CASTIMONIA

Sexual Purity Support & Recovery Group

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Journal Through Recovery Entry 47: Friendship is a Gift

My wife has mentioned many times throughout the last year of my recovery that she likes that I have friends. Yeah, me too. Only she meant real friends. Not acquaintances. Not people I say hello to, how is it going, what’s up (sup for you millennials), or how’s work? No, she means David and Jonathan type of friends. Funny how God keeps improving my constant contact with Him. See, I was in Bible study not long ago and the lesson was on, yep you guessed it, friendship. What real friendship means. Not what I thought it was or meant.

So as many of you know, Bible studies are required to have five main points. Or that is how it seems to me. Sermons have three main points, Bible studies have five main points. I think that is a law. Somewhere in Malachi or Amos I think. Anyway, this Bible study had five main points. Stay with me, they were good ones.

The entire focus of this Bible study was about the friendship between David and Jonathan. Yep, that David. The adulterer, murderer, man after God’s own heart. And Jonathan, basically the rightful heir to the throne who was being usurped by David and who loved him more than he loved the idea of being a king. 1 Samuel 23 outlines their friendship, again focusing on five main points of how Jonathan and David demonstrated friendship. Basically, you demonstrate your friendship through:

  • Presence – a Biblical friend shows up, even when it isn’t convenient
  • Prayers – you pray for your friends; not that lip service stuff, real prayer where you lift up your friend and their needs to your Father
  • Protection – you step up for your friends, even if it involves sacrifice or risk to you; especially when they can’t protect themselves
  • Personal loyalty – friends mess up, sometimes badly; Biblical friends have “fierce allegiance” especially when they stumble
  • Promise – friends seal friendship with loyalty, with a promise to be a friend; that means always

After I entered recovery, let me be clear – after I was found out to have lied to everyone around me, I had to tell a friend that I had kept a whole part of myself from him. This was someone I had spent almost every Saturday morning with on long runs for the past 6 years. I had to tell him that I hadn’t been completely open with him, that I had kept things from him, that I had purposefully lied to him to make myself look better and to protect myself and my sin from being found out. So really all those five points above, I had kept none of them.

I didn’t know how he would react. I feared he would not want to be my friend. Ok, I knew that he wouldn’t just walk away. I knew he was too much of a Biblical friend to do that. I expected that he would agree to be my accountability partner and he would help me to stay accountable and transparent and honest. I expected him to be my friend. I didn’t expect that he would let me be his friend as well. See, he didn’t cut himself off from me. He didn’t keep things from me or not trust me with his struggles or issues or stumbles. He let me practice and learn to be a Biblical friend to him. That gift has been huge.

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Philippians 4:8: Think continually on these things

by Humble servant

Finally, believers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable and worthy of respect, whatever is right and confirmed by God’s word, whatever is pure and wholesome, whatever is lovely and brings peace, whatever is admirable and of good repute; if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think continually on these things [center your mind on them, and implant them in your heart].

Philippians 4:8 AMP

Our minds and what we focus on is so very important.  Our thoughts and what we believe to be true will drive the way we live our lives.  Those who believe that the world and its standards are worth pursuing will spend their lives sacrificing for things that have no eternal value.  In the end it will ultimately lead to destruction but to them they believe it is worth pursuing.

As believers in Jesus Christ we are set free from the power and authority of Satan.  Satan no longer has authority over our lives and we are completely free.  But throughout our lives Satan will try to assault our minds with his lies and deceptions.  This is why our hearts and minds must be set upon things above.  This is why in the book of Romans the apostle Paul writes about being transformed by the renewing of our minds.

Our minds dictate the way we live our lives because every decision we make is made in our minds.  The way we make decisions is shaped by what we sow into our lives.  If we continually sow the things of the flesh into our lives the decisions we make will be in pursuit of these desires and will ultimately lead to destruction.  But if we sow into our lives the things of the Spirit we will reap eternal life because the decisions we make on a daily basis will align with the leading and guidance of the Holy Spirit.

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When The Enemy Throws A Storm At Us…

… we use our weapons and armor to rise above the insanity!

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Journal Through Recovery Entry 46: Me and God

If you have been reading my posts, you are aware that I am an expert at working each one of the steps. For those of you that haven’t been reading my posts, shame on you and I am practicing sarcasm. I am most definitely not an expert at working the steps. I think I know what to expect and find that I have absolutely no idea what to expect. Also, if you have or haven’t read my stuff, I am convinced that my sponsor is a sadist. Or more likely, he really enjoys watching me squirm. I am sure in a good, productive, healthy way. But he most assuredly finds continual amusement in watching me struggle with my flaws. Honestly, I think he just enjoys watching God help me identify and name and work on them. That I get.

So, here I am. About 300 days into recovery. I am on step 11. For those of you that don’t know step 11, don’t be lazy. Look it up. Read it. Meditate on it. I am not going to quote it exactly. Its basically about improving my conscious contact with God. Ok, so I am ready for that. I think. I know I want my contact with God to improve. I recognize that His mercy, grace and love are all involved in my recovery and growth. So how do I improve it? Additional prayer? More church? Intensive Bible study? Well…as I mentioned in paragraph one, my sponsor likes watching me squirm. So not exactly.

I will be transparent, I figured this step would be easy. I thought I would just do more. Yeah, you read that right. Do. How has that whole trying to do more myself thing worked out for me to this point? Not so well. So, my sponsor said he was worrying about me doing too much. And that to improve my constant contact with God, I needed a process for recovery decisions. Ok, not really sure how this relates? I wasn’t either so bear with me. Basically, my decision making is not good, leaves a lot to be desired, is no bueno, doesn’t have the best track record…ok, I am being kind. My decision making sucks. Example: Several months after going through a detailed listing of all of my sexual sin with my wife in a process called disclosure, I remembered something. Something I hadn’t told her. It had nothing to do with anything specifically related to her. She wasn’t at any risk by not knowing this. However, I was sure that I needed to tell her. So I spoke with my accountability guys, my sponsor, my guys in group…they all asked if I had a screw loose. Why on earth would I tell her something that would hurt her that had no bearing on past actions or future risk. Uhhhhhh…ok, see what I mean? Not great decision making. So, I need help.

So, I worked through a process. How to make recovery decisions. I drew this neat little decision tree diagram. I talked it over with my wife, my counselor, my sponsor, other guys in recovery. I implemented it and started using it. The key steps are:

  • Is it bigger than me
  • What does God say
  • Pray over it for 7 days with my wife
  • What does my circle say (counselor, sponsor, accountability guys)
  • Do I have time

And I use it. I have a process. A process for making sure God is at the center of my decision making. You know, increasing my constant contact with God by including Him in my decisions. After all, He promises work in all things for His good and according to His good purpose. Pretty damn cool.

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Unless You Are Johnny 5 ….

…. this is NOT the correct way to study the Castimonia Book, or any recovery book for that matter!  You must study it, learn it, and apply it to your life.