CASTIMONIA

Sexual Purity Support & Recovery Group

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How I Am Finding Healing From My Anger – Pt.2

http://porntopurity.com/blog/2013/08/30/how-i-am-finding-healing-from-my-anger-pt-2/
by Jeff Fisher on August 30, 2013

notangrySURRENDERING MY ANGER AND HURTS TO GOD This began with writing in my notebook. My counselor encouraged me to begin writing down my hurts and bring them to God in prayer. I did quite an inventory of the hurts of my past and present and filled my notebook up. It was a great tool. It helped me start praying to God, getting His understanding, and His view of the hurt. I felt His touch on each hurt instantly. My hurts were once in vivid color in my mind, and after surrendering them to God, they became a pale black and white memory.

I am still discovering hurts and using this exercise. I still have to bring some of the old hurts back to God and surrender to Him for a deeper healing.

big_foot_print1PUTTING MYSELF IN OTHERS’ SHOES This has been a very recent addition to my healing. I try and think about the pain my action caused others. I was hurt by others, yes. But my actions hurt many people. Others have had to suffer the consequences of my sexual sin. In my anger, I am just focused on myself. In recovery, I am learning to be concerned for the people that I hurt.

My intervention was painful and necessary. I have had to let go of anger at God and anger toward my mentors who intervened in my life. I am starting to think about how painful it was for them to do the right thing and confront me. It did not happen immediately. They waited a couple of weeks for an opportune time at the end of a Summer. It must have been excruciating for them. I know it was.

Thinking about what others had to go through, helps me get my eyes off of myself and onto the pain of others. It has helps me forgive. It also helps me move toward gratitude.

gratitudeGRATITUDE This is the granddaddy of healing! Being grateful for people, circumstances, and pain was something I thought impossible, even absurd. I was angry at God and others for messing up my life. I wanted justification. I wanted to teach others a lesson.

But God is helping me see differently now, and be thankful.

  • Thankful God is present, loves me, helps me, provides for me, gives me strength.
  • Thankful for the people who cared enough to confront me.
  • Thankful for my support group and accountability buddies.
  • Thankful for the pain that is helping me become more Christlike.
  • Thankful that I’m a new person now.
  • Thankful for the people who have stuck it out with me.
  • Thankful that our story is helping others.
  • Thankful that my present and future are in God’s hands.

WHAT ABOUT YOU? What things have helped you find healing from your anger? What advice would you give those in recovery who have a lot of anger?

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How I Am Finding Healing From My Anger – Pt.1

http://porntopurity.com/blog/2013/08/29/how-i-am-finding-healing-from-my-anger-pt-1/
by Jeff Fisher on August 29, 2013

angry_02It’s easy to blame someone and be mad at them. When my sexual addiction came out on the table, I was mad at everyone: myself, my wife, my parents, my mentors, my friends, God.

  • For some… I thought they were part of the problem
  • For some… I thought they had let me down
  • For some… I thought they forced me to lose my job and leave the area
  • For some… I thought they made me the way I am
  • For some… I felt their threats and expectations set me up for failure

I want to share some of the things that are helping me find healing from my anger. Maybe they will be an encouragement to you.

25452BP~Angry-Posters1. SHARING MY ANGER AND HURTS Sharing my anger was an important part of my recovery. I had hurts building up in my life, I was experiencing the hurt from the consequences of my sin, and I had hurts from the rejection and separation I was feeling.

Part of my working through this was sharing my anger with counselors, with friends, with those that had hurt me. I needed to get some of it off my chest. But getting there’s a fine line between “getting it off my chest” and “being vindictive”. My attitude many times was: I’m hurt, so I want others to hurt.

I had a pattern of not sharing my feelings and hurts, and had to learn to share them. Instead of “acting out” sexually, I began to talk with others about the junk in my life.

journal12. WRITING IT OUT I started carrying around a notebook with me. At first, it was to have a healthy outlet to work out my feelings and needs. I would write instead of “act out”. But notebook writing became a place for me to process my thoughts.

I can actually “work things out” in my notebook. I can hear myself think and get some clues to what’s going on inside.

3. HEARING OUR STORY Marsha and I have been interviewed by a few newspapers and podcasts. We’ve even done a few podcasts of our own. It’s always interesting to hear ourselves on a podcast. I can literally hear myself talk. I can hear my voice and the way I’m presenting my story.

I identify with me. I hear myself and think about my story. It’s like I’m on the outside looking in.

I also able to hear my voice and process things a little more objectively. When I’m hurt, I present MY side of the story. I represent ME and want others to see the hurt I went through or pity ME.

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MONDAY, JULY 21st, MEETING LOCATION CHANGE

This change affects only the Monday night meeting on July 21st. The Fellowship at Cinco Ranch, where we normally meet, is having their Vacation Bible School (VBS) in the evenings the week of July 21st and all rooms are reserved for this week-long event.  Therefore, we need to move the Castimonia Katy meeting to another location close by.  Grace Fellowship UMC is very close, North of Westheimer Parkway, on the East side of Mason road just North of the Cinco Ranch Blvd light.  The meeting will return to the Fellowship at Cinco Ranch on Monday, July 28th.

Time: 7:00PM – 8:30PM
Location: Grace Fellowship United Methodist Church
Mansion, Room 203 (take the stairs or elevator to the 2nd floor)

2655 South Mason Road Katy, TX  77450
281.646.1903

The other option is to visit our Northwest Houston meeting at Lifepath Church. 
 
Monday Nights
 Time: 7:00PM – 8:30PM
Location: Lifepath Church – Room 108
17703 W Little York Rd
Houston, TX 77084
281.855.0222
NEWLocationMap

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To Mend His Broken Heart

So, what causes men to move on so quickly from a breakup with you to the arms of another woman? You could easily believe the rapidity of his action indicates he isn’t at all broken up about your breakup, that he had no deep feelings for you and he cavalierly is humming to himself, “Another One Bites The Dust.” They would, however, be completely wrong. You see, when men invest emotionally in a relationship, their feelings run as deeply as yours, whether they show it or now. So, when their relationship crumbles, it causes a huge emotional void. …men don’t have the social support network to buoy them up in their time of pain and sadness. If they thought that kind of behavior would be acceptable, they might engage in it. But men are all too aware that stoicism, soldiering on, and “walking it off” are fundamental guidelines in the male handbook… He’s hurting, but he can’t tell anyone. And grieving and wallowing in private are likely to only lead to consuming mass quantities of Jim Beam to dull his pain. Thus, he realizes, with such limited options available, he must speedily move to contain his about-to-erupt emotions by filling the vacuum created by the demise of his previous relationship. How does he do this? By seeking out someone else to focus his attention on, both emotionally and sexually. And, the sooner, the better, for it is this new woman who heals his wounds by allowing him to step back into the comfortable, acceptable space of being the tough, unruffled man that he is supposed to be. She facilitates his return to a state of being where he can once again feel masculine and in control of himself and his emotions. Order is restored and all is right with the world again. The speed in which a man moves from a bitter breakup to a new amorous attachment is directly proportional to the pain he’s feeling — the deeper the hurt, the quicker the hookup. So if you see your ex in the arms of another within days of your breakup, don’t write him off as a horny, uncaring, slime-bucket. Instead, recognize that he was deeply hurt by the end of your relationship and is doing the best he can to mend his broken heart. Taken from an article by David M. Matthews, http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/06/05/rebound-relationship-why-_n_1569001.html

“Giving up doesn’t always mean you are weak; sometimes it means that you are strong enough to let go.” – Unknown

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Lieutenant Dan’s Redemption – VIDEO

One of my all-time favorite movies is Forrest Gump.  For those that have never seen Forrest Gump (or have been living in a cave for 20 years), Forrest Gump is a 1994 American epic romantic comedy-drama film based on the 1986 novel of the same name by Winston Groom. The film was directed by Robert Zemeckis and starred Tom Hanks, Robin Wright, Gary Sinise and Sally Field (Wikipedia). It details the story of a man named Forrest Gump through about four decades of United States history.  I never really understood why I enjoyed the movie until I entered recovery and was able to see the various recover-related subcomponents intertwined with the main story.

One recovery-related subcomponent I really enjoyed was that of the story of Lieutenant Dan Taylor.  Lt. Dan, as he’s often referred to in the film by Forrest, is your typical Christian American, patriotic but a Christian by name only.  In other words, he wears his Christian cross, but when tested in life, he gives up on the hope that only Christ can bring and eventually becomes an alcoholic. We then see his powerlessness and unmanageability, also known as his “self-destructive behaviors”.  Then we see him restored to sanity by a power greater than him, God.  Throughout this film, we see God’s plan for Lt. Dan unfolding, slowly, until his redemption at the end.  It is a reminder to me, that even in the tough times, that God keeps His promise and I need to be strong enough to believe, rather than run to my addiction.  I hope you enjoy watching this movie as much as I enjoyed editing it.  Keep an eye out for comments and scripture verses at the bottom.  As always, take what you like a read the rest.

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