sexual addiction
Codependents and Boundary Violations
https://applyingmybeliefs.wordpress.com/2015/05/09/codependents-and-boundary-violations/
by applyingmybeliefs
(Authors’s note – Although this is not overtly Christian, godly principles are embedded in it. This is going to be included in my Christian support group topic book when I finish it.)
One of the ways a person can know they struggle with codependency is by how people treat them. A characteristic of a codependent person is that they are frequently having their personal boundaries violated, broken, and ignored by those around them. This is especially true if the codependent is in relationship with a highly compulsive person or an addict.
Here is a long list of ways a person can thoroughly disrespect and take advantage of codependents:
- They won’t let you get a word in edgewise in conversation.
- They sometimes threaten to break up the relationship.
- They seem to always change the subject of a conversation.
- They throw objects against the wall.
- They abuse you psychologically or physically.
- They roll their eyes when you speak.
- They mock you sometimes, even in public.
- They frequently sulk or frown.
- They are often condescending or patronizing.
- They laugh at you, not with you.
- They shut you off in mid-conversation.
- They often act confused at the things you say.
- They recall your past as a weapon against you.
- They accuse you of being oversensitive.
- They accuse you of being controlling.
- They bully you from time-to-time.
- They ask you to stop talking or shut-up.
- They overtly sigh, making sure you hear it.
- They beg you to stay when they are afraid you’ll leave.
- They falsely accuse you of things.
- They don’t want you to go anywhere without them.
- They throw physical or psychological tantrums.
Before a codependent is in recovery they may have accepted any or all of this list as normal, and gone along with them by changing their behavior to suit the person they are with. Once a codependent starts to get healthy, these behaviors from a partner or friend start to appear as what they are, violations of a person’s boundaries. At his point the codependent finally comes face to face with the results of their own dysfunction.
Discuss if you connect with any of the boundary breaking statements we’ve listed. Maybe you’ve received or maybe you’ve made them, or maybe you just realized the you must be a codependent at some level.
Journal Through Recovery – Bonus Podcast Episode #08
Intimacy means more than I imagine. All of the definitions are difficult to achieve!
Maturity
Courage to Suffer – The Path to Meaning
https://applyingmybeliefs.wordpress.com/2015/05/02/courage-to-suffer-the-path-to-meaning/
by applyingmybeliefs
In his insightful book “Man’s Search for Meaning” concentration camp survivor Victor Frankl said this:
- But there was no need to be ashamed of tears, for tears bore witness that a man had the greatest of courage, the courage to suffer.
Recovery veterans will probably understand and recognize that suffering and courage are bedfellows in effective recovery programs. Without the courage to enter into new emotional pain and the suffering that comes from that, progress in dealing with compulsions and addictions does not happen.
12-Steppers will know this, in many of the Steps a person has to do something only they can do; step out in courage and suffer as they confess, ask for help, develop their inventory and make amends. This is why the encouragement, the putting of courage into others, of the group and the sponsor are so vital. Without the courage to go forward into new pain and suffering the individual will remain in their struggle and not see healing. Scripture says this:
1 Thess 5:11(a) – Encourage one another and build one another up.
One aspect of courageous suffering that rarely gets spoken about is the spiritual aspect, and yet it may be the most important factor in understanding the need for suffering. This is what God says:
Rom 5:3-5 – Not only that, but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.
Suffering produces endurance, which then produces character, which then produces hope and in this changing of our inner person shame is removed from us through the power of the Holy Spirit. This is one way of defining healing; the removal of shame. And the removal of shame is meaningful because it changes us. We are changed from people who believe we are unworthy to people who believe God loves us, that we are valuable to Him.
So then do you believe Frankl was right? Is there no greater courage than the courage to suffer willingly?
Talk about your choice or choices to suffer, to endure new pain. Was it worth it? Did your journey give you a sense of meaning in your life that was missing before? Are you able to experientially encourage others to choose the path of suffering in order to gain meaning from their troubles and receive some measure of healing?
