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Multiple Pornstars Speak Out About The Reality of The Pornography Industry!

The next few posts on Castimonia.org will focus on former female pornstars that have come forward to burst the fantasy bubble and expose the harsh reality of the pornography industry.  I urge everyone who reads this NOT to go searching on the internet for more information on these women as it would most likely bring up old ponographic content and constitute acting out.  Be satisfied about what you read here and praise God for the courage these women have to speak the TRUTH about the porn industry.  A special thank you to Shelley Lubben for her hard work with the Pink Cross Foundation. 

L**** L*******

L**** L******* has much to say about her pornographer:

“When in response to his suggestions I let him know I would not become involved in prostitution in any way and told him I intended to leave, [T******] beat me up physically and the constant mental abuse began. I literally became a prisoner, I was not allowed out of his sight, not even to use the bathroom, where he watched me through a hole in… the door. He slept on top of me at night, he listened to my telephone calls with a .45 automatic eight shot pointed at me. I was beaten physically and suffered mental abuse each and every day thereafter. He undermined my ties with other people and forced me to marry him on advice from his lawyer.”

“My initiation into prostitution was a gang rape by five men, arranged by Mr. T******. It was the turning point in my life. He threatened to shoot me with the pistol if I didn’t go through with it. I had never experienced anal sex before and it ripped me apart. They treated me like [triggering language removed] I have never been so frightened and disgraced and humiliated in my life. I felt like garbage. I engaged in sex acts for pornography against my will to avoid being killed.The lives of my family were threatened.”

J**** J******

“Most girls get their first experience in gonzo films – in which they’re taken to  a crappy studio apartment in Mission Hills and penetrated in every hole possible  by some abusive a****** who thinks her name is Bitch. And these girls, some of  whom have the potential to become major stars in the industry, go home afterward  and pledge never to do it again because it was such a terrible experience.”

A**** C*******

“I have been a performer now for 14 years in the adult film industry in many countries, states . . . all over the place. I have worked for most of these companies, and I was around for the once-a-month HIV-positive outbreak in ’98. Yes, I was, and I got to see those performers that nobody knows about—that nobody claims that got HIV, that are not a part of the statistics—walk out the door as non-performers, not to be counted.”

“Yeah, there are a lot of cover-ups going on. There is a lot of tragedy. There are a lot of horrible things.”

S******** S****

“I was sexually abused the first time by my step grandfather on my dad’s side and the second time by my actual stepdad so my sexuality was messed up from the beginning. I created another personality that was in complete control and didn’t have those things happen and didn’t have to deal with the pain. The industry is not a real accomplishment.  It’s just a false sense of accomplishment.  It covers everything up for what it is.”

B*********

“I like to hide — hide everything, you know?… And I’m not happy… I don’t like myself at all… My whole entire body feels it when I’m doing it and… I feel so — so gross.”

A*** A*******

“After a year or so of that so-called “glamorous” life, I sadly discovered that drugs and drinking were a part of the lifestyle. I began to drink and party out of control! Cocaine, alcohol and ecstasy were my favorites. Before long, I turned into a person I did not want to be. After doing so many hardcore scenes I couldn’t do it anymore. I just remember being in horrible situations and experiencing extreme depression and being alone and sad.” – A*** A*******

A****** B*****

“I honestly felt that if I had to have another strange man in my face, his hands (God knows where they’ve been) all over me, him calling me his “baby”, and having to exude some sort of forged passion for the world to see, I probably would’ve exploded. And what would’ve been stuck to the walls would’ve probably been nothing. Just pieces of skin, bone, the brain of a robot, and what would have been left of a once huge and warm heart.”

T**** T****

“As for myself, I ended up paying the price from working in the porn industry. In 2006, not even 9 months in, I caught a moderate form of dysplasia of the cervix(which is a form of HPV, a sexually transmitted disease) and later that day, I also found out I was pregnant. I had only 1 choice which was to abort the baby during my first month. It was extremely painful emotionally and physically. When it was all over, I cried my eyes out.”- T**** T****

L*** R***

“We should think about these issues right now, to change stuff around to make this a safer f**kin’ business. It isn’t a safe business, and I thought it was, and I would have not did that scene with no condom with Darren James if it would have crossed my mind that those tests weren’t good and that I couldn’t trust him or the people he’s been with. I thought porn people were the cleanest people in the world, is what I thought.” – L*** R***, diagnosed with HIV in April, 2004 along with four other porn stars.

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The Story of Former Porn Star Shelley Lubben

The next few posts on Castimonia.org will focus on former female pornstars that have come forward to burst the fantasy bubble and expose the harsh reality of the pornography industry.  I urge everyone who reads this NOT to go searching on the internet for more information on these women as it would most likely bring up old ponographic content and constitute acting out.  Be satisfied about what you read here and praise God for delivering these women from the bondage of the pornography industry. 

The Story of Former Porn Star Shelley Lubben
by shelleylubben| Sun, 09/18/2011 – 1:09pm

The Story of Former Porn Star Shelley Lubben
by Judith Reisman

I first watched Shelley Lubben on YouTube in early 2009. An “ex-porn star,” she has created the Pink Cross (www.thepinkcross.org) as a public charity to reach out to “adult industry workers, offering emotional, financial and transitional support.” In the YouTube segment, filmed before a church audience, Shelley describes her past life and her current work. A tall, stately woman, she treads the boards, moving her hands to emphasize her words, looking directly and earnestly at her listeners.

As a veteran student of pornography and prostitution, I did not expect to learn anything new from watching Shelley Lubben’s public testimony. I was wrong. Shelley’s description of the sexual violence and degradation of modern pornography was a shock, even to me. It made me think that it made perfect sense to hear that she had left her economically rewarding “star” roles to return to a safer life doing “straight” prostitution. The “glamour” of porn is only a mask:

You have to do what they want on the sets. . . . Girls . . . feel like stars. They get attention. . . . They don’t realize the degradation. . . . Raised on porn, [they] don’t even ask if it’s wrong. . . . They get into drugs to numb themselves. They get their [bodies] ripped. . . . They get HPV and herpes, and they turn themselves off emotionally and die.

Shelley says such women totally lose their identity and live on drugs and alcohol. They cannot plan, save their money, or eat properly. The survivors commonly have only sexual diseases and “fake boobs” to show for their lives in porn. She used to be one of them.

The Back Story

Shelley, born in 1968, notes that she attended “a good church” with her family and that, “as a little girl, I knew and loved Jesus very much.” Unfortunately, her stable if unaffectionate family moved to another location and stopped going to church. Television became the basis of their family life. A creative child, Shelley put on her own plays at her elementary school, with the approval of her amazed first-grade teacher.

Then, at age nine, a classmate and the girl’s teenage brother sexually molested Shelley. With no one to turn to or redress her abuse, Shelley defused her anxiety via autoeroticism and furtive sexual forays with both girls and boys. “It felt good to be wanted by someone and to receive attention, but at the same time I felt dirty. I didn’t recognize until much later that my entire childhood had been sexually hijacked.”

She carried shame and self-blame into her teen years. “It must be something evil in me,” she thought. She “started having sex at age 16” and became a “rebellious resentful teenager who acted out to get attention.” Hoping to keep peace in the home, her parents let Shelley dress up as a Playboy bunny and date strange boys, who led her into drug and alcohol abuse. The family tried counseling to no avail. Unable to understand what to do, her parents “told me to leave home at age 18.”

She landed in the San Fernando valley with no food and no money. “A ‘nice’ man saw I was upset and told me how sorry he was.” Still shocked and angry about being kicked out the house, so “that I didn’t care any more . . . I sold myself for $35.”

Thus Shelley entered the “glamorous” life of prostitution, but the money, jewelry, and gifts soon included bizarre sex with strangers who stalked her, slashed her tires, and threatened to kill her if she demurred from performing certain sex acts. One man tried to kill her with his truck, and she often had to lie her way out of frightening situations. During her eight years as a prostitute and exotic dancer, she had two miscarriages and one birth. Little Tiffany grew up living “with a lewd wild woman.”

Now a single mom, “Jesus kept tugging at my heart,” Shelley writes, “but I ignored him. I figured, God wasn’t taking care of me, so I had to do whatever I could to survive.”

Most of her prostitution money went for drugs and alcohol to blot out the trauma of her life. To avoid the rapes and arrests for prostitution, she turned to pornography because “it seemed safer and more legal.” However, even prostitution did not involve the brutal kinds of rape and degradation that she endured while “starring” in pornography. Soon she was required to do very hardcore scenes.

[O]nly more drugs and alcohol could get me through them. . . . I sold what was left of my heart, mind and femininity to the porn industry and the woman and person in me died completely on the porn set.” After becoming infected with herpes, I quietly left the porn industry but went back to prostitution to survive.

The Rescue

In 1994 Shelley met her husband Garrett at a bar. At first she refused his requests for a date, but when she finally accepted and the two went out, they became instant friends. Garret was raised in a Christian home and had attended a Christian school. He wanted to rescue Shelley. She says, “He was a friend to a prostitute, just like Jesus. We knew God was working in our lives, so we turned back to Jesus and got married on February 14, 1995.”

It was a rough marriage, but Shelley says God sent them to a church called Champions Centre in Tacoma, Washington, where they learned “to live a champion life.”

With God, I had true forgiveness from all my sins and a chance to grow into a whole new person without being perfect first. That was a relief! I learned that God loved me unconditionally, regardless of my past, and even had a plan for my future. God had a plan for my life? It was like someone turned the light on for me.

Shelley says she “practiced God’s principles in everything I did.” She learned web design and operated her own web design business for four years. She also attended college and got a bachelor’s degree in theology and counseling. She had walked into Champions Centre “broken and shattered,” she says. Eight years later, she was a

Champion woman healed and excited to live life! God restored me from drugs, alcohol addiction, painful memories, mental illness, sexual addiction, sexual trauma, and the guilt and shame from my past. . . . He also restored my femininity and healed my sexuality, which is a major miracle for me.

Shelley reports herself cured not only of herpes but also of cervical cancer. In addition, she says, “God also healed our marriage in a remarkable way. Garrett and I have a beautiful and loving relationship and are best friends!” Their “three beautiful daughters are being raised as Champions,” and, says Shelley, her daughter Tiffany has forgiven her and “allows me to be a mother to her.”

The Ministry

As a child, Shelley had dreamed of being a preacher. Having received her bachelor’s of theology degree, she is indeed a preacher now, sharing her testimony of transformation and rescue out of drugs, porn, and prostitution “by the power of Jesus Christ.” Her website says:

Now happily married to Garrett, her husband, and the mother of three daughters, Shelley takes a message of transformation against-all-odds to prisons, TV, radio, film, conferences and rescue missions. She has been a guest on talk shows such as Dr. Phil, Michael Reagan and most recently, FOXNews. Her message is one of exposing the $57 billion porn industry for what it is—full of lies and deceit, addiction and broken lives. Shelley maintains that women who turn to the industry to make money “probably didn’t grow up in healthy childhoods.

“Almost all pornography performers were sexually assaulted as children,” she says, but hide their broken hearts. “That would kill the fantasy, now wouldn’t it?” She told Chris Hedges:

Porn is like any other addiction. . . . First, you are curious. Then you need harder and harder drugs to get off. You need gang bangs and bestiality and child porn. Porn gets grosser and grosser. . . . And meanwhile the addicts make their wives feel like they can’t live up to the illusion of the porn star. . . . He wants what isn’t real. Porn destroys intimacy.

She says, “God now sends me out to proclaim to the world the reality of his awesome love. I also want everyone to know that whatever God did for me, he will do for you. He’ll do this because he loves you and sent his Son Jesus in order to give you a whole new life.”

Shelley tells the women she rescues that God has a plan for their lives and that they “were made for greater things.” Her website offers the real stories of these women, and includes a tragic Dead Porn Stars Memorial.

Shelley’s story is indeed inspirational. “All I wanted was a normal life. Then I discovered the truth. Sure enough, I finally found the life I always wanted.”

By

S**** Escapes Porn and Sex Work!

The next few posts on Castimonia.org will focus on former female pornstars that have come forward to burst the fantasy bubble and expose the harsh reality of the pornography industry.  I urge everyone who reads this NOT to go searching on the internet for more information on these women as it would most likely bring up old ponographic content and constitute acting out.  Be satisfied about what you read here and praise God for delivering these women from the bondage of the pornography industry. 

S**** Escapes Porn and Sex Work!
by admin| Mon, 02/07/2011 – 10:32pm

I grew up in a Christian home in the East part of Germany. But somehow I never felt the love & affection of my father, so my search for love & acceptance began in primary school, where I got molested by older boys.

I felt guilty & used, but it also made me feel important for the first time in life. Somebody finally took a real interest in me, so I’d thought.

It was about the same time that I got introduced to porn. I found these magazines hidden under some bathroom towels… I was wondering what they were doing there & why they were kept hidden… I never have seen women & men “behaving or doing stuff like that” before. But when I saw how these women were desired by men it left a longing in my heart… I thought I had found out about a secret. So it became my secret & my thoughts started to turn around these images.

I saw my first hardcore porn movie at a friends’ house while her single mom was absent. It shook my world, but led me even further into that already existing dependency on these “nude love-making images” & sex fantasies. It felt like there was a “hook in my flesh” that wasn’t going to leave me. I started to touch myself.

Comparing myself to the women I saw in the magazines or movies I felt unwanted, fat, ugly & stupid.

I even prayed to GOD to make me more attractive to be loved. Soon thoughts of suicide crept into my mind & I sought of ways to die. To escape the hurt inside I fled into my fantasy world of perversion & day dreams.

As I grew older I realized that I started to receive a lot of attention for my looks and body. So I got involved with a lot older men Nazis & Satanists & started to sing their songs & to worship their idols. I became a racist along the way & hated every weak & imperfect being around me. Though I couldn’t believe what was happening: They were betting on “Who will get her first” with money & I felt so desired. I was known for a hot ‘n’ hard shell to crack & I was proud to be a “naughty virgin”!

But my longing for approval wasn’t satisfied much longer by only playing men like I had seen in the porn movies. By then these women on screen had taught me well how to lure a man & how to tease him. So I’ve got the look, the moves & the dirty talk. I was confused because I hated men & wanted them so badly at the same time. What was wrong with me? But being exposed to porn & hurting inside, everything got twisted.

I called it the GAME to trick men & let them fall when they got “high on me”. Not all men were happy to be treated this way by me, so I got violated a few times.

One of my first boys recognized my talent for the sex industry & made me table dance with a tiny miniskirt without underwear for the first time. Oh how I loved the attention. I was so desperate for his approval.

I started to dress up like a sexbomb whenever I went out. I was seeking for attention & I wanted everyone to notice me.

I never had real girlfriends because they were competition for me & I even cheated on them with their boyfriends. I got entangeled with married men, had many affairs at the same time but never called anybody “my boyfriend”. I didn’t even know how to do a relationship with anybody. I felt so lonely on the inside, but on the outside I was a tough chick who had everything under control.

I wanted to be free. I wanted to make the rules & I didn’t want anybody to leave me, so I never got together with somebody. I lowered my desires for a real loving & caring relationship & exchanged it with abusive, superficial fake ones. That was my soul protection, I thought.

I’d seen that it was all about the sexual attraction & it gave me value & satisfaction, when I could get men to cheat on their women.

Finally when I couldn’t stand living with my parents anymore, to pretend to be a sweet girl in church which I had to attend & my teacher wanted to leave his family for a relationship with me, I needed to get “outta there” & moved to the US after I finished my A-levels.

As a smart girl, I covered my escape with the excuse to learn some english as an AuPair.

The first family threw me out right away, because the Lady accused me of hitting on her husband which was not true at all… But my body language must have been so obvious screaming for lust & affirmation out of every pore.

I moved to Long Island, but NYC is not the best place to turn an already messed-up young life around, when the devil is already out there about to destroy you.

I found myself enjoying a glamorous lifestyle, became very proud, arrogant & careless, which led me into a few very dangerous situations.

I got pampered for my looks with free beauty treatments & finally got the playboy-look with the blonde hair & the long nails. Even the girl I took vacation with in LA called me “The hooker on the sunset strip” coz the Ferrari stopped right in the middle of the street but I was too proud to hop into his car.

I wasn’t a prostitute, I thought.

My destiny was to become a smart “RichMenBunny” & a famous porn actress. That is what I had been told during all my time at school: That I was born for acting & for sinful things. The name “Sin-ful-Sin-dy” how I had been called – haunted me all along. It really had become my identity.

I wanted to pay back the men what they had done to me or for what they hadn’t done to me. I was full of hatred. I wanted that power over men & I knew I could only get it through sex & manipulation. So I started to get paid for the exchange of sexual favours. It was pathetic. I never wanted money – but gifts, quality time, words of approval & just some nice treatment. I was so empty & I wanted to feel special. Valued. Normal.

But my plan of taking off in the adult industry got stopped by the painful experiences of abuse along the way.

I knew my life was out of control somehow. I had deceived myself to believe that everything was alright. I didn’t know who I was or what I was supposed to do, so after a few month on a french island, I finally went back to Germany to study & to try to impress my father with some other skills of mine, after he wasn’t impressed by what a great looking girl I had become by then.

Bored of my life I started internet “hooking up” & called it dating.

My profiles became my own escort service to feed my own addiction to my sex-driven lifestyle. I had different identities and names. Sunny-Bunny was my favourite.

Since I was completely empty on the inside, I needed phone & cyber sex to survive emotionally. Yet the “entertainment industry” didn’t satisfy neither.

I got many offers for a web cam flat or “high profile escort” but it all became tasteless & shallow to me.

One night I was with a regular client when his wife called, asking him when he was about to come home… They had children & after I had just disgraced their family car, I felt sick on the inside, thinking of my future: Dreaming about a husband who would be faithful to me, while here I was sitting destroying family lives.

I longed for deep intimacy but found it nowhere. I was devastated.

I got totally obsessed with my body- & beauty-image and didn’t leave the house if I didn’t look perfect. I didn’t eat or ate too much. Alcohol and parties were again the cure for my depressions. I couldn’t sleep or had horrible nightmares (of demons raping me*) when I did. (*Every morning – better every afternoon I woke up – for I mostly lived during the night & slept during the day, it felt it had really happened to me – later I found out that I wasn’t crazy & that this is really happening to other people as well & is part of how the enemy tries to wear you out – these “dreams” are called succubus or incubus…)

In this state I couldn’t keep up with going to uni anymore. But after I got raped at the dorm rooms, which was so physically painful, that I couldn’t walk, sit or use the bathroom for days, I never went back there again. Instead I moved into a lesbian couples’ house to be protected from male violence.

When my “Saviour boyfriend” at the time & drug dealer turned out not to be “Mister Right” and I caught Genital Herpes, a non curable sexual transmitted disease, my feeling of being “on top of the world” tumbled.

From this moment on I just existed. I felt paralyzed & couldn’t leave my bed for weeks.There I sought through religions, the occult and by psychologist treatments for a solution out of my mess. I wanted to kill myself and had so many voices in my head to kill others too. I thought I would go crazy. I hated everything & everybody around me. There I also prayed to GOD again to rescue me.

Years ago I had picked up a Christian magazine while going to church with my parents (to keep up the family reputation), where I had read a story about an Ex-Porn Actress who had turned to Christ for her salvation.

I found Shelley Lubbens story on the internet & cried so much while reading her testimony. For the first time I thought somebody would understand me. So I wrote her an e-mail & then we talked over the phone. Shelley told me that I need GOD, JESUS and the Holy Spirit. But I didn’t know where to start, what to do… I just knew… I needed to stop this kind of life otherwise I would die inside out. Shelley counseled me over the internet which was very precious to me & gave me hope for a better future.

Through Shelley I got introduced to a lot of other amazing women who had left their past & old identities behind to live a devoted life in submission to Jesus Christ – the source of life on earth & for eternity.

I trusted those testimonies to be true & moved to Paris where I raised my hand to become a Christian in Hillsong Paris on the 3rd of November 2006. I wanted a brandnew life & for the first time I felt that it could be possible. Nobody judged me. Instead they introduced me to the redeeming love of Jesus Christ.

I got sponsored to attend Hillsong Women’s Conference in London, where GOD broke my heart over my past & what I had done to myself & others. I understood that I had to repent. But He also gave me a glimpse of my future and the promise that He would restore and heal me.

In London I found out about Mercy Ministries.

Back in Paris, I got baptised in the Holy Spirit, which made a massive difference in my relationship to GOD. For the first time I could sense His presence and it was very precious to me.

But even though something had changed on the inside, my past still haunted me & I couldn’t stop certain habits & behaviours.

I felt lost in my own war for freedom.

The voices in my head just wouldn’t shut up & I had no idea how to silence them.

GOD’s truth was hard for me to digest, because I had to realize that I had been lied to for 23 years by the enemy & it had destroyed my life, self worth & the ability to trust & to function in normal relationships.

I just couldn’t break with my old lifestyle in my own strength.

On the 1st of October 2008 I walked through the doors of Mercy Ministries UK for 7 months of recovery & Christian life skill training.

So much has happened there. So many chains were broken. I was taught fantastic tools to use now in my everyday life. Christ’s unconditional love was poured out to me. I could fill pages about what has happened there…

Maybe one thing, that will indicate the war that was going on over my life: The devil had tried to mess with my identity all my life and had called me SIN, the first three letters of my name. “Sindy – made for sinful things,” the enemy had wispered on any occasion into my ear.

At Mercy I cried out to GOD: “Give me a new name – I don’t want to be called SIN anymore!”

And GOD answered gently to me: “You never have been, Sindy! SINDY contains two letters more: DY-DIE – SIN HAS TO DIE!!! – Sindy, you are called FREEDOM!”

I completely broke down after that revelation of GOD Himself. My sinful past had no power over me anymore. I was set free.

That was real love, I had never experienced before.

See that is the total opposite what the the devil wants for you through the experience of porn: He makes you think that you are in control, that you are lord over your life, but you are not! I had become a slave to pornography. Now it was me the client. I didn’t take a penny – I even felt that I had to pay them to make me happy, to satisfy the hunger inside. That is how sick it had become. It got so bad that wherever I turned I saw everybody naked. Every noise you hear, your brain turns into something perverted. Then I knew, I live in a cage! I was trapped.

But now GOD is still walking me through the hurts & consequences of the past & shows me how to live life different. He teaches me through His Word, other peoples testimonies (there is so much power in testifying what GOD has done for us & the devil doesn’t want us to encourage each other) and through lessons learnt myself with the assistance of the Holy Spirit.

I have worked over 1 and a half years in fulltime ministry (“Zukunft-für- DICH” which means there is a “future for you” in Jesus Christ) in Berlin, reaching out to lost girls – in the Red Light District, where I was also able to take girls in into our girls-accommodation to get them off drugs & alcohol & teach them how to live a normal life with Jesus.

I also got totally blessed by teaching the girls twice at the Mercy House in October 2010. And spending 3 days with them just made me cry & so thankful over what JESUS had done to me through that wonderful place & precious staff!

Today I get invited to speak at conferences & seminars on how JESUS has set me free & how to deal with the topics that I struggled with! I love to share the gospel!

Now I am about to move home to my precious sister who is trapped in the lies of the enemy as well. I have treated her very badly & have abused her with my words & actions while we were growing up together… Now it’s about time to show her the LOVE OF CHRIST & to spend time with my family. JESUS gave me the love for my family back! I am so thankful that I am welcomed home into my parents’ house after all that I did to them. GOD is good & faithful!

I am currently building up a Self Help & Recovery Group for (Ex-) Sex, Love & Porn Addicts in cooperation with an Austrian based ministry called “love is more”, which I am really excited about to develop & work with.

In February 2011 I’ll join Shelley to fight the lies of PORN at Cambridge University!

Finally I’ll be able to meet her for real & thank her personally for all she had been pouring out into me over the last 4 years! …awww Shelley – I love you so much!

… & the best is yet to come – for with JESUS – everything is possible & life gets better & better & better & I am not afraid to grow old & get wrinkles anymore !!!!  🙂

Please let me encourage you, if you are single: I am single & free from porn & masturbation & I am not having sex until I am married!

I am praying for my future husband & I will wait until that day of my wedding before I will have sex again. I am SURE that this is possible because JESUS lives in me & HE has totally changed me & gives me GRACE to work out my salvation in every sphere of life.

If you wanna WIN, you gotta FIGHT! It may take you some time, but with Jesus & a group of faith filled friends or support group on your side you can DO it! It is worth it!

To all those men, women & children that have been hurt by my past life & behaviour: I am really SORRY for what I have done to you & how I have been such a negative role model! I prayed to GOD for forgiveness & I hope & pray that you can forgive me too?!

Sharing my life story with others isn’t always easy, it makes you vulnerable. But I know how I had been desperate for a glimpse of hope when I realized that I was living a lie & an illusion.

The truth & nothing but the truth is: Freedom & the purpose of your life is found in Jesus Christ!

And THANKS to Shelley sharing her testimony online 5 years ago, I am a changed woman today! 🙂

I hope & pray that I can encourage you right now to consider the option of inviting JESUS into your heart where ever you are & start THE LIFE you were meant to live!

JESUS loves you so much & wants you to enjoy your life here on earth & for eternity!

And if you have a story to tell, then be brave & share yours too! People need to know & GOD deserves all our praise!

… to be continued for HIS GLORY !!!!!! – JESUS I LOVE YOU !!!!!!

My message to a world addicted to pornography: 

PLEASE STOP WATCHING PORN !!! I was one of the statistics when I got exposed to porn at the tender age of 9. It almost destroyed my life.

PLEASE “turn to the wife/husband of your youth”, love, honor & treasure her/him & protect your children from that filthy lie of the enemy.

GOD has created sex to be very special in the wonderful & secure setting of marriage. GOD knows best – He created us.

SOME FAQ’s about PORN & Co. and my answers:

I’ve heard it said that people who star in porn films do it because they love it.  What’s your response to that?

I do understand why they have to say that: otherwise how can you support what you do?! You gotta sell your product! & just don’t tell anybody about the side effects until they almost or sadly sometimes kill you yourself. Often we are so abused & hurt inside that we don’t feel the pain anymore coz we numb it. To survive.

Yes, I also said that I love all that bodily fluids all over my face. All the women in porn convinced me of that too. It seemed like so much “fun”. But it is disgusting, degrading. But if you tell yourself often enough you like it, otherwise men won’t “love & accept” you, you add a big convincing fake smile, it almost becomes a truth!

What happened to make you decide that enough was enough?

All sorts of abuse, rape, trauma, depressions, STD & the thought about my future without a happy family. Realizing that you live a lie & desire truth more. Sick of being cheated. When I felt that “somebody/something” wants to kill you, but you want to live !

Why do you think more and more women are becoming producers of porn films?

They want the power they never had. They are so hurt inside that they wanna hurt others.

There is a lot of money in that business & some “glamour” & some might be addicted to sexual images like me as well… and to not be on the suffering end of an actress they produce what they like, but know that its war between short term satisfaction and pain in the long run.

How can we as Christians make a difference in this industry? 

Support the Pink Cross Foundation & raise awareness through organizations like XXX-Church. There are good resources out there. Get your friends, church, community educated on the true(!) effects of porn & the pain porn “stars” suffer !

FACE the truth! Don’t ignore the big pink elephant that wants to trample into your BEDroom !

Get Shelley’s new book “Truth behind the fantasy of porn” or read “Redeeming Love” of Francine Rivers & feel the pain inside of us.

What is the best piece advice you have for young women who feel the pressure of society bearing down on them to conform to an idealised image that doesn’t even exist?

To really look behind the scenes & again face the Truth about the whole issue. Look to GOD for your calling & destiny, ask Him for goals & visions for your life. Every girl has a special purpose on this planet, but that does not include to become a sex slave of the sex industry!

I know how it feels: women in porn look so flawless & hot, so powerful, Though I somehow knew that it was fake, Though I couldn’t imagine them to be really happy – still they are adored & wanted by many & That wanted me to be like one of them.

I know that many teenage girls, who don’t feel loved think the same way – and it kills me inside, that they compromise their innocence on that lie of perversion of the enemy.

If I only somehow can prevent them walking down that path of destruction and to find their true love in Jesus Christ instead, my heart would overflow with joy!

That is the cry of my heart.

Girls, don’t believe the father of the lies!

Believe your caring & loving Daddy who treasures you and your sexuality!

LOVE YOU ALL !!! S****

By

World’s ‘hottest’ porn star gives life to God

by: Chelsea Schilling

 

Once named by Maxim as one of the hottest porn stars in the world, J**** P****** performed in more than 275 pornographic films, stripped for money, sold  her body in prostitution, abused drugs and even tried to kill herself – but now  the young brunette stunner says she has found her true calling in life.

“Thank you, Jesus! I found Him, I’m home!” she declared, announcing that she  has become a born-again Christian.

P******, 26, whose real name is B****** R***, said, “It’s been a long  seven-year journey of porn, prostitution, stripping, drugs, alcohol and several  failed suicide attempts.”

R***, who struggled with anorexia in high school, was reportedly raped when  she was 14 years old.

Where  is our nation going wrong? Americans’ traditional sexual morality has been  violently subverted. In her hit book, “Sexual Sabotage,” Dr. Judith Reisman  explains why we can and must repudiate soul-and-body-destroying sexual  anarchy.

At the young age of 15, she began a career as a topless dancer in Mexico.

By 18, she performed in X-rated hardcore movies, shooting two and three sex  scenes a day for $900 each while she was in college.  She won numerous top  industry awards for her work.

In an interview with Adult FYI, Ruiz said producers told her she was  beautiful.

Upon filming her first sex scene, she recalled, “I felt so loved that day  because I was put in hair and makeup. I was told I was beautiful. I was going to  be a star.”

She said they made her work relentlessly because she had a very young look.  The producers dressed her in children’s clothing and pigtails.

“I already looked like I was 12,” she recalled, adding, “It’s disgusting how  they can portray you as a little girl. It’s complete perversion.”

But the industry began to have a devastating impact on her.

“It left me feeling drained,” she said. “I was so robotic, I was like a  rubber Barbie doll. I had no emotions. … I was no longer B******. I became J**** P******. I had an alter ego.”

Brittni_Ruiz5So R*** turned to drugs to numb her pain.

Then she attended a church in San Diego and met a man. They began dating, but  he was beaten to death in front of her at a Las Panchos restaurant by members of  a motorcycle gang.

“He got murdered, stabbed in front of me,” she said.

The trauma of the incident derailed her faith, and R*** began abusing drugs  again and tried to kill herself.

Then XXX Church, an outreach ministry  that focuses on helping people leave the porn industry and fight porn  addictions, found R*** at a porn convention. The XXX Church distributed  hundreds of Bibles and declared, “Jesus loves porn stars.”

R*** filmed her last sex scene in November 2012. She gave her life to God  this year and left the industry. She now works for a limousine company.

“It was seven long years,” she told Adult FYI. “I hated what I was doing, but  I wondered what I would do next.”

Looking back, R*** recalled, “I never found love in my life and was looking  for it in all the wrong places. … I have finally encountered the unconditional  love of God, and I will never go back.”

By

Porn Star E******** R******s’ Story

The next few posts on Castimonia.org will focus on former female pornstars that have come forward to burst the fantasy bubble and expose the harsh reality of the pornography industry.  I urge everyone who reads this NOT to go searching on the internet for more information on these women as it would most likely bring up old ponographic content and constitute acting out.  Be satisfied about what you read here and praise God for delivering these women from the bondage of the pornography industry. 

Porn Star E******** R******* Story
by S****** L*****| Mon, 01/31/2011 – 10:10pm

I lay there [graphic description removed].  Disgusted, sore, defiled and void of all emotions, a part of me died that day; my soul was shredded and separated among the twenty five men who I just sold my body for.

My journey into the porn industry was justified by my desperate need to feed my three children. I was a destitute single mother who would have done anything for my children.    My first porn scene was filmed in Las Vegas in 2006 for Clint and his porn company S********** V***.  It was shot in an apartment. There was no fancy set, no personal changing area, no security, just a rundown, run of the mill hole in the wall.  I was told it was a “test” shoot and that I was lucky to get paid for it, but that if I went through with it, I would gain fame and fortune.  So begrudgingly, I did the scene.    In an hour the abuse was over and I was paid $300. As I was ushered out the door and promised more work, the next victim walked in. As I drove home with a knotted stomach, my only thought was that I had just sold my soul for $300 dollars. I vowed never to do it again and was sure I would never make another movie, but I was wrong.  Eight months later, it was the same situation.

I was in need of money even though I was working full time. The demands of being a single mother with no help from my ex husband was too much to handle. A couple of men I knew had seen my first movie and encouraged me to make more. I relived the trauma over in mind and wanted to cry, but I believed desperate times called for desperate measures.  I wanted the fast money in hopes to cure my stress about finances; little did I realize my stress had only begun.

I posted a profile on ********.com and not even five minutes later I received what seemed like a million phone calls from so called producers and agencies, all with promises of grandeur and instant wealth. I got some weird calls too, men asking me if I would beat them up or sleep with underage boys on camera; I immediately hung up on them.   Having received no formal education about the porn industry, I accepted a “gig” from a producer in Compton, California who ran T**** M**** G****.  I had never been to Compton and didn’t know what to expect, but I needed the money.    When I got to the hotel I was informed that the producer, who looked shabbier than the room, was also the male performer or “talent” and I was to pleasure not only him, but the female companion he brought with him.  I was taken back; I was told it was going to be a boy/girl scene not a boy/girl and then girl/girl scene.  It was double the expected scene for the price of one, but what was I going to do? They knew I was a single Mom and needed the money so they took advantage of me.    Before the scene started the producer told me I needed to show him my ID and sign a model release with legal terms I didn’t understand. Since I was new and uneducated about the ways of porn, I naively thought it was for his tax purposes.  When I asked him if he was going to wear a condom he shoved an AIM’s test in my face and said we would not be using a condom. He never asked me for an STD test or said that one was required of me.

When the abuse was over, I was sore, tired and disgusted with the others and with myself.  The producer paid me half of what he promised to pay me and said the check for the rest would be in the mail. I trusted him because he sounded professional. The check never came.  Within days I began to drink heavily and take pain killers that I had laying around for a previous back injury. I started popping pills, especially when it came time to do a porn movie.

The porn industry offered me drugs, too. I was offered marijuana and alcohol from porn producers and other porn stars and I gladly accepted the drugs and alcohol.  I didn’t want to feel the pain [graphic language removed].

Every scene was at least two hours or more because of the need to do freeze frame pics and get good angles and lighting. I was degraded on camera and had to like it or else no pay!  I was called names [graphic language removed], my weight was consistently used as a form of exploitation and insult. I was actually told not to lose weight or that I would never make it in the biz.    I was also forced into prostitution. Producers lied and sent me to do “privates” for high paying clients that my agent got a nice percentage of.  I wasn’t in control of my life anymore and I completely lost my identity as J** and turned into the demonized character E******** R*******, the porn star.

I sold my soul to the devil without even knowing it. Ironically, I later performed a [graphic language removed] for Devil’s F****.   About six months into the porn lifestyle I was offered my own web site.  A husband and wife team by the name of D**** and D**** who owned their own pay sites had an idea for a BBW network and wanted me to be their top model.  I was promised if I worked tirelessly on my web site that I would gain financial freedom which appealed to me as I did not want to do hardcore scenes anymore.  The guy made a contract convinced me that it was all for my benefit and when I suggested a lawyer read it over, D**** guilt tripped me into signing it because of our so called “friendship” and besides; he promised me he would never keep the site up if we parted ways.    Of course, I fell for it. What drugged up alcoholic and traumatized woman wouldn’t?

It wasn’t long before D**** started propositioning me for sex aside from the website work we did together and telling me if I didn’t have sex with him it would cost me.  He often did this right after a scene, filling his selfish, lustful desires while his wife D**** was downstairs.  He threatened me time after time and said he would financially break me if I didn’t obey.  He wasn’t the only producer to force me to do off camera sex acts.

Prostitution was a form of manipulation producers use to get off and get more scenes out of the women.  But I trusted D****. I thought he cared about me. I never thought he would have done this to me.   One particular producer G****, owner of H******* V****, really loved to use on the side sex as a tool for manipulation, telling me how much he loved me and that I was his number one model and that having sex with him was a sure way to have continued work.  G**** even sponsored a booth for me at LA E***** in 2007, where I was billed as the first BBW to ever have a booth. He was happy to do it as long as I  “gave it up” whenever he demanded. He was nothing more than a glorified pimp. I was assured that having a booth would help me gain more exposure and of course more money. I was nothing more than a puppet on a string.

As time went on and my thoughts of hopelessness and desperation grew, my web designer D**** fed off of it like a plague.  I wanted to die. I wanted to sleep and never wake up. Every day was a good day to drink heavily and ultimately I lost my normal job. I hated myself for being a horrible mother and just like in the beginning of my journey into porn; I was desperate only this time for a way out.    The abuse and pain was so bad that I ended up in the emergency room from a nervous breakdown. My world was a blur and I just wanted to end it all.  But when I told my web designer that I couldn’t do it anymore, all hell broke loose. His threats worsened and of course he refused to take the web site down. In fact, it is still up and I have NOT received any money from it since mid 2007.  I’ve reminded D**** many times of our verbal agreement, but he just laughs in my face and tells me that he has a couple thousand to burn in a courtroom but I on the under hand am broke.

Facing the idea of committing suicide and feeling like I had no hope and not knowing who I was anymore I got on my knees and cried out to God for help.  After a couple hours of tearful praying I went online to look for answers and Googled “porn help” and there she was my own personal guardian angel on earth, S****** L*****.  I immediately contacted S****** and told her my story and it didn’t take her long before she was sending me encouraging words from God, numerous gift cards to help feed me and my children and resources in my area to help aide me in my recovery.  Not only was S****** L***** concerned with the physical and mental well being of me and my family, but she began to mentor me back into the relationship I once knew with Christ Jesus.

As I became close with God again, He began to heal me and one of the ways He did that was using my painful experience to help others. Not long after that day I searched online for help, I was suddenly involved in helping other women who were hurting just like me! Shelley asked me to join her in her outreach to women in porn and in 2008; I went back to the porn industry only this time I was on a powerful mission from God: I was out of the industry and into the ministry!    That year at the *** Las Vegas porn convention, I found true purpose for my life. I knew what I was called to do: to help champion the cause against porn and rescue other women and men trapped in porn.   But the devil was fuming mad with me and wasn’t going to let me get away that easily.

In April of 2008, I felt very ill and reluctantly went to the E.R. Frightened at what it could possibly be; I was diagnosed with Chlamydia and herpes, a non curable sexually transmitted disease.  My whole world came crashing down. I didn’t understand how God could let this happen! I mean, I did the right thing by getting out of the industry and now this? I always thought I was safe by getting tested on a monthly basis for STD’s through AIM(Adult Industry Medicine), but the so called “doctors” at AIM lied to me.   At that moment I had a choice to make. Would I blame God for my STDs and fall back into a pornographic  world of lies or would I accept the fact that these are the consequences for being involved with an illegal and diseased industry.    I made the right choice. I didn’t give up. I cried out to the Lord Jesus Christ and He comforted me and strengthened me to continue to recover and do His great work.

Three years later I’m still volunteering with S****** through the P*** C**** F*********. I have witnessed God do supernatural miracles among those suffering in porn. I myself have been miraculously healed from herpes. It’s been three years and I have not had an outbreak. S****** and the team prayed for me and just like S******, I am herpes-free through the power of Jesus Christ!  I have hugged and loved thousands of people in over 20 porn outreaches in three years. I have heard the heartbreaking stories of women just like me and even the men, sometimes drunk or high, come to our booth for help. Porn fans and porn stars, no matter, they all are searching for love and education. They want to know how we are recovering so strong. They want to feel like they matter and have purpose in this life. They want to be champions in life and Pink Cross reaches out and teaches them how to do it.

Working with S****** and the team has been amazing and I am one of the women who hasn’t given up on her. It has been extremely difficult to face my past over and over again and relive those horrible memories in the middle of a porn convention, but how can I not reach out to my sisters and brothers who are suffering like I was?  I have witnessed a lot in this porn fight. People in porn sometimes think S****** L***** is a liar and using them for money. Of course, they believe the lies of crooked pornographers. The girls we reach out to are often addicted to drugs and alcohol and mix that in with the fact they do not trust anyone, you can imagine what S****** and her family go through on a daily basis trying to reach out to these women.

I have seen S****** suffer and sacrifice in ways unbelievable to help women and men escape porn.  She constantly gives of herself without care to what will happen to her and her family because she truly believes God loves these people and will no longer tolerate the inhumane treatment of beautiful human lives that He created for greatness. S****** always tells the women and men in porn, “You are made for greater things than porn.”  I’m so grateful to God to be alive and even share my testimony with you.

I have performed in over 40 porn films [graphic language removed] over 20 pornographic websites including my own and 3 pornographic magazines.  I want you to know the truth, the porn companies DO NOT care about human value, they do not care if the men and women who perform in porn, God’s children, live or die.  The porn performers are NOTHING but replaceable objects that keep porn companies wealthy while the majority (at least 95%) of porn performers struggle to make ends meet.

Porn is NOT glamorous, this is my story, and this is my truth.  J** M****, formerly known as the dead woman “E******** R*******”  Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new. 2 Corinthians 5:17