon his family and live in his (or her) addiction.
To me…..a hero is a man of courage, endurance, and faith in the face of fear and overwhelming despair!

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Healing the Father Wound, Part 2 – VIDEO

Please see Healing the Father Wound, Part 1 for a background on this movie.

Part two of the video more of the healing portion of these childhood wounds.  This second part revolves around her slow healing process right up until the end where she watches the movie version of her Mary Poppins books.  I won’t give too much information as I would rather you watch the video and read my comments.

I hope you enjoy watching this movie as much as I enjoyed editing it.  Keep an eye out for the comments I make throughout the film.

FAIR USE NOTICE: This video may contain copyrighted material. Such material is made available for purposes such as criticism, comment, teaching, & education, etc. This constitutes a ’fair use’ of any such copyrighted material as provided for in Title 17 U.S.C. section 107 of the US Copyright Law NO COPYRIGHT INFRINGEMENT INTENDED! All trademarks and copyrights remain the property of their owners.