CASTIMONIA

Sexual Purity Support & Recovery Group

sexual addiction

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Castimonia’s Paratus Retreat 2017

CASTIMONIA’S PARATUS MEN’S RETREAT 2017

Here is some information on the retreat.  I pray that the Lord uses this retreat to help men in their sexual purity journey.  The link to register for the retreat will be available later this Summer.

Friday, November 3rd – Sunday, November 5th

Castimonia’s Paratus Retreat is a retreat for any man who struggles with any type of sexual purity.  Paratus is Latin for equipped.

If you are wondering about whether to attend this retreat, ask yourself these questions:

  • Are you fully equipped for the spiritual battle that is raging around us right now?
  • Are you a man who strives for biblical sexual purity?
  • Are you a man who struggles with maintaining that sexual purity?
  • Do you want a circle of brothers helping you in your sexual purity journey?

Join us for a weekend dedicated to equipping adult men of all ages, all walks of life, and various levels of struggle with the tools necessary to wage this spiritual battle and emerge on the other side as the sexually pure men that God intended us to be.

At the retreat, we will discuss strategies for equipping ourselves with tactics necessary for battling the enemy. We will discover the true meaning of brotherhood and fellowship. The leaders of the retreat will set the example of vulnerability and accountability. We hope to pave the way for all men to be fully equipped to wage war against Satan’s tempting assaults and emerge VICTORIOUS.

Registration will begin this Summer! 

 

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Journal Through Recovery Entry 42: When I Was Wrong…

We continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong, promptly admitted it. – Step 10

 I don’t know about you, but I don’t like being wrong. I don’t like admitting I am wrong. I don’t even like recognizing I am wrong. That is one of the sucky parts of recovery. I am much more aware of my wrongness. It’s painful. And humbling. Which plays right into my major character flaw of pride. In recovery, through my wrongness, my pride takes a beating. Which leads me to…Step 10.

My sponsor thinks this is a great opportunity for me to explore the depths of my wrongness. To really get in touch with it. I truly do think he is enjoying his job a little too much. Every time I come up with something to whine about, he says something like “Isn’t recovery awesome?’ or “Yeah, baby!” I worry about him. So back to my wrongness. I am to journal on how I am wrong each day and what I do about it. Basically, do I promptly admit it or not. Fun stuff.

So today I got the mail when I got home. My wife had just gotten home before me. I like walking out to the mail box because I take my dog with me. She likes walking out without a leash so she can go in the field across from our house and hunt for rabbits and deer and elk and other wild animals that she imagines are running free in that field. So she runs free and I get to add to my collection of junk mail, coupons for terrible restaurants that won’t last more than a few weeks, and bills. Yeah, me. Oh, and catalogs. Lots and lots of catalogs.

Today was no different. Flyers, coupons, bills, and a catalog. Only this was a dangerous catalog. A James Avery Jewelers catalog. How is that dangerous? Well, when I disclosed my history of infidelity to my wife, part of the requirement was to admit to any gifts I had given to affair partner. Yep, I gave someone earrings from James Avery. Classy, huh? So that store is ruined for my wife. James Avery didn’t do anything wrong. I did.

I took the mail inside. It seemed like there was a giant spotlight on that catalog as I walked into the house. I was trying to hide it under all the other mail. I gathered up the flyers and junkmail and tried to keep that catalog out of sight as I started pushing it towards the garbage can. I would like to take this moment and say I stopped, promptly showed her the catalog, and admitted to my wish to try and hide it but that my new self wouldn’t allow me to deceive her. Only I would be lying. Again.

So the next morning, as I journaled, I had to write down that I hid it. I threw it in the garbage can. And I had to do Step 10. I took personal inventory, I realized how wrong I truly was, and I promptly admitted it to my wife. Which sucked. She got mad, she was hurt, and I caused even more damage. Only this was a little different. I realized I was wrong. That’s new. I even did something about it. Which is definitely not normal for me. Yep, Step 10. More wrongness to come.

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Trauma and the Brain: Understanding Why a Victim’s Story Might Change

http://purposefullyscarred.com/2015/10/15/trauma-and-the-brain-understanding-why-a-victims-story-might-change/

by Purposefully Scarred

At a recent conference about trauma and the brain’s response to it, Bonnie Martin – a licensed professional counselor who specializes in brain-based therapy, based in the Washington, D.C. area – made this statement regarding survivors of trauma, specifically survivors of abuse who suffer from mental illnesses:

There is nothing wrong with this person. There is something wrong with what happened to this person.

A large percentage of children and adults who have been victims of abuse and/or assault develop a mental illness [or more than one, e.g. depression, anxiety, personality disorders, paranoia, eating disorders, PTSD, etc.] Everyone copes with trauma differently and no one should be shamed for how they have chosen to cope and survive. However, one common theme in victims’ behavior is confusion or an inability to properly remember the events surrounding their assault(s). During the trauma, a victim will enter either “fight, flight, or freeze”. The brain’s activity changes as a way to protect itself. Later, remembering specific details or following a linear chronology as they tell their story can be very hard for many victims.

Because complex trauma and the brain is a fairly new study, the majority of people a victim will come into contact with do not have a proper education on how the brain is affected – in the moment and in the aftermath – by trauma.

A relatively new area of the literature on human response to trauma, particularly the trauma experienced during sexual violence, is that of “tonic immobility.” Defined as self-paralysis, or as the inability to move even when not forcibly restrained, tonic immobility has long been studied in non-human animals as the “freeze” response to extreme stress. Recently, it has been observed in the laboratory as a stress response in humans, as well. This finding explains the reaction of many victims of sexual violence, who report that they felt like they could not escape, even when no weapon was present.

Additionally, due to an entire cascade of hormonal changes, which includes oxytocin and opiates, associated with pain management, adrenaline, commonly associated with “fight or flight,” and cortisol, functional connectivity between different areas of the brain is affected. In particular, this situation affects pathways important for memory formation, which means that an individual can fail to correctly encode and store memories experienced during trauma. While an individual generally will remember the traumatic event itself (unless alcohol or drugs are present in the system), these memories will feel fragmented, and may take time to piece together in a way that makes narrative sense (Kathryn Gigler, source linked above).

It is not uncommon for family, friends, law enforcement, etc. to disbelieve a victim because their story has discrepancies or changes over time. It may appear to them that the victim is lying or merely seeking attention and cannot keep their story straight. In reality, to be simplistic, the brain is working to retrieve data that was potentially temporarily “lost” or suppressed during the trauma and, in the process of remembering and healing, that information will not be clear or linear. Inconsistencies are not lies but evidence that a traumatic experience has occurred.

Behavioral patterns in individuals who have experienced sexual violence mirror those seen in other traumatized populations, like combat veterans. This pattern of symptoms, known as post-traumatic stress disorder, or PTSD, can include emotional numbness, intrusive memories of the traumatic event, and hyperarousal (increased awareness of one’s surroundings, or constantly being “on guard”).

Research shows that the majority of individuals who experience sexual assault demonstrate at least some of these symptoms of PTSD immediately after the assault and through the two weeks following the assault. Nine months after the assault, 30 percent of individuals still reported this pattern of symptoms. Overall, it is estimated show that nearly one-third of all victims of sexual assault will develop PTSD at some point in their lives (Kathryn Gigler, source linked above).

There is nothing wrong with a victim of sexual or domestic abuse, of rape or sexual exploitation. What was done to them is what is truly wrong. Their reactions and behaviors – however confused or disjointed they may seem – are the body’s natural response to trauma.

For information related to trauma and children’s brain development, read The Amazing Brain.

For more information on PTSD and victimized behaviors:

Why Victims Don’t Report and Why Shaming Them is Detrimental

The Role of Environment and Response in PTSD Recovery

Understanding the Behavior Common to Survivors of Sexual Abuse

Understanding and Identifying Dissociation in Children and Adults

Understanding Post-Trauma Guilty and Shame

Effects of Abuse, various

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My Therapist Takes Great Notes During Our Sessions!

Gary Larson, The Far Side

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The Prodigal Son and the Elder Brother

Their work: These men worked for their father, a wealthy landowner. Their character: Both of the brothers were sinners. One committed the sin of unrighteous living and the other the sin of self-righteousness. Their sorrow: Both men were alienated from their father. Geography separated the prodigal from his father, while pride separated the elder brother. Their triumph: The father’s open arms and homecoming feast welcomed the prodigal. There was no happiness for the elder brother except the misplaced belief that he was better than his wayward sibling. Key Scriptures: Luke 15

A Look at the Men

This biblical account is one of Jesus’ parables, often called “The Story of the Prodigal Son.” But it’s really the story of not one but three men: the prodigal son, the elder brother, and the waiting father. Each plays a critical role in the narrative.

What the younger son asked of his father was unthinkable. Inheritance was paid to a man’s sons upon his death, so in prematurely requesting the birthright from his father, the boy was saying that he wouldn’t care if his father were dead. His rebellion was open and shameless, a public embarrassment for the entire family. And what he did broke his father’s heart.

The older boy was every father’s dream. As an employee, his efforts were productive, his work ethic was flawless. Even his conduct was exemplary—and he did not hesitate to review all of these qualities in his father’s hearing. He had every confidence that his virtuous behavior earned not only his father’s respect and riches but his love as well.

But the elder brother carried a deep grudge. The insolence of his younger brother’s words and the slack in his life ground away at the elder brother’s soul like a millstone. And the special attention the young son drew from the father turned the older son’s grudge into hatred.

As far as the elder brother was concerned, the moment the inheritance payment was made to his sibling, the boy’s days as a member of the family were finished. Now the older son was his father’s only son, and the benefits of his father’s wealth would be exclusively his.

Unfortunately for the elder brother, this was not his father’s disposition. The younger son, even with his inheritance paid in full, was still a member of the family. Neither open defiance nor running away would have any effect on his father’s love for him. This infuriated the elder brother, but his simmering anger was about to be turned into a bubbling cauldron.

The father threw a party. It was bad enough for his absent little brother to keep their father in distress while he was in a faraway land, but to have his father throw a celebration when he returned home was more than the elder brother could bear. In his attempt to punish the father for his grace, he refused to attend the merrymaking, preferring to sulk instead.

In this parable Jesus was declaring all of humankind “sinners,” and he divided them into two groups: prodigals and elder brothers—the unrighteous and the self-righteous. And he underscored the fact that the heavenly Father—the living God—loved both and was willing to forgive both.

Contrition for his blatant sinfulness earned the younger brother full forgiveness and a party in his honor. But the older son’s inability to see his self-righteousness as sin kept him from receiving the forgiveness his father would have freely extended. So he spent the night alone, overhearing the joyous celebration but experiencing none of it himself.

Reflect On: Luke 15:20–31 Praise God: For his mercy. Offer Thanks: For the picture of the waiting father and how it tells us of the loving heavenly Father who is eager to forgive our sins of unrighteousness and self-righteousness. Confess: Any tendency to believe that good deeds earn us a place in the kingdom. Ask God: To change your attitude, to give you a compassion for the lost and to make your obedience to him a response to his love rather than treating it as a way to earn his love.

Today’s reading is a brief excerpt from Men of the Bible: A One-Year Devotional Study of Men in Scripture by Ann Spangler and Robert Wolgemuth (Zondervan). © 2010 by Ann Spangler. Used with permission. All rights reserved. Enjoy the complete book by purchasing your own copy at the Bible Gateway Store. The book’s title must be included when sharing the above content on social media.