CASTIMONIA

Sexual Purity Support & Recovery Group

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Toddler Tears

by jrmybennett

Last night I went to another meeting last night. It was a much more of an intimate venue and more comfortable setting. During the meeting everyone was sharing stories of their past. I decided it was time I shared a bit about myself. As I began to relate my story of my addiction, how I have let everyone I love down, how I don’t remember who I am anymore, how I hate the person I see in the mirror I began to cry….

This wasn’t a manly single tear down the face cry but a full on snot bubbling sob. I was crying like a three year old who had just dropped their popsicle in the sand. It felt good to let all that emotion go in a room full of strangers, to feel unencumbered by people’s preconceived notions. While I was speaking a rough looking man got up and left the room, I assumed I had sickened him with my display. He had declined to speak earlier but when he returned he addressed me directly and began to cry himself. He said he remembered what it was like to be in my shoes. How I had taken the first steps and recovery is possible. I hope to god he’s right.

I start “real” counseling on the 29th. I can’t wait and I’m ready to do this once and for all. I pray that the ones I have hurt and betrayed the most someday forgive me. I know I have a long road ahead of me but every journey begins with a single step.

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By Keith B.

NotUnknown.com

So the Lord sent Nathan, the prophet to tell David… – 2 Samuel 12:1a

Throughout my life, I lived a fragmented existence. I had a separate compartment for each of my identities. I put on my father and husband identity while home with my family. When I left for work, I put that persona away and donned my ambitious and cutthroat corporate climber appearance. At church and with family, I became a devout Christ follower and judgmental Pharisee. In isolation and shame, my addict ruled them all. That was my story. Isolated. Alone. Transparent to no one. Accountable to myself.

King David, yes that King David, had it all. His story was the basis for all rags to riches stories. He was a shepherd. The youngest son. The least of these. And who Samuel described as “a man after God’s own heart” when revealing to Saul that he would lose his kingdom. David ascended to the throne, united the Israelites, and dominated his enemies. He lived in community with God, transparent. Until he didn’t.

The Israelites had engaged in battle with their enemy, the Ammonites and had routed their forces. David sent his army to lay siege to their capital city. It was spring time, the time when kings went out to battle with their armies. But David stayed behind. He stayed home. Alone. Away from where he was supposed to be. Unaccountable. He went for a walk in the evening time. He saw Bathsheba. He wasn’t where he was supposed to be and had no one around to hold him accountable.

You know the story. He had Bathsheba brought to him. He slept with her and sent her away, thinking he was safe. His secret would remain that way. Only, she sent word to him that she was pregnant. So he tried to hide it. He had her husband brought in from the battlefield to spend time with his wife and sleep with her, thus hiding that David was actually the father. When that didn’t work, he orchestrated her husband Uriah’s death on the battle field. And promptly compartmentalized that and went on being king.

So the Lord sent Nathan, the prophet.

I have read that passage many times. I assumed that Nathan was sent to confront David because he was a prophet. Only, Nathan was much more than that to David. Nathan advised David earlier in his life to not focus on building a temple, that God had a different plan for his life. Nathan would later name David’s second son. Nathan would support David when one of David’s son would try to overthrow his kingdom. Nathan wasn’t just a prophet. He was a friend, a confidant, a brother. Someone who loved David enough to risk telling him the truth and hold him accountable.

The Lord sent Nathan to tell David a story of a rich man taking a poor man’s lamb, to illustrate power and influence unchecked, and to confront David for his hidden sin. Nathan obeyed God and called out his king and friend. When I read this story so many times before, I thought that was it. It wasn’t. Nathan remained loyal to David. God showed David mercy in judgment but also consequences in his sin. Nathan didn’t point a finger at David. He walked along side him through those consequences. He loved David and supported him as a friend the rest of his life.

Dan and Jay are my Nathans. So are Corey, Sean, Josh, Hayden, Jeff, Jeff, John, Doug, and so many others. Guys who love me, know me, and will absolutely hold me accountable in Christ. Surround yourself with people who know all of you and who love you enough to walk with you through your own celebrations and trials.

https://castimonia.org/2018/07/16/7131/

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Different effects of stress on the brains of men and women related to empathy

originally posted at: http://www.psypost.org/2016/07/different-effects-stress-brains-men-women-related-empathy-43688

BY  ON JULY 6, 2016

The different effects of social stress on the brains of men and women are related to their response to empathy for pain, according to a study published this July in the International Journal of Psychophysiology. The study provides evidence that each sex may engage in distinct mechanisms to cope with stress.

Empathy is an essential aspect of social functioning. It allows people to build an understanding and mental representation of other peoples’ emotions and feelings. Research suggests that the brain mechanisms involved in how people empathize with others in painful circumstances involve two distinct responses. Firstly, there is an early emotional response seen in front-central regions of the brain; and secondly, there is a later cognitive evaluation, over the parietal area, where attention is either directed towards or away from stimuli.

As humans are a highly social species and face social stress on a regular basis, it can be expected that stress affects how people react to their environment. Therefore, the extent to which someone empathizes with another in pain is thought to be influenced by social stress.

Within this area, it has been proposed that men and women are distinctively affected by social stress. Men supposedly become more self-oriented, engaging in “fight or flight” behavior, whilst women react by creating and caring for social networks.

The study, led by Cristina Gonzalez-Liencres of Ruhr-University Bochum, involved 60 healthy participants (30 women and 30 men), half of which were exposed to short-term social stress. To measure empathy, researchers recorded the electroencephalography (EEG: which detects electrical brain activity) of the participants, while they observed photographs of hands in painful and neutral situations. Participants also had to fill in an assessment of their empathy in response to the photos and had their cortisol response to stress measured (via saliva samples).

Results revealed that different effects of social stress on the brains of men and women were related to their response to the pain empathy task. The late brain activity, associated with cognitive evaluation, was uniquely associated with a change in cortisol in stressed males. This was despite similar empathy ratings reported by all participants. This suggests that men used more cognitive processes in response to social stress and provides evidence that each sex may engage in distinct mechanisms to cope with stress.

The findings are useful to help understand the unique effects of social stress in men and women, as well as for the separate mechanisms that each sex undertakes to cope with socially stressful situations. This may be useful for understanding psychopathological conditions which are influenced by high levels of social stress.

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19 Quote Reminders You Need To Hear When You’re Feeling Insecure

by Thought Catalog

1. “It is never too late to be what you might have been.” ― George Eliot

2. “When you’re different, sometimes you don’t see the millions of people who accept you for what you are. All you notice is the person who doesn’t.” – Jodi Picoult

3. “I wish I could just go tell all the young women I work with, all these fabulous women, ‘Believe in yourself and negotiate for yourself. Own your own success.’ I wish I could tell that to my daughter. But it’s not that simple.” – Sheryl Sandberg

4. “You wouldn’t worry so much about what others think of you if you realized how seldom they do.” – Eleanor Roosevelt

5. “When one door of happiness closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opened for us.” ― Helen Keller

6. “It is confidence in our bodies, minds, and spirits that allows us to keep looking for new adventures.” – Oprah Winfrey

7. “Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, ‘Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?’ Actually, who are you not to be?” – Marianne Williamson

8. “You yourself, as much as anyone in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.” – Buddha

9. “I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it.” ― Maya Angelou

10. “You are a piece of the puzzle of someone else’s life. You may never know where you fit, but others will fill the holes in their lives with pieces of you.” – Bonnie Arbon

11. “I’ve finally stopped running away from myself. Who else is there better to be?” – Goldie Hawn

12. “If you can’t fly then run, if you can’t run then walk, if you can’t walk then crawl, but whatever you do you have to keep moving forward.” ― Martin Luther King Jr.

13. “I’ve failed over and over and over again in my life and that is why I succeed.” – Michael Jordan

14. “It took me a long time not to judge myself through someone else’s eyes.” – Sally Field

15. “The only person who can pull me down is myself, and I’m not going to let myself pull me down anymore.” ― C. JoyBell C.

16. “When teachers doubt your potential, show them how wrong they truly are.” ― Ace Antonio Hall

17. “Don’t let fear or insecurity stop you from trying new things. Believe in yourself. Do what you love. And most importantly, be kind to others, even if you don’t like them.” – Stacy London

18. “Whatever you want in life, other people are going to want it too. Believe in yourself enough to accept the idea that you have an equal right to it.” – Diane Sawyer

19. “A successful person is one who can lay a firm foundation with the bricks that others throw at him or her.” – David Brinkley

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Overcoming Thoughts of Spiritual Betrayal (by God)

SOURCE: Dr. Gregory Jantz/AACC

If you have faith in God, depression can be similar to a betrayal by him.

After all, you have trusted him to care for you, yet you are still depressed.  You may have heard from your childhood that, as a Christian, you were to experience and exhibit joy, peace, patience—all the fruit of the Spirit spoken of in Galatians 5:22-23.  This sense of betrayal may haunt your sleepless nights and invade your despairing thoughts.  Feeling forgotten by God, you may even be angry at him.

This anger at God can contribute to your depression by provoking feelings of guilt.  You don’t think you should be angry at God, or you don’t think you have the right to be angry at God, so you feel guilty when you pray, the more you are convinced that he could fix it, but he won’t .  You doubt his love.  But you’ve also memorized John 3:16, which begins, “For God so loved the world…” so you’ve been told he does love you.  Looking at all of this, you conclude he’s got a lousy way of showing his love, at least to you.

Or you may think, Perhaps I don’t deserve his love.  Maybe he doesn’t change my situation because I don’t deserve joy and peace in my life.  Possibly the things I’ve done are so bad that he wants to love me but can’t because of who I am.  And if God can’t love me, then I’m not really worthy to be loved by anyone.  And if my life is to be empty of love, hope is impossible.  If you look at it this way, depression is completely understandable.

Or is it?

Have you picked up the stream of thoughts in this line of reasoning?

It takes snippets of truth—God loves you, and Christians are to live lives of joy—and twists those around into something meant to injure you, not give you comfort.  This line of reasoning is not from God; it is from the Deceiver.  Rage is a deceiver.  False guilt is a deceiver.  Abject despair is a deceiver.  Depression is a deceiver.  That is why when you are in the midst of depression, you must replace your own negative self-talk with God-talk, which is based upon truth.  This God-talk will support your positive self-talk by agreeing with affirming statements, such as these:

  • I deserve love. (“For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life” – John 3:16)
  • I deserve joy. (“Gladness and joy will overtake them, and sorrow and sighing will flee away” –Isaiah 51:11)
  • I am strong enough to learn and grow each day. (“It is God who arms me with strength and makes my way perfect” – 2 Samuel 22:33)
  • I can experience contentment in my life. (“I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation” – Philippians 4:12)
  • I am able to respond to my circumstances, instead of react. (“Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.  Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will” – Romans 12:2)
  • I can look forward to tomorrow. (“Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail.  They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness” –Lamentations 3:22-23)

How do you fill your life and your mind with God-talk?

The Bible is full of life-affirming messages.  It is, at its heart, a love story.  It is a story of a loving God, who created you to love you and to be loved by you.

Like every great story, there is a separation, which must be overcome by terrible sacrifice.  Through God’s sacrifice of his Son, Jesus, you are able to confidently say, “I can live happily ever after.”

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Authored by Dr. Gregory Jantz, founder of The Center • A Place of HOPE  and author of 35 books.