Preparing for Disclosure is terrifying. I can’t believe I am going to do this. I don’t know that I believe it will work or is worthwhile. Do I really need to do this? Am I not just hurting her more?
porn
Journal Through Recovery Entry 26: Another Human Being
We admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs. Step Five
Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. – James 5:16
I am almost completely certain that my sponsor is a sadist. He’s one of those guys that seems to have zero fear. It is obvious in how he approaches his life and his calling. He has been consistent in pointing out to me that God is identifying and removing my flaws in His timing so I am better able to fulfill His purpose for my life. My sponsor likes to contribute to God identifying and removing my flaws. By giving me the opportunity to show I am no longer a slave to my character flaws.
Here is what I mean. I just got to Step Five in my recovery. I figured this was cool. I was done. I had already told my story, confessed my flaws, spilled my guts, to at least two people NOT in recovery. So I had this one covered and done. Uh, not so much. My sponsor gently coached me (ordered me, really) to let God work in this. I was to pray and journal about who God would place in my life that I could trust to tell my story.
Ok, I am really not excited about this part. I haven’t embraced the part about not shutting the door on our past or shying away from it. To be rigorously honest, I really don’t want to tell anyone and I just want to be left alone to work my plan and recovery and get better. The worst part of this is……I am exactly sure who I am supposed to do my Step Five with, who I am to bare my soul and tell all my deep, dark secrets. God is very irritating sometimes. This being one of those times.
So, I called the guy who God had put on my heart. Well, before I did that, I tried to make it not this person and tried to validate that maybe God really hadn’t put him on my heart. Didn’t work. Every person in my “circle of trust” thought sharing with this guy was a great idea. Ugh. I thought they were supposed to be my team? So I called him, let him know that I was in recovery (no other details), asked him if he knew much about recovery (he didn’t), and asked if I could share part of my story with him as God had placed him on my heart. He said absolutely and that if God was identifying this path for me, he wanted to be obedient as well. Ok, no outs for me so far. I tried to say that I knew he was busy and no rush and we could schedule whenever. He said how about lunch tomorrow? Dang.
So I went to lunch. I asked for my accountability partners, my sponsors, other guys, my therapist….I asked them all to pray for me. I knew they were. I knew in sharing my story with my friend that I was completely in God’s will at that moment. I just talked and then he asked questions. Not dumb questions or insulting questions……questions to clarify, to understand, and to learn how he could support me now and in the future. Ok, not what I expected. Thanks, sponsor (I still hate you for this) and thank you friends for the prayers. Most of all, thank you God. I trust you with more of my life every day. I can’t say all yet. I am on that path, maybe early, but still on that path.
Am I Addicted to Pornography?
http://curepornaddiction.me/2015/04/05/am-i-addicted-to-pornography-25-eye-opening-indicators/
by curepornaddiction
Comments on the Form Below Are Confidential; not seen by public.
Judge for yourself.
Take the FREE Pornography Screening Test, and You decide whether or not you have an addiction.
As you keep reading this article, you discover behaviors that linked to pornography addiction. You begin to wonder: Do I need to make a decision to change?
Am I Addicted to Pornography?
I assume that you care about using pornography, or else you would not be reading this Blog. You may be alarmed at how much time and money you have spent for sexual entertainment.
Perhaps, you are wondering if you have an addiction.
In Patrick Carnes’ book In the Shadows of the Net; Breaking Free of Compulsive Online Sexual Behavior, he presents a Screening Test on internet sexual behaviors.
The test indicates behaviors that are sexually problematic.
Now, honestly rate each of the 25 indicators. You just mark true (t) or false (f) for each statement. A true answer is more so than false. A false answer is more so than true. At the end of the test, you will be instructed how to determine the results.
Now, take the test with a heart-felt effort.
Pornography Screening Test
25 Indicators That May Reveal a Pornography Addiction
___1 I have had porn sites bookmarked.
___2 I have spent more than five hours per week online viewing pornography.
___3 I have joined porn sites for sexual merchandise.
___4 I have bought porn products online.
___5 I have searched the internet using porn products as key words to find more pornography.
___6 I have spent more money on pornography than I originally had intended to spend.
___7 Pornography has interfered with other areas of my life.
___8 I have visited chat rooms.
___9 I have used a sexual nickname as a username for porn Web sites.
___10 I have masturbated while surfing online for porn sites.
___11 I have viewed and retrieved pornography on computers that I don’t own.
___12 I have kept online pornography a secret.
___13 I have attempted to hide my screen or monitor from others while I view porn.
___14 I have stayed up later than midnight to view porn sites.
___15 I have uses porn sites to learn how to do various facets of sexuality such as anal sex, bondage, and homosexuality.
___16 I own a Web site that includes explicit sexual material.
___17 I have promised myself to stop viewing pornography.
___18 I have used pornography as a reward for accomplishing a goal or finishing a task.
___19 I feel disappointed, angry, and anxious when I am unable to view pornography.
___20 I have given out my phone number, name, and even met people offline.
___21 I have cancelled pornography subscriptions or taken time-outs as a way to punish myself for viewing too much porn.
___22 I have had a face-to-face romantic relationship with someone offline whom I met online.
___23 I have had conversations online with others using sexual innuendos and humor.
___24 I have come across illegal sexual material online and considered purchasing it.
___25 I think that I am a sex addict.
Total responses for “true” ____: Total responses for “false” ____.
At this point, you tally how many statements that you marked “true.”
A previous study of 935 individuals found that people who chose 19 statements as true had problematic sexual behaviors (Carnes & et al., 2001, p.p. 26 – 28).
If you do not like what you discovered about your usage of pornography, perhaps, you may want to find a therapist certified in sexual therapy or a 12-step support group. 12-step programs use sponsors to assist people in recovery.
Judge for yourself if you need a change.
Decide and act today.
Thanks,
Dale Criswell
P.S. During recovery, you take small steps at a time; answering, what next?
Reference
Carnes, P., Delmonico, D. L., Griffin, E., & Moriarity, J. M. (2001). In the shadows of the net; breaking free of compulsive online sexual behavior. p. 26 – 28. Center City; Minnesota: Hazelden Foundation. Retrieve from:
http://www.amazon.com/In-Shadows-Net-Breaking-Compulsive/dp/1592854788.
Castimonia Purity Podcast Episode 40: Interview with Dr. Milton Magness and Marsha Means Part 1
Marsha Means and Dr. Magness are co-authoring a new book that is designed to be a resource for therapist, addicts, spouses and family. Their new book “Real Hope/True Freedom: Understanding and Coping with Sex Addiction” is designed in a “FAQ” format to be a resource.
In this podcast they discuss the book as well as practical advice for recovery and spousal support. The share from their vast personal experience working with couples, addicts, and spouses.
This is a 2 part series, so make sure to listen to episode 41 to get the “rest of the story”.
For more information on the work of Marsha Means, please visit acircleofjoy.com, and to learn more about the work of Dr. Magness, please visit hopeandfreedom.com or listen to his previous podcast.
As always, email us at puritypodcast@castimonia.org for more information!
Group Therapy
