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Sexual Purity Support & Recovery Group

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Stefanie Carnes Disclosure Trauma Study – SURVEY

This survey is for either the addict or spouse who have experienced a therapist-facilitated clinical disclosure.  Please click on the link below to access the survey.

Dear Community,

One more time… We need your help!  Please pass along this survey to anyone you know that has experienced a facilitated disclosure.  As of right now, we only have 35 respondents – we could use many more!  We are hoping to finish data collection soon.  Here’s some information about the survey:

We all know how critical the disclosure process is, yet we have a huge shortage in research that evaluates what makes a facilitated disclosure process successful.  I, along with my co-investigators, Justin and Heidi Monuteaux, are currently conducting a study that will help inform clinicians on how to conduct disclosure sessions that are as least traumatic as possible and can lead to a foundation from which a couple can begin to heal from sex addiction.   Given this is an area with an extreme shortage of research, every person’s input could make a big difference on how clinicians are taught and trained on best practices on how to handle disclosures.  We will be asking questions about things such as how participants were prepared, how the disclosure was facilitated, the relationship with the therapist, and their thoughts and feedback on the process.

I am attaching an informational flier that you can pass out about the study that contains information about the project and the link to the survey. Anyone who has experienced a facilitated disclosure process is eligible to take the survey.  If you have experienced a disclosure yourself, we would be grateful if you (and your partner, if applicable) would participate.
Please pass the survey along to others such as friends in recovery.  We are hoping for the largest distribution possible. This study was approved by the IRB at Northwest University.

Here is the survey link…. https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/disclosure-study

Thank you very much for your time and consideration. Kind Regards,

*Stefanie Carnes, PhD, LMFT, CSAT-S*
*President* *IITAP, LLC*
*Phone: 480-488-0150*
*E-Mail: stefanie@iitap.com <stefanie@iitap.com>*
*www.iitap.com*
*www.sexhelp.com*
*www.gentlepath.com*

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Journal Through Recovery Entry 05: Joint Counseling

Okay, so here is the scene. I am at my counselor’s office. He is in the same practice as my wife’s counselor.  My wife is there with her counselor as well.  Its about three weeks since I was found out.  Since what the experts in recovery call “discovery.”  This is our first joint counseling session.  My counselor wants to share with my wife’s counselor where we are in the counseling process.  He told me that they want to talk about our “situation” together in front of us, you know, to make sure we are all “on the same page.”

This is a potentially dangerous to my own well being situation.  My wife’s counselor originally told my wife the first time I was found out that there was more I wasn’t telling her.  That that isn’t all there was to it.  That I was not being forthcoming, you know……lying.  My wife didn’t want to hear it or deal with it.  I avoided disclosure and was able to convince everyone that was it and I was okay.  Or so I thought.

Here we are now three weeks after my wife finding out again, after that text message.  I am in real trouble.  My counselor knows things about me that I have never told anyone else.  He knows there is more to it than my wife or her counselor know.  I am sure this is going to be him telling them both the extent of my depravity.

That isn’t what is happening.  This is the most surreal experience of my life.  My counselor is laying bare the roots of my addiction.  He is stating that my issues aren’t just about sex addiction.  He believes there are love and fantasy issues along with abandonment and loneliness.  Probably even depression as well.  Who exactly is he talking about?  He hasn’t told me any of this.  How dare he say all of this without discussing with me.  He works for me!

My wife, her counselor, and my counselor are discussing treatment options, talking about next steps.  Her counselor is stating that disclosure with a polygraph is the only way my wife will consider staying married to me.  She is asking if my counselor agrees, which he does.  I want to raise my hand and say, “HELLO, I AM RIGHT HERE!”  According to the behavior of everyone in the room, I am not here.  They are all talking around me.  What is going on??

My counselor then says to my wife and her counselor that my case is very complex.  That my recovery is not an easy one.  I will require lots of therapy and psychological counseling.  At least two to three years….wait, what?  Did he just say that?  Two to three years?  Is he joking?  He hasn’t said this to me! Again, does he not know he works for ME?!

I just realized something….I am broken.  Oh God, I am broken.  God, how did you let this happen to me?  I am broken. Can I ever be whole again?  I just got it.  I just had a realization:  I am not ok. 

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Castimonia Purity Podcast Episode 19: Nate Larkin, Founder of Samson Society

Nate Larkin is the founder of the “Samson Society” and the author of “Samson and the Pirate Monks” (www.natelarkin.com and www.samsonsociety.com)

He shares his powerful story as well as his involvement with the “I am Second” movement. His video testimony has taken his story to countless men that struggle in similar ways. 

He is dedicated to establishing real community for men to be able to find help.

He discusses how sex wasn’t his problem, but it was the solution that he chose for his real problem. We, as addicts, need to find ways to stop our medication choices, but more importantly, find the roots of our problems.

He suggested the use of the “R Tribe” app (http://www.rtribe.org/) for those in recovery from any condition, and he seeks to be a man that has a story of God’s radical change. That radical change is possible in all of us.

For more information, please email us at the puritypodcast@castimonia.org

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I Am Second – Nate Larkin (Video)

This video of Nate Larkin is for the I Am Second movement.  I am Second is a movement meant to inspire people of all kinds to live for God and for others. Actors. Athletes. Musicians. Business leaders. Drug addicts. Your next-door neighbor. People like you. The authentic stories on iamsecond.com provide insight into dealing with typical struggles of everyday living. These are stories that give hope to the lonely and the hurting, help from destructive lifestyles, and inspiration to the unfulfilled. You’ll discover people who’ve tried to go it alone and have failed. Find the hope, peace, and fulfillment they found. Be Second.

Nate Larkin’s reputation was everything, so there were great lengths he’d go to protect it.

Addicted to hard-core pornography yet serving in ministry, he lived a double life and constantly feared being caught – ruining his reputation. Even though his frequent rendezvous with women and videos left him emptier every time, he still went back for more searching for a fulfillment that would never come. Losing the trust of his wife forced him to move out of the shadows and into liberation.

Please visit the website http://www.iamsecond.com/seconds/nate-larkin/ to get more information.

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Castimonia Purity Podcast Episode 18: Grace for the Addict

Ronnie Norman is the Senior Minister for the First Colony Church of Christ in Sugarland, Texas.

He discusses his views of God’s amazing grace for all of us. He talks specifically of addiction and how grace is our undeserved gift from God, and how it is free, but not cheap.

He shares his wisdom on how to accept grace, and what the Bible promises us as sinners.

He shares his love of the Celebrate Recovery ministry at First Colony Church of Christ. Information about that minister and other information can be found on their website.  https://www.firstcolonychurch.org/

He also shared x3workshops.com and faithandsexcenter.com as resources for those struggling with sexual impurity.

For more information on the podcast or to get help please email us at puritypodcast@castimonia.org.