CASTIMONIA

Sexual Purity Support & Recovery Group

porn

By

Codependents and Boundary Violations

https://applyingmybeliefs.wordpress.com/2015/05/09/codependents-and-boundary-violations/
by applyingmybeliefs

(Authors’s note – Although this is not overtly Christian, godly principles are embedded in it.  This is going to be included in my Christian support group topic book when I finish it.)

One of the ways a person can know they struggle with codependency is by how people treat them.  A characteristic of a codependent person is that they are frequently having their personal boundaries violated, broken, and ignored by those around them.  This is especially true if the codependent is in relationship with a highly compulsive person or an addict.

Here is a long list of ways a person can thoroughly disrespect and take advantage of codependents:

  • They won’t let you get a word in edgewise in conversation.
  • They sometimes threaten to break up the relationship.
  • They seem to always change the subject of a conversation.
  • They throw objects against the wall.
  • They abuse you psychologically or physically.
  • They roll their eyes when you speak.
  • They mock you sometimes, even in public.
  • They frequently sulk or frown.
  • They are often condescending or patronizing.
  • They laugh at you, not with you.
  • They shut you off in mid-conversation.
  • They often act confused at the things you say.
  • They recall your past as a weapon against you.
  • They accuse you of being oversensitive.
  • They accuse you of being controlling.
  • They bully you from time-to-time.
  • They ask you to stop talking or shut-up.
  • They overtly sigh, making sure you hear it.
  • They beg you to stay when they are afraid you’ll leave.
  • They falsely accuse you of things.
  • They don’t want you to go anywhere without them.
  • They throw physical or psychological tantrums.

Before a codependent is in recovery they may have accepted any or all of this list as normal, and gone along with them by changing their behavior to suit the person they are with.  Once a codependent starts to get healthy, these behaviors from a partner or friend start to appear as what they are, violations of a person’s boundaries.  At his point the codependent finally comes face to face with the results of their own dysfunction.

Discuss if you connect with any of the boundary breaking statements we’ve listed.  Maybe you’ve received or maybe you’ve made them, or maybe you just realized the you must be a codependent at some level.

 

By

Journal Through Recovery – Bonus Podcast Episode #08

Intimacy means more than I imagine. All of the definitions are difficult to achieve!

By

Maturity

43236e27fd4297f3b9020f6409cd9eaf

By

Courage to Suffer – The Path to Meaning

https://applyingmybeliefs.wordpress.com/2015/05/02/courage-to-suffer-the-path-to-meaning/
by applyingmybeliefs

In his insightful book “Man’s Search for Meaning” concentration camp survivor Victor Frankl said this:

  • But there was no need to be ashamed of tears, for tears bore witness that a man had the greatest of courage, the courage to suffer.

Recovery veterans will probably understand and recognize that suffering and courage are bedfellows in effective recovery programs.  Without the courage to enter into new emotional pain and the suffering that comes from that, progress in dealing with compulsions and addictions does not happen.

12-Steppers will know this, in many of the Steps a person has to do something only they can do; step out in courage and suffer as they confess, ask for help, develop their inventory and make amends.  This is why the encouragement, the putting of courage into others, of the group and the sponsor are so vital.  Without the courage to go forward into new pain and suffering the individual will remain in their struggle and not see healing. Scripture says this:

1 Thess 5:11(a) – Encourage one another and build one another up.

One aspect of courageous suffering that rarely gets spoken about is the spiritual aspect, and yet it may be the most important factor in understanding the need for suffering.  This is what God says:

Rom 5:3-5 – Not only that, but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.

Suffering produces endurance, which then produces character, which then produces hope and in this changing of our inner person shame is removed from us through the power of the Holy Spirit.  This is one way of defining healing; the removal of shame.  And the removal of shame is meaningful because it changes us.  We are changed from people who believe we are unworthy to people who believe God loves us, that we are valuable to Him.

So then do you believe Frankl was right?  Is there no greater courage than the courage to suffer willingly?

Talk about your choice or choices to suffer, to endure new pain.  Was it worth it?  Did your journey give you a sense of meaning in your life that was missing before?  Are you able to experientially encourage others to choose the path of suffering in order to gain meaning from their troubles and receive some measure of healing?

 

By

Two Paths

Two Paths

by applyingmybeliefs

It can be said that the Bible is the book of recovery, recovery of the human race.  In today’s topic we’re going to look at one way Jesus discussed salvation, the goal of God’s plan of recovery for each human, and what we call recovery in our modern language.  Jesus spoke these words:

Matt 7:13-14 – Enter by the narrow gate. For the gate is wide and the way is easy that leads to destruction, and those who enter by it are many.  For the gate is narrow and the way is hard that leads to life, and those who find it are few.

Most observers use this scripture to discuss or emphasize that the choice a person makes in becoming a saved person is a narrow choice, which it is.  Contextually though, this scripture is in the middle of a section of the Sermon on the Mount that discusses how to live.  Therefore the better application is when we think of His words with the perspective that life is travelled on a path.  Here the salvation application is that of sanctification, the ongoing salvation work of God in our lives.

One way of looking at this picture of the paths is that we can work through our everyday existence God’s way, which leads to eternal life, or do it our way which leads to destruction, or eternal death.  It is the same story with recovery.  We can work the proven program or we can go our own way, dealing with the problems under our own power, and go back to acting out.

In every 12 Step program that we know, the same basic promise is found in different words.  For example in the blue book of Narcotics Anonymous it says:

  • We do not have to understand this program for it to work. All we have to do is follow directions.  (p91, sixth edition)

This is the same promise found in scripture.  Success, salvation, recovery, whatever way we choose to describe it is found in following directions.

Here are some comparisons that can be made between God’s way and recovery:

  • A life focused on personal pleasure leads to destruction, acting out leads there too.
  • Following God’s recovery program leads to eternal life, a recovery program leads to a healthy life.
  • Communicating with God is part of His program, seeking God is part of every successful recovery program.
  • God says we are powerless to save ourselves, recovery programs say that too.
  • God says we have to admit our faults, so do all successful recovery programs.
  • God says to make amends, so do we.
  • The Bible says to be still and know God, recovery programs say to meditate and seek conscious contact with God.

These are just a few examples of a comparison of ultimate recovery and earthbound recovery.  Share with us what you think on this subject.