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Healing the Father Wound, Part 2 – VIDEO

Please see Healing the Father Wound, Part 1 for a background on this movie.

Part two of the video more of the healing portion of these childhood wounds.  This second part revolves around her slow healing process right up until the end where she watches the movie version of her Mary Poppins books.  I won’t give too much information as I would rather you watch the video and read my comments.

I hope you enjoy watching this movie as much as I enjoyed editing it.  Keep an eye out for the comments I make throughout the film.

FAIR USE NOTICE: This video may contain copyrighted material. Such material is made available for purposes such as criticism, comment, teaching, & education, etc. This constitutes a ’fair use’ of any such copyrighted material as provided for in Title 17 U.S.C. section 107 of the US Copyright Law NO COPYRIGHT INFRINGEMENT INTENDED! All trademarks and copyrights remain the property of their owners.

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Healing the Father Wound, Part 1 – VIDEO

I recently had the pleasure of watching the movie “Saving Mr. Banks”.  For those that do not know this movie, it is the story of the struggle between P. L. Travers (played by Emma Thompson) and Walt Disney (played by Tom Hanks) in the creation of the movie version of Travers’ Mary Poppins books.  As I watched this movie, my recovery senses were tingling.  I had no idea what this movie was going to be about, much less an expectation of a much deeper meaning that would bring up my father wound and literally bring me to tears by the end of the movie (I love being able to feel these strong emotions and not stuff them deep down).  You see, P. L. Travers, formally named Helen Goff, grew up in rural Australia with an alcoholic father.  The childhood part of the story takes place in 1906, the “current events” portion where she is reviewing the Disney script takes place in 1961.

From this movie, I was able to see how deep the “father wound” ran in P. L. Travers.  Being the daughter of an alcoholic, she grew up to be what I call a “control freak” which basically means she needs to control everything and everyone around her in order to feel “safe.”  This control extended to the use of her Mary Poppins character by Walt Disney.  There are so many examples of her woundedness that I had to break up the original two hour movie into two 30 minute videos.  I highly encourage you to watch the movie in its entirety.  It is a great example of the father wound that all fathers can inflict on their children, some shallow, but for Helen Goff, some very, very deep. The reality that P. L. Travers, as an adult, was acting out for most of her life, trying to find healing for her father wound is unfortunately outside the scope of this movie.  Nevertheless, it is worth researching and only adds more proof of the depth of which P. L. Travers experienced her father wound.

Part one of the video is mainly the wounds being inflicted on Helen as a child and then bubbling to the surface (acting out with anger, control, manipulation, etc…) as she reviews all the story boards and music associated with the Mary Poppins movie.  I hope you enjoy watching this movie as much as I enjoyed editing it.  Keep an eye out for the comments I make throughout the film.

FAIR USE NOTICE: This video may contain copyrighted material. Such material is made available for purposes such as criticism, comment, teaching, & education, etc. This constitutes a ’fair use’ of any such copyrighted material as provided for in Title 17 U.S.C. section 107 of the US Copyright Law NO COPYRIGHT INFRINGEMENT INTENDED! All trademarks and copyrights remain the property of their owners.

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Recovery Themes in Disney Animated Movies – VIDEO

I often wonder, of all the movies I have viewed in my life, how many of these movies had a recovery-related theme.  It wasn’t until entering recovery that the Holy Spirit gave me some special “recovery glasses” that have allowed me to spot recovery themes in various media; music, movies, photographs, etc…  These themes can include support groups, honesty, selfishness, selflessness, redemption, etc… that are portrayed in the movie.

I’m a big fan of animated movies, I think Disney (and others) have done a tremendous job of inserting some of these themes in their movies so I picked out a few of the movies and decided to compile them into one film.  Of course, because of the numerous amount of Disney movies out there and my limited time, I only chose four of these movies, of which I recall vividly. The first, “Wreck-it Ralph” is one of my favorites, showing good recovery and support, a trauma response, and self sacrifice.  The second, Monsters University, has a scene where friends become real with one another, something you rarely see outside of recovery rooms. The third, “Finding Nemo” is a classic “Father wound” (yes I cried), trauma response, recovery meeting, and relationship trust movie.  Finally, I picked out one short scene from a non-Disney movie, “Despicable Me 2.” You’ll understand why I chose it when you see it.

I hope you enjoy watching this video as much as I enjoyed creating it.  As always, take what you like and leave the rest.

FAIR USE NOTICE: This video may contain copyrighted material. Such material is made available for purposes such as criticism, comment, teaching, & education, etc. This constitutes a ’fair use’ of any such copyrighted material as provided for in Title 17 U.S.C. section 107 of the US Copyright Law NO COPYRIGHT INFRINGEMENT INTENDED! All trademarks and copyrights remain the property of their owners.

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Golfer DQs himself from Open to clear conscience

This is a great lesson in rigorous honesty!  Being honest with yourself, and then with others, regardless of the consequences, is something that all of us in recovery should strive for.

Originally posted: http://www.bigstory.ap.org/article/golfer-dqs-himself-open-clear-conscience

By PAUL NEWBERRY

— Jun. 11, 2014 6:02 PM EDT

PINEHURST, N.C. (AP) — Jason Millard packed his bags, tossed his clubs in the car, and headed off to Pinehurst No. 2 to play in his first major championship.

It should’ve been the thrill of a lifetime.

Instead, he turned the car around.

“I couldn’t be at peace about it,” Millard said Wednesday, one day before the start of a U.S. Open he could’ve been playing in but will have to watch on television — if he can bear to watch at all.

What gnawed at him was maybe, just maybe, he had cheated.

Not intentionally, for sure. Perhaps not at all.

But the lingering doubt was enough for Millard to give up what could be the chance of a lifetime.

“I want to be at Pinehurst right now with a free conscience,” he said when reached on his cellphone. “I wish it never happened. Unfortunately, it did.”

What happened was a scenario unique to golf, the one sport that relies on its players to largely do their own officiating. Millard may have touched the sand ever so slightly with his club before hitting a plugged shot out of a bunker during sectional qualifying in Memphis, Tennessee, last week. It didn’t really affect his shot, but “grounding” a club is against the rules and requires a two-shot penalty.

No one else saw it. There’s no video of the shot. And Millard just isn’t sure.

“Right about the time I was taking my swing is when I saw what I think was an indentation in the sand,” he said. “That little image keeps popping up in my head right now. But it happened so fast. I really don’t know.”

Millard signed for a 68-68 score, without a penalty, and wound up earning a spot in the U.S. Open. He wanted to celebrate but couldn’t. Not with that shot playing over and over in his mind.

Did he ground the club? Was that tiny crevice in the sand really there? Was he just imagining the whole thing?

Last Saturday, Millard and his caddie (who wasn’t at the sectional qualifier) headed out from Murfreesboro, Tennessee, for the nearly eight-hour drive to Pinehurst. They made it about 90 minutes before Millard pulled into a convenience store and began searching for a number to the U.S. Golf Association.

He wouldn’t be going any farther.

He had decided to turn himself in.

“There was something in my heart,” he said, “telling me this didn’t feel right.”

Millard disqualified himself for signing an erroneous scorecard. If he had taken a two-shot penalty on the day of the qualifier, he still would’ve missed the Open by a single shot.

“I feel like the way I played that day, I deserved to make it,” Millard said. “I’ve never called a penalty on myself for grounding a club in the bunker. Unfortunately, it happened at the absolutely worst time.”

The timing couldn’t have been better for Sam Love, who just finished his college career at Alabama-Birmingham. He was the second alternate in Memphis; when Millard dropped out, Love got in.

“I really respect him for that,” Love said in the bowels of the Pinehurst clubhouse after a practice round. “He could’ve easily just played this tournament and nobody would’ve ever known.”

When Love tees off Thursday afternoon in the opening round, Millard will be at home in Tennessee. He plans to watch at least some of the tournament on TV, but knows it won’t go down easily.

“I haven’t really watched any of the coverage yet,” said Millard, a two-time All-American during his college career at Middle Tennessee State. “I’m sure I will at some point, especially the last round. I’ve played Pinehurst before. I like watching tournaments, especially on courses I’ve played before.”

Of course, he’d much rather be playing.

“Unfortunately, this is what happens in life,” Millard said. “Hopefully, I’ll be back there one day.”

He’s already dealt with issues far more serious than missing a golf tournament. His father Eddie, who steered him to the game and drove him to all his tournaments as a kid, died in April 2013 from leukemia. Millard’s mother, Debbie, can barely get around after being stricken with multiple sclerosis. Jason, in fact, still lives with his mom when he’s not on the road trying to qualify for PGA Tour and Web.com events. He pays her bills, does the grocery shipping, takes care of odds and ends around the house.

Millard was thinking about his dad when trying to decide whether to disqualify himself from the Open.

“He was pretty much my best friend,” Millard said. “When stuff would happen, I always called him first. In this instance, I definitely would’ve called him first, talked to him about it. Unfortunately, I couldn’t.”

Millard is only 24, with plenty of golf still ahead of him. He surely will have more chances to qualify for the Open.

That said, there are no guarantees in life.

This might be as close as he gets.

If that’s the case, at least he can go through the rest of his years with a clear conscience.

“I’m at peace,” Millard said, “with my decision.”

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Father’s Day

Originally posted on June 17, 2012

In celebration of Father’s Day, I would like to tell you a short story about my father’s day 2008.  It was the first time I attended my current Church, The Fellowship at Cinco Ranch.  My wife and I dropped off our 10 month old baby girl in the nursery for the first time.  I was nervous and throughout the entire service, I was worried they would call one of our cell phones to tell us that she needed to be picked up from childcare!  To be honest, I don’t remember the content of the service (apologies to our family pastor who typically preaches on Mother’s and Father’s Day – Robert Jackman), I wish now I had.

When we went to pick up our daughter, I was overjoyed at how happy she was when we picked her up.  And then my “heart strings” were tugged!  The attendants in the nursery handed me a father’s day gift.  I looked at it and read it, and was so grateful for this gift that I made a decision that this was going to be the church for my family.  The nursery attendants took the time to place my daughter’s hand in paint and place her tiny hand print on a poem and frame the paper they used (see the photo to the side).  WOW!  My wife and I now work in the nursery with the infants and sometimes we can get overwhelmed with children, but the fact that these selfless people took time out of their stressed-out baby duty to do this for all the fathers was fantastic!

At the time, I did not realize that us visiting that father’s day and the poem were a “God Thing.”  As I look back at the last 4 years, I can obviously see that it definitely was.  It was less than a year later that I entered recovery for my sexual addiction and it was this church (more importantly the body of Christ – the members) that supported me in my recovery.  To be honest, up until I entered recovery, I was not involved in the church. I was one of those husbands, fathers, men that would come sit on Sunday mornings and let it go in one ear and out the other.  My biggest question after church was “what’s for lunch?”  I just was not invested in the church.

And then my life fell apart, and who was there to help me put things back together?  The body of Christ!  I began getting involved in church activities such as a couple of men’s Bible studies including one on Joseph, a Man of Integrity and Forgiveness (Swindoll).  It was during the study of Joseph where I confessed to having a sexual addiction.  I believe most of the men in the room were shocked and silent.  During the study on lesson 2, resisting temptation, I admitted my past sexual sin.  The funny thing is, after the study a couple of guys came up to me and also told me they struggled with about the same issues as I did.

From there, I took a Men’s Fraternity course, the Quest for Authentic Manhood that addressed a lot of my wounds growing up as well as showing me how the Bible defines manhood.  I continued on to various Christian studies and then in June 2010 I started the Castimonia Men’s Sexual Purity Support & Recovery Group, meeting for the first time on Saturday, June 12, 2010.

Had it not been for the experience at the nursery on father’s day of 2008, I don’t think I would be where I am today.  I pray all fathers in recovery have had similar experiences and that they can reflect on how God used the love of their children to draw them closer to Him.  And for fathers that are still living in sexual sin and need a reason to get out, I would like for you to look into the eyes of your children and understand that if you remain in that secret sexual sin, then there is a high probability your children too will inherit that sin or marry someone who has their own sexual sin.  Had I stayed in my addiction and kept it secret, I am certain that my daughters would have grown up to marry someone who carried the same character defects and same sexual secrets as I did.  Furthermore, if I had sons, it would be much worse for them as they would end up with some sort of intimacy disorder, such as sex addiction, if I had kept up my isolation and secrets.  So please seek help and step into the light, the path of recovery is not easy, but it is so much better than a life of sexual impurity.  It is a much better life for you, your wife, and especially your children!

Happy Father’s Day!

Take what you like and leave the rest.